I don't feel like a "real" adult because I self harm
It's just humiliating tbh. I'm a 26 year old woman, I have I guess like a "normal" successful life, but I feel like when people see my scars/cuts I just read as an emotionally volatile person who couldn't mentally develop beyond teenhood. Like it's this physical marking that suggests I'm unable to cope with adult life to the degree that everyone else can. I feel like once people notice it on me, I will always come across as unserious and juvenile and kinda pathetic to them. The most painful thought is that my close friends see me this way - they are incredible and kind and empathetic, but I will always be the one in the friend group that seems "behind" everyone else because of this. And I'm not blaming other people for this, I don't see myself as like a victim of their judgements - there SHOULD be a negative social consequence to mutilating yourself. I'm more just upset with myself that I put myself in this position and continue to do so. It's fucked up to say - and please forgive me because it's obviously just me projecting - but even when I see another adult who self harms I'm like damn bitch get it together. So I can't even imagine how normal people see us.