Two weeks ago I brought my blades to my therapist. I really want to quit self harming.
Today was a bad day. Several reasons. None are important. But I really want to cut. I went to the store and stood with my favourite pack of blades in my hand and I put them back and walked away
To be honest. I wish I had bought them. The urge to cut hasn’t gone away and now I don’t have anything to do it with.
For a while there I would abuse laxatives and I guess that has taken its toll. I haven’t taken any laxatives in weeks but also not pooped very much lately either. Well yesterday after my run I went to the bathroom and there it was. How mortifying
Men can be so creepy. Went on a first date with someone from Facebook dating. He noticed I had some hair on my legs and said he didn’t mind that and that it was even a turn on. Whatever floats your boat. We had lunch and then I left. No real connection. He just texted me to ask if I would see him again and I declined. He then asked if he could buy body hair off me?!
Where are all the normal guys
I swing back and forth throughout the day. I’ll say I want to be recovered and have a healthy relationship with food and then the next minute desperately want to lose >!30 pounds so that I am underweight!<.
I will have full on conversations with myself - out loud about whether I should eat today or not. Or maybe just a little. It’s driving me mad.
I haven’t eaten anything all day except a bit of Diet Coke and I weigh more now than I did this morning. Feeling frustrated
Just came back from the doctor and I need to take even more supplements because my diet is shit. Also since I >!abused laxatives and now go for weeks without taking a shit!< I have to take Metamucil. Over &100 for everything.
Does anyone else watch cooking and eating videos? My TikTok stream is filled with people doing eating challenges and cooking different recipes and I can’t get enough of it.
Sometimes it makes me hungry but not always. I don’t know why I watch them
I see him again in two weeks and he wants to make a game plan. I have been >!restricting and purging, dealing with self harm and some pretty heavy suicidal ideation!<!<
He is wondering if there is a point in us meeting if I’m resistant to change. And I see his point but I’m so scared of losing that relationship but I’m also so afraid to eat more and gain weight. (For the record I’m not uw bit not over weight either )
Im bored and think that im hungry. But im not. Im just bored. Part of me wants to eat a shit tonne of food right now and then purge. But I’m trying to be good. It’s almost time for me to go to bed so I just need to wait another hour and I’ll be fine.
Ugh I have eaten so much today I feel like such a fat pig. I’m trying desperately not to purge (but will go to the gym again today)
I committed with my therapist to eat a little every day and now I just want to restrict for the next few days. I wish recovery wasn’t so hard
I’m dreading stepping on the scale and seeing how much it has gone up. (I know I could just not weigh myself but the thought seems too hard).
I will try and eat something tomorrow
Ugh I have eaten so much today I feel like such a fat pig. I’m trying desperately not to purge (but will go to the gym again today)
I committed with my therapist to eat a little every day and now I just want to restrict for the next few days. I wish recovery wasn’t so hard
I’m dreading stepping on the scale and seeing how much it has gone up. (I know I could just not weigh myself but the thought seems too hard).
I will try and eat something tomorrow
I had a meeting with my therapist yesterday. I had been restricting/ not eating for several days and this is on a down ward spiral from where I was.
He is worried about me and asked me to commit to eating at least >!500 cal!< a day and I said yes and now I’m freaking out.
I don’t want to. But I don’t want to let him down. Or have to stop seeing him if I can’t commit to recovery. I am not overweight and want to drop significantly more weight to reach being uw.
I want to want to recover but this thing has a hold over me.
I had a meeting with my therapist yesterday. I had been restricting/ not eating for several days and this is on a down ward spiral from where I was.
He is worried about me and asked me to commit to eating at least >!500 cal!< a day and I said yes and now I’m freaking out.
I don’t want to. But I don’t want to let him down. Or have to stop seeing him if I can’t commit to recovery. I am not overweight and want to drop significantly more weight to reach being uw.
I want to want to recover but this thing has a hold over me.
I’ve been fasting for >!4 days!< and my heart rate is down to >!38-39!<. Should I be worried? I’m not experiencing any symptoms like dizziness or chest pain.
I live in Canada and watch on dailymotion. I usually can see the episode the day after it airs. I thought there was an episode June 29 but I’m not finding it. I watched June 30 today but I feel like I missed some stuff.
If there was an episode would anyone be willing to share the highlights of what happened? Thanks
I just inherited a sum of money from my dad. Around 400 000 dollars. I’d like to talk. With someone about what my options are for investing/ saving the money.
My mortgage is up for renewal in sep of 2027 and I’ll owe around 220 000 on it and would like to pay it off. Not sure what to do with the money in the meantime.
I’d like to put some money aside for my three kids and some for retirement. I’d like to continue to put the equivalent of my mortgage aside once it’s paid off as a savings as well.
I bank with Simplii so I can’t just go to a bank to get advice. What kind of professional should I be looking for?
Tia
Ugh I had a staff party Friday night to celebrate the end of the school year. It was a pot luck and I ate so much food. It’s like I couldn’t control myself. I got home and weighed myself and had gained several pounds.
I felt like I couldn’t even enjoy the party because I was so focused on the food.
I hate that this disease has taken the joy away from me. But the thought of recovery is so daunting.
As the title says. I was fine a year ago. Overweight but fine. Then I decided to lose weight. And my ed behaviour came roaring back.
Now I’m back in therapy once a week (was down to once a month) and my therapist is concerned enough that he is writing a letter to my dr. I have a drs appt on Wednesday and he knows I’ve been struggling a bit but over the past few weeks it’s gotten worse.
My therapist and I have been working on curbing the purging but my way of coping with that is to just restrict. I’m so tired of all of this. Why can’t I just get better?
I’m disgusting. I can’t bring myself to shower more than once a week. If that. Worse I work out twice a day so I sweat. I’m a mess. But I just can’t seem to get motivated to get on the shower. It’s like it physically hurts to do it.
Any advice?
I just impulsively took a bunch of laxatives. I can’t call in sick tomorrow and I’m a teacher. What am I going to do? Am I going to be shitting my pants all day? Hopefully they just work over night and I’m better by tomorrow
Thanks for all the tips guys. Last night was rough and I had a close call this morning (got another teacher to watch my class while I ran to the bathroom) but I think I’ll make it through the day.