r/depression_help

I’ve been going through a lot lately. I took out a loan for a house, and the requirements have been hell because getting all the documents has been so difficult. It’s already been 3 months. I’ve spent a lot of money and my credit card balances are almost at zero now. I actually have money, but because I’ve been handling everything for the house, it feels like I’ve drained everything. I honestly can’t even put into words how I ended up in this situation.

At the same time, business hasn’t been the same—it’s been slow. To be honest, I can actually handle the stress from all of this. My only complaint is that my wife hasn’t been showing any emotional support. It’s like I’m not even going through anything. Even small problems, even when they’re not my fault, she gets extremely angry.

I might sound demanding, but lately I haven’t been functioning like I used to. My mind hasn’t been the same. Even small problems make me snap right away. I get emotional easily too. I keep forgetting things. I can’t focus. The only way I can sleep is if I’m extremely exhausted or if I smoke weed.

I also can’t focus on taking care of my health because whenever I’m with her, I feel like I can’t function properly. I can’t focus on things because she keeps interfering. She gets angry whenever I don’t do what she wants.

Another problem is, I tell her all of these things—how stressful handling all the documents has been, how I can’t sleep, and how financially drained I am. But as soon as she gets angry, it’s like all of that no longer matters. She just expresses her feelings without thinking about what I’m going through.

Someone I actually liked sent me a message during the worst stretch of my depression and I didn't reply for, I want to say three weeks, but it could honestly have been longer. The first couple of days I told myself I'd answer when I had energy. Then it became, I'll answer when I have something worth saying. Then it became, it's been too long now, what do I even open with. By the end I was actively avoiding the app because seeing their name at the top of the unread list made my chest do a thing.

The part I want to talk about, because I don't see it described much, is that I wasn't avoiding them. I liked them. The not-replying wasn't about them at all. It was that the longer I went without answering, the harder it got to explain why I hadn't, and explaining why I hadn't started to feel like a bigger task than just answering would have been three weeks ago. So instead of replying I'd just sit there with the phone face down and feel worse about myself.

I think depression makes the cost of reaching out feel higher exactly when the cost should feel lower. Like, if anyone's going to forgive a delayed reply, it's a friend who knows what's going on. But that's not how it lands from inside. From inside it lands as I owe this person something I don't have, and the longer I wait the more I owe, and now I'm a person who doesn't reply to people I care about, which makes me worse, which makes it harder to reply. It's a really stupid loop and I was in it for months across several different threads.

What broke it for me, eventually, wasn't anything clever. I sent a one-line reply that said sorry for the silence, i've been in a weird place, can we just pick up. I didn't explain. I didn't apologise for the length. I didn't try to make the gap make sense. The person wrote back almost immediately and said it was fine and asked if I wanted to do something low-key and that was kind of it. The interaction I'd been dreading for weeks took less effort than reading the original message had been taking me. I felt embarrassed afterwards in a small way, not the giant way I'd built it up into.

The thing I wish I'd known sooner is that the explanation isn't owed. Or at least it's not owed up front. People who care about you mostly just want to know you're alive and want them to still be there. They are not interested in a forensic account of why you couldn't pick up your phone in week two. They want a signal. The signal can be short. It can be bad. It can be one sentence with a typo.

I'm not saying this fixed the isolation. I'm saying the loop where I was making it worse by not replying, that specific loop, can be cut just by sending something. Even something embarrassing. The receiving end is almost never as harsh as the inside-of-your-own-head version predicts.

If you're sitting on a thread right now where you owe someone a reply and the weight of the not-replying has become its own thing, I'd say just send the one line. Not because you'll feel great after. You probably won't feel much. But the thread stops being a debt in the background, and that's something.

Anyway. The one-line method isn't a fix for the isolation itself, I want to be clear about that. It just stopped the not-replying from being its own separate thing on top of everything else. I'd probably still be sitting in some of those threads if I hadn't accidentally found out how short the actual reply needed to be.

Im a very sad and angry person,dont know what to do, only if i could dissapear

I made an account just to talk about this problem, its been eating away at me for so long. I've been neglecting my room for years now (doing surface-level cleaning once or twice a year but never looking any deeper into it) , and a few months ago I discovered mold growing on my walls. I've never felt so gross and inhumane before. All I have managed to clean so far were the parts of my walls that aren't obstructed by shelfs. I can't find the courage to clean my mess in order to get rid off the rest of the mold, I keep on freezing up and breaking into tears anytime I try to get anything done. I've been discussing this with my therapist and my closest friends yet it's just as difficult to tackle. The last thing I want is to bring another person into this mess.

It's been terrifying me, honestly, I feel afraid of my own room, of the gross mess that's been accumulating during the worst times of my life. I've been trying so hard to get my life together and this is where I get stuck. I don't know what to do anymore. Advice would be very appreciated but I mainly just needed to get this off of my chest again.

Whoever said it’s better to be alone than surrounded by people who make you feel lonely was lying. I don’t have anyone to talk to, no one to share my small, silly thoughts or my emotions with. I’m going through a complicated relationship, and it’s exhausting.

I love my family more than anything, but after living abroad for almost six years, I got used to keeping things to myself instead of opening up to them. The one person I used to share everything with (my person), has become emotionally distant, and things between us have been really hard lately.

I don’t know what’s going to happen to my heart or my mind, and honestly, that scares me.

I am for sure feeling the hopelessness but also the anhedonia. There are several things, good things, happening in my life right now. But I’m just so sad and my brain is latching onto that sadness. Nothing feels exciting or interesting. Nothing really is bringing me joy.

I’m just exhausted. Could use a cyber hug.

I’ve noticed a pattern with myself and I’m looking for advice or experiences from people who’ve gone through something similar.

On my “good” hours/days, I genuinely care about my future. I feel motivated about things that excite me — learning a new language, working on personal projects, maybe even starting a company one day. I feel optimistic about improving myself and being consistent. But then there are periods where something shifts. Within the week or within the day sometimes

When I’m in that state, everything becomes incredibly hard. I don’t want to talk to anyone. I stop caring about goals that normally matter to me. I don’t care much about what I eat, and sometimes even basic things such as going to the washroom feel difficult. It is exacerbated with bad news as well.

The best way I can describe it is: I’m no longer trying to progress. I'm just sad and trying to survive the day.During those periods, distraction and quick dopamine feel like the only manageable things. What confuses me is that when I come out of it, I’m back to caring, feeling ambitious and motivated again. From the outside I probably just look inconsistent, but internally it feels more like I switch into some kind of survival mode.

Ps: I have already been taking bipolar/depressive meds otherwise I feel depressed everyday.

Has anyone experienced something similar? What helped? Any advice? PLEASE HELP

Will anti-depressants make me not want to die at work or is that just something I’ve got to deal with?

It’s not the job itself, it’s being trapped in a place I don’t want to be for 40 hours a week. Then I’m so exhausted when I get home that I can’t keep my eyes open and have to nap. Then I’ve got no actual time for what I want to do.

im 17m, around a year ago i got into some really deep shit i cant get into on here but afterward (around the start of the year) my house got raided and everything i had was taken, in all honesty i feel like ive lost my entire life, friends girlfriend etc etc. it has had a terrible effect on my mental, ive been going to therapy and trying to get help but i feel like as the days go on i get to a lower and lower point in my life, i cant talk to anyone, no one understands the situation im in and i dont know what to do. there are some days where i feel like all of the energy from my body has been taken and its hard to move, showering feels like a chore and taking care of myself in any capacity just feels useless, even on the meds im taking nothing ever gets better, ive been trying but everything feels like its going toward the same end. my life feels like its reached a point where nothing goes up and my future just seems dead, i cant get a job (ive tried but not having a phone is difficult in itself), again i cant talk to anyone, i feel trapped. the only reason i havent taken my life yet is just due to the feelings it will inflict on everyone around me but honestly i feel like im just living to survive and nothing more, as its going my life doesnt have a purpose and all im doing is distracting myself from the inevitable, i know this is a hard read but its 3am and i dont know what else to do, please give me advice on how to go from here i dont know how much longer i can go on like this

As of recently I have felt as though my highly organized life has gotten out of my control. I feel like I am in a constant state of fight-or-flight.

I am a very involved person, having leadership positions in multiple clubs, wrestling, cello, AP courses, 4.7 GPA, volunteer organization founder, part-time job. Somehow this is still not enough for my parents. All of my energy goes into everything I do, and so I do not have the energy to deal with drama or useless bickering. Every time I go downstairs or walk through the front door my mom has something negative to say. So I choose to keep my conversations with her at a very surface level. Because if I try to talk to her about something it turns into a whole rant with the conclusion being that I am either selfish, lazy, ungrateful, or an asshole. My father is a kind man, but as of recently he has begun to snap at me more. Especially when I try to get things off of my chest that I bottled up. He gets mad at me for pushing my problems on to them when all I want to do is talk to someone. There have been some major stressors in their lives as well which might explain some of their behaviors. But it still diminishes my will to keep on going.

Last year I had to get a spinal surgery. I spent 4 months at home recovering, and a good portion of the people in my life were aware that I underwent a major surgery. However, no one reached out. It has been a little over a year since my surgery and I am still recovering from it trying to get back to how I was before, physically. I know it takes time but it feels like I have plateaued in terms of my progress. I no longer feel like myself anymore and it has been weighing on me.

I find some of my friendships to be draining. One of my friends constantly takes off-guard photos of me while I am eating or mid-yap with her posed in the corner and will look at the photo and laugh exclaiming about how I never can “lock in” for pictures. She will then proceed to post these pictures that she already acknowledged were bad on her social media stories. I feel as though she is trying to find ways to put me down. Making it difficult to even have a simple conversation with her trying to make me seem stupid. I feel like a jester whenever I am around her. She started dating a guy and ever since all she seems to talk about is him and how maybe one day I can find a guy too (I am not interested in a relationship).

A few weeks ago in one of my classes an incident occurred where I got very upset and snapped (I normally do not get upset like that), I proceeded to leave my class and had a full meltdown and slammed my head against a wall outside. This caught the attention of a teacher in a neighboring classroom where I was then sent to the guidance office. The guidance counselor lectured me for a bit and sent me on my way. My parents found out and called me dramatic. It is baffling to me how this did not raise any red flags.

I try so hard to escape this feeling,but no matter how hard I try to distract myself from the fact that I am unhappy, I simply can’t. It is cyclical. I feel like everything is in control, and then a little bit later it gets bad again. I am so exhausted.

As someone who has to study to get a job this year for this highly competitive exam as well as wanting to achieve goals in other areas of my life like loosing weight.

Im really struggling..

How do you guys do it ?

Study workout eat healthy bla bla :/ feels so hard

I give up so easily and sleep all day

I am on meds that help me a lot and my depression id extremely managed rn as well as anxiety but eveb with all of this mamaged i still feel like im constantly emotionally tired and i have no willpower or energy to work towards my goals. Especially if the goals are urgent af. (My exam is in 3 months)

Has anyone experienced being at their very lowest, refused all help like therapy and medication, didn’t want to wake up anymore, just wanted it all to be over but came back from that and has gone on to be happy? My husband (51M) is in that place I described and I’m afraid for what could happen. We have three young kids and he suffered from a chronic disease that causes him pain, fatigue and other things daily.

my life sucks and I’m a shit human. all of the “friends“ I’ve ever made have left me and my family barely knows I exist so nobody’s gonna know I’m gone and even if they do their not going to miss me in fact they might just throw a party. so I’m saying goodbye for the last time.

I’ve (f62) been clinically depressed since my pre-teen years. No one can tell me kids can’t suffer from it. I lived it. I’m still living it.

So on top of that can of worms my husband (m60) died. Very suddenly one evening while we were watching tv. It was quick, I’m glad for him. That evening has compounded my PTSD exponentially.

But I’m backsliding in my grief for him. It will be 3 years soon and I’m in denial all over again. I see him around every corner.

I’m in therapy (had been once a month for the last 15 years) every 2 weeks now, down from twice weekly for awhile, and see a psychiatrist monthly. I’m on 4 meds for the MDD, serious anxiety, panic disorder, something called trauma stressor disorder, guess that came with the upgrade to my PTSD. ADHD which is still exhausting even with the med, not adderal.

But I’ve plateaued. I took the genetic test for med levels and whatever. I’ve started TSM treatments. They are brutal. It’s only been 4 treatments out of 30. Everyday except Sat and Sun.

We met when we were 13 years old and it was always just him and me. He was the only one who could bring me out of one of my “blue” moods as he kindly called them.

I miss my best friend. I need him. His support, his humor. All the things.

I’m afraid I might drop out of TMS. It’s become a racing looping thought. Maybe I’ll just not be able to tolerate it for the long haul. But I’m so miserable. I wake up crying. Oh yeah, sleep disorders too. I grew up in a rather chaotic home. My doctor says I’m tolerating the treatments very well. So at least there’s that but they are brutal.

And I’m still so scared without him. Scared of everything. He died 3 months shy of our 40th. We got the mortgage paid off that year, it was both of our 60th birthdays. It was going to be our year. I found out after that he was planning a cruise.

Maybe this should have just been a rant to the void. IDK.

I don’t really know how to explain everything without sounding like I’m overreacting, but I honestly feel like I’m falling apart lately.

I’ve gone through 2 heartbreaks recently and it feels like it broke something in me. On top of that, I’ve been dealing with a lot of sexual regret from choices I made when I was emotionally vulnerable, and I can’t stop thinking about it. I keep replaying everything in my head and wishing I could go back and do things differently.

Most days I’m just at home alone and it honestly makes everything worse. I overthink constantly. I check my phone too much. I sit in silence with my thoughts and it feels like I’m stuck in my own head with no escape.

I don’t really feel like myself anymore. I feel depressed, unmotivated, and just… stuck. Like I’m watching my life instead of actually living it.

I’ve been thinking about getting a simple job like fast food or retail just so I’m not home all day, but I don’t know if it would actually help or if I’d still feel this way mentally. I just know staying in my room all day is making everything worse.

Has anyone been through something like this?
Did getting a job actually help you mentally, or was it just a distraction?

I guess I just need advice on everything—heartbreak, regret, overthinking, and how to start feeling like myself again. I don’t want to stay stuck in this cycle anymore.

I've never been able to "just do it". I know I technically can, but any time I try feels sort of like I'm one of the people who had their brain swapped in the movie "Get Out", and it's as if I'm in my head banging on bulletproof glass with only muffled screams being able to make it through, and thus, I stay doing nothing, as if someone else is piloting my body. I know that everything could probably be fixed if I could exercise, meditate, schedule appointments, do research about any of it, and I know good and goddamn well that it is the logical option as opposed to dissociating and doomscrolling, and I know every reason why all of that won't help me, but it's as if some mysterious force is paralyzing me and not letting me take action to fix it. I'm extremely burnt out and I have the most severe executive dysfunction I've seen out of literally every other human being I've seen in my life, and I want more than anything for it to work, but like I said, in order for it to work, it feels like I'd have had to have them have already worked in order to even start. I know that if "something clicks" or I have some kind of epiphany/"a-ha" moment, it'll work, but I don't know how to trigger that deliberately, and even if I did, it would fade from my head in a matter of days and I'd end up in the exact same spot I left off on because it's how it's always gone for me in the past. I can't keep being stuck, I need to push this fucking thing out of my path or I'll never make any forward progress. Unfortunately for me, I don't know what that thing is and I don't know how to even begin looking for it.

I’ve been feeling depressed for a while now, I’m on medication and have gotten help in different ways. I don’t seem to get any further and I keep struggling with negative thoughts, I don’t know what to do anymore, I have no hope and I don’t know how to cope.

It's one of the main reasons why I want to end myself. It's not as simple as "just stop following the news" because you always get reminded of it. It still happens even if you purposely don't pay attention. It's impossible to deal with fully, at least for me.

"Weltschmerz" is a new term that comes from German and directly translated means "world-pain". It's used to describe this condition.

For people who also struggle to find the energy to get up and brush teeth.

Have an extra toothbrush and -paste in a little washcloth next to your bed. Brush in bed while watching a show or something that feels comfortable to you, feels way more doable this way.

Use a tootpaste without flouride, so you can just swallow it. Feels weird at first but if swallowing the food is fine, then swallowing traces of the food you ate is fine too. Only a small amount of paste is enough anyways. You can pick a flavoured kids toothpaste like strawberry to make it a little more fun.

I recommend having a glass and a bottle of water next to the bed, so you can rinse the tootbrush in the glass when you are done.

I also have a pack of face wipes next to my bed for days when I dont have the energy to wash my face.

It is not perfect, but wayy better than not doing it at all. And we dont aim for perfection, we aim for improvement. For me it was either this or not do it at all, and it really helped. It actually made a huge difference. Try it if you have the same struggle. Maybe it helps you too.

*(No flouride is important, because swallowing big amounts of flouride can be poisonous. Often kids toothpastes dont have flourid, look in the ingredients)

Tldr: brush teeth in bed without having to get up. Just swallow the toothpaste. (Use flouride free toothpaste so its save to swallow)