r/depression_help

Im 13, and I’m depressed for 6 months now, it keeps getting worse, no matter what I do, I’ve tried a lot of things, the most stupid, smoking and stuff like that, nothing worked. I can’t listen to some of my favorite music, cause they bring me to a time i was happy, and that makes me cry. I’m in love, but it’s not a crush, it’s actual love, Im certain, I love her, i love her whole beeing, with good and bad stuff, I love everything in her, she is In my personal opinion, beautiful, she is smart, has the same ideals and political opinions that I have, we are perfect for each other, and we both like each other romanticly, but we don’t want to date, cause you know, we’re 13, it’s not that we can’t stand commitment, I perfectly can, I love it, but we don’t want to start a relationship so soon in life, we’re both happy being very good friends, we’re happy just being together, talking, everything in her is perfect, her hugs, her smile… but there’s a problem, a BIG, problem: she has very restrictive parents so she cant go out a lot, and my parents recently discovered that I smoked, and now for some time I can’t go out a lot, becajse I can’t also be with one guy in our core group, so we have to be very careful now, and I can’t go out on the one day of the week we usaually allways do, and my FOMO, and all the memory’s of loosing friends like this, and there’s another thing, I can’t stand being alone, I need a friend by my side, when I’m not with Maria, I feel every horrible thing i can possibly feel, I can’t stand being depressed anymore, and she, she slows down my brain, she makes me calmer, and happy, and I never whant our moments together to end, everg goodbye hug, every time i know we wil have to go apart for a few hours or days, hurts like hell, I know we’re only in 8th grade and this things pass bla bla bla… but I’ve been like this for too long, I need her, only her and my friend Irene, make me happy, and I miss being a happy person, i miss not being in constant pain, I miss being normal, being able to enjoy life even without them, and this won’t go away, and I have allready forgot the reasons for me to be depressed, I had a horrible year in some ways last year, I’ve lost friends ive won friend, bu that’s normal, so what is it, and hoe is Maria so perfect, I can’t stand loosing her, help me please, I seriously think the easiest way to finish this is to finish everything…

I will try my best, and I always did. But most things if not almost all things, aren't under my control.

Advise on now ex wife

Need some advise

Ok im going to break this down to its basics.

Wife of 4 years and partner of 12 has had depression all her life. Also probably undiagnosed adhd or bipolar. She went of her meds 1 year ago.

7 months ago our son was diagnoses with a bad form of Muscular Dystrophy and will be wheelchair bound in the next 4-7 years. We own a home, communication was always good. Sex life was poor the last 4 years. But communication was always great. We share a huge amount of hobbies and likes. Im in my 40s she is 39.

Last month my mother was over and we had a great month, holiday, drinks, date nights etc etc. Thought her old self was back and was feeling good about things after a hard couple months of being depressed over son.

She got drunk one night at a work function came home and was bloody friskey and we did it that night and the next morning (i was like wtf we are back yay)

2 days later got home ahe has been crying and called the marriage of stating spark is gone and doesnt love me and its been like this for 3 years. (Everything tells me this is a lie) we were planing a future 2 years ago we got a house and a mortgage, we were cuddling alot on the couch last month. She would buy me stuff i needed we were planing ivf for a dmd free child. Planning house modifactions and future holidays etc etc. 2 days after that she is sleeping with a co worker and texting him constantly, we swapped to 50/50 co parenting under same roof and i moved to the spare room. 4 weeks later im seeing cracks everywhere her spending is out of control. I think she is breaking. I am heart broken and betrayed and just trying to hold on. She has threated about selling the house now twice that would leave us both destitute. She is showing signs of abanding us. She is full cold and nasty anytime i bring up fixing this, she is rubberbanding constantly emotionally between old wife vibe and nasty to apologising for being nasty. Has anyone experienced anything like this?

I'm never gonna be able to get the job that I wanted, I'm never gonna be able to afford anything I want to do, I'm never gonna find a special someone or even just get a girlfriend. Besides, the world is getting worse anyway. It is already a world I do not want to live in no matter what. So why shouldn't I kill myself?

For my family's sake isn't nearly a good enough reason, because I will just be the failure for the rest of my life. There will be no traces of me when I'm gone. It would literally be like I never existed. Things don't get better. People seriously need to stop saying that.

You never chose to be born, you shouldn't be forced to live when you don't want to.

i didnt know whether to tag this as providing or requesting because its kindof both but i really need help/advice and to vent.

for some info, i am 18f and have been dating my 19m boyfriend for a year and 9 months as of today and have been living together for over a year. he was diagnosed with depression at 10 years old and on medication at around 11-13 if im correct, he was on one compound for a while before coming off it for a couple of years ish before we got together and winter cane and he got really bad again.

he’s been on the lower/average dose of a different medication for the entirety of this year and it has stopped the daily manic depressive breakdowns but there is still some big problems.

the main things are his panic attacks and overall low mood. the panic attacks are making him having a job near impossible because even if he works at a place where they see 5 customers an hour he will still somehow manage to be overwhelmed and will just ask me if he can quit on the spot over one panic attack. his low mood is very self explanatory and i dont really think i need to over explain that beyond him being happy maybe 5% of the time and completely flat mood 95% of the time.

the panic attacks are everywhere. no matter what is going on if theres just one tiny thing that can set him off, it will. whether it be something falling from the fridge, more than one person in the kitchen with us, even just getting two texts within a few minutes, he’ll just shut down and not be able to do anything at all.

i hate the fact that it really annoys me but its seriously just impacting everything and i think its extremely exaggerated and dramatic. i have told him about histrionic disorder and he was adamant that he mentions the possibility of that in therapy, because he seems to always come to me for support, validation, help and everything at all whenever anything goes wrong.

ofcourse i want him to be able to talk to me when he needs but i feel like the mother to a child, why am i getting messages everyday saying “please come get me i cant do this i cant do this” whenever hes at work? i’ve been told many times that im feeding into his overdependancy and taking too much responsibility for him but i’m so traumatised from his manic breakdowns that when he says something in a panicked tone i freeze like im held at gunpoint.

it feels like i HAVE to be there for him all the time whenever he needs me no matter what. i have tried being distant during breakdowns, only rubbing his back and saying i love him and itll be okay but it leads to nowhere.

i so hate to say it but im starting to think that he may just be a lost cause and not willing to get better. i dont want to believe it but i think he might also be avoiding therapy since he has missed many appointments regardless of me reminding him many times and it being planned a week in advance.

i love him so much but i dont know how much more i can put into helping him beyond stuff like making him get out the house more and socialise more, what can i even do??

im sorry this is probably a wall of text that makes no sense and diverted from pleading to venting but i really need to know if this is worth salvaging and what i can do to help him if so. our relationship is perfect otherwise and as a boyfriend he’s everything that i want in a man with nothing at all left out (i cant express that enough) but this extra baggage is just too much

I have been going through it and some rough periods. I take these two with Magnesium(200mg) and Vitamin D3(1000IU) but I don't think they've been working. I also take Fish Oil(2452mg) I started taking them in July together. Im about to finish the bottles and I don't know if my depression is just so terrible that these don't work as good.

I don't feel happiness or joy but I'm not even sad. I feel nothing. I have no energy to do anything to go out. Idk if it's the fear of spending but I just really don't find happiness or drive in anything to do.

Does taking too much have negative effects? I take 2 of each every night. Should I stop? Did I develop a tolerance or something?

That thought always stays with me. I am a healthy person psychically other than being near underweight for my height. But I just cant seem to value this life.
I often think how much I wish I could give it to someone who wanted to live but died.
Is that a common thought? Am I too far gone?

its painful. it hurts. like hell.