r/fuckeatingdisorders

hi everyone happy thursday.

i find it pretty hard to not be triggered/or just upset by others. i am trying to remember that my journey is UNIQUE and individual. but wow it is hard to not feel terrible when folks around you discuss weight, clothing sizes, eating (in general), dieting, exercise....all the stuff.

does anyone have some helpful advice? im truly taking it one day at a time.

some days its so easy to feel the weight of all the feelings....and sometimes i just feel like im stuck in a hole with no way up.

sending love to you all. im so very grateful for this sub & the wonderful mods. you guys make such an amazing community <3 - jess

Currently fighting a relapse, and my dietician has increased my meal plan and is encouraging me to eat “what my body wants” rather than what I think is “right”, which is something I’m REALLY struggling with- I‘m beginning to think my brain uses orthorexia as a gateway to AN. I’ve had an arfid for my whole life, so a big part of my ED is the idea that I have to “make up“ for the fact that I can’t eat fruit or veg by making sure everything I eat is as nutritious and perfectly balanced as possible. At the moment im trying make sure I pick 1-2 “unhealthy” options every day but the decision paralysis is really bad and stressful, because I don’t have any actual cravings, so it feels wrong to pick these options that I don’t even really want that don’t provide any value. Does anyone have any advice on learning to see “unhealthy” food as just ”food”, and dealing with the guilt that comes with not every treat/meal being something I really want?

Hi! So as the caption reads i’m very scared about inpatient treatment. I’ve read about a lot of people having horrible experiences but i guess I wanted to ask if anybody has any positive ones?? I’m choosing to go myself (to try and be able to live my life again) So i think my experience should hopefully be better than if I was forced to go but i’m really scared. Any advice/comfort/or positivity would mean a lot!

TW: Mentions of weight and Caloric intake

Hi everyone :)

So, as the title suggests, I'm currently in recovery and I believe experiencing extreme hunger. There are a number of posts already on this that I've read through and that have been immensely helpful, but I wanted to share my current state to see if anyone had a similar experience.

I'm a 19 y/o woman, who is currently at a 'Healthy' weight (according to BMI and... we all know what an unreliable measure that actually is of health) and has been for the last 3 years, having previously been yo-yoing between being Underweight and the lower end of the Healthy scale during the worst of my ED. I've had my period for the last two years, and my hair and nails are healthy too, it seems. My labs were OK the last time I had them done (though this was a long time ago and now that I'm typing this I need to get them done again), minus a low iron level which is being supplemented.

The thing is that I've been in Quasi-recovery since restoring my weight (on paper anyway), and have relapsed several times (eating my >! BMR !< in net calories a day) and yo-yoed weight-wise again that way too. There's a point that's reached where my body starts 'binging' to compensate for not enough food, and this has also become emotional, alongside being a clearly physical survival mode. I didn't really give myself enough credit for this though, and the former has meant that I was caught in a restrict-binge cycle.

I'm now in therapy, on Prozac, and am doing much better mentally. I realised it was time to go all-in in recovery, otherwise I would never be free for my eating disorder, no matter if I'm not as physically unwell as I used to be.

Since upping my food intake (I see my therapist via an Eating Disorder charity so I have some nutritional advice/structure from her), the extreme hunger, as I've found out this phenomena is called, has begun. Feeling like a bottomless pit, constantly thinking about food, insane cravings, not really feeling satiated, more mental than physical hunger but a good dose of that too.

A lot of the posts that I've come across with extreme hunger are to do with needing to gain weight: I accept that I probably will, though this is a tough pill for me to swallow, a) due to fatphobia, both internalised and in society/my household as I live with my parents, and b) because extreme hunger feels so far from intuitively eating, though I now recognise this is a phase that I need to ride out to get well again.

Anyway, to get to the point of what I'm asking, lol (is it obvious that i'm neurodivergent?) is whether there is anyone with a similar-ish experience to me, how to recognise the 'binge' urges if they exist, and what it feels like for the extreme hunger to eventually subside/how I can work on intuitive eating without restricting? any reassurance otherwise is also greatly appreciated :)

hope that you're having a wonderful day/week! <3

I’ve been doing all in for almost 2 weeks now and a week before that I started binging really bad after restricting for a couple months. Since I’ve started going all in I’ve been eating non stop,>!like almost 10000 calories everyday !<of basically just bars, chocolate and sweets. I do still eat 3 normal meals though. But almost every time I eat im not even hungry and I eat until my stomach hurts, but I don’t have a binging mentality when I eat. I just cant stop thinking about food and eating so I eat. I guess im just trying to see if this is normal and if people have gone through the same thing as me.

summers on its way and restricting to get your “dream body” before the summer is the WORST thing you can do ml

last summer I was in a much smaller body but you know what? I don’t think I had anything remotely close to the summer I envisioned.

i cancelled plans, didn’t hang out with friends, didn’t go out to eat with family, missed out on theme parks, beach days and SOmuch more :(

people stopped hanging out with me too! I spent the entirety of last summer doing nothing but feeling dead and wishing the day would just end and so summer passed me by.

thats nawt hot ml. ignore what social media is saying to you, ignore the posts that are begging for followers and clicks AMD ENJOY YOUR ONE LIFE

HOW MANY SUMMERS DO WE GET TO BE HEALTHY AMD HOT AND RUN ALONG THE FIELDS AND LIVE OUR MANIC PIXIE DREAM LIVES?

ilysm and im proud of you, fuck eating disorders

I’d really appreciate some advice from people further along in recovery - did you tell your friends about your eating disorder/recovery?

I’ve been dealing with an eating disorder for years and I’m finally getting proper help from a professional team and I’m about a month into genuinely trying to recover. For the first time I feel genuinely determined to make this disappear from my life for good.

One thing I’m really struggling with though is support.

I don’t really have much of a support system. There are only three people in my life who know about my ED currently.

My mum knows, but she has her own eating disorder and it’s just not something I feel able to talk to her about.

My sister knows and I can talk to her sometimes, but I think because this has gone on for years she’s almost lost hope in me a bit. I don’t blame her for that at all, but I don’t think she really understands what recovery feels like mentally.

Then there’s my boyfriend, who I live with, and who honestly has been incredible. He supports me constantly and I know he cares deeply, but I also know my ED affects him and affects our relationship too. He’s been with me through some of the worst parts of this illness and now with me through recovery- every challenge meal, every behaviour I’m trying to stop, every fear and anxiety that comes up during this process.

But I’m really aware that it’s a huge weight for one person to carry. I know he has his own life, stress and emotions too, and I’m scared of burning him out emotionally by making him my entire support system.

I have two close friends who I could tell, but I feel so awkward and embarrassed about it. Part of me worries I’ll make them uncomfortable or they’ll feel awkward. But at the same time, I also feel like I’m hiding a huge part of my life from them.

I almost feel disconnected from my friends because there’s this massive thing sitting between us that they don’t know about.

Recovery is something I’m actively working on, a huge part of my everyday, and of course comes with its challenges. So often I can seem distant, low or distracted. They’ll ask why and I’ll make up a lie about maybe being stressed about work, tired or just deflecting the question.

I guess I just wanted advice from people who’ve been through this. Did telling friends help your recovery/support system? Did it make things awkward? How did you even bring it up without feeling embarrassed or dramatic?

I don’t want to put pressure on anyone to “fix” me or become responsible for my recovery. I think I just don’t want to feel so alone in it anymore.

I’m turning 18 tomorrow (woohoo!!) and I’m resisting the urge to restrict beforehand knowing i’ll be eating out for dinner as well as food gifts and birthday cake. But no. I know that is not going to help me, i’ll just be faced with this challenge again next year. So, I will eat the large amounts of food i’ve gotten used to over the past month or so dealing with EH. And maybe I will feel extra challenged by it, but being able to persist recovering anyway is amazing.

Fuck eating disorders!!!
:)

I’ve had an ED for a few years, but it developed and got worse while I was in outpatient FBT for freshman and sophomore year (for OSFED with an and bn tendencies). So I was never really in “recovery” then, just slowly developing more restrictive habits. Last year, I had full-blown AN and started PHP after hitting a low point.

I’ve been there for three months now and although I didn’t totally resist treatment, it’s been hard. a lot of behaviors remained (like hiding, exercise, purging, etc.). Despite that, I obviously still gained weight and I’m nearly at my target now. But I’m so sick of having an ED, and it’s exhausting to resist treatment, and I’m ready to go all-in. which is something I never thought I’d say.

I don’t really know what that means for me since I’m already following a meal plan and I don’t have much more weight to restore. I don’t have extreme hunger anymore, so there won’t be many opportunities to intuitively get a snack or something. I guess for me, going all in just means stopping compensatory behaviors, trying to choose snacks based on my cravings and not calories, and being okay with overshoot if that happens.

Does anyone else have experience going all-in later in physical recovery? What was it like, without the extreme hunger, and how did you navigate it?

hi! its me. im back. i just had a doctor appointment today, but before i want to tell u a lil bit of context:

(TW for comments abt weight gain and just in case)

if u have been seing my posts since some time u might know i was going through EH and dealing with a lot of comments of my mom, etc. i had just started honouring it 6 months ago from the 11 months i had been in recovery. and for some time i was still a lil bit restrictive. so i had gained a "lot" of weight but i was still ravenously hungry and thinking abt food all the time cause i kept restricting for long, even in recovery.

today, i got weighed at my doctor appointment, and the FIRST thing she said was: "woah u gained a lot of weight since the last time we saw u" (1 month and 10 days ago), and they were GENUINELY worried abt that. u best believe i got triggered to infinity and started crying the second i got out of the room.

like, im not blind, i already knew i had gained a "lot" in the past month cause i had been eating thousands of calories (not going to say specific numbers cus i dont want to be triggering), but being told i did with such worry was honestly heartbreaking to me. i spent a lot of time trying to convince myself that gaining weight was not bad and trying to honour my hunger cause i was so tired of being hungry and thinking abt food all the time, and i had commited to recovering even if my weight stabilized at a "overweight" bmi (bmi is bullshit, i know, i just used it as a reference!! pls dont value ur worth according to it), but now i feel so ashamed and disappointed abt myself. almost as if i did something wrong.

i thought i was doing everything right, the past month is the time i had gained the most weight but also when i found the most freedom in food. did i really do something wrong? i feel so lost in my proccess. i really wanted to get to 1 year in recovery but its getting hard.

I have really thick hair and its the only thing i like about myself, how can i prevent it from thinning out?

I’ve begun to finally accept my body, that I have shape to me and I love it. I am beautiful, but it’s hard to deal with the change in my weight and appearance in a mirror. I just need time to readjust, I know that.

I still struggle with eating. I don’t know if I tell myself this to make me feel better but I know I don’t have a strong eating disorder anymore. I have behaviors and thoughts here and there but I don’t want to label it since I think giving it a name is giving it power and identity to thrive.

I know I am still pretty but I don’t feel like my best self when I know I’m still getting there.

I want to be at a point where I don’t have to think when I’m eating, over analyze food and how it’s going to impact my body. I don’t know if I will ever get there and that scares me. I don’t want to have patterns of fasting and overeating anymore out of necessity.

I know, all in time. I just have to be gentle with myself. I am okay and I will be okay throughout it all. The only way is through.

34M here. I’ve struggled for years with emetophobia, OCD around food, and restrictive eating patterns that slowly became “normal” to me.

I’m not clinically underweight anymore but nowhere near my pre-ED weight. Which has honestly made it harder to feel valid enough to seek help sometimes, but my relationship with food is still exhausting. I’ve built rigid rules around when I can eat, when I can drink, how full I’m “allowed” to feel because fullness somehow feels dangerous and scary for me and triggers panic, spacing meals out perfectly, avoiding spontaneity, avoiding uncertainty, etc. A lot of it revolves around fear of nausea, vomiting, discomfort, or “getting it wrong.”

From the outside I probably look functional. But internally, food takes up way too much mental energy and my appetite has become tiny from years of restriction and anxiety.

One thing I’m really trying to work on now is food freedom and spontaneity again, and learning about hunger/fullness cues. because I’ve ate like this for years now I don’t feel truly in touch with that:

• eating because I’m hungry instead of because the clock says it’s “safe”
• eating at slightly random times
• allowing snacks
• drinking fluids without overthinking timing
• tolerating fullness instead of panicking about it
• gaining weight/muscle without seeing food as a threat

I think a lot of people assume eating disorders only count if someone is visibly underweight, but I feel like you can still be trapped by food rules even when your body doesn’t fit the stereotype.

Would genuinely love to hear from anyone who’s recovered from this kind of hyper-controlled relationship with food, especially other adults because I sometimes feel weirdly alone in it.

iv ebeen struggling with ed for a few years now and i completely lost my sens of fullness and hunger for past two years. i dont feel hungry, i dont feel full. i just eat till i feel like shit or i dont eat anything and eat afterwards which sucks. i get dizzy everytime i eat. i get dizzy everytime i dont eat. i crave sugar when i eat sugar and i crave more sugar when i dont eat sugar. i miss being able to eat when i was hungry. now i odnt know what hunger is.

I'm about ~a month (all-in) anorexia recovery, chugging along, whatever, but I've noticed a lot of advice to help with bloating/pain/body image are...hot. i.e. hot rags/teas/baggy clothing.

I live in central Texas in a poorly insulated trailer in the room farthest from the AC unit, and, TMI? dear God I can't stop sweating. Even if I wasn't swollen and fatigued I'd probably still be uncomfortably hot. It's absurd, and it doesn't help that I've already got mental processes trying to convince me I'm horribly and irredeemably gross. Does anyone have advice that might help alleviate aches or distention or BD on the cooler side? I'm ready to give up and just stink and swell forever like roadkill (hypermetabolic and all) but I want one last shot at comfort

Backstory: diagnosed AN Feb 2024, discharged March 2025, did well until end of 2025 then beginning of 2026 until essentially now have basically ended up back in a dieting mindset.

Its this mindset I'm deeply struggling with because it ties so much to my (terrible) body image. Its weird because I don't feel deep down dissatisfied with my body size/shape, and yet I can't seem to bring myself to stop eating essentially with the aim of losing weight (albeit not crazy restrictive, just not enough for sure). Its driving me crazy, I don't want this but I'm really struggling to stop - and then all I end up doing is having a handful of days a month where I finally listen to my body and eat more except that turns into eating quite a significant amount.

My next strategy is one I've evidently put off for way too long - just eat enough in the first place lol. I'm getting really nervous about embarking on this, it almost feels like when I first had to increase my intake in early recovery (except I'm struggling now with feeling like I don't 'need' to because I'm further along). I also enjoy being active - I've loved swimming since I was a kid etc - and its something I really want to protect my capacity to do well.

Any tips in keeping going through this last push? Its really hard but I want to let go of the ED so badly

does anyone have any book recommendations to take with me after inpatient discharge! currently reading “life without ed.” hoping for some books with body image, relationship with food, nutrition and coping skills!

i’ve been trying to honour my extreme hunger and omfg there’s not a single moment where i’m not thinking about food and it’s so fucking annoying

i can’t even study for 5 mins without eating

like just now i sat down and told myself id study but then 2 secs later i was eating a bag of chips and after that i ate cookies then after that i ate chocolate and ive done no work whatsoever

even tho im so full rn i still just wanna eat everything i see omg

i’ve spent so much money on food this week and now ive eaten everything i have again and ill have to buy more 💀🙏😭

does this shit ever stop i really cannot take this anymore im so tired of this constant food noise and brain fog

and i am proof! i had an ed specialist therapist tell me once that you could never fully recover from an eating disorder... i stopped seeing her immediately and after a lifetime (since childhood) of dependency on an ed i really truly am free. I mean actually, the way i think about my body, others bodies, nourishment and movement and eating and holidays and grocery shopping, i had been told about "intuitive eating" and now even that seems like too much of a category for just... living. yes my addictive personality has found some other little vices but my brain is back from a lifetime of obsessive ed thoughts, and my body too. idk if its helpful for anyone to hear this but i never really knew of any success stories when i was in recovery because diet culture is so normalized so here i am and i am free and you will be too

Anyone else experience kind of intense inflammation throughout the body after committing to ED recovery?

I’ve just been having lots of muscle and body aches, and it’s super frustrating. I do have a couple other chronic health conditions (hEDS, MCAS, POTS), so I’m wondering of recovery has maybe just caused a bit of a flare. Not asking for medical advice; just wondering if anyone has had a similar experience. It’s hard to stay motivated to continue eating when I’m in a lot of pain.