I hope this doesn’t go against the rules, please delete if it does.
Since a common part of recovery is naming your ED voice as a way to separate it from yourself, I was interested in learning what names people chose for that voice, and how they decided on it.
hi everyone. i thought i would never want to recover, but here i am! i struggled with anorexia a bit when i was younger but it wasn’t as bad as it is currently. ny ex gf had anorexia and i just slowly started to copy her habits. we broke up and my anorexia just came back full swing. i got on adhd medication which is SUPER helpful for me and basically allows me to survive in daily life lol. but one of the side effects was loss of appetite. i literally stopped feeling hungry… so it got easier to fall deeper into anorexia. i went to the doctor recently and i thought i didn’t really lose that much weight. i won’t say numbers but it was a lot and she told me that if i lose any more she will have to take me off my meds. so i’ve been trying to eat more calories and exercise less but whenever i eat it just makes me feel so bloated and my stomach will hurt so badly. and i get such bad anxiety from that because i have emetophobia. and sometimes food will just randomly become unappetizing to me :( but anyway i thought i was doing better lately but i weighed myself today and i lost even more weight. i just really need advice from people who have gone through this because i feel so stuck and frustrated. i want to eat and i want to recover but its so hard. i feel so afraid of food. any help is appreciated 💗
I’ve gained like alot over the last month during recovery and I’m genuinely freaking out. Like I knew I gained weight but I didn’t expect to have gained this much?
My mom told me its cause I suddenly stopped exercise after I told her I wanted to because I felt like my relationship with exercise was not the healthiest. Basically it was compulsive and I had to exercise a certain number of times a week for a set period of time if not I would freak out and restrict. She disagreed and told me I only thought my relationship with exercise was unhealthy because I was reading things online and said she was like that as well and her relationship with exercise was not unhealthy.
Anyways she told me if I was truly unhappy with the weight I could just exercise and I would be okay. So I did. And now I want to continue everyday I can… and that if I feel bad about eating I should just exercise.
I don’t know, am I overreacting over what my mom said? I know she’s trying to help but I feel like it may not be at the same time but I dont want to say anything. But she’s very happy i decided to run again so…
I had a meeting with my therapist yesterday. I had been restricting/ not eating for several days and this is on a down ward spiral from where I was.
He is worried about me and asked me to commit to eating at least >!500 cal!< a day and I said yes and now I’m freaking out.
I don’t want to. But I don’t want to let him down. Or have to stop seeing him if I can’t commit to recovery. I am not overweight and want to drop significantly more weight to reach being uw.
I want to want to recover but this thing has a hold over me.
Hi all, I'm hoping somebody here can give me some advice or share their experience with this.
I've been in recovery for a few months now and my obsession with food, grocery stores, grocery shopping, etc is still going strong. I have to fight the urge to go to the store almost every day and end up browsing grocery apps/websites for hours.
I have enough food at home. I do not need to buy more. Recently though I started worrying that this is somehow a form of restriction. Kind of like not honouring hunger even though you can't stop thinking about eating?
Does anybody have experience with this? What should I do?
I am trying to do recovery .. AGAIN. After hundreds of failed attempts. My boyfriend said to me ‘maybe you’re overdoing it’ because my stomach swelled up and my water retention is through the roof. I have gained alot of weight but it’s literally mostly down to the fact the I have relapsed about 6/7 times just trying to get through the initial refeeding stage, like night sweats and exhaustion etc. my mum and my boyfriend have both told me to go to the gym. I feel like nobody on this planet understands what I am going through. The rapid weight gain is just the refeeding process.. I am NOT OVERDOING IT. But still,, it makes me feel literally suicidal. I feel so freaking alone just want to give up again.
Does anybody know how to get help and support there is nothing in my area, please do not suggest BEAT this charity has been very unhelpful to me.
I’m less than 2 months into recovery. I’ve had extreme hunger most of the time and moreso in the evenings (I work in the operating room so increasing calories during the day has been a struggle but it’s been attempted).
My EH seems to have lessened naturally the last few nights including what felt like tonight. I felt satiated after I had a bowl of oatmeal after dinner but I just kept eating and eating and eating. Now I’m more full than I think I’ve ever been in my whole recovery process lol.
I’m really worried I was eating out of boredom instead of my true EH signals. I am in a good headspace so it wasn’t emotionally driven. But I don’t want this to happen again or make a habit of it, and it’s now making my head spin that I made a decision when I could and should have stopped but I didn’t because I felt like I needed to keep eating.
I just don’t know what to do or make of my actions and feelings. Thanks for letting me rant.
Okay let me explain. I am in recovery, still underweight but I am working on that with a fix meal structure of 3meals and 4 snacks (usually I am eating more than that but that’s the baseline).
I am 100% motivated for recovery and I take my meal plan really serious so I would never skip a snack/meal but sometimes life gets in its way. On Tuesday I was on a train ride but there was an accident midway so my 20minute ride turned to a 6hour ride. I had no food with me and I got so so hungry. When I left the train I barely made it home I was so dizzy. I then had my normal dinner and snack and went to bed because it was already really late.
What happened the past two days is that my appetite totally skyrocketed, like I ate so so much food yesterday and today that I felt nauseous midway but still couldn’t stop. It feels like I am living in a constant panic attack and I am eating everything around.
I usually don’t have EH that much since I am eating a solid amount of calories per day but since Tuesday my body is completely freaking out.
Is it possible that I got too hungry again and my body might feels unsafe now because it got reminded of the times where I nearly starved myself to death?
I have no bad feeling about the amounts of food/calories I consume, just wondering if this “small” accident triggered such a heavy “trauma” response ?
Hey everyone,
I’m just curious how everyone navigates the idea of three meals and three snacks? This is what my dietician recommends, but then on the same note just says not to go more than four hours without eating something.
I dont have a set meal guide and its totally up to me on my choices etc and im at a point where meals and snacks are more than sufficient (meeting recovery guidelines etc) but im finding if im having a very dense, large, recovery aligned meal then in two hours I simply have no desire for a snack but say closer to the four hour mark I can eat another meal etc. this then means I dont get my 3/3’s.
Whereas I could meet the goal of 3/3, but id have to “preemptively” cut back on what im already eating in order to fit in the frequency element. However, i dont want to not choose an option just because it’ll “fill me up too much” for my next snack etc
I hope this all makes sense! Feel free to ask any questions if you’d like a clearer understanding.
Like I understand some people are on smaller meal plans where they eat smaller and more frequently, however I am in a place where my meals are significantly more than a typical meal plan you may see.
Hey everyone,
I'm turning 18 in a few minutes, and I've decided that for my birthday, I'm going to let myself eat whatever I want without counting calories.
I'm planning to have pizza and cake with my family, and while part of me is excited, another part of me is really nervous. Birthdays are supposed to be happy, but food can make them feel complicated sometimes.I've spent a lot of time thinking about what I wanted my 18th birthday to look like, and I realized I don't want my eating disorder to be the thing running the show. I want to be present with my family, enjoy the food, celebrate turnong 18, and make some good memories. I know the anxiety will probably still be there, but I'm trying to choose celebration over fear tonight.
Just wanted to share this because it feels like a big step for me. ❤️
Weeks. I did weigh myself like not obsessively just to check if what I'm noticing is true and it is, I'm still underweight. Like my weight will fluctuate a kilogram and that's it. I know I'm not deficient in anything because I had blood tests and I know my thyroid is find because that was tested too but I want to have more energy and be stronger and get out of my disordered mindset that I've been in for quite a while.
Like I am going for smaller portions but I am just eating what a petite girl would eat but like not like what an anorexic girl would eat anymore. The thing is I really hate cheese and peanut butter and avocado and things that have a fatty mouth feel like that and I'm okay with a little chicken but I hate eating meat it feels disgusting to me to eat another animal and I hate drinking calories again because fat in mouth but I do eat a snack even if I'm a little hungry but I worry will I naturally transition out of that once I reach a healthy weight you know because generally you should be pretty much constantly full
I feel like I could eat more because I want to eat more because to comfort that horrible feeling in my chest id like to eat until I feel like I couldn't eat anymore until I have like a piece of toast at 10pm because I'm actually kinda hungry again but that's glutinous so I eat enough that I'm hungry for the next meal but that's what kinda confuses me about genuinely cooking a dinner because by the time dinner roles around how do you have the energy for that am I just lazy?
hey folks, my good doctor has said i need to drink some sort of ensure/boost sort of thing in the mornings if i can’t find a protein bar i like (i have yet to find the Magical Good Tasting Protein Bar). anyone have any favorite brands/flavors? im not even looking at the nutrition labels, just palatability here. i would prefer something ready to drink. thanks for being here.
⚠️BIG TW: BMI, calories (all for medical purposes)
I really need to start eating more because if I don‘t I feel like my body will give up on me soon.
For the past few months I‘ve been gradually decreasing my calories and since like 2 and a half months I‘m only eating 250-300 calories a day.
And right now my intake is probably at 220-230.
My BMI is 14.3- 14.6.
The only food/caloric drinks I eat/drink are vergetables, egg whites, sometimes a bit tofu, very rarely fruit, sugar free gums and lolipops, almond milk, matcha.
I want to start be gradually increasing my calories by 50-100 a day by firstly eating some more protein like joghurt and tofu.
Is this a safe option? I‘m really scared.
And I know this question is going to be asked: no I can‘t go to the hospital for medical supervision.
hey, so i’m a 15 yr old trying to recover and it’s a lot. i have so many thoughts right now and im genuinely not okay and i just need to vent about recovery, like therapy appointments, and dietitian appointments, etc.
if anyone would like to vent to me as well dm! thanks.
(i don’t care how old u are as long as ur not a creep)
Hi all,
I’m about in my 7th week or so of recovery. I’ve been seeing a therapist and dietician. I got really fed up with doing the “all in” approach because it was interfering with my job and home life. So I decided to scale back knowing how I normally feel with a certain amount of calories in general at the end of the day. Well, I made it 2.5 days easy and I just ate myself into a frenzy after dinner. I had almost half a jar of almond butter, 5 slices of bread, and an entire box of high calorie oat-based cereal. Back to back. I could still keep eating but I have to get up early.
I absolutely lost my $hit and freaked out beyond necessary. I want to kick and scream that even in recovery, food still has this tight of a grip even though I have been thinking about it less and less. It makes me even question starting recovery had I know it was this difficult physically and mentally. I just thought I would eat and gain weight. Nope. It’s mostly just eating and crying and panicking on top of the weight gain. I feel like I have no choice or autonomy and I’m tired of being told this is the only way.
This all got started I believe because I tried to attend an online AN meeting and the moderator was the exact opposite of what I would want to see right now and seemed like not the best example of who one might want to see when recovering.
I just feel very trapped like I’m being force fed to eat and i don’t think this is the right approach.
I'm sure this isnt a new topic for those who are dealing with an ED, I've lurked here for a while reading everything and looking for answers but im still just dragging my feet along.
I'm at a point where I have a dietitian, therapist, doctor, supportive friends, and honestly more support than I could ask for. I understand why I need to recover. I understand the health risks. I've been told directly that if I don;t turn things around I WILL d*e. I understand that my treatment team is trying to help me. Logically, I know all of this.
The problem is that I still can't seem to let go.
I think the biggest thing I'm scared of is losing the eating disorder because it's become my main coping mechanism. It's how I've dealt with stress, anxiety, uncertainty, and difficult emotions for so long. The thought of giving it up feels like losing the one thing that helps me get through life, even though I know it's also making my life smaller.
My dietitian has me on a meal plan that is significantly more than what I currently eat. When I look at it, my brain immediately jumps to thoughts like "she's trying to make me fat" or "if I follow this, I'll ruin my life." I know those are eating disorder thoughts, and I trust my dietitian and my treatment team, but the fear still feels very real.
What's annoying me is that I don't think my issue is lack of knowledge anymore. I know what recovery looks like. I know what I should be doing. I just can't seem to convince myself to actually do it consistently.
For anyone further along in recovery, how did you finally start letting go? Did you ever feel like you were losing your main coping mechanism? How did you get through that stage and find healthier ways to cope with life? I've looked at the all in method and feel like that might be a good option, but everytime I try to (for e.g. waking up and deciding today is the day) I find by the afternoon I've gone back and tracked everything and will avoid other meal times again.
I went to a nice cafe on the weekend and planned to have a caramel slice (hello aussies here), ordered it, sat down chatted with my partner, but then the waitress put the plate infront of me, and it was staring at me, calling me names, I finally got enough bravery to have legit the SMALLEST bite - like a 1cm sized bit at most and it tasted bad to me. I sat with the thoughts, then I started feeling really sick and nauseous... I then was so overwhelmed with the guilt of having that one bite that I threw the rest of it out. the rest of the day was a struggle and included me hiding food and pretending I had eaten when I hadnt - all while knowing full well that I was ruining my chances at recovery by making those actions.
I feel like I'm stuck between wanting recovery and being terrified of it at the same time.
Hey yall! So basically I’m new to recovery and I’m not too fond of my therapist. That might be because she’s trying to get rid of my ed and I don’t like that yet but anyways. The “voices” are getting super loud and honestly she hasn’t taught me anything to ignore them or try and quiet them. So obviously I listen to it sometimes and >!purge, or skip meals.!< Then when I tell her this she just tells me if I don’t stop I have to go to the hospital, and it’s really annoying because she tells me every single session. It’s not even as bad as my ed used to be and tbh she’s not doing anything to help me. When I bring up the “voice” the only thing she tells me is “the more I eat the quieter it will get. Yes it will be loud at first, then it will get quieter.” But that’s just not true and it’s not happening and I don’t really like her. Am I being dramatic? Is this how all Ed therapists are like?
So I have recovered from an ED, and have been since 2020. In this process, I’ve also learnt about myself and that I’m Autistic. I’ve noticed that, while I’ve come a long way in accepting my body for what it is, I still struggle with the feelings of fullness. From doing some deep work into my own feelings, the distress is so much akin to when I feel overstimulated. Finding this link has made me realise that the feeling of fullness leads to overstimulation. Basically, does anybody have any tips for somebody who is autistic for what to do when this feeling arises? I very rarely would say I ‘overeat’ per se, but definitely eat until I’m full.
Side note: when I was a child, I’ve had intense OCD tendencies related to a fear of vomit and vomiting, thus the feeling of fullness also reminds me of the panic I felt when I was younger.
Any advice or experience would be super helpful! Thanks (: