u/pumpkin_g92

I’m already sorry in advance for what will probably be a huge vent, but I feel like I need to talk, and I don’t really have anywhere else to do it.

I’ve had an ED for around 20 years (34F). It’s always been a sort of crutch that accompanied me and “helped” me cope with always feeling out of place. I also recently discovered that I’m on the spectrum.
I’m now trying to make the decision to recover, with all the anxiety that comes with it. I’m not UW, but I want to go all in, etc.

The problem is that I’m alone. I’m seeing my therapist, and until a month ago I was also seeing a psychiatrist (I stopped seeing him after taking a medication that ended up sending me to the hospital, and I’m still dealing with the aftermath).
I’ve always struggled with severe depression, and now (perhaps also because of the idea of recovery ) I’m going through an absolutely awful period where I have an anxiety and anguish that I can’t even put into words, and I cry every single day.

What I keep wondering is: if I’ve always struggled with depression and I’ve always been alone, and still am, how am I supposed to start recovery?
I mean, not just in the practical sense, although that’s also a problem after so many years, but how am I supposed to do it without having anyone by my side?
I feel like anxiety is eating me alive, and all I want is to have someone beside me telling me that I’m doing okay and that they care about me, as pathetic as that may sound.
And even if I did manage to start recovery, what would actually change if depression is simply a part of me?
I know people might tell me to take classes or join activities to meet people, but those are all things I’ve already tried, and at this point my mental energy is at an all-time low. I’ve also started looking into finding a pen pal or two, but these are all things that don’t really have any meaningful impact on me.

I’m sorry. I know there probably aren’t any real answers to this. I guess I’m just wondering if anyone has experience with depression that has lasted this long, and whether anything ever changed for you.
Because the truth is, I feel more alone than I ever have, and it’s eating me up inside.
Thank you so much for listening.

I’m already sorry in advance for what will probably be a huge vent, but I feel like I need to talk, and I don’t really have anywhere else to do it.

I’ve had an ED for around 20 years (34F). It’s always been a sort of crutch that accompanied me and “helped” me cope with always feeling out of place. I also recently discovered that I’m on the spectrum.
I’m now trying to make the decision to recover, with all the anxiety that comes with it. I’m not UW, but I want to go all in, etc.

The problem is that I’m alone. I’m seeing my therapist, and until a month ago I was also seeing a psychiatrist (I stopped seeing him after taking a medication that ended up sending me to the hospital, and I’m still dealing with the aftermath).
I’ve always struggled with severe depression, and now (perhaps also because of the idea of recovery) I’m going through an absolutely awful period where I have an anxiety and anguish that I can’t even put into words, and I cry every single day.

What I keep wondering is: if I’ve always struggled with depression and I’ve always been alone, and still am, how am I supposed to start recovery?
I mean, not just in the practical sense, although that’s also a problem after so many years, but how am I supposed to do it without having anyone by my side?
I feel like anxiety is eating me alive, and all I want is to have someone beside me telling me that I’m doing okay and that they care about me, as pathetic as that may sound.
And even if I did manage to start recovery, what would actually change if depression is simply a part of me?
I know people might tell me to take classes or join activities to meet people, but those are all things I’ve already tried, and at this point my mental energy is at an all-time low. I’ve also started looking into finding a pen pal or two, but these are all things that don’t really have any meaningful impact on me.

I’m sorry. I know there probably aren’t any real answers to this. I guess I’m just wondering if anyone has experience with depression that has lasted this long, and whether anything ever changed for you.
Because the truth is, I feel more alone than I ever have, and it’s eating me up inside.
Thank you so much for listening.

First of all, sorry for my english!
Then... like the title: pls tell me is okay to overshoot. I'm not uw, and suffer of ed for 20 years. I want to recover so badly for the first time, feeling old (34 this year), and not uw.
Please tell me is okay to let it go to extreme hunger.
I know that ed are not question of weight, but you know also how brain works... so pls, if you can or want, share also your experiences.
Thanks so much and so sorry for all :(

First of all, sorry for my english!
Then... like the title: pls tell me is okay to overshoot. I'm not uw, and suffer of ed for 20 years. I want to recover so badly for the first time, feeling old (34 this year), and not uw.
Please tell me is okay to let it go to extreme hunger.
I know that ed are not question of weight, but you know also how brain works... so pls, if you can or want, share also your experiences.
Thanks so much and so sorry for all :(

Hi,
I know that this is a hot topic but I'm so afraid. I want to try to really really recover after 20 years of ed, 34 now, and not uw. I know also that recover is for all, but I have so many doubts and fear.

It is "normal" to crave sweets and also okay to eat ice cream or, still, sweets in large quantity? I mean, I crave them all the time also after the main meals and it seems that never stops. After one, I want another and so on.
It's okay? I'm so afraid and feeling so wrong.
Thanks and sorry for my english!

Hi,
I’m not entirely sure how to phrase this, but my question is basically: how did you finally let yourself surrender to extreme hunger?
I find myself so many times on the verge of “giving in,” but then this overwhelming physical feeling of terror stops me every single time.
How did you manage to do it? I know there’s no magic formula, but I’d really like to hear your experiences.
I’m in this shit for 20 years and feeling so hopeless.

And please tell me that it’s okay to let yourself honor extreme hunger even if you’re not underweight. I know, rationally, that it is, but I really need some reassurance.

Another thing that makes me doubt myself is what I see online. I often come across people who say they’re honoring their hunger, but then they actually seem to eat very little.
Is it normal to crave sweets so intensely and eat them in large amounts? Sometimes I start wondering if I’m just making it all up or if something is wrong with me.
Sorry for the vent, and thank you to anyone who takes the time to reply.

Hi,
I’m not entirely sure how to phrase this, but my question is basically: how did you finally let yourself surrender to extreme hunger?
I find myself so many times on the verge of “giving in,” but then this overwhelming physical feeling of terror stops me every single time.
How did you manage to do it? I know there’s no magic formula, but I’d really like to hear your experiences.
I’m in this shit for 20 years and feeling so hopeless.

And please tell me that it’s okay to let yourself honor extreme hunger even if you’re not underweight. I know, rationally, that it is, but I really need some reassurance.

Another thing that makes me doubt myself is what I see online. I often come across people who say they’re honoring their hunger, but then they actually seem to eat very little.
Is it normal to crave sweets so intensely and eat them in large amounts? Sometimes I start wondering if I’m just making it all up or if something is wrong with me.
Sorry for the vent, and thank you to anyone who takes the time to reply.

Hi,

I'm not really sure what this post is. Maybe it's just a vent... but here we are.
I'm 34 years old, and I feel like I haven't really lived.
When I was 16, I developed an eating disorder, and even though I'm fighting harder than ever to recover, maybe for the first time in my life, I'm still trapped in it.
I've also struggled with depression for as long as I can remember. I'm alone. My parents love me, but they don't really understand everything else I'm dealing with, and apart from them, I don't really have anyone.

I spent years isolated at home. Now I have a job that I worked incredibly hard to get, but my life is basically just work and home.
Over the past year, with the help of my psychologist, I've started to understand that I'm neurodivergent. Having an explanation helps in some ways, but it doesn't take away the pain I've lived with for so many years.
Every weekend I can't stop thinking that I'm wasting my life. I feel like I'm already too old, and I see people my age with years of memories, friendships, relationships, experiences... while I feel like I have nothing.
I'm scared. I'm exhausted. I don't think I'm looking for solutions as much as I just want to know if anyone else has felt this way.

If you've been through something similar, whether because of an eating disorder, depression, neurodivergence, or something else, how do you cope with the feeling that you never really got to live? How do you make peace with the idea that you might be "behind" everyone else, or that it's too late to start?

I know this probably sounds dramatic, but it's genuinely how I feel. And yes, I'm in therapy and I'm also receiving psychiatric treatment.
Thanks a lot.

Hi everyone!
I know social media isn’t reality, but I constantly see people starting all in recovery who either stay thin or begin from a very, very low weight.

I almost never see any representation of someone going all in from a “normal” weight and experiencing overshoot, even though I know that’s a completely normal possibility.

Does anyone have any recommendations or accounts I could look at? I know I should focus on my own journey, but seeing someone with a similar experience would make this feel a little less painful.
Thank you so much.

Ciao!

Premetto che sarà un post confusionario e molto no sense ma cercate di seguirmi XD

Per una serie di motivi (in realtà esclusivamente di salute grave) ho viaggiato pochissimo nella mia vita e ho quasi 34 anni.
So che, anche qui, ha poco senso come discorso... ma lo scorso inverno sono stata per un wekeend a Londra con alcuni famigliari.
Mi piacerebbe e sarebbe sempre piaciuto fare un mini viaggio da sola, ho però anche un budget limitatissimo e una finestra di 3-4 giorni a fine settembre o inizio ottobre.
Avevo pensato di provare di nuovo Londra, mi è piaciuta molto e ho pensato che come inizio per viaggiare da sola poteva avere senso: è chiaro che non sono esperta, e lungi da me, ma parto da una base già nota. Senza contare che per me è una meta economica.
Dall'altra parte mi viene da pensare che sto sprecando un viaggio, per quanto non mi piaccia pensarla in questi termini: non ho viaggiato per anni e anni e fare le pulci ora non mi porta a niente.

Avete consigli o comunque vi è capitato o capita di fare viaggi verso la stessa meta?
Ripeto, so che questo post è particolarmente idiota quindi scusate!

Hi everyone!
Has anyone here, after years and years of struggling with an eating disorder, chosen the all in approach to recovery?
How did you cope with living in a “healthy” body (in quotation marks because I know it’s a shit concept) and with the weight gain that came with recovery?
How did you deal with eating much more than the people around you, as well as any comments from others or the fear of being judged?
I’d really appreciate it if anyone would be willing to share their experience. Hearing from people who’ve been through it would mean a lot to me.
Thank you so much!

Hi everyone,
I was taking duloxetine starting in April, but it didn't help me at all. If anything, it only caused negative side effects.
The problem is that I went from 30 mg to 0 overnight. My psychiatrist didn't give me any tapering instructions, just told me to stop it while increasing the dose of another medication.
Ever since I stopped taking duloxetine, I've been dealing with nausea and diarrhea, and it's been going on for a week now. I even ended up going to the emergency room.
I've read a lot of horror stories about duloxetine withdrawal, which has made me even more anxious. Is there anyone who can reassure me that these symptoms do eventually go away?

I'm really scared and exhausted.
Thank you so much.

Hi,
Like I said... I upped to 350 from 5/6 days and I'm feeling crying all day, difficulty on sleep and nausea, so much nausea.
I really really want that it works, I'm tired to switch meds and I only want to feel better.
Tell me if and when you had seen improvement... ?
Sorry for the english!

Hi everyone,
After almost 20 years of living with an eating disorder, I’ve finally decided that I can’t keep living with an eating disorder brain anymore.
The thing is, my weight is considered “normal.” (I know BMI is shit, but it’s still triggering because recovery is so often portrayed as something only for the stereotype of anorexia people.)
I’m terrified, to be honest.
For those of you who have been through this: can you please tell me that it’s okay if overshoot happens? That it’s okay to let my body do what it needs to do? That I don’t have to fight it?
I really need to hear it from people who’ve been there.
Thank you so much, and I’m sorry if this sounds desperate. I’m just so exhausted and so scared

Hi everyone,
After almost 20 years of living with an eating disorder, I’ve finally decided that I can’t keep living with an eating disorder brain anymore.
The thing is, my weight is considered “normal.” (I know BMI is shit, but it’s still triggering because recovery is so often portrayed as something only for the stereotype of anorexia people.)
I’m terrified, to be honest.
For those of you who have been through this: can you please tell me that it’s okay if overshoot happens? That it’s okay to let my body do what it needs to do? That I don’t have to fight it?
I really need to hear it from people who’ve been there.
Thank you so much, and I’m sorry if this sounds desperate. I’m just so exhausted and so scared

Ciao!
Assumo bupropione ormai da poco meno di un anno, fino a ora 150 con marca Sandoz. All’inizio ho avuto una reazione negativa al generico doc.

Ora dovrò aumentare a 300 ma posso scegliere solo tra Teva e Zentiva.
Ho preso Zentiva ormai, devo ancora iniziarlo, ma ho ansia perché ho paura mi dia altre reazioni negative.

Assumete generici? Se si quali?
Grazie mille!!!

Hi,
I must upped my dose to 300 but I live in Italy and the generic for this are only Zentiva or Teva.
In the past I've had problems with another manifacture, so I would ask if you have any advice to which one prefer? :(
Thanks!

Hi,
I've always take (since October) wellbutrin in combo, first with sertraline than and now with cymbalta (that I want to cut off because for my body is hell).
I woder if wellbutrin alone could be more effective, I have severe depression and at the beginning wellbutrin gives me a really boost but now is like it's "sedate" from other meds maybe?
Sorry for my english!

Hi,
I know this might be a silly question, but is it possible for two medications to not work well together, and that after stopping one of them, the other starts working properly?

Thanks!

Hi everyone,
I was wondering if any of you have taken bupropion together with other medications and then later switched to taking bupropion on its own, noticing greater benefits after making that change.
I’d really appreciate hearing about your experiences.

Thanks so much!