u/Remarkable_Bath8515

I can't describe what weapons but sometimes I think I want one, I don't always want to die, and when I do it's not because I want to buy want to be in control of my death and have some times at random where I wonder if I'll deserve it.

I also wanted a weapon for separate reasons like to protect myself from abusers, bigots, dangerous people. I don't want to hurt people but wish I was strong and safe. Which is a more common reason.

This was why I did small self harm in the first place, I may show this vent to people who wantes me to vent with them, there is no need to worry, I can't get a weapon and if I did maybe I won't do anything because I have a 500 hour streak, and i don't like hurting people.

I also want some insight from anyone that has any.

I sometimes wish people would let me have a weapon but at the same time know that won't help, and even if no one gets hurt and I just hold it (well I would like to hold it.)

Am I creepy? Sorry.

Whether it was to call someone out, or if it was a random conversation.

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The specific feeling of not wanting to die yet because you didn't get to finish stuff or do anything interesting yet.

Not the word death anxiety but this specific type of it.

I don't think it's existential crisis because I thought that word meant thinking life has no meaning and being stressed about it, I mean is there a word for being stressed you could die before your meaning.

If I can be corrected that's fine.