I M(18) have anorexia and i'm recovering from an attempt on my life. I'm much better mentally and i'm honestly so happy, but my body's shape makes me feel so sick, i hate the way i look it makes me cry myself to sleep. I don't understand how anyone can love me when i look this way, i'm trying to be normal but i'm so in pain, its not fair that i can't look the way i wish i could.
Hey yall, ik the title may be confusing I was just coming on here cause I need to vent and would love any advice/suggestions. Basically my whole life I’ve just been wrong. Always the weird dude, always the one being laughed at, always awkward, and I just have a horrible outlook on life I can’t seem to change. I’m sure yall have seen this before but basically I just feel like life is nothing but working for more work, I just graduated highschool and felt good for about a day, then good ole reality hit me and I realized I don’t know what I want to do at all and working for the rest of my life seems awful, I’m aware this is a stupid way of thinking but no matter what I try I can’t shake it, even since I was a little kid I distracted myself from reality in whatever way I could, recently now that I’m 18 and have adult money it’s been nicotine, weed, acid, shrooms, alcohol, and random smoke shop pills. I’ve just been this way my whole life and it’s starting to feel hopeless, I’m addicted to porn, weed, nicotine, and fantasizing about what my life could be like one day and just making up scenarios to make myself happy for a bit. I can’t keep my room clean (ik how bad it sounds) but for some reason no matter what I try I just live in filth, it’s almost better than a clean room for some reason, I’m just so ashamed in what I’ve become and feel like my family fucking hates their musty, angry, sad, excluded, pothead piece of shit family member, I’m so quick to anger, quick to cry, quick to argue, it’s like an alter ego that I watch control me I just don’t stop when I’m upset and I feel like a shit person, I kept my room clean and didn’t watch porn or jerk it for a month, than right back to square one and here I am jerking it 5 times a day like I’m in middle school. Ik I sound like a hopeless shit head but I truly do have dreams and things I would like to accomplish, but there’s a constant battle in my head and Idk how to stop it, please I beg if anyone has words of wisdom, advice, or just a good convo I’m begging you for it, I really fucking need help.
I am struggling to reconcile with a part of myself that I find deeply unsettling. I experience waves of intense envy toward those around me, yet I harbor no malice; I genuinely never wish to inflict harm. Take, for instance, my cousin, who spoke with unwavering conviction about his ambition to graduate at the top of his class. While I refrained from dampening his spirits, I found myself compulsively attempting to emulate his trajectory. I pushed myself to double the effort, despite the fact that my grades were already sufficient to secure my desired specialization. I was chasing a phantom goal—a competitive impulse devoid of any personal purpose. This pattern extends into other facets of my life. When a friend recently overhauled her personal style, I felt a sudden, inexplicable surge of jealousy, prompting me to replicate her aesthetic to ensure I remained "better." Even when she offered genuine praise, remarking on how wonderful I looked, I was left with a profound sense of emptiness. It is as though I am under some form of hypnotic trance; the moment I witness an achievement or a change in another person, I feel a compelling, almost autonomic drive to mirror it. It is not a thirst for attention—in fact, that is the furthest thing from my mind—but rather a distressing loss of agency. When I have sought insight into this, the responses I have received have felt dismissive, reducing my struggle to a mere "quest for achievement," which feels like hollow advice. The most recent incident has left me feeling particularly despondent. A colleague, who is a peripheral friend, announced her engagement. She was radiant, and she chose to share the news with me first, out of all her peers. I was genuinely moved, even to the point of tears, and I sincerely wished her a life of profound happiness. However, after asking her to spare me the details for the time being, I was blindsided by a visceral, painful ache in my heart. I know, rationally, that we each have our own path and that my time will come. Yet, I am plagued by this heavy, inexplicable sadness. It feels as if I am trapped in a meaningless, involuntary competition. I am terrified that if this continues, it might manifest in some reckless behavior, which I want to avoid at all costs. I am desperate to break free from this cycle. I am looking for any way forward—be it psychological, introspective, or otherwise—to silence this internal turmoil once and for all.
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I treated someone who loved me terribly for the final years of our relationship. I became complacent with her doing everything for us while I slipped deeper into addiction. I wasn't born a narcissist and I've since gotten sober and improved through therapy but I behaved like a toxic nightmare. She loved me so much and did everything to help until she couldnt anymore. Looking back I can remember how difficult it was for her to leave. She actually ugly cried about how she didnt want me to end up hating her. When she left I lost my mind and said some of the most horrible things imaginable.
She never spoke to me again.
Ive tried so hard to talk to her again. In some of the most pathetic ways. She hasn't spoken to me in 5 years and I havent been able to move on. I don't know how to move on without being able to apologize. I feel like I'm worthless and I haven't even tried meeting anyone new. I feel like I dont deserve it but I just want to feel love again. Lack of sex and physical contact is one thing but the need for love is what makes me just want to die.
I wish I could just get her forgiveness or even an acknowledgement of my apology. Its so fucked up but I feel like I need her permission to move on with someone new as a consequence of hurting her. I hate myself.
Womp womp though right? Kids are dying around the world and Im getting what I deserve while she is probably living so well with me as a nothing but a distant bad memory that pops up once a year. How long is long enough to pay for what I've done? Fuck, Im sorry.
What do I do? How can I ever stop having nightly dreams in which we have that conversation. Where we talk about everything that went wrong, how life's been since, and part ways the way I could have years ago. I cant go on waking up to the cold nothing.
Since the last two weeks. The only thing I hear my dad say about me is that I’m useless, I’m worthless and that I cannot do anything in life all because I haven’t started earning.
He wants me to earn a certain about of money. Enough to support my mom and enough to take over all his responsibilities so that he could start living his life while I take over his responsibilities for him.
He has created such unrealistic expectations from me and I am not able to work according to those expectations.
All I can think about is how useless I am, that’s all I’ve been hearing. I thought it wasn’t effecting me but I realised that it was. This is taking a toll on me and I literally keep thinking about I haven’t achieved anything in life and now that my father wants me to earn I’m unable to do that.
A part of me knows and completely understands that the expectations my toxic, narcissistic father has put on me I can’t fulfil those. Especially at this time when I’ve never worked a day in my life, where I don’t have any skills.
My mom has a firm belief that I’ll achieve so many good things in life. I look at her and I hate myself because I cannot give her a good life. I’ve failed at that. I’ve failed as a daughter. She thinks I can pull our family out of ruins. That I have the skills and the talent but I just lack confidence and courage but I know that’s a lie. I’ve failed as a daughter.
Almost everyone around me says I’ll achieve big things but my dad believes I’m useless and can’t do anything at all. I don’t know what to believe. My mind makes me believe that my dad is right. Maybe he is. Maybe he isn’t. I don’t know.
I really hate how my face looks and how I have no ass and have small soggy boobs and im only 19. Like just getting ready feels so stupid because no matter what I wear I always look ugly. Life would be so much nicer if I was born pretty. Guys really don't care who u are as a person they only care if ur attractive, they will deal with all of her bullshit but for me they don't care about me no matter what I do for them and I tried my best to be a good gf but still they just talked to me just do they won't be alone, and I'm not fat or skinny, I workout 5 times a week track my cals and protein and everything and still I'll never be good enough because I was born in this body, but then there's these pretty girls born with beautiful everything and they don't have to do any of that
I am 15 years old . And I weigh around 108 kg . I am 5'3 . I wish to be loved. I have parents. They should be punished . Anyway. I am dark skinned....fat . Ugly.
I hate to break this to you. I don't know why Birthdays are never celebrated. Just a cake and buying me clothes 'sometimes' because I think birthdays come 7 or 8 times a year and my parents only missed this 'one' . Idk. When I turned 14 ....I had a lot of hopes for my birthday...but what I got is totally pathetic.
And btw I am not a spoiled brat but that does not mean I don't expect things . We are living a very comfortable life . So it's not a money problem.
On my 14th birthday you know what new clothes I wore? No. I didn't. Because my mother 'forgot' to buy me birthday clothes. Yes it's totally my fault that I was born on that day though I reminded them 4 days ago. I need to remind? Wow.
My cake? Stale from the previous day in the bakery . Then bought for me. Not my choice. nothing.
My gifts are excellent!! My mother gave me nothing since she bought the damn stale cake. Of course.
My father's gift?! One dollar chocolate.
Very nice right? Isn't it? It was never about the cake or the chocolate or the clothes. I told her to go to a restaurant to do dinner. She said no. Because my sister was not here as she is in another city. So no. She said it is postponed. But I don't know when it is gonna be held because it had been almost over 2 years and my sister has been here quite a few times.
On my 13th birthday? Oh god . My mother and sister gifted me a cheap doll. I hated it so much and a bag with such low quality. Oh god.. perhaps the most it will be ...it couldn't be more than 2 dollars. We still didn't go to the restaurant even when I asked .
Both on my 12th , 13th , 14th and 15th birthday my father did not wish me happy birthday. Perhaps I don't deserve it.
On my 15th birthday both gave me nothing but yeah I got a cake of my choice that they didn't like. Yes!!!
And now my birthday is coming....my heart craves...to its own right of soul to get a good birthday.... please lord. Please.....I want a good birthday too. I want presents and a good day too!!!! Please lord please.
I hope I die before them . They are the worst parents in the world.
This was never about the birthday.
Fuck these shitty people. Don't have kids if u can't take care of them.
And most certainly don't compare those kids who have good parents. You should be slashed with a belt 1000 times. Then perhaps I will feel better.
They ruined my childhood and never ever played with me. While I saw all the children playing with their parents. Never respected me a bit.
I will say I deserve every bit of respect. And u all should be under my foot so I can squeeze u under my shoe . And throw u away.
The day I turn enough to earn I will change my number and place . Maybe get a new identity and never ever and ever meet my paths with you.
Fuck. You .
You were the worst mother and father this world has seen .
I hope u rot in hell .
I didn't tell u to have me.
Fuck you so much
Whore and male whore
I genuinely think I'm the most hideous girl ever. And I'm so jealous of all my friends because they're so pretty, it's also because they are white, being a black girl makes me 10x uglier than I am because for some reason the beauty standard in society is a blonde blue eyed white girl(I don't say this in any wrong way). I remember me and my friend would go on Omegle(video call) and some guy said "why is it always the ugly ones in front of the pretty ones?". I was the one sitting in front, I genuinely felt my heart physically ache because I've been bullied from 3rd grade up to highschool, still being bullied at school and it hurts so much that no one finds me pretty, my mom will say girls are jealous and boys have crushes on me, but I vividly remember wearing a croptop to school and a boy said I looked like a "pregnant hoochie mama" I was in 8th grade at the time, I can't get a break at all from the name calling and the giggling when I walk past, I'm on the verge of ending my life because I don't deserve to be here, it hurts to accept but it's true, anyone who says I'm not ugly is only saying it out of pity, and I get it. I cry so hard sometimes because I feel so bad for myself.
Sorry for the rant .
I fucking hate my scars so much I hate them. Self harming in the moment helped but now I’m clean I just hate how I have to live with these scars for the rest of my life and I hate it. Every time I go out I just feel people staring at my arm whether I’m going for a walk or going to the gym I hate it. I can’t wear certain t shirts without being started at now and I hate it. Every-time I’m in the shower i look down at my left arm and I just see the consequences of me being a chud who couldnt deal with his emotions and had to result in self harm. I hate my scars and I hate myself for even doing it in the first place
I don't know what to do. I don't want to live anymore. I just want this suffering to end—forever. I kept telling myself every day that things would get better eventually. But that day never came, and I don't think it ever will. Every day feels like a repetition of the last; it’s as if I’m trapped in a loop. It feels less like I’m living my own life and more like I’m just watching it go by.
Hello, I’m Hinako. I’m a teenage girl, and I’ve struggled with my mental health since I was young. I simply don't know what to do anymore. I’ve tried everything to get better, but nothing has worked. I am completely at a loss.
I stopped going to school because of bullying; it’s been nearly three years since I dropped out. I have no friends, and I don't go outside. Every day feels like the same routine: waking up, staring at my phone, and going back to sleep. I’m exhausted by doing nothing—by just existing. It feels like I’m merely clinging to life as the days pass. I just don't know what to do.
I’m using a translation tool to write this so that you can understand me.
Please tell me what I should do.
so.. I've wasted the last 4 years of my life thinking my partner sorry now Ex partner.. at least cared about me..& we were important friends despite breaking up ..
We just moved into a new house together.. after us taking care of her senile stroke victim father for a year.. the shit I did for her & that disgusting man.. it was hell.. but I did it for Her..
The year B4 that.. I was by her side during her Open heart surgery.. took care of her. I believed in her through all of her diaphoretic meltdowns.. and autistic mood swings...
I literally cleaned up after her Daily. reminded her to shower. And brush her teeth.. supported each other thru hard times. She was my best friend. Even during my most depressing days.
All for her... to admit that she has zero respect for me. And is now fucking the ONLY new friend I've made in years... because the other 14 dudes aren't enough for her... Now that she's realized how much of a Pathetic Loser I am.
yes I have a drug dependency.. it's Shitty.. I've tried getting help.
I didn't have a job for a long time.. financial hardship. even though she gets disability checks.. and smokes weed all day. I still busy my ass for shit pay... because I've squandered any opportunities I had..
she's embarrassed by me .
she was only with me because I was convenient for her... And she felt bad for me..
now I'm living in the Sunroom... because I have no family.. no friends.. and she resents me. and purposely hurts me. and I take it.. I deserve it I suppose.. Im ment to be alone. I'm a fuck up with depression. That kils my sex drive.. and motivation. and I'm suicidal. no one wants to be with someone like that. I can't do anything right.
I often think about times I was an asshole to people or made people upset without meaning to and I can’t forgive myself even when others have forgiven me, didn’t care, or didn’t think it was a big deal when I apologize.
I want to be a good and likeable person and I hate when I can’t do that and it honestly makes me want to kill myself sometimes because it proves that I’m a bad person who deserves nothing and I should die alone.
It doesn’t matter to me that people are understanding, I still hate myself for being a horrible person all the time because all I do is upset people even when I’m trying to be good and nice.
I’m autistic and adhd and it’s a curse sometimes because it’s isolating because I can’t say or do anything right without making everyone hate me.
18M. Im about halfway through summer and haven’t done anything with any friends. I spend my days doomscrolling and rotting in my bed. I always heard my teenage years were supposed to be the best of my life, but I’m not sure they could be worse. I have zero self esteem and hate myself in every way. I started balding at 14 and even if I wasn’t, I’m still chopped. I don’t think I have any future. My family is happy around me so I act happy, but I hate myself because of how embarrassing being related to me must be. I don’t have a future. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I despise every single cell in my body
For context, I’m a woman and I struggle with depression. Sorry if this is triggering to anyone.
When I can’t sleep, I go on long walks at night hoping someone will hurt me or finally end my suffering.
I recently started putting on revealing clothes on these walks to be more enticing. I choose Friday and Saturday nights because there are more drunk people around. I have my favourite isolated lane ways and side streets. It’s a ritual at this point.
I live in a big city. But unfortunately nothing more than catcalling has happened to me. I should be relieved but honestly it just makes me sadder.
I can’t even get someone to hurt me. How pathetic is that?
Why do bad things happen to innocent people who actually want to live and I’m stuck in this hell?
Hearing people laugh and have fun from my window is so painful. It makes me feel more lonely. It just reminds me of everything I’ve lost to my illness. I wish I could disappear but I’m too much of a coward to do it myself.
EDIT: Hi I’m so surprised and overwhelmed by all the kind comments. I just want to say thank you. You’ve given me a lot to think about and new hope. ❤️
I know this is a SelfHate group, but I need so much help. How do I learn to actually love myself. I want to accept myself so I can accept my husbands love. I’m just having a hard time learning to do so. My husband says I’m beautiful and tells me how much he loves me all the time, but I can’t accept the compliments. I look in the mirror and am disgusted at what I see. I’m ima weight loss journey as well, hoping it will help. I’ve lost 16.5lbs, but that’s still not enough. I compare myself to my sister, because she’s always been the skinny and pretty one. The cheerleader, the popular girl. I can’t talk to family about my feelings because there’s always something that’s just so much worse going on for them. And anytime I try to make something about me for just a minute, I’m flooded with why their lives are just so much worse. So I hold it, and I’ve been holding it. As a kid (4ish - 16) I was physically, mentally and I’m thinking sexually abused (can’t prove it). I feel broken, but I can’t be. I have to be able to be a listening ear for my families issue. I have to be their voice of reason, I can’t afford to break. And man am I breaking so much. Does anyone have any advice (other than a therapist) that can help me? TIA
I’m 19 and I’ve been struggling badly with body image, masculinity, and feeling trapped in a body that doesn’t match the life I wanted.
This is not just normal insecurity like “I wish I was taller” or “I wish I looked better.” It feels deeper than that. I feel like my height, frame, and physical differences have affected the way I see myself as a man. When I stand next to taller or more normally built guys, I feel small, meek, and almost betrayed by nature. It feels like they get to be seen as adult men by default, while I have to fight just to not feel childish or dismissed.
I know that might sound dramatic, but it genuinely feels like identity grief. I feel like I’m grieving a version of myself I can never become: average height, naturally masculine, confident, sensual, taken seriously, not constantly aware of being physically smaller.
Tonight I vented to my mother about it in a very intense but calm way. I told her how much pain I’m in and how hopeless it feels. I also admitted that I’ve had suicidal thoughts because of this, which scared me. I don’t want to die exactly, I want the pain and humiliation in my head to stop.
I’m going to speak to my therapist about this, but I wanted to ask if anyone else has dealt with body grief this severe. Not just insecurity, but feeling like your body has robbed you of an identity, a dating life, masculinity, or adulthood.
How do you survive this without becoming bitter, obsessive, or self-destructive? How do you build a life when your body feels like the thing that ruined it before you even started?
I’m thinking of drinking 15 shots of whisky then cutting my wrists and sleeping, I’m so fucking done with it.
Please be kind. I’m not looking for insults or “just be confident” replies. I’m looking for genuine advice from people who understand deep body shame, disability/difference, short stature, masculinity issues, or suicidal thoughts connected to self image.
I feel pretty close to drinking 15-20 shots of Johnny walker and cutting my wrists and hold my cute little demon plush, maybe I can feel, warm for once.
Here because the idiots on short thought silencing someone in pain is ok
I’m deleting this shitpost or whatever soon but honestly i keep hurting my bf over and over and over and over again. I hate myself so much like why the fuck am i like this I love him to death but ll i do is just strangle this poor man and make him feel so shit.
First few times, I lied abt my identity bcs my bf and I met online and like out of fear cus yeah it was online and I had shitty shitty experiences online before and insecurity but owned up to what I did. By then. His trust was already broken
This time, it was idiotic and stupid and so much more. I lied that I didn’t know what was going to happen in a show we were watching and like searched up the ending and so much more spoilers to a show we were watching and like honestly and reasonably it broke him completely, I ruined his vacation bcs this man has waited years and years for the free time we have rn and my shit ass got into arguments before and I hurt his feelings so many times by now, I hurt his entire world. This innocent, kind hearted and absolute gem of a person got hurt by a stupid, idiotic bitchass monster like me and it’s all bcs I wanted to be curious and I decided to spoil stuff for myself. It so stupid, like genuinely a kid would laugh at me I really really really fucking hate myself like I don’t even know what the fuckkk is wrong in my brain, I don’t know why decisions like this take place in my mindset I need some fucking advice but honestly what advice can I be given than to go suck it up bcs genuinely I did this actively and honestly wanna say absentmindedly bcs anyways I have a shit memory and don’t remember half the shit I spoiled myself with but whatever man, this is my fault and I deserve this bcs I deserve hell I deserve to fuckinh die or rot. Why am I hurting everyone around me why are my hands like fucking rose thorns like someone please just slap me and get me back to my sense or put me out of my fucking misery
feel free to talk absolute bs about me and cs I deserve it and talk crap abt how much of a shit gf I am, and more importantly just pls talk trash abt me pls i hate myself sm
I want friends, not friends that come and go in life,i want friends that i can call best friends and im their best friends too not someone else, ever since i started socialising as a kid my only goal in life was this ,now im 17 turning 18 in a couple months and i haven't been able to find a real friend,i want someone to actually enjoy talking to me everytime i talk to my "friends" i feel like they hate me even tho i asked them multiple times if they do and they just say "no they dont" ,when we go out in groups im practically invisible, i try and blend in with other only to get ignored by everyone.
This is the same with finding a girlfriend, i try and find someone only for them to either have a celebrity crush or still obsessed with their ex and it makes me feel miserable that im not enough for anyone,I've accepted that i would die alone without a friend or significant other since i was 15.
Just venting. Any advice is welcomed but not needed or asked for. Keeping this short cause we all have our own probs I’m not special just have no one to vent to. Decent/average looking guy (I thought, not so much anymore) covered in nice tattoos nice mustache etc. BUT I am 5’5 and there’s no way around that. I hide my height on apps but I think women make assumptions if you’re not forward about the height lol. between 4 dating apps combined I’ve had single digit matches in 6 months and only like 2 became first dates that didn’t lead anywhere (even though they lasted like 5 hours each and we laughed the whole time and both ended with a kiss and plan for second date before a text later in the week) and one came a hookup I fucked a few times.I’m 7 years sober so I don’t do the bar scene or anything like that and I work 6 sometimes all 7 days a week and really don’t have time to just go out and about even if dating does exist beyond alcohol being involved. I live in Boston as well so it’s not like I need toe downs my radius or diversity. There women from all walks of life here and I’m just very clearly not anyone’s type. And no one seems to understand that striking up a random conversation to try and connect is ONLY deemed not creepy if you look like you belong in a magazine.