u/Glittering-Sun-7248

Got a therapist recommended by my psych, this is our 2nd session and that hour can be easily condensed into 20 minutes with how little chemistry was going on she just talked to me about coping and grounding and I’ve heard this shi so many times it just infuriates me at this point I’ve had therapists for years. She wants me to try essential oils, deep breathe in the morning and night (doesn’t help me), journal my thoughts, feelings and belief and actions (which is fine but I could already tell her that which she kinda just dismissed. She was monotone the whole time and just felt like she didn’t care legit no expression should I stick with her?

Taking .5mg Xanax, I told my psych and he said since it’s not like 1mg I don’t need to taper but I’ve upped my dose for almost a month (a lot of rough stuff happened) and I want to cut it down before it’s my new normal. I want to be done with Xanax entirely (been taking .25mg daily since November I would do anything to go back and stop it) apparently I’ve gotten to the point where .25mgis giving interdose withdrawal

My safe person is out for a week and I’m just stuck in bed all day. Crying and crying. Nothing much changed just bedrotting but alone this time

I’m not sure what to do. I need advice

My safe person is out for a week and I’m just stuck in bed all day. Crying and crying. Nothing much changed just bedrotting but alone this time

I’m not sure what to do. I need advice

I’m not sure, my heart speeds u a lot and since I lay down for most of my day I can hear it going. It’s gonna be hard for me since my safe person is leaving for a week even if she prepared someone to come over everyday. I’m not sure how to deal with this

Nothings happening at the moment but I’m trying to sit with the anxiety (not fun) and it’s showing up at the evening like everyday. It’s weird…

I had a dream a while back. I was working at this arcade place, and I skip to being chased by demons/evil spirits when I’m seeing what I think to be Jesus, he was taller than me, long brown hair and long white robe. His face was obscured by light and all he said was “get behind me” in a calm tone. However dream me didn’t listen and jumped into some bushes which I then woke up. I don’t know if this was Jesus or just some normal dream nonsense. I still think about it

I’ve been with agoraphobia, panic disorder, GAD, social anxiety. Basically all the anxiety disorders I’ve even been questioned about OCD at one point due to health anxiety. For the past almost 2-3 years

I see the stress and exhaustion both on my face and my mothers. I’ve been told over and over I’m a hard head, stubborn, stuck up etc. so I turned to God, lately I question why does her allow this to happen to me, I have guilt when my mother talks about how much I affect her everyday.

I’m tired, I don’t move because I’m afraid and tired. Tired to where sleep does nothing and stressed to the point where I’ve had nearly all the symptoms of anxiety at this point.

Why does God allow this? I’ve prayed and asked to see him, to meet him so I can know but there’s nothing. It feels like God is distant. Does he care? Scripture says yes but my life says no. Where’s his peace? His voice? His love? I continue to live despite this anxiety due to this same stubbornness. I wonder if it’s a vice or virtue. I know people will tell me all sorts of things, I just want guidance and prayer to get better to get a sign from God. I can’t get guidance from my local church since it’s paid and agoraphobia limits a lot

I notice my nails are slightly more pale while menstruating

I’m afraid of this oddly nothing shaped life where I do wherever and nothing at all ending. I got here by overdoing things, classes, projects, trying to go out more.

I’m overwhelmed as is I don’t wanna go back to that. I hated it, I hated doing it and feeling like I had no value otherwise my mother says she doesn’t care about my productivity. But I’m just rotting here, living off of her and trying to help with my part time job.

I feel awful being staying here means hurting her but getting better means facing hell and going back to all what I missed and the seemingly endless work for a job I probably can never get (software engineer).

Yet a part of me doesn’t care? Yet I feel such deep guilt at the same time, I got two people in me wanting different things and both are tired. Deeply tired.