r/benzorecovery

I'm not really sure what I'm looking for, maybe reassurance?

I took 0.5mg prescribed clonazepam daily for about 8 years. I'm 10 months off after a taper and trying to put my life back together while still managing lingering withdrawal issues.

I'm deeply lonely. I know BW is a lonely experience but I realized I do not have any real connections. Before benzos, I wasn't the most outgoing but I was interested in people and would make friends and hang out with new people. Sometime after starting benzos, I just stopped?

I didn't realize I was so alone when I was on the medication and now the loneliness is crushing.

Has anyone else been through this and been able to create some new friends again?

TLDR: clonazepam made me feel like I didn't need friends. Now that I am off, the loneliness is overwhelming and I do not know where to meet people.

My mom (56yo) has used benzodiazepines for nerves her whole life. In 2001, she got pregnant with me and abruptly stopped taking them. She states that she thought it was like Tylenol. She went into hallucinations and was hospitalized. She was “not right” for a year, screamed and cried, until they put her on Olanzapine that she says made everything right for her, and everything was clear.
After her psychosis episode then of course she was put back on a benzo. And stayed on one for the next 25 years. She was taking a combination of 3mg-5mg Xanax, 5mg olanzapine, 40mg celexa.
FF to April of this year, she took too many of her pills and ran out before the month was out. She then went into this psychosis and hallucinations again over these course of a week, hospitalized again for 7 days. She says she does not remember anything that happened during this episode compared to the 2001 episode.
Upon release from hospital she was put on a small dose of Ativan (.25 x3 daily now down to .25 x2 daily), 40mg celexa, and they put her on 2mg rispiridone. They also added back in 2.5mg of olanzapine along with the rispiridone about a month after discharge.
When she came home from treatment she seemed pretty close to herself. Over the course of the past couple months she has declined rapidly, cannot care for herself, cannot get out of bed. The last couple days I’m noticing even more of a decline, can’t even form sentences, whole body shaking. Her psychiatrist has a suspicion she is suffering from psuedodementia. Her rispiridone dose was also tapered over down to .5mg twice a day, from the previous 2mg twice a day.
She states she has no knowing, no past memory. No matter how much I try to convince her the damage is reversible with time, she is dead convinced she’s permanently damaged.
Now she is having bad panic attacks where she shakes uncontrollable, grunts and moans, and has a hard time settling down. Sometimes they are 15 minutes apart and can last for up to a couple hours. She says her muscles are sore when she’s settled from it.
Has anyone seen a long term benzo user recover after similar phenomenon?
Is there any medications that would help with the symptoms if withdrawal or pseudodementia symptoms?
Her psychiatrist has yet to message me back. Not to mention it’s the holiday weekend. 🤦‍♀️
Thanks everyone

I'm annoyed. A week before my periods and during my periods proper withdrawal symptoms get terrible. It's like i'm guaranteed to experience a wave two weeks a month. If i'm already in a wave it just gets worse and if i'm not, well now I am. Rumination, ptsd reactions, intense despair, benzo belly, tinnitus, they're all here. I guess that's what pmdd feels like. I know it's benzos because i wasn't like that before, i recognize the thought patterns and the signature physical symptoms, and yet i lean into it. I hope this problem won't last too long, it's frustrating that i can't really do anything about it on top of being painful.

I’m just really curious about what symptoms make up benzo belly. I’ve withdrawn from benzos probably 10-20 times over the past 6 years and stomach wise I’ve experienced extreme nausea, no appetite, hardly able to eat anything and lost around 10 pounds every time I go through it because I’m unable to eat for days at a time.

Is this benzo belly? From how people here talk about it, it’s like your belly swells up or something and becomes hard? That’s never happened to me so I’m wondering if what I felt was just general withdrawal shittiness or benzo belly

I posted in here the other day about my recovery goal/plan and asking for advice. Long story short I’m not prescribed any benzo but I do get real .5s and 1mgs from someone I know. Since probably about late to mid February I’ve been taking Xanax at a pretty consistent rate. Usually 1mg a day sometimes more sometimes less, there have been certain days where I’ve even went overboard. But this last Thursday I went 3 days without taking a single Xanax. No seizure. I did feel a bit more anxious but nothing crazy, besides yesterday. I think I felt so much more anxiety because Friday I did some heavy drinking so I was dealing with hangxiety yesterday. What are my odds of just going cold turkey? Has anyone in here just went balls to the wall and cold turkey’d? I just want to be done with this as soon as possible. I haven’t been on it for years and years so I want to grab it by the horns now and be done with it for good while I’m ahead. What are some tips I can use moving forward? I can deal with the insomnia and being anxious, fuck it. In due time I know things will get better, I just don’t want to die. Can anybody please give me some advice or motivation?

I have been slowly tapering Ativan after 13 months of daily use :3mg and for a month I took way more because I had a traumatic event but after that I went back to 3mg and started to taper from it , does anyone who took this med and tapered or whithdrawaled felt the same ?
Everyday :
\- muscle pain hands and legs and feet and also arms.
\- pain in elbow and knee
\-morning anxiety and rapid heart rate
\- burning feeling in my body.
\- acid reflux
\- a lot of gas , gurgling even in my throat
\- flatulence
\- gas pain .
\- abdominal pain
\- indigested food in stool
\- insomnia
\- headaches - migraines
\- dizziness
\- depression
\- sadness
\- whole body pain sometimes or burning
\- sometimes pain in my heart
\- horrible taste in my mouth
\- sometimes back pain
- Bone pain
I feel like a stranger in my body , I feel like I will never recover from this , I was already feeling this before taper I guess it was interdose withdrawal
I am so scared that I will never heal from this , I feel invisibly handicaped , I can’t do anything like I used to before , I am severely depressed , even taking a shower is a hard task at this point because of my pain and fatigue.
Sometimes I just want to end my life , I can’t enjoy anything anymore even hanging out , or going out , I am bed bound.
I just started some stretching exercise for the muscle and I am going to start therapy next week.
But my physical symptoms are gonna be the end of me.

I don’t mean to scare people because I’m my case this was my second time coming off of benzos (first time I failed and 10 months later went back on) and I came off of lamictal and abilify only a month before beginning my taper and stopped stimulants and had a very very traumatic thing happen to me during peak tapering my benzo the second time. - I still do notttt feel like I am in reality and it is so scary. I feel so far off from reality and I am trying to live life and pursue my career, I can’t feel my emotions, I am in complete autopilot - I just hung out with an old friend and it was so good but I was just completely out of it and now I barely remember the hang out and I just got home and I can feel my tinitus playing up. As I left his house I felt a lot of energy I think happiness from actually socialising. this is so awful. ever since coming off the benzo the first time beginning of 2023 I have been in a non reality I think it’s dp/dr state. please tell me this gets better I have so much to get on with but my poor nervous system is struggling. Ill also add this year I did EMDR to address some really traumatic things and it helped to calm down the high anxiety, but I am putting a pause on processing for now until things get less like this dp/dr feelings I’m feeling now. I find these symptoms get worse whenever I push myself and do a lot in a day. Yestedsy I did a dance class and today socialise and it’s just yeah, I have a lot of mental confusion, I think I have to just keep pushing myself to get into a better position and in order to heal. Does anyone have any advice ? Has anyone been in a similar situation and done a bit of emdr at about 8 months off? I am willing to go back on meds or whatever to help this - when does this go away ? it’s so so scary. My tinnitus has just come back tonight after seeing a friend. I ended up on way too many meds and had to come off of them I just honestly didn’t think it would have been this hard and a long journey.

i jumped off of the benzo july 2025 so it’s been 12 months and it’s been successful this time I would never touch one again. But I would honestly do anything to get better now or just bring down the being not in reality feeling just a little - I just feel like it’s taking so long and it’s hard to make big desicions or function in the career I want too in this state. I’d appreciate any tips or advice. I am currently able to work part time, but only because I think I’m so disconnected and can’t feel - I socialise sporadically because it takes it out of me. & I switched to another anti depressant about a month ago.

ahhh please help I want to feel normal, start dating again, feeling emotions anything

thanks

I was on Valium for almost 11 years, tapered for 5 years due to life changes and being on a high dose of Valium -30mg. My worst symptom continues to be benzo belly, I had it all through my taper and still now. I have symptoms of gastro paresis, no appetite for 9 months now and constipation for over 5 years due to all of then I lost over 30 lbs and ski issues, I was able to settle my skin issues with low histamine diet. Has anyone experienced benzo belly this long? It got worse before I go off and it continues to be this way. I have tried Linzess, Motegrity and Ibsrela for the constipation but it only works for a like 2 weeks then it stops working.

Is it possible to have Benzo belly this long? I had GI testing the past 5 years and all negative. I got more test coming up and seeing a functional doctor because I talked to people that been on Benzos longer than me and they don’t have this issue but I also been in contact with people that had Benzo belly this long but rarely. Another question is that I smoke weed a bit before bed just to get good sleep, can weed interfere with healing?

It's been almost a year, and I'm still bedbound because of my most ridiculous and only symptom: the inability to feel sleepy. It's literally my only withdrawal symptom, but it has been causing extreme insomnia for the last year. My entire body is in physical pain worse than kidney stones, I cut myself, scream, hallucinate from time to time, dissociate all the time, get out of breath after walking to the kitchen, and lay on the kitchen floor first before gathering up strength to eat. I lost so much muscle and bodyweight in general that I look like I'm straight from Auschwitz. No clothes fit. I have a totally blank mind. My new MRI showed there's more empty space in my brain now than before. This is the list of meds I can't do:

* Mirtazapine spiked my trigs to such a level that my blood is more fat than blood now. It didn't even work.

* Lithium stopped working.

* Clonidine didn't work.

* Trazodone stopped working.

* Amitriptyline, I can't take due to sensitive lipid levels.

* Antipsychotics I can't take for the same reason. Besides Seroquel was 50% responsible for my PAWS.

* Hydroxyzine stops working almost immediately, as do other antihistamines.

* Melatonin, supplements don't work.

* Gabapentin stops working quickly.

* Pregabalin might trap me post-benzos.

* DORAs are unavailable here. I will be going to the US soon, so I'm going to try them.

* Z-drugs gave me HPPD.

* Keto helps with sleep deprivation but not insomnia.

Has anyone been in this position, and tried CBT-i? Has it worked? If not, please suggest me something because I've been literally bedridden by stupid insomnia for a year!!! I can't live for years like this on the off chance it will go away. I tried CBT-i months ago but decided I couldn't do it because I was going psychotic without any sleep. Maybe I should revisit.

So I had no choice but to now face xanax and alcohol taper.

What sucks is I have no interest in quitting alcohol forever, but this sucks.

5 years of .25 xanax every morning. Only thing that kept my cervical dizzyness away every day or I would be jobless and jump a cliff it was torture.

Then started taking another .25 at night cuz Im an idiot.

Then trauma and stuff caused me to start taking another .5 here and there.

Then dec 2024 lost my stepdad of 35 years and now moms alone at 76 years old, me at 50 they were the ONLY 2 people or anything outside my dog that made my heart full of joy and care about all lifes joys, then therapist of 13 years died then 2 oldest best friends then uncle who was huge in my life. Then my dog got bad health problems and Im single no kids shes my life but shes old and not gonna be around very long.

So i ran out of my xanax about 7 months ago and got ahold of higher doses along with getting mine back.

Got to taking around up to 2mg a day for 3 to 4 months.....

now I have been on .5 in morning and .5 before bed at midnight

NOW...... drinking regularly since covid.

last 2 years though especialy after stepdads death and all the trauma, was drinking up to 4 tall can strong IPAs a night, and or 2 or 3 plus 2 or 3 shots.

and drink beers through the afternoons on weekends

SOOOOOO NOW THIS

Im proud to say.........

...... since theres no way my doc was going to up my xanax to 2 fkn mg a day..... he put me in for 1mg a day.

SO HERE WE GO, AND I HAVE TO BE PROUD, BUT ALSO IM DYING INSIDE

Ive been on .5 xanax in morning and .5 at midnight.

The alcohol, I got down to 2 tall can trulys 5 percent alcohol...... then 1 truly and 1 tall can corona

now 2 tall can coronas.

SO..... I know MOST say never add alchohol to benzo taper, well Im not. Im not stupid and adding something I never did to an existing dependency.

NOW LETS GO....

oh and maybe someone will be proud and see how hard Ive worked to get both down.

So the alchohol, is the ONLYYYYYYY FKN THING that by 9 at night, is keeping me from ending it, because this has been absolutely devastating crippling anhedonia and anxiety.

I also know, its making the next day as bad as the previous.

I could teach a course in alcohol.

My thing is......

1. Ive already done a HUGE alchohol taper.

2. Ive already done a huge xanax taper.

3. I am trying to still lower the alchohol.

4. The psych wants to stay at this xanax dose a bit longer.

5. should I not have leveled off a bit after 2 months????? Or was it too drastic too fast??

6. I know most of you say you have to lose the alchohol first. I dont think I have the time or strength. Even right now, 8 at night, Ive been suffering all day trying not to want to be gone. So by 930, Im going to grab the beer or 2 and take my old sweet doggy to the park. and I will feel like I dont want to be dead finally. Just from 2 stupid ass low alchohol tall cans. I will feel good untill I go to sleep around 1 or 2 in morning which is when I take my next .5 xanax so it helps sleep at least 4 hours.

7. I feel zero from the xanax anymore, is it because my tolerance got so high?

8. why do I fully feel the 2 beers, since I was drinking 5 times as much before?

9. Why havnt I leveled out a bit after 2 months of this 1mg xanax a day and dropping the alchohol so low?

10. Have literally NONE of you successfully tapered both together, or ditched xanax while still drinking? I find that hard to believe, because Ive over heard ppl in bars and parties befor say they were hooked on xanax bad and had to quit, meanwhile there they were still drinking.

Still, shoukdnt I have leveled out a bit after 2 months? Was the taper just too drastic? Could it level out soon so I can taper a bit mor slower this time?

I am 4 months totally off x*n*x for the 4th my friend always makes drinks. I do not drink often but I do like to have a drink on hoildays. Do you think it would be okay to have one drink after being off for 4 months, will it effect me at all? What are your personal opinions?

Something you don’t see often here, positivity. Just wanted to drop in and say that you all will feel better some day. It doesn’t last forever. Ive been through multiple withdrawals and they never last. Just hang on for the ride. Take baby steps toward your recovery.

Everyone’s experience is different so don’t take any response here too serious when someone hops on and shares their horror story. Millions of benzo prescriptions are written annually. Most people can either stop or taper with little issue so remember that when someone hops on your post saying you will suffer like them. The majority have no issues, the minority have long term issues or have underlying issues that aren’t addressed. Anyways, deuces. ✌️

After about a decade of nightly alprazolam (1 to 2mg) for sleep, my memory and cognition were clearly suffering, so I decided to taper. After a few quack doctors pushing dangerously fast tapers, I found a psychiatrist who does proper long ones and got down to 0.5mg of alpra over six months.

Then about 4-5 months ago my doctor switched me to diazepam at 4mg per night. Problem is I can't fall asleep on it. On alpra I always fell asleep easily (though I'd often wake up in the middle of the night for a while). So now I lie awake and will sometimes eventually take a 0.25mg alpra tablet just to sleep, which keeps wrecking my taper.

I'm about a year into my taper and I really want to succeed but the insomnia is killing me. I can handle 2 to 3 bad nights of sleep. But 3 to 4 nights or more of no sleep and I'm a different person and have even had a few mini breakdowns.

I've tried nearly every prescription and OTC sleep aid out there. 30+ bottles of supplements, SSRIs, antipsychotics, other scripts. None worked, most made it worse (restless legs and body, or just feeling off). The only thing that helps is a hard gym workout, but I broke my hand recently and haven't trained in a month.

Every day I think about giving up and going back to nightly 1mg alpra. Then I remember what these benzos are doing to me. My memory has gotten worse and worse. For chrissakes, one day I blanked on my own wife's name mid conversation.

If you're still with me, what would you suggest? I get why my doc moved me to the longer half life diazepam, but the insomnia is killing me. Would switching back to alpra actually make the taper go better? Thoughts? I plan on asking my doc about this but thought I'd get some opinions here too. Thanks in advance for any help.

Bit of backstory- I’ve been on kratom for about six years now to self treat severe rls (dumb stupid idiotic I know now) and I hadn’t had any severe reactions to it like I have most other medications during withdrawal. But I get to Tuesday and all of a sudden I’m having a severe reaction- my guess is my body has now decided I’m extremely sensitive to it.

So now fast forward to tonight and I’ve been unable to sleep for more than a couple hours, can’t eat, I’ve been pacing for hours upon hours, my body is burning, i feel psychotic and I can’t breathe I genuinely feel like I’m about to do something drastic I can’t do both of these withdrawals at the same time I can’t.

Does anyone know if reinstating will let me actually survive this. I was supposed to go on suboxone at the end of the month too but if this is the reaction my body will keep having I wouldn’t be able to I don’t think.

I had been doing not well but well enough. I was so happy seeing my ten month marker on my sober app. I’m beyond crushed and I need any advice anyone can give.

Hi everyone,

Just looking for some support and advice.

I have had a torrid last few years, the past 6 months I have been self medicating with diazepam , starting the end of January , I would use occasionally but unfortunately the past 6/7 weeks I have been using 5-10mg a day.

The past few days I have gone to 5mg and today 2.5mg. I feel a bit nauseous and a bit hazey but am unsure if this is psycho somatic due to seeing the potential awful withdrawals and horror stories.

I am on a very low dose of pregabalin for pain and mirtazapine - this is actually prescribed by the doctor.

I guess I’m looking for some support with others who are much more knowledgeable than myself and should I be concerned about what withdrawals I’m going to encounter.

Any support would be appreciated

Thanks everyone

I quit lexapro about a year ago. About 13 years ago zi quit and had to go back due to daily anxiety for no reason.

I also can ony get my testosterone up to around 500 due to blood clots, and low testosterone already cause low libido and stuff.

So I quit again a year ago.

Now here I am tapering xanax and Ive had ALL day fight flight freeze crippling anxiety.

and anhedonia for several months.

I cant do it anymore, trying not to go on temp disability.

Trying not to want to give up everything.

Seeing the psych next week, he wanted me to just give this xanax dose another month then concider adding something.

I cant take it.

He mentioned zoloft.

I read tons of bad stuff about zoloft.

Wellbutrin made me wsnt to end it.

So now Im heading to him next week having to be open to adding something.

I dont know how much of this crippling anxiety is the xanax taper..... or my body needing lexapro again.

Im devistated at the thought of having to fully lose libido and ED from ssri again, but, it better than death........

Anyone use ssri to help through the taper?

Im also scared ssri will worsen anhedonia.

Please, thoughts on this...

I cant imagine surving another month on this same xanax dose, I get zero relief, only thong that helps the anhedonia and anxiety is a few drinks at night, and yes I know thats bad, but i got down to just 1 tall can corona, from 4 IPAs and a shot or so all evening before.

So Im proud of that but Im dying.

So please, thoughts on SSRIs or other for the anxiety and anhedonia durring this....... because this horror might not only be from the taper, it could be also from being off lexapro for a year?

help

Anyone had severe constant withdrawal during their while taper. If so if you can share your story with me to give me hope. I feel like I can't do this anymore and want to give up.Thank you.

So I am tapering off Ativan , and librax , I have awful symptoms daily for weeks ; tachicardia : very rapid heart pulse , headaches / migraines , cold spells even tho it’s summer , digestive issues and the most bizarre one I have uterus pain outside of my period I am not constipated ! This pain worries me is it normal ?
Thank you

I’ve been off of klonopin for about 4 months now. I have been dealing with a ton of symptoms but recently I feel that I’ve developed dysautonmia. On my bad days I cannot even walk on a treadmill at low speed without getting chills and sweating and feeling faint and very sick. My heart rate also goes very high. This has happened to me in stores as well just while trying to walk around. Had anyone else developed an intolerance to literally walking?