Saying I’m making Ashton manual up, says I’m listening to people on Reddit and making things up because he got possed and called a place that said they could rapidly taper me
I’m done I think, no chance at a life
Not sure about this. Ive not seen anything about this being helpful.
Please someone give me some hope. A success story. ANYTHING
That's all. I need stories of people who tapered and recovered. The spot I'm in right now is unimaginably dark
Ive suffered from severe ocd and anxiety all my life. In the past 10 years ive been totally psych med free and haven’t done any drugs. Something happened in October that sent off a horrible wave of ocd and anxiety. It was completely delusional. I knew it was delusional but I couldn’t let it go. No matter how hard I tried I just couldn’t. I’m not going to say what happened because it’s so embarrassing. I’ve literally never heard of anyone with a dumber reason to get on benzos. Before this I had every reason to feel optimistic about my life. I couldn’t take the intrusive thoughts anymore and ended up in the ER a few times. I was the one who sought out Ativan. I even knew the risks of benzos. How could I do this to myself. I feel like I deserve to die.
I can’t do this. My depression is unbearable. I’ve asked once before and I will probably just get the same answer, but if ANYONE is aware of any facility that can hold me long term while I taper I’d much appreciate it.
I’ve already posted here a bunch of times. A lot of people have given me shit and I understand it. I feel like I fucked up big time in a lot of ways but made choices out of desperation. I feel bad because I actually knew a lot about how bad benzos are but I went through an acute crisis over something that was in retrospect really dumb. So dumb I’m ashamed I freaked out about something so insane, essentially an imagined scenario I made up in my head that had some plausibility but in retrospect was pretty delusional. Anyways I ended up in the ER three times and each time I was given an out patient script of Ativan. I thought I was doing it safe because the guidelines are 2-4 weeks so I didn’t realize dependency builds in that time, that’s why I thought those were the guidelines. I now realize dependency builds much faster than that. I quit CT even though I didn’t want to as at that time I realized I was dependent and needed to taper but no one believed me. In hindsight I could have probably tapered over a month as that’s the general recommendation for short term use, but I never got that chance as I didnt have anybody to prescribe or listen to me. I spent a month in acute that was horrible and found out about reinstatement. I debated heavily whether it was best to ride it out or not but I saw plenty of stories of people still suffering from short term use years later. I decided to reinstate a month later because I felt like I had no choice, or that I would regret it if I didn’t. I’ve now been on 16 mg of Valium for two months to stabilize and feel okay I guess, mostly just depressed about the situation. My question is how quickly should I taper now. If I hadn’t CT’d and had just been on three months straight without that gap i would feel more comfortable tapering faster, but now I’m kindled so feel like I have to go slower. Any advice would be appreciated
Would appreciate it!
I have the money, I know many will hate me for that but I guess it’s the one advantage I have right now. I’m about ready to kill myself. I got on benzos for literally the dumbest reason imaginable, an OCD delusion that felt very real at the time and I just wanted something to calm the fuck down. I knew very much the reality of benzo withdrawal, but I thought because when you go online it alway says 2-4 weeks that that was an appropriate time to be on them without dependency. I thought I was doing it safely, ive been so absurdly cautious about everything my whole life and this is where I fuck up, literally the biggest fuck up imaginable. When I realized I was withdrawing and needed to be tapered everyone I saw refused to believe me. Hoards of psychiatric notes saying I have “low insight” into my condition and that it wouldn’t be possible after one month to withdrawal. Out of desperation I went online and found someone to reinstate me. I don’t know if it was a good idea or not but it was so so bad I couldn’t take it.
I can’t stand being with my parents right now. I can’t stand the humiliation of what ive turned into, and the years to come withdrawing. I had such high hopes for my life, I had every reason to be optimistic about things, and I ruined my life because I misunderstood what 2-4 weeks really meant. Why the FUCK would they put that everywhere if dependence builds in that time.
I’m seriously at the end of my rope here and don’t see a way out outside of long term in patient with tapering.
I've been so careful about everything my whole life. I've had extreme OCD and anxiety forever. I've been through the gamut with meds and stopped all that when I was 19. I'm 28 right now. I had something that set off horrible OCD and anxiety (looking back it was so unbelievably stupid what I was worried about) but I just couldn't get over it. I ended up in the ER a few times specifically to get benzos because I didn't want to be on something longterm, it was an acute stressor. I thought I was doing it the right way because when you look it up it claims 2-4 weeks of use is appropriate. I didn't realize you could build a dependency within that time. If that was how it was advertised I would have never taken them. When I realized I needed to be tapered I was ignored and mocked by the doctors. I ruined my whole life over literally nothing. I'm so mad about the 2-4 weeks thing, when you go everywhere that's what it says, you have to dig down deeper to see that dependency builds within that time and you will likely withdraw if you don't taper. Why would they put 2-4 weeks everywhere if that's literally the period when dependency develops.
I wish I could just stop and go through a few weeks of pain and be done with this shit
That's all, that's all I have to say
I’ve posted here a few times. I only used Ativan for a month and wanted to taper but was forced to cold turkey because my doctors didn’t think I was on it long enough to experience withdrawal. I reinstated (I know it’s controversial) and will probably start to taper soon.
I know this will never be me (I wish I could go back in time and taper from the start, or even better never take them in the first place), but I’m just genuinely curious what the experience of those who tapered properly from the start was.
I used Ativan at 1 mg a day for one month. I realized I really needed to be tapered properly but was told by doctors it was fine to CT, I didn’t want to but i had no choice. Maybe my brain is just sensitive (even though literally every medical resource I could find suggested I should have been tapered) but the following month of withdrawal was the worst of my life. I reinstated (I know controversial) and it’s helped a lot but I’m just so scared for the future. My life was going so well before this until some dumb stuff happened that spiked my anxiety and ocd and I made the horrible decision to take the Ativan. If this were to go away I would be the happiest person alive. I can’t believe I did this to myself and all the damage it’s caused in such a short time frame.