r/BenzoWithdrawal

Oh I very rarely participate in these groups anymore. I'm a male, 54, and I went to rehab in Luton in the UK. I was there for 6 weeks. I was tapered off during that time.

When I went in I was in a terrible mess and I wound up on about 45 to 80 mg of Valium daily, with alcohol, codeine, and all sorts. It had started 2 to 3 years before in earnest and I did not understand the basic addiction concept of tolerance. Essentially it's amazing how addiction does that to you. It's a disease for you, thinking what you believe.

I honestly believe that the Mexican benzos I was taking were weak and not of great quality. I didn't see the tolerance bit coming. I'd been on and off of them for years and years.

Anyhow I'm now 3 years off and I'm doing just fine. The first 6 months were absolutely horrendous. I was unable to work, shaking uncontrollably, and couldn't see the cursor on my computer at work. I went back and toughed it out but it does take a very long time. Everyone in my peer group on the Valium healed. I would say for me, Narcotics Anonymous was the foundation as I got to grips with why I like to get fucked up and avoid things. And I believe I have a framework to manage my feelings. I used to go to meetings all the time, although I haven't done that lately. Don't feel the need to. Work-wise I'm thriving. It's amazing how much productivity you get back.

Finally I like to give you a giant warning about the hardest bit of it all: the forums and the internet. For me there was a guy called David Powers who wrote a book about it and his experience was invaluable. It's very, very easy to terrify yourself by reading internet groups and this actually stops and delays your healing. Most people leave these forums never to be seen again. A few people do hang around but I think they had issues before and they're very much outliers.

I’ve been pumping 12mg clonazepam some days and others like 1mg or maybe 18mg sometimes mixing with other benzos like Xanax (from the street), also been using zopilcone for sleep. My use has increased drastically in the past 3 weeks. Most of the time I barely feel the pills. I’ve been on them for nearly a year. I cold turkied twice and was sober for a while.

Idk