u/Anxious-neopet

I was prescribed ketamine to try to help with my anxiety and chronic pain, but I ended up abusing it pretty heavily over the last week and used almost my entire month’s supply.
I was trying to avoid relying so heavily on Xanax, but unfortunately when the ketamine wears off, I end up needing Xanax just to get through the anxiety and physical symptoms. I’ve been dealing with what I believe may be “K-cramps,” horrible body pain, intense anxiety, and really awful existential thoughts. It has become a vicious cycle and I feel physically and mentally exhausted.

I took my last large ketamine dose (800 mg) almost 24 hours ago.
I’ve also had some pretty bad PTSD episodes during sessions as well
Last night I ended up taking about 5 mg of Xanax because I was struggling so badly with the cramps and anxiety and was desperately trying to sleep.

I also have severe agoraphobia, so the thought of going to the ER or anywhere physically absolutely terrifies me plus I can’t really afford it. I’m scared of being stuck there, scared something is seriously wrong with me, and I have a lot of fear around dying and existential/religious thoughts and trauma that make everything feel even more overwhelming.

I spoke with my psychiatrist yesterday and was completely honest with her. She told me that she doesn’t manage Xanax tapers and unfortunately didn’t know who I should contact for one.

I have maybe a month’s worth of Xanax left if I were somehow able to stay around 2 mg/day, plus a small amount of 0.5 mg Klonopin. I’m now sitting here trying to figure out what I’m supposed to do, and I know trying to design my own taper isn’t necessarily safe.

I’m trying to find out what type of doctor/service I should be looking for.. addiction medicine?, a psychiatrist who specializes in benzodiazepine tapering, a detox program, etc. and whether anyone has been in a similar situation

I feel absolutely awful and physically debilitated right now. I also stopped the ketamine because the side effects have become completely unbearable but the after effects are awful as well.

If you’ve been through something similar, I’d really appreciate hearing what kind of medical help actually worked for you or how you got through it.

I’m also horrified about a clinic because they seem to just rip people off everything while not going slow as well as the fact I have a whole house hold and buisness to run from home. I’m really shooken and lost

Just a little about how my drop was, was on Effexor for like 2 months and was at 75mg when I dropped to zero 0️⃣, I felt side effects the day after but the worse or the side effects were between day 3 and 2 weeks and peaked at a week at the worst of it if I remember correctly.
Literally thought I wouldn’t survive and I had to take off work and suffer mentally and physically. I just started feeling a bit better.
I got through the worse of it thanks to my ketamine sessions 🫣 even tho unfortunately I used more of my doses to get through.
I was prescribed a session every 3 days but I was taking the ketamine every day to get through.
When I tell you that it was bad… it was baddd getting off Effexor and I’ve gotten off long term benzo use and other SSRIs and things before.
I’m about to start tapering my Benzos next 🙌 it’s gonna suck but not cold turkey on that tho.
Good luck out here!

Took some rips while drinking for the first time in a long time but straight from the can :/ burned tf out of my gum and teeth few days ago.
Teeth are still sensitive af especially my fronts.
It’s like I’m struggling to remember some simple things and can’t really and it’s weird stuff like when I was trying to remember the name of an app. 😩 this gas sucks and I suck for getting it and I feel weird and weak

I grew up with Christian beliefs crammed down my throat with fear of hell put into me and that started my panic attacks at just 7 years old.. and then when i was 14 i converted for some months to islam and then they had a even more vivid depiction of a hell to be tormented forever in.
After that and even during exploration of religion my brain never never rested on trying to get answers on how and why and each religious leader would scold me for asking questions.
Sucks :/ so now even tho my logic is I can believe it’s something that possibly created us but have no idea what it is and I don’t believe any man made depiction of what is what is true, I can’t shake the eternal afterlife fears :( especially now that my anxiety is back in full swing. I am now 30 and still agoraphobic, haven’t found a medication that works for my panic and now super existential fears. I feel like existence is a trap because what if we all face a impossible situation at the end of death :/

Idk if it’s the withdrawl or what.. it’s like day 7 of fully dropping to zero because when they put me up to 75 for 2 weeks I felt really bad already.. but idk if I’m worse or not now.
Idk what to do. My dr can’t talk to me until Monday, and I do have a few of the 37.5 I found so idk if started back at the recommended lower dose would be smart or even help after cold turkey for a week already. I feel like I can’t make it fr. My anxiety is so bad and hopelessness and pain.
Had anyone been through to bad of withdrawal and then started taking their meds again and feel better soon after or did it not even help

I’ve been contemplating ending my existence heavy the past few days and I’ve been having to take extra Xanax at night and ketamine in the day time just to get by. :(
This is painful and it’s like an internal buzzing of like electricity through my entire body and a feeling like I’m falling and like this will never end. Feel completely worthless
I was only on Effexor at 37.5 for a few weeks and then bumped up to 75mg for 2 or 3 weeks and then went down to 37.5 mg for a single day and then the pharmacy wouldn’t disburse more of the lower dose for some reason so I have been ripped completely off it it to zero going on day 5 now.
I spelt maybe 2 hours in the past 2 days
I was put on Effexor to help my thoughts of existence rumination and fears of religious trauma and thoughts of after life
But now it’s like my brain is in so much more agony that I don’t even care at some points of the day that if I die and end up in a eternal state of torment outside of this life :/ like I just want this particular things to end.
I’m tired of trying endless medications just to have the worse side effects and can’t just live “normal”

Just spoke to my doctor, she wants me to drink lots of fluids to flush the access meds out of my body and start on the lowest dose of 37.5 and then we talk again in a plan to stop or something in about 5 days.
She feels that me jumping lower should help me feel better but also told me the lists of discontinuation side effects 🫣
I’m already feeling like hell so I really hope she’s right that I should feel better VS worse

I sent my dr a text last night so they will call me today, I feel like death and I’ve only been on 35mg for like 3 weeks and then in 75mg for 2 weeks or so?
I’ve gotten sooo bad to the point my bf even noticed.
I want to quit so bad but my daily dose is coming up at in a hour and I would prefer to talk to my dr first but gosh this is so hard.

Does anyone with experience quitting after 1 or 2 months of being on the med have any stories on how it felt getting off

I’ve had panic attacks since I was a child at least 7 years old when my grandmas church would instate fear of a hell into me and give me vivid examples of what will happen if I go to a hell and watch live brutal scary live plays about it, I layer around 15 converted to Islam for a bit and their version is even more scary but I don’t know if I like the idea of any man made religion but with the anxiety and over thinking I dwell on what if I’m wrong make the wrong choice and end up tormented more then I am now
Well anyway I started Effexor at the 37.5 for a few weeks and then bumped up to 75 mg about 2 weeks ago Ave I’m not sure if it’s going to help me, I’m still taking Xanax and I’m still over thinking and even the depression is starting harder.
Any success stories in anything similar
I’ve tried so many meds I’m just started to think nothing will help me