r/ReligiousTrauma

For me, I remember the beginning of my doubts about gospel assemblies beliefs. There were many, but one interaction In particular.

I was riding in the car with an older relative, and I asked a question. “ why doesn’t our young people do any witnessing or mission work?” You see I had a small group of mainstream Christian friends, who were talking about spreading the gospel. Whether it be in soup lines, relief work or mission trips to different parts of the world. They would say things like, it’s in the great commission, go into the world and make disciples of all the nations!

It sounded foreign to say out loud, but I had remember reading it somewhere at some point in my Bible. It sounded great! It’s what Jesus told us to do with his message. And since we were taught we had the most truth, I felt we were missing out on a huge opportunity for our church to grow.

So I asked this question, why aren’t we spreading the truth to as many people as possible?

The response….. that’s not our job. That is for the rest of the religious world to do. I was very confused. They went on to say, our job is to reach perfection and help teach these other Christian’s the real truth in the first resurrection. We will help them become perfect then. But if they don’t accept it, they will perish in the second death.

This was hard to hear. My other Christian friends were all in with their faith. They lived it, talked about constantly and with passion. Most of them knew their scripture FAR better than I did. There’s no way they could be that far off.

It was this very conversation that happened 2 decades ago, that caused me to start questioning my faith.

I’m curious, if anyone is willing to share. What did that moment look like for you?
How did it feel in that moment?
How long did you stay in after?

Feel free to post or message me and tell me your story,

I’m posting this because I honestly just need to get my thoughts out and hear other people’s perspectives.

I was raised in a Muslim household and I still believe in God and have faith in a lot of Islamic principles. But I wouldn’t say I currently practice in a very traditional or strict way.

Lately I’ve been struggling a lot mentally with fear around religion, identity, and family expectations. I feel like I’m constantly caught between what I personally feel and believe, and what my family and community expect from me.

A big part of my anxiety is the fear of “failing” religiously or being judged for not practicing in the “correct” way, and that sometimes spirals into fear about what that means for my future or afterlife. At the same time, I don’t feel like my current environment allows me to explore my beliefs in a calm or personal way without pressure.

Another major struggle for me is marriage and cultural expectations. My family expects me to marry within my religion and culture, but I’m currently in a relationship with someone outside of that (he is Dominican Catholic). What’s making it even more confusing is that I feel emotionally safe and respected in that relationship, which makes me question a lot of things I was taught to prioritise.

I feel stuck between:
- my own feelings and experiences
- my fear of disappointing my family
- and the expectations of my community

I’m not trying to disrespect anyone’s beliefs or argue about religion. I’m just trying to understand how other people have dealt with similar conflicts between faith, identity, love, and family pressure.

If anyone has experienced something similar or has any advice on how to think through this without spiralling, I would really appreciate hearing it.

Overall I realized in the past few years that christianity isn't about being good or bad or doing the right thing. It's about control over people.

The fact that we're told over and over to do things because we're told to,
otherwise it's a sin, is one proof.

I also hate how much hate it's spread. It just hurts anyone who isn't a straight white hetero person. I was taught to fear lgbtq people as a child and now most of my friends are lgbt and are the nicest people I've met.

I hate how much they cherry pick litteral one liners from the bible to create rules.

I've also had litteral shaming sessions over me being a teenager and well, jacking off.
Like my mom would tell everyone, ask god what she did to deserve a son like me and then force me to pray. There were other messed up things but the extreme control and shaming she's made me go trough, and the reason being that I'm sinning if I'm not doing as I'm told, are a big reason I dislike religion.

For those of us who have grown up in the gospel assembly community, we’ve all heard the story. William sowders was on a river boat, when the Lord audibly rang out, in a booming voice. It was so intense that William sowders said his life left his body, and that his eardrums almost ruptured from God‘s voice. He then stated that when the experience was over, he had a mysterious golden glow shining around him almost like a Moses experience. But I’m sure he was not implying that being the case, because we all know Moses had to wear a veil over his shining face for the rest of his life, because it shine so bright, and Williams experience lasted only but a few moments.

My intentions are to do a full history comparison of the life of William Sauders leading up to in the future with scriptural and historical refutations. However, this will suffice for now seeing as it is freshly on my mind.

William sowders was born shortly after a man named Charles Taze Russell was building his empire known to most as the Watchtower And Track Society. Russell‘s influence was gaining quite the traction amongst loosely devoted, Pentecostal circles and non-believers alike. His doctrine included the 144,000 ruling and raining on second earth, no literal hell and only two in the Godhead being probably the biggest departure from mainstream Christianity. He also had quite the habit of prophesying the end of the Earth and Jesus‘s return.

By 1916 William sowders was building his own empire of churches. But how does one stick out in a sea of new Pentecostal movement? It’s simple, you take the ideas of other radical movements and make them yours.

I will be in more detail with the full post in the future. But William Sowders had many “experiences where God spoke to him audibly” giving him “new“ insight and revelation about the scriptures. Claiming that God had revealed to him that there was only two in the Godhead, that Jesus was the first and greatest creation of God. And from Jesus, God then created everything.(of course giving Jesus some…. of the credit, like we can’t forget, Jesus contributed a little).
William sowders also claimed that he himself, discovered through scripture and revelation that there is no literal hell. I wonder where he got the 144,000 idea from?

If we are to dig further into both of these men’s lives, you would find men, (who at minimum) could not accept what they were reading as the gospel truth and somehow had to fix it. Both Charles and William felt as though they had to restore something, that God promised the gates of hell would not prevail against. they feel as though they are fixing something that fell away that God said would last forever. Until my next post about this curious parallel, I urge any of those who are willing. Go and look this up yourself. The claims of William sowders are not unique. They’re not earth shattering, and they were not his to begin with. men even before Russell had ramble around ideas like these before. What does make them successful, is totalitarian control and a fear of asking the wrong questions.

Today we have access to so much technology, so much information. These accounts and these stories, are no longer hiding in the shadows, no longer hard to find. A quick Google search, will pull up Both of these men. I will add Russell is not the only man that Sowders ripped off, there are a few more. We will dive into those later. until then, I hope this is beneficial for anyone who is interested.

If you’ve been hurt by church or by people who claimed to speak for God, I’m really sorry. What you went through matters, and it makes sense if it still feels heavy or confusing.

Spiritual harm hits differently — it affects trust, identity, and even how your body reacts to anything faith‑related. None of that means you’re overreacting. It means you lived through something overwhelming. I know this because it traumatized me too.

I want to say this gently and without pressure: the harm you experienced came from people, not from Jesus. The fear, shame, or control you were exposed to doesn’t reflect His character.

You’re allowed to take your time. You’re allowed to feel whatever you feel. You’re allowed to heal at your own pace. And you’re not alone here.

There is a particular kind of fear that lives in the body long after the mind has tried to reason it away. It is not the abstract fear of something that might happen. It is the residue of something that already did. For those of us who sat in the small wooden desks of Catholic school classrooms in the latter half of the twentieth century, that fear often has a very specific shape. It wears a black or white habit. It holds a ruler. And it answers to Sister.

I am collecting stories. If you attended Catholic school in any decade and carry something you have never been asked to put into words, I want to hear from you. Your name does not have to appear anywhere. Your experience does not have to fit a particular shape. What happened is enough.

This project is growing into something larger: a podcast episode, an oral history, and possibly a book. Every account matters. Every account is evidence that this was not isolated, not a few bad actors, not ancient history.

Reach out at fearandwinepod@gmail.com or find us at fearandwine.com. You will be heard. You can also comment here, but I know these stories can be very private for many.

Hey redditors! I want you to know that if you need someone to hear you out, someone to tell you you’re not crazy or sensitive, or if you feel drawn to sharing your story and experiences, this is the place!!! 💛
I felt empowered to start sharing my story, so you can find that post in r/growfromtrauma as well as strategies I have learned to cope. I kinda just felt a pull, like it was the right time for me. Now, I want to post all the therapy concepts I learn here that I find useful and the goal is to have this subreddit be one big collection of people’s experiences and tips! Please share this with people you think would benefit or be interested if you’re comfortable sharing.
Remember, you will heal, even if healing means achieving just stability. That stability becomes your new normal, and the ups and downs will smooth out. The jumps will get smaller and smaller. You will heal 💛

I was born into an extremely politically conservative, extremely evangelical Christian household who happened to follow the twisted and abusive teachings of James Dobson. Thankfully, this man is deceased, but unfortunately his books still influence this world.
If you don’t know who he is, dobson is basically a Christian evangelist who believed in “spare the rod, spoil the child” literally and not figuratively. He claimed that children as young as 15 months old and more were inherently evil and defiant. He also strongly believed in corporal punishment and informed parents to spank their children as young as 15 months old. They were generally believed to be allowed to cry for a few minutes. If they cried too long, guess what??? They get another spanking.
My parents used to beat me and slap my older brother and I with whatever they could use at the time. Belts, spoons, hands, whipping with towels, and rulers and rubber bands on our hands. I grew up hearing the same labels stuck onto me: defiant (the most common), selfish, sensitive, a witch, bratty, disrespectful, stubborn, stupid, self-centered, egotistical. I heard phrases like “the world doesn’t revolve around you,” “you’re being defiant. Tell me what that word means” (before they beat me), “take a joke,” “you’re being a brat,” “then stop making me mad!”
They used to have locks on our doors in elementary school out of our reach on the outside of the door. They would lock us in there for a few hours each day and call it “quiet play time.” I remember being up there for some long, I had to pee in my trash can. I screamed, cried, banged on the walls and doors, stomped the floor, but no one heard me. And guess what??? I got beat for that.
I remember having to plug my ears when I heard the screams of my brother. So. Many. Times. There was one time where I just couldn’t handle it, and I stomped my foot so hard I was rolling on the floor in pain. And when they were done with my brother, the came and tried to beat me WHILE I was rolling in pain. If I shielded my behind, they would strike my fragile hands. I wasn’t allowed to look behind me either, so every strike scared the absolute shit out of me. The absolute shit.
I had no privacy, no respect. They went through my phone regularly. They took the things I used as outlets away as punishment like my phone, earbuds, music, my AI alexa thingy, my stuffed animals which were dear to me — one by one I watched as my sources of comfort and familiarity were taken away from me. They even threatened to take my door off if I didn’t leave it halfway open, at least.
My fucking mother was a narcissistic control freak, and my father can’t control his temper to save his fucking life. I was forced to get straight A’s ever since I started school in 1st grade. And I did… I even graduated high school as valedictorian. I played the flute for seven years, collected medals and trophies. I was always exhausted. Always. My mother once threatened to pull me out of school if I didn’t obey her. I was rank 2 in my class at the time, and had amazing grades. She actually wanted to ruin my future just because she wanted full control…
And we can’t forget the public shaming too! 😅Yelling and striking us in public. I used to try so hard not to cry in public, or to get the red mark off my face before going into restaurants. It was utterly humiliating.
I cannot stop hearing the screams, reliving flashbacks and body sensations over and over. Flashbacks and pure rage episodes during the day that last for hours on end. The longest one was 11 hours long throughout the night, just of me laughing and crying at the same time, shaking with invincible rage. I must’ve looked like an absolute psychopath, like the girl at the end of chainsaw massacre. Nightmares at night too. There is no real peace, only fleeting moments.
And the paranoia… I think every car that passes by me now is gonna shoot me. Every stranger that stares is a threat. I know how to think like a soldier. How to detect something that needs to be… removed because they are stressing me out. I nicknamed these episodes as “soldier mode.” I wonder what I would do if laws didn’t apply to me. My episodes got so bad that I had to admit myself into a psychiatric behavioral hospital for a week.
Now, I am on such a high dose of anxiety medication and I have major depression, GAD, C-PTSD, Borderline Personality Disorder (bpd), and ADHD all combining and swirling to form a debilitating storm inside me.
I am going to therapy, taking medications, and yet my parents still deny what happened. I had an hour and a half long phone call with my parents of me trying to explain what was happening to me, and that ended with this: “well, we disciplined you, but I don’t believe we ever abused you. We’ll have to agree to disagree.” And “well, I’m sorry you feel that way, but that’s not what I believe happened. We had no intention of abusing you.”
Well, what the hell else is there now to explain how fucked up I am? James Dobson is a sick and twisted person, and I so wish I could’ve crucified him. All of the people that do what I went through to their children. All children deserve parents, but not all parents deserve children.
I am healing now. I am more self aware and educated than ever now, and my empathy and discernment have grown exponentially from my own trauma reflection; from facing the horrors of my ENTIRE LIFE. It all started when I was 15 months old….

Thank you for taking the time to read this 💛 You are not alone out here, and you will heal.

Hello! And welcome to former gospel assembly!
Some times they referred to themselves as The Body, BOC, GAC, a few of them go by different names.

A few suggestions before you start posting

Please be respectful to everyone.

Please refrain from using your actual name on group chats. If you are sharing your real name, use DM’s to do so if you feel comfortable.

Please know that there are quite a few current “zealous” members who are on Reddit. So please keep your identity anonymous, and please be as courteous as possible…… unless you’re a thrill seeker like that.

Otherwise enjoy connecting, reconnecting or sharing stories about your time with GAC or feel free to share why you’re still with them.

Your physical health and mind are closely linked. A healthy lifestyle improves mental health and makes it easier to manage difficult emotions. Use the acronym PLEASE to remind yourself of five healthy habits.

PL - Treat physical illness
E - Eat healthy
A - Avoid mood-altering drugs
S - Sleep well
E - Exercise

Most people who hear ten complements and one criticism will focus on that single negative comment. Learning to recognize the positive aspects of a situation can help improve your mood.

Practice paying attention to positive events by doing so purposefully for a short period every day. Choose an activity that’s generally enjoyable and make a point to focus on the positives (without getting hung up on negative details). Try these ideas to get started:

- Have a good, unrushed meal
- Watch a movie
- Visit with friends or family
- Visit a local attraction like a zoo or museum
- Go for a walk
- Put on headphones and do nothing but listen to music
- Have a picnic
- Give yourself a relaxing night in
- Try a new hobby

Try to be specific about what you focus on. Make sure it is positive and beneficial to you in some way. Try thinking about lessons learned during a movie, or specific nice things about the picnic. Practicing gratefulness by naming what you are grateful for also pairs nicely with this exercise. I would recommend doing both simultaneously! For example, practice identifying the good things about the action you pick and state that you are grateful for them. On a picnic, you might choose to be grateful that the sun is shining brightly while actively deciding to ignore the ants crawling in the grass nearby.

After some practice, try extending the positive outlook to more and more situations in your life. To challenge yourself, try it during situations you usually don’t enjoy. Use this positive outlook as a coping skill to regulate emotions during negative or trying times and events.

Sometimes I lose touch with reality and it gets pretty bad. I am curious how you guys have healed from religious trauma and what it took. I also had religious OCD as an FYI

From a muslim country and was exposed to some shit as a kid,I never rlly realized its what caused most of my issues.When my mental health got rlly bad later on and I went to therapists,the first two would start saying shit like "im sorry for what you went through!No kid should have seen things like that!But YOU SEE,prophet muhammed peace be upon him ACTUALLY treated his slaves good,and was a good person especially to his wives!Sorry religion hurt you but it will help to fix your relationship with God!Theres an explanation to ALL your doubts!See killing those who leave islam is logical under certain conditions if they start spreading their EVIL ATHEIST idealogy !See!Its like treason to your country is punished by death!You will only be happy if you find GOD AND FAITH AGAIN".Lmao I would just dissociate the Fuck out when she said stuff like that.Anyways I went to a psychiatrist and the guy just drugged me out,and never discussed any of my symptoms or experiences.If I say I still feel bad he increases my dosage and tells me to come in 3-4 monthes.I tried to talk abt my shit and he was like "why are you anxious?God wont punish you,you're mentally unwell and confused"-"well see I dont believe anymore im just struggling with focusing,dissociation and processing some feelings related-" "dont say you dont believe anymore!You're just 17!you dont know anything !"anyways im 19 now so not a minor but my country's currency is rlly weak so id appreciate cheap therapy.Especially if its specialized in my issues(by order of how much each affects me:dissociation/focusing issues, religious trauma,and then anxiety).I rlly need help.Thanks everyone

I was hurt twice by religion.

Once in childhood by familial Christianity wherein I’d be reprimanded by my mother in an existential scope for my doubts in the existence of a Christian god. I wholly denied the church at about 10 years old, and in time they accepted that I’d not budge on the matter; I’d made up my mind.

Again at 15 in what I saw at the time as an attempt to steer myself away from my upbringing with Wicca; in actuality, my hand was forced into practice by my partner at the time. He planted seeds in my head of fear that a higher power was scorning upon me constantly of whom I needed to please, and that I’d never be free from my childhood if I didn’t practice Wicca like him. I walked with that fear constantly for months until eventually we broke up for unrelated reasons, and I left spirituality and religion behind completely.

Or at least I left it behind the very best I could. I do not want to participate in it at all, but it follows me regardless; I still panic at conversational mention of religion, and by choice I will not practice another day—the thought scares me hollow—but I still feel that unhappy presence above me. I feel so very alone in this, seeing nobody with a similar experience, and possibly worst of all, feel forsaken in a manner seeing ex-Christians begin practicing alternative spirituality and finding comfort in it, whereas I found my trauma repeated. That is where i feel “opposite.”

I want to find comfort as they do. I want to feel seen. I emphasize that I want to turn my head to the call—I am not and seemingly will never be in a headspace to return to practice. I want to live completely secularly and be truly free of this. Thank you for reading.

I was abused by my Bible school as an 8yo boy. I told my parents, the teacher was the ministers 19yo daughter. The minister told my parents that I was the "man", and that I had actually violated her. As a result i had to be "desensitized" by a program he led up... that started a multi year extreme sexual abuse regiment that was 10x worse than the daughter. And I dont just mean emotional. I got out years later and I truly thought this was something perverted with me. I never told my wife after 29 years.. the teacher freinded me on Facebook....

Thank you for reading. I’m sharing this for the first time and I’m still figuring out how to talk about it.

Lately my partner realize how crazy her family when it comes to religion, it felt like they are addicted by it. So just for the context, we are both girl and in a relationship, we are secret to our own family. We are still not ready to come out to them as we know that she will be kicked out to their home, but we are open to show our relationship to our friends.

For the record she just recently graduated last year, she studied in different school and part away from her family for a long time so its her 1st time to feel independence. And now that she just graduated, she lives in their home and now estranged to their church routine.

They basically pray everyday, it is mind boggling that their life revolve to pray and be active on their church. I questioned it and very open to my gf about how abnormal their religion. Its like they never have a time for themselves. Everytime there's a emotional situation happening to their family, instead of fixing it, they let god do the work.

One thing that triggered my partner to feel like her depression is coming back again was when she had a job interview to another city(and i accompanied her) and the she did not updated the family where she was due to both of our phone died, they all panic and bombarded her with text, calls and even when to my apartment and drop a letter for my gf of how worried they are to her.

They also texted me that is now unsent and it says that,"what did you do to my daughter."

The letter was also manipulative. And it felt like a direct attack to me, that i did something to my gf. Basically it was a letter for my gf, with exact time and date, and it was how they miss her and worried. And that my gf never really cared about them but its fine because they worry about her.

I was fuming mad when i read all of the bs they said.

I was absent for my work to accompany her to the job interview, they were busy in church related so i was the one who accompany her, the transportation to go there was bloody hell and they knew how hassle the transpo to go into that city, we are so tired due to walking and literally starving. And its not that even late. It was 7 pm at night. They want updates on where she is every second.

When they were calling her and we already charged our phone, her mother was sobbing so hard, it felt my gf just died at that moment. Everyone judged my gf, almost felt like she was a sinner for not updating them. They didnt even ask my gf how was she, why did she not update. But instead they accused her that she did not care about the family at all, that she was choosing me and we are having fun.

Sorry if i rant too much on her family, im just sad that she cant go out without updating her parents where she was, what she was doing. They also didnt like that she have a friend outside of their church or family, She also can't do other stuff that is not spiritual related, they question her when she want to try new things if her spirituality will grow if she do that thing. She is also is indirectly shamed for her choices and not that outgoing to church anymore. Her family priotized their mother's feeling above everything else. And basically used that verse where they have to honor your parents so they can go to heaven.

She feels right now that she is being shun, for not being a good daughter just like back then(before she went to college)

Right now i dont know what to do to support her. I do assure her that im always here and if the worst scenario happen, i will be there for her. I dont want her to depressed again and im scared of what will happen to her. Is there anything i can do to support her? Any advice or tips will be a great help. I just dont want her to feel alone.