u/DisastrousHornet7447

For the past few years I’ve dealt with obsessive blushing. The blushing really wasn’t the issue it was actually a part of me that was trying to be expressed. I numbed out all feeling out of fear and perfectionism, so whenever any sort of feeling would arise I would suppress it, making me blush. It was usually things like lust or just trying to be stoic that made me blush. But I pretty much have a headache and pressure in my head 24/7 because of this now. I’ve gotten away from the need to hold it back but it feels terrible.

I’ve become depressed because my religious ocd turned my into someone I’m not. All numb, people pleasing, everything has to be perfect, even when I experience emotion it has to be perfect, living different lives, suppressing anger, trying to control how you feel, etc. it makes ya depressed. And the worst part is I’ve become so shutdown because all I see as an avenue to “heal” is this morally numb person again and I can’t get it out of my mind. All my flaws were met with guilt and perfection.

Does anyone else have a buzzing feeling in their head?

I’ve been shutdown for a while now. I’ve been able to cry pretty much everyday for about 4 months now but I still get triggered. But crying is pretty much my only form of expression. I can’t get angry and if do it just bring more numbness. It’s like my ‘anger’ really isn’t anger because if it were I would be experiencing it in a different way. I wouldn’t just try to get angry to get over it. I would really be angry, and it’s hard to know what that looks like. Anytime I try to work on myself the manager comes in and tries to make it perfect. I’ll feel guilty, so I’ll do more and it just makes me feel terrible. My OCD made religion like a cult for me. I don’t really know what to do to be honest. I just feel pressured to get better and lord knows I’ll feel guilty I’m not doing enough and force myself to do something and just feel worse. I literally have the worst trigger I feel like I’m gonna pass out and have some aneurysm. There’s like an audible buzz in my brain and I’ll experience mental inflammation. What makes it all worse is that the suffering probably means nothing. There’s no more extra reward for it like I used to think. God isn’t gonna give me extra points or really do anything. But I always kinda hoped it would. I don’t know what to do. I got hip surgery a couple weeks ago and haven’t been doing much but I know the moment I can walk again my dad will just get pissed off im not doing anything and its gonna cause more stress. Im only 19 but the past 5 years of my life have been pretty poor due to religion. I just never said anything until I couldn’t take it. So many different people I became. So many lies and feelings of guilt to make myself Christian. I either need to suffer or need to perform. No in the middle. It’s not even my life anymore, doesn’t really feel like it ever was. My whole life it’s kinda felt like that. It was never debilitating though, religion is what really destroyed me at around 14. That’s when I told myself I knew who I was. Everything was black and white and I always had to be best and dedicated to the practice. I don’t know what to do I never really feel free at all.

I’ve been shutdown for a while now. I’ve been able to cry pretty much everyday for about 4 months now but I still get triggered. But crying is pretty much my only form of expression. I can’t get angry and if do it just bring more numbness. It’s like my ‘anger’ really isn’t anger because if it were I would be experiencing it in a different way. I wouldn’t just try to get angry to get over it. I would really be angry, and it’s hard to know what that looks like. Anytime I try to work on myself the manager comes in and tries to make it perfect. I’ll feel guilty, so I’ll do more and it just makes me feel terrible. My OCD made religion like a cult for me. I don’t really know what to do to be honest. I just feel pressured to get better and lord knows I’ll feel guilty I’m not doing enough and force myself to do something and just feel worse. I literally have the worst trigger I feel like I’m gonna pass out and have some aneurysm. There’s like an audible buzz in my brain and I’ll experience mental inflammation. What makes it all worse is that the suffering probably means nothing. There’s no more extra reward for it like I used to think. God isn’t gonna give me extra points or really do anything. But I always kinda hoped it would. I don’t know what to do. I got hip surgery a couple weeks ago and haven’t been doing much but I know the moment I can walk again my dad will just get pissed off im not doing anything and its gonna cause more stress. Im only 19 but the past 5 years of my life have been pretty poor due to religion. I just never said anything until I couldn’t take it. So many different people I became. So many lies and feelings of guilt to make myself Christian. I either need to suffer or need to perform. No in the middle. It’s not even my life anymore, doesn’t really feel like it ever was. My whole life it’s kinda felt like that. It was never debilitating though, religion is what really destroyed me at around 14. That’s when I told myself I knew who I was. Everything was black and white and I always had to be best and dedicated to the practice. I don’t know what to do I never really feel free at all.

I kind of give up trying to get my anger out. Anytime I do it I freeze and it only feels like I am trying to get it out just to go back to my people pleasing state. I really don’t know how to get it out and it gives me a headache all the time.

How do I get out without just shutting down. Anytime I try to let me stress out or anger I just freeze up. But the moment someone pisses me off I’m ready to fight. It’s just not the same to scream in a car vs someone who actually is pissing you off. I feel like I’ll pass out sometimes and get this wooshing feeling in my head

Can I talk to some people who experienced this with religion or a cult. I try to explain my experience to people but they seem to not understand. All my emotions had to be filtered through god, my ending conclusion on any emotion was directed through religion. Nothing could truly be expressed and it got to the point where I felt I was going insane. I try to get angry or anxious and I have made some progress. But the feeling of making it perfect or needing approval is still there. It’s like my brain tightens the harder I try and I can’t lose the control. Some pretty intense feelings almost like I’ll pass out if I am triggered.

Can I talk to some people who experienced this with religion or a cult. I try to explain my experience to people but they seem to not understand. All my emotions had to be filtered through god, my ending conclusion on any emotion was directed through religion. Nothing could truly be expressed and it got to the point where I felt I was going insane. I try to get angry or anxious and I have made some progress. But the feeling of making it perfect or needing approval is still there. It’s like my brain tightens the harder I try and I can’t lose the control. Some pretty intense feelings almost like I’ll pass out if I am triggered.

Does anyone else have a nervous system reaction to their OCD. If I get out of line with my emotions I’ll get tingling in my head or burning

Does anyone else feel like their religious OCD makes parts of their identity plugged in somewhere else locked away? Something to do with the lack of authority in your own body that religion allows creates this guilt that just locks your own identity away

Sometimes when I breath it feels like needles in my nose. It’s kind of suppressed emotions but idk if Lymes is adding to it. Anyone had this?

Hi, so I have had OCD my whole life but when I was around 14, I became super religious right around the same time I got Lymes disease. There was no correlation to that I became religious because of my brother epilepsy. But nonetheless I definitely experienced the religious OCD and suppressed a lot of emotions. It eventually became too much and it felt like I was going insane so had to stop going to church and deconstruct. I feel like I have made progress in therapy but I still feel like shit. I have managed to cry and try and get angry to let my emotions out but I still have this burning like sensation in my head. Sometimes it can go away but it’s miserable. I don’t know if a lot of my symptoms like fawning or guilt tripping myself are necessarily because of Lymes but it definitely makes it worse the way I feel. I was treated for Lymes twice a couple years ago but i don’t know if it is still attacking my immune system. Anyways I am here to find out if anyone else has like burning feeling in there brain?

Hi, I am posting this because I struggle with it immensely and I believe people in here do to and want to offer insight and was hoping other people could say something about it too.

I’ve had OCD my whole life buts it’s never been debilitating like it is now because of religion. One of the this I struggled with was self. Who I am as a person. Possibly to prideful, shameful, guilty, not good enough. These thoughts were so obsessive I basically had to lie to myself and start forcing how I felt like god was actually fixing me. This really mind fucked me when I did it for about 5 years 14-19. It’s hard to place the image but it’s like someone is so incredibly blind to their pain and they base a whole personality and a bunch of sticky beliefs around it to hid it. One big thing I would do was thought stop. If I thought I was being prideful, in my OWN mind of course I was stop myself and force myself to feel a different way i.e the heart is deceitful kind of thing. After doing this for so long it’s created a massive toll on my body. Because I feel my own life has no absolute authority and I need someone else’s approval to live. What’s interesting is that it’s not something I can just shake off. It’s in my nervous system. The lies I told myself. Now it’s to the point where in therapy and in my general mental health life I have no authority and this man in the background keeps telling me what to do to the point where I’ll start gagging and throwing up. I’ll then experience complete shutdown

Does anyone else’s OCD/disregulation make them throw up? Like the theme isn’t throwing up the compulsion makes you. My theme centers around guilt from religion so often when I try to talk about my illness directly I try to act like it’s something that is treatable by performing more and that just makes me gag

Ok so the religious need to suffer has really messed my mind up. In order for me to process emotions I think I need to suffer. While processing emotions does cause pain it’s not a 24/7 suffering experience like it is now. Religion is so messed up for this I don’t know why this kind of thinking is introduced to young kids, especially with OCD. What makes it even worse is that the theme of suffering got mixed with needing to satisfy god so I basically was pretending to be happy. I am doing IFS therapy to understand better what my internal world looks like and I think part of my issue is anytime I go to process and emotion it always has some sort of religious mask over it. Whether it’s over happy, too serious, needing to suffer. It a compulsive aspect of control that I do subconsciously and it has made my life so miserable. What I say with my words never really line up with how I feel because how I feel is somehow always wrong so I always need to change it. Anyways I just wanted to post this on here because of how debilitating it is to experience and just wanted to post in a community that would most likely understand what I am saying

How do you guys deal with numbness without just pushing it out. I’m so exhausted with constantly changing how I feel. Within a split second I can change my feelings and identity. But it boils down to two main feelings, numbness or extreme shutdown. The numbness keeps getting activated in certain scenarios. A lot of it is from feeling so guilty about really just existing and pushing out myself because I was prideful. Sometimes I’ll just want to daydream to escape

Shame, OCD, and codependency on religion are quite the mix. I think I’ve shoved so much of myself out because of religious guilt and shame I have a hard time just being with myself.

Control is a confusing this with OCD. Control over fear, emotions, feelings, etc. It’s something that makes me stuck often because I view control as something that is something that needs to be pushed out but it’s something that can be processed in the body. Religion and OCD are not a good mix

Do you guys almost intentionally suffer or your brain automatically goes there? I feel it’s hard to make progress when your brains coping mechanism/avoidance is suffering.