Hi. I'm (m57) diagnosed earlier this year. I have a good job ( qualified accountant ) and, in fact have never been unemployed. I own my own house, have a family, two cars, foreign holidays a few times a year. Outwardly no one,even me, suspected I was on the spectrum.

Except my wife. We've had issues, literally for decades. To be brief,she says I have never been a husband. Yes, materially I have always provided. On a practical level,I do anything and everything. But,on an emotional level I have never provided. I believe and accept her experience.

I'm not a bad person. I listened to her and every time was determined to change. But I never actually did. Eventually it left time doing as she'd asked for years and going to a professional who had no trouble diagnosing me as ASD 1, high functioning autism, Asperger's - whichever you choose.

I do still sort of question the diagnosis. There are other traits, obviously there have to be for a positive diagnosis, but none have impacted me, or anyone else, like my inability to connect at an emotional level. Even when trying to talk to my wife it is evident I just don't get or understand how to have that spark of connection.

I'd be interested to see if anyone relates or, do you have a particular area that has impacted you ? I know many Aspie's now, online. All are men. All are normal and many are professionals.

I'd also be interested in the views and experiences of women although there seems to be relatively few Aspie women - maybe they are active in other subs or sites.

Thanks in advance.

I am 20 (F) and I have struggled my whole life with my emotions and anger regulations, I also physically cannot speak to people to help my emotions I tried therapy for 5 months and couldn’t even speak to my therapist, my parents say when I was a child I also refused to talk when I was upset I now have felt depressed for around a year it came and went when I was a teenager and then I would be very reckless when my mood improved , now I’m afraid I’m still the same however I’m reckless with my money instead? I am in a 3 year relationship with my bf 20 (f) and still cannot
Open up about my emotions and tend to try and ignore them until they are too much to handle, I keep wanting to speak to the doctors about my sadness and lack of sleep but can’t even force myself to ring up has anyone else experienced this and does anyone have any advice I know it sounds ridiculous but it’s taking over my life and I don’t know how long I can struggle

What is your go to meal when you're crashing?

I occasionally, will be sad when I think about my dad dying, but with my mom and stepmom after the initial shock went away I barely ever feel anything related to them.

But I have been literally crying over my animals after being hospitalized and thinking they were going to die because no one would rescue them. They were alone by themselves for three days.

Finally some one rescued them. I then found out that they can only stay where they are for 7 days and I have to go into a nursing home until I get stronger.

I was freaking out and crying because I thought I was and possibly am going to lose my animals forever.

I don't typically bond with people and I have only bonded with a few people in my lifetime. There were times when I wondered if I even loved my own child. I know it sounds horrible, but I am not wired to experience love.

I don't know what the sensation of that even feels like. I've heard people say it feels warm, fuzzy and when it comes to romantic partners sometimes you get butterflies, but I've never experienced any of that.

I know about loyalty, commitment, and how to be kind, and how to do things for others but I don't get this reward feeling that I think most people get from doing it. I do it out of duty. I raised my child out of duty and did my very best to treat them as best as I possibly could. I did hug them, and did my best to be emotional with them but it was all fake. I didn't get any rewards from hugging my children reading them stories doing things for other people I don't feel any way about that. I do it because I know it's the right thing to do.

But for some reason being alone for a long time and having my animals, I bonded with them. In the way that I bond with some people. Now when I do feel emotions it seems like they're very strong, and then they fade rather quickly, but this one hasn't.

When I lost my dad, I drank for about 2 years, and not once did anybody ever know that I was drunk. Not one person in my world that knew me knew that I was drinking as much as I was, and I rarely ever felt drunk. I knew that I felt some sensations, but I couldn't tell you what they were.

But I also cried over losing my dad off and on for many years. I have not cried like that over losing anybody else. I know I'm all emotional, and concerned about my animals, and how to protect them from being taken away from me basically.

If they stay in the facility where they are at for more than 7 days it's considered the surrender even though this is related to a medical issue that I'm having. No I don't have anybody to take care of them at this point and I'm looking for help.

I mean they give me purpose, because I have somebody there with me and they don't bother me too much and I take care of them. That's my purpose and I'm disabled right now due to some things out of my control and I can't work and it gives me purpose to take care of my animals.

So, I've been crying a lot today and that's not typical of me, and it feels very intense and strong and then after a few minutes with dates. But the nurse here at the hospital said that I was having anxiety over my animals. I honestly don't know if it's anxiety. I don't know what it is other than a sense of profound loss.

I mean normally I just don't have these sensations and I don't even know where in my body that is different. I can't even explain why I'm crying other than it feels like a profound loss like I'm losing my purpose in life at this point in time.

I'm sorry for all the run-on sentences, I'm still in the hospital and not at my best.

So I was wondering for people who do actually feel feelings, which I do sometimes but they're very vague and it's like holding water in your hand with your fingers open, they just slide through and then it's like when your hand dries they're gone.

Anyways I was wondering if you guys feel feelings at all if so which ones I know I also feel anger, and agitation at times and I can feel sad occasionally, but most the time I'm just flat. I'm not good or bad I don't know what happy is I know it content is like having being content with life but not happiness.

Occasionally I will experience a strong Joy but like I said it just fades really fast.

I'm not sad about the way I am or feel a certain way about the way I am it's been really protective and a lot of ways so I don't want to change myself I just want to maybe relate to other people with my condition of alexithymia and also I have autism in ADHD.

And do people think you have emotions, because a lot of people think I have emotions? And trying to explain that I don't for the most part is like speaking a language that the world has never heard.

I don't expect anyone to reply to this but it's worth a shot

I don't exactly know how to put it into words but a few years ago it's almost like I just lost my ability to feel altogether, I don't feel anything most of the time it's like a blank state, even in serious situations where i should be upset or angry, but i simply don't feel anything, I mostly have to rely on my logical center for stuff like that cause otherwise I would have no idea what to do 99% of the time and even then I just stick to stuff I'm familiar to because of it

And since this has been an issue for years, I'd say around late pre teen ages? I've obviously haven't had been the best at actually doing the correct things for myself, I've gotten into pretty dangerous and uncomfortable friendships before but now I'm positive I have enough knowledge to at least somewhat avoid getting into more of them (ex: "This is morally wrong of them to do, even if I don't feel anything on it they shouldn't treat me like this.")

I also used to be relatively insensitive to other people's emotions as I couldn't understand them, now this has changed since I've grown up quite a bit and I've learnt a lot on stuff like this but it still used to be a problem nonetheless, and this still kind of shows up as well but not as intensely as before (ex: I don't understand why people crave compliments from their loved ones or strangers even, it seems pointless to me and I've gotten into issues with an old friend over me never complimenting her cause she'd feel unseen (???😭) and so on)

The only way I "experience" emotions "properly" is if I pretend to have them, the best example I can give is getting a surprise and then forcing myself to smile through it and laugh even if I don't really feel anything on it, or pretending to be happy after seeing someone after a long time even though I feel nothing on it, pretending to be disappointed with someone even if I don't feel anything, I only really don't pretend to be sad and angry cause I think those two are honestly kind of embarrassing I think people act very irrationally and stupid when they're sad or angry so I don't really have a desire to cosplay them and I do sometimes feel them anyway compared to the others so it seems pointless

I do experience them in either in rare odd bursts (I get sad over something and then it doesn't go away until I fall asleep, to be more specific lets say a character death in a movie made me sad, I will have that sadness randomly come back during the day on completely irrelevant things that have nothing to do with the original reason and then this doesn't happen again for months) or in a very odd way most people don't (I experience anger by getting a headache most of the time, that's it, nothing else happens my line of thinking doesn't even change and I don't feel anything else bodily wise aside from the headache, though I do also cry sometimes when mad thank god there's ONE thing that stuck with me from childhood)

I guess the emotions I feel the best are actually shame and anger, I have struggles with everything else, even basic stuff like hunger, thirst, feeling tired, drained, etc, I can't feel like almost all positive emotions like always and that bugs me the most (I only really feel hope and interest i guess?? i think??? even then I have no clue dude)

I want to try and maybe fix this, cause I think I'm missing out, I guess I'm kind of thankful I don't have to deal with I guess a non dulled down version of myself cause I'd probably explode, but it also feels odd for people to explain joy and love and for me to simply not understand that anymore, I want to feel stuff again but I don't know how to and I really want to know how, I don't have access to any professional help for now and I really want to work on it in any way I can on my own but I know I won't be able to do too much so I kind of want to find a work around I guess? I don't know bro it's like I'm not actually human like I'm a skinwalker or some shit peace out

I have noticed that in certain internet circles, emoticons are consider bad form at best, and cancer at worst. But I use them all the time. Not because I think they are cool, but because I have never been able to interpret the intentions behind written word accurately. By that I mean, is the person joking? Are they being facetious? are they mocking me? do they agree with me? For me I like to use them so its obvious to the reader if I am being serious or joking, or sad but unable to express it.

A lot of the time I just don't know how to feel so I just put a :D on the end in hopes that people don't find some way to take offense to what I said.

I have high-functioning Autism. I feel out of place when people cry in front of me, I don’t feel an inherent urge to hug them, I started hugging friends/family while they were crying after I became an adult because I felt like that would help them. Personally, I don’t really like physical touch but I do it so that the other person may feel better.

I recently started therapy for Alexithymia and realised some things.

I feel very very uncomfortable when loved ones are upset about something and I want them to feel better even if I fully don’t understand why they would feel that way. I rarely experience feelings of sadness from watching someone be sad, I just feel sort of weird and want the situation to be better for them.

Since I was a kid, I would go out of my way to try and make everyone feel “not bad” if they were suffering in front of me. I do the same with animals. I can’t tolerate seeing animals suffer, I just want things to be okay.

I realised that I don’t feel “good” when someone I care about is in pain, but I also don’t feel “sad”. I just feel uncomfortable and want things to be different. I think about what could be making them feel that way, what things can I say to fix it, etc. But I don’t share what they feel, usually. Even if I do feel it, I don’t understand what I am feeling until I feel myself crying and THEN I understand that I am sad.

It’s really frustrating. I felt very bad growing up because I would feel something “heavy” instead of feeling sadness/sympathy. Others would see a sick dog and feel bad for a minute before brushing it aside but I keep thinking about it and feeling uncomfortable and guilty, even if I try to help the dog.

I keep doubting all my “good” actions because I don’t understand what I feel and why I do certain things, I just have a strict moral code and I stick to what I think should be done. I don’t understand what I feel in the moment, other than being uncomfortable that things are not “right”. I don’t know if I feel sad.

What confuses me is the feeling of heaviness and guilt even after I’ve done something objectively good in a situation which yields me zero benefit. I
I don’t understand how I feel, so how can I truly do anything good for anyone? There’s probably no inherent desire in me to do something “good”, maybe I just do things mechanically out of a moral code. Everything I do feels hollow to me. I keep thinking that since there is no visible emotional motivation behind an action, how can I say that the action is truly me? Is the action even authentic?

It’s strange. I feel deeply uncomfortable with things that are sad for others but I don’t feel “connected” with their feelings either. I just do what I think should be right. And I end up feeling guilty either way for some reason.

Has anyone else struggled with this? Any insight would be great.

Nothing here

I used to be able to speak my mind and form coherent and understandable sentences that expressed how I was feeling or thinking. I was a really good writer because of that ability to be in touch and comprehend and put words to my feelings. Now, most times I feel myself not even able to process my emotions, struggling a lot to find words to express my feelings and usually don’t make sense or can’t find words at all. Has anyone else experienced this? If so why do you think that change happened? How have you fixed it, if you have?

Hi yall, I know this post may sound a bit edgy but im being serious.

So im a 17 year old guy who's been through some shit when I were younger, I don't feel like getting in to all of that but just know that there were reasons that this happend. But to get in to it, since I were about 11/12 years old my emotions have started to fade gradually, im pretty sure that it was a kind of protection my brain used to block out all the bad things happening to me. About half a year ago I've been making a lot more friends then I have ever had ( which I new cause I've never had a lot of friends growing up, maybe 2 but even those weren't that close to me ) and I have also found my self a lovely boyfriend! Since all of this started my emotions have come back, not gradually like they did when they went away but instead in one foul swoop. Since then I've made some poor choices and did some not so great things ( don't worry nothing really harmful, just some stupid things ). I've also been neglecting my own parents and sister to much because I've been spending so much time with my boyfriend, but I just can't help it, whenever im with him I just feel like im living again for the first time in years but neglecting the people I hold dearest isn't an option either. So my I guess my question would be, how do I learn to deal with my emotions again after not having them for so long and not even understanding them myself?

( BTW English is not my first language so I apologize in advance for any mistakes I made whilst typing this )

Lots of love from a very confused 17 year old <3.

I often times have trouble feeling empathy for others, which can sometimes be due to stress or me disliking them, but I've noticed it often times happens when I feel completely normal or fine; no stress, anxiety, boredom, or tiredness during it, so why could this be?

I could answer yall's questions to help understand myself better and why I don't always feel affective empathy for others, even in the exact same situation.

It's really hard to have emophilia i mean i fell in love instantly It doesn't even take months or weeks i hate having this, especially when someone shows me a little affection or kindness that makes me feel wanted even though that person is just concerned for me and doesn't even like me

Does anyone here experience this too?how do you manage to suppress the feeling?

What if both emophilia fell for each ither

I read through the "what is Alexithymia". It was really helpful. I wasnt' born with it, it was a result of trauma, as far as I know. But anyway, this was the section that I really identified with.....only didnt have the language to describe it.

"Cognitive

Emotional cognition is the ability to identify, analyse, and verbalise emotional experiences. If low affect is blindness, low cognition is colour-blindness.

Someone with low emotional cognition will experience and express their emotions without being able to pinpoint what is happening, even as it happens. When asked to describe or explain their emotions they will be unable to do so and either freeze into an embarrassed silence or deploy canned responses that have been learnt beforehand."

....especially the part that reads "someone with low emotional cognition will experience and express emotions without being able to pinpoint what is happening.................even as it happens."

I've been trying to describe that feeling of "I'm really upset, but I don't know exactly why?"......feeling. Something that I think is anger, could be shame, something that feels like fear, also Shame or embarassment. It makes it really hard to address your emotions when you don't understand why youre reacting like your reacting.

I need to find a place to talk about this, without feeling dumb or embarassed, or crazy.

I know I like things but I don’t know why or I can’t delve into why but i know there’s a reason. Other people express why they like the same thing and I get insecure because I’m scared I don’t like it as much because I can’t explain things. I can’t explain movie plots or musical plots or songs or artists I like but some movies/musicals I just feel so connected to and I feel them in my soul and I wish I could explain why but I can’t right now. I feel so undeveloped compared to everyone else. It’s all blurry up here. :( And I can’t explain why I feel the way I do or even how I feel when I feel something. there’s a big dissonance between everything in me. I just feel very stupid! I want to be able to give my thoughts on things and I worry I don’t observe enough or don’t take things in because I’m in another space mentally? I don’t know. I just am really anxious!!! A lot of the time! pls give me tips:-/ this humongously ruins my life and sense of self!!!

I am twenty two and a girl btw if that’s necessary info?:-0 (people usually say ”hi I’m 22 F” in threads)

It’s hard to explain what goes on since it feels like it’s mostly in my head, not my body. I can’t pin point the emotion or what happens at all. I just know it feels very strange. I don’t feel hurt and I can’t cry, but if anything sparks some strange brain sensations I start feeling like I start to go blank. It becomes a bit overwhelming for a moment and strange feeling and yeah just boom gone.

It’s part of the reason I can’t connect with others or be in a relationship. Any time any sort of emotion surfaces it barely gets anywhere and then dwindles out.

I know I never had a secure foundation for building attachment growing up since I had no parents and my grandparent was as cold as ice. So I don’t think my body or brain knows how to attach to any feelings if they are there… or knows how to label them, I know it’s not “sad”.

I think I have genuinely cried one time and it felt super uncomfortable that I immediately filtered through it. Specially I have noticed this happening more with music though than anything. It’s the only thing that can bring me into this “emotional world” so I keep trying to sit with it and build up a tolerance to hopefully understand and feel something real.

Feel free to ask any questions if this is something experienced as well, or point me in the right direction to understand myself more/ how should I work through this

I don't know much about these things since I'm no expert. I can only describe my symptoms:

It’s been eight years and I still miss him. We never actually dated, I’m not gay, I like women but something different happened with that friend from our group. Maybe it was just teenage hormones (I was 13 or 14 at the time). I just remember that whenever we looked at each other, I felt something, and when we’d tease each other and I touched him, my mind would go blank, I’d lose my breath, and my heart would race.

In the end, due to pressure from the group, we stopped speaking. I heard he cried, though I don't know if it was over me or someone else. Time passed and I thought I’d forgotten him, as if my conscious mind had suppressed the memory into my subconscious but just a few months ago, he came back to mind, and now I feel like I’m dying. What happened? How do I get rid of this feeling?

Affective empathy is usually described as emotionally resonating with another person. Could that emotional response influence physiology and behavior without phenomenal consciousness?
Or does calling it affective empathy necessarily imply a felt subjective experience? I’m particularly interested in whether this is merely a question of definition or a substantive question about the relationship between affect and consciousness.

I love being affectionate, so why do I get awkward when it actually happens?

This is something I genuinely don’t understand about myself 😭

I’m a very touchy person with people I genuinely love/care about. In my head, I love the idea of hugs, holding hands, sitting close, little affectionate gestures, etc.

But when I’m actually in that situation IRL, I suddenly get awkward and anxious and don’t know what to do with myself 😭

It’s not that I don’t want the affection. Sometimes I actually want it badly, but my brain just goes into overthinking mode the second it happens.

Does anyone else have this weird contradiction? Like being naturally affectionate in your head but getting shy/anxious when it’s actually happening?

Heya, friends.

I'm 40, was officially diagnosed with ADHD in the past 10 years (though it was suggested in childhood, but my parents balked at it), and am looking into the possibility of autism on the advice of my therapist. That's brought me into some research about alexithymia, and... I'm really torn and would love some feedback.

My therapist has been trying to get me to connect with my emotions in my body. This is... a really bizarre concept to me for the most part. Strong emotions of certain types do have a physical component (anxiety and fear include a racing heart, tightness around my chest, strong nervousness can produce the "butterflies in stomach" feeling), but most emotions do not have any sort of physical sensation for me that I'm aware of.

However, I am not particularly disconnected from emotions? I know when I am sad or annoyed or frustrated and sometimes even happy, but to me it's just a mental feeling. I am very empathetic and actually really enjoy talking about people's emotions or trying to help people untangle complicated emotional stuff, and I'm usually pretty dang intuitive about motivations and what people are feeling. But also in general, if people ask how I'm feeling, it's usually just "ok," a kind of bland/numb state that's not anything.

So when I've taken the various alexithymia tests, I tend to score somewhere kinda close to the "maaaybe" guidelines, but still in the "nah, not alexithymia" range. I also have aphantasia and am demisexual, so some of the questions are... tough for me to answer? I don't visualize things, and I've only been in one romantic/sexual relationship. I don't have much creativity, my "imagination" such as it is is very practical, and I rarely remember dreams and when I do they're straight-forward anxiety-based (used to have lots of "you forgot to go to class for the whole semester and now it's exam time!" type dreams, now they're either about someone I thought cared about me actually hating me or just... boring).

It's also weird because I do have sensations in my body in general, but the more I read about how other people experience them, my experience does seem to be different. My therapist has me doing exercises to try to connect with my body, mostly involving noticing sensations and the like. But I pretty much am always aware of the things that she wants me to notice? Like, I'm always aware of the feeling of my clothes on my body. I even notice when mucus shuffles from one side of my sinuses to the other (I can "hear" when it drips...). So while I understand the goal of the exercises (feeling the physical feelings that I'm supposed to feel with emotions), it also doesn't feel like it will get me to where she wants me to be, because I'm not completely disconnected from my body, I just don't physically feel emotions.

That said, I definitely do have some issues with interoception. I can't sense my heartbeat, and I struggle with knowing when I'm hungry or full.

So... I dunno. Do I just have bad interoception and maybe I do have emotions that I will be able to feel in my body? Or is it some sort of kind-of alexithymia?