u/Proud-Primary-3730

I often times have trouble feeling empathy for others, which can sometimes be due to stress or me disliking them, but I've noticed it often times happens when I feel completely normal or fine; no stress, anxiety, boredom, or tiredness during it, so why could this be?

I could answer yall's questions to help understand myself better and why I don't always feel affective empathy for others, even in the exact same situation.

Ever since I was a girl, I've had trouble discerning boundaries with other people both in a physical way, but also in social ways too.

Sometimes I could become to close to people and genuinely believe we were friends but unless they yelled at my face that we weren't, I'd be completely and utterly oblivious to any other subtle signs that they didn't see me that way as well.

Same with physical interactions: I'd touch peoples arms or grab onto their hands or face without their consent, which obviously would make them uncomfortable and they'd usually push me away. I'd cry, not understanding what I did wrong, and unless someone told me why and how what I did was wrong, I would just keep doing it over and over.

Now, I don't know if I've ever really felt "attracted" towards anyone in my life. MAYBE I've fantasized about being in a relationship, having someone care for me and show me affection and all that jazz, but I don't think I've ever felt any romantic or sexual feelings towards anyone ever in my life.

BUT if I ever found that "special someone," I don't think I'd ever commit for mainly these reasons:

1, like I said, I usually have trouble with decerning boundaries and how others feel, leading to me walking over them and getting upset when I get reprimanded without any knowledge as to why (not to mention I've been assulted by my uncle, which MAY or MAY not have an influence on how I view boundaries rn, idk).

2, Even thought relationships sound nice in theory, I know that I can be a bit...much for people when I het to truly open up instead of just staying an anti-social, lone hermit.

And 3, which is the thing I worry about most and what I made this post for: I don't want to SA the other person. With me getting assulted in the past, my problem with declaring boundaries or when boundaries are being put up, if I ever got into a sexual relationship with another person, I don't want to touch them or kiss them, thinking what im doing is perfectly A-OK, until weeks later I realize I made them uncomfortable and they might not want to be with me anymore.

I'm currently questioning my own gender identity and want to understand which label I fit into, but since I have alexithymia, I have trouble with understand how I feel (or wether or not I feel any particular way at all), so I'm going to try to find out by asking you all what exactly it means to identity as a man/male gender-wise.

I know this post may be odd in a subreddit like this, but since I've been diagnosed with level 1 autism (when I was 15), and have grown to think that it has affected my ability to understand/feel the weight of certain situations at given time, I think it would be reasonable to ask here.

So yeah, as the title says, I got SA'd by my uncle when I was 9. Multiple times, actually. But I'll start with the first time he did it, back at my family's old house:

So back then, my family tended to be awfully busy (my dad worked as a doctor and therefore couldn't be home for longer than 5 hours at a time, and my mom...Well, I'd rather not talk about her; she very much sucked and would leave at random for her own selfish purposes), and so they'd allow my uncle to basically baby sit me for the majority of my childhood.

On this specific day, he had told me to follow upstairs into my room for a little..."game." Me being the oblivious young gal I was went. While we were in there, he had taken a seat on my bed, patted beside him, and I went to sit next to him.

He began my telling me about how there was a thing older kids liked to do, this "game" referring to the act of sexual gratification. He told me that, since I was getting "older," that it would be fun to play it together, and so he took off his pants and reached out to touch my clit.

I didn't exactly know how to feel at first, mainly because I was confused and didn't really understand much beyond that this "game" would help me "mature," when when he began; I actually kind of liked it? I inched closer and he took that as a sign to continue.

For about 20 minutes, he would continue to stimulate me till he told me that, if he used his own part, that it would feel better.

I was sort of grossed out at the idea of a penis, but allowed him to do it anyways as it would quote "help me mature," or whatever he meant by that. I enjoyed it too (thought I preferred he did it with his fingers as he was better at controlling them) and we went on for an extra 45 minuts.

I don't think he came, but after awhile I did, and after he put his pants and boxers back on and told me not to mention it to my mom or my dad as they'd find it gross and wouldn't allow it because of it.

I listened primarily because I didn't want my shitty ass mom ruining what I felt was special with me and my uncle, but because I didn't want my father to stress out about more things beyond his demanding job.

After this event, and over the course of a few more years (3 and 1/2 to be precise), we continued this little secret "game" of ours till one day my dad had found out something my uncle kept in his computer, and so I wasn't allowed with him anymore, which made me pretty upset. (end).

I don't really know how to feel about this whole thing of ours. On one hand I enjoyed it, even if I obviously know now what he did was technically wrong, but I think I still liked it regardless.

It's odd, though. I know I should feel sick and taken advantage of, and I kind of do!

But it isn't because I was assulted; it was because I knee that the kindness he showed towards me was nothing more than a sham to fulfill his own selfish desires.

I enjoyed the act, but I don't like the fact he wasn't being honest about his intentions to "help me."

Are my feelings valid?

I know this post may be odd in a subreddit like this, but since I've been diagnosed with level 1 autism (when I was 15), and have grown to think that it has affected my ability to understand/feel the weight of certain situations at given time, I think it would be reasonable to ask here.

So yeah, as the title says, I got SA'd by my uncle when I was 9. Multiple times, actually. But I'll start with the first time he did it, back at my family's old house:

So back then, my family tended to be awfully busy (my dad worked as a doctor and therefore couldn't be home for longer than 5 hours at a time, and my mom...Well, I'd rather not talk about her; she very much sucked and would leave at random for her own selfish purposes), and so they'd allow my uncle to basically baby sit me for the majority of my childhood.

On this specific day, he had told me to follow upstairs into my room for a little..."game." Me being the oblivious young gal I was went. While we were in there, he had taken a seat on my bed, patted beside him, and I went to sit next to him.

He began my telling me about how there was a thing older kids liked to do, this "game" referring to the act of sexual gratification. He told me that, since I was getting "older," that it would be fun to play it together, and so he took off his pants and reached out to touch my clit.

I didn't exactly know how to feel at first, mainly because I was confused and didn't really understand much beyond that this "game" would help me "mature," when when he began; I actually kind of liked it? I inched closer and he took that as a sign to continue.

For about 20 minutes, he would continue to stimulate me till he told me that, if he used his own part, that it would feel better.

I was sort of grossed out at the idea of a penis, but allowed him to do it anyways as it would quote "help me mature," or whatever he meant by that. I enjoyed it too (thought I preferred he did it with his fingers as he was better at controlling them) and we went on for an extra 45 minuts.

I don't think he came, but after awhile I did, and after he put his pants and boxers back on and told me not to mention it to my mom or my dad as they'd find it gross and wouldn't allow it because of it.

I listened primarily because I didn't want my shitty ass mom ruining what I felt was special with me and my uncle, but because I didn't want my father to stress out about more things beyond his demanding job.

After this event, and over the course of a few more years (3 and 1/2 to be precise), we continued this little secret "game" of ours till one day my dad had found out something my uncle kept in his computer, and so I wasn't allowed with him anymore, which made me pretty upset. (end).

I don't really know how to feel about this whole thing of ours. On one hand I enjoyed it, even if I obviously know now what he did was technically wrong, but I think I still liked it regardless. It made me feel safe and appreciated in a fucked up way.

It's odd, though. I know I should feel sick and taken advantage of, and I kind of do!

But it isn't because I was assulted; it was because I knee that the kindness he showed towards me was nothing more than a sham to fulfill his own selfish desires.

I enjoyed the act, but I don't like the fact he wasn't being honest about his intentions to "help me."

Are my feelings valid?

And if so/not, why?

I'm currently questioning my own gender identity and want to understand which label I fit into, but since I have alexithymia, I have trouble with understand how I feel (or wether or not I feel any particular way at all), so I'm going to try to find out by asking you all what exactly it means to identity as a man/male gender-wise.

I'm not entirely sure how long I've been struggling with this for (my best guess is maybe 9, maybe even 10-11 years, I'm 25 currently), but for the longest time my affective empathy has been in a flux.

I've done some bad things in the past, and some days I feel guilty for what I did, but then other days I couldn't care less or even find it exciting, what I've done. My question is why? How come some days I care but others I don't? My current theory is maybe it has something to deal with proximity and how if I'm not currently experiencing the effects of my actions personally, then I don't really care as much as I should, but I've done things, maybe even hurt or scared people personally, and when I look back on that, it's some days I feel bad and others I don't.

???

I don't think I have any truama, or if I do is certainly isn't ptsd or cptsd. I don't think im a psychopath as they can't feel empathy at all, whereas I can but only sometimes.

I've had this question for a LONG time, and I've decided right now is probably a good time to talk about it.

You see, ever since I can remember, my affective empathy has been in a bit of a flux. What do I mean by that? It's basically, when I look back on, or think about something bad I've done to others, sometimes I don't feel bad for what I've done, but other days I feel guilty because, in that random moment, I care about that other person's well-being and thinking about the harm I may have caused makes me feel bad for them.

I've been diagnosed with autism at the age of 15 and I thought, since people with autism can often struggle with identifying how they feel or struggle with comprehending how their actions effect others, I thought that this odd phenomenon that's been happening to me may have something to deal with my autism?

It's truly odd and I'll be open to answering any questions that could further identifying stuff. 😁

(Also, just in case any moderators see thus post, I know I have autism and am not asking any medical advice regarding it or my diagnosis).

I'm not entirely sure how long I've been struggling with this for (my best guess is maybe 9, maybe even 10-11 years, I'm 25 currently), but for the longest time my affective empathy has been in a flux.

I've done some bad things in the past, and some days I feel guilty for what I did, but then other days I couldn't care less or even find it exciting, what I've done. My question is why? How come some days I care but others I don't? My current theory is maybe it has something to deal with proximity and how if I'm not currently experiencing the effects of my actions personally, then I don't really care as much as I should, but I've done things, maybe even hurt or scared people personally, and when I look back on that, it's some days I feel bad and others I don't.

???

I don't think I have any truama, or if I do is certainly isn't ptsd or cptsd. I don't think im a psychopath as they can't feel empathy at all, whereas I can but only sometimes.