r/AskAutism

I was diagnosed with autism as an adult and I'm trying to figure out whether my current struggles are caused by my workplace, my profession, or just the way I'm wired.

I'm a test engineer working with IEC 62368 product safety. I genuinely enjoy the technical side of the job: troubleshooting, measurements, standards, and solving engineering problems. That's never been the issue.

What I struggle with is everything around it. The social side of work drains me much more than the technical work itself, and when I get overwhelmed my mental health takes a hit. The lack of structure compared to what I'm used to from working in production is also a problem. I've had periods of high sick leave because of it.

Now my company is being acquired, and I'm wondering whether I should stay in engineering, look for a different engineering role, or accept that maybe this career isn't a good fit for me.

I'd really like to hear from autistic engineers who have been through something similar.

Did you stay in engineering?
Did you change companies, roles, or industries?
What made work sustainable for you?

Thanks.

i have a health tracking journal for my physical, mental, sexual health. what do u think i can track that is specific for my autism? i have alr put down energy levels, stress, anxiety, mood, sleep. i also have adhd, so i put down stuff related to that. is there something that i can track for autism that will help me?

I am currently perusing getting accessed for Autism, because of ongoing difficulties in my life.

—— skip if you want——

Background: I’ve been struggling with depression and other symptoms since early childhood. I’ve been in therapy for 2 years now and my life has improved significantly since. I received an adhd diagnosis 3 years ago that explained a lot of the problems I’ve been dealing with pretty well, but not fully.

My working theory was that the depression was the primary cause for my suffering and difficulty’s. But now that my depression has lifted and the quality of my life has vastly improved (Im happy and stable the majority of the time), there is still a cumulation of symptoms that does not improve no matter what I do.

This has lead me to suspect and carefully utter to my therapist that it might be the other way around; there is an underlying condition that leads to an always reoccurring depression. I am in no way convinced it must be autism, but the criteria match my experiences in life pretty well and I’d be happy to just be able rule it out.

——- skip to here——

So we did a screening and it showed an indication.
But now he said he talked to his supervisor (he’s still in training// NEITHER OF THEM IS A AUTISM/ADHD SPECIALIST) and he said that because I have adhd and am taking medication for it would rule out I have autism. If I truly had autism, Vyvase would not be working for me at all. He also said that he had a colleague with Asperger’s(male) and he was totally different than me(female). As well as I appeared capable of perspective-taking wich autistics would not be able to do.

Now, I take it seriously what a medical professional says, but this sounds dead wrong to me. This pretty much contradicts everything I’ve read so far and I’m confused.

Especially since I don’t consider myself good at perspective-taking at all. If anything, social difficulty has been a prevalent issue and topic in therapy and has been almost entirely resistant to change and exposure therapy.

20f & 22m. We’ve been together for 3 years but we’ve been on and off a lot of times. Several issues in the past happened such as me pushing him away a lot of times during our first few months together because of my own trauma (something i’ve worked on a lot and have improved on). He has severe anger issues from not being able to understand emotions and situations a lot. He tends to misunderstand what i say and immediately react and get mad at me and proceeds to insult and disrespect and even threaten me sometimes. He also can’t seem to understand things from my side and if im explaining something he thinks that i want to be the “right one” when that’s so far from what i said or mean. He says he can’t control it especially when he’s already triggered. But when he’s calm he takes everything back and tries to reassure me but because it’s hard for him to explain how he actually feels (or he says he holds back), i don’t feel fully reassured.

I’ve tried communicating my feelings and thoughts (and actually there’s times where it’s hard for me to say how i feel immediately and it’s a big problem for him because he thinks im hiding how i feel and he only gives me a few minutes of understanding before he gets mad again) and ive said my triggers too and literally what i need and want specifically but it’s like he really can’t grasp it, or sometimes he says im expecting too much when it’s not at all a lot..We’ve broken up a lot of times because he keeps impulsively leaving me over arguments even if it can be talked out. He’s very avoidant and protects himself because he’s afraid of getting hurt. He complains about how we’ve tried and it’s not working but i’ve keep telling him how can we fix things if he keeps leaving and not actually working it out with me.

honestly the story is a lot more complicated and long but that’s basically the part of it for now.

I don’t know what to do anymore, i’m so lost and i really need advice. I know he still loves me and he’s trying his best to fix things (since there’s also a lot of other factors involved in this issue) im trying to do everything to communicate and work things out but i don’t know how to get him to understand me. I know he doesn’t want to be this way and i want to support him because i really love him a lot. He’s a really sweet guy underneath all the anger and he was really different before all the external problems occurred. I never blamed him for having these disorders (especially since i also have some of my own), however, i know it doesn’t excuse his actions. Is there anything i can do to help this? i just want us to be okay :((

I’ll start:
• “People with Asperger’s syndrome are all mathematicians.”
• “Autistic people can’t live independently.”
• “Calm people can’t have ADHD.”

I know some of you might say that it´s better not to mask, I understand that. However there are situations where presenting as autistic and not being able to return social cues in a fashioned way is dangerous. The world can be full of predatory people and weird fucked up social games so I want to be able to parry them and be able to enact the social roles people might force me into, so as to avoid physical and psychic damage.

So if you guy can provide any sources, from the way how to move properly, to the way to talk normally or even the way to express yourself accordingly; all is greatly appreciated.

PS: please also provide source threats of possible [ sry if I´m asking for too much :( ]

Question for my fellow autistic people…
Does anyone else ever feel like a meltdown gets… stuck?

Lately I’ve been anxiously sweating all day, shaking, feeling incredibly irritable, and carrying this overwhelming sense that I NEED a huge cry or a full meltdown to get everything out. But it’s like my brain and body won’t let it happen.

Instead, all that stress just stays trapped inside. I feel like I’m constantly on the edge, but the release never comes. Sometimes it lasts for days or even weeks before it finally breaks.

I’m not talking about being sad or having a panic attack exactly—it feels more like my nervous system is overloaded but unable to complete the meltdown.
Has anyone else experienced this? If so, what does it feel like for you, and have you found anything that helps your body finally release it?

I could really use some advice from autistic adults, especially autistic men.
I’m a behavior technician, so I work with autistic children, but I know autism in adults can look very different. There’s a guy at my gym who I suspect might be autistic based on some of his mannerisms, but I also know I could be completely wrong. I’m not trying to diagnose him—I just don’t want to communicate in a way that makes him uncomfortable if he is autistic.
We’ve never actually talked, but we’ve made eye contact quite a few times over the past several weeks. One time my friend even noticed him looking at me before he quickly looked away. Other than that, it’s just been repeated eye contact and seeing each other regularly at the gym.
I think he’s really cute and I’d like to introduce myself, but I’m nervous about coming across as weird or making him uncomfortable. I’ve heard people say autistic men often appreciate direct communication, but I don’t know what “direct” actually looks like in a situation like this.
If you were in his position, how would you want someone to approach you? What would make you feel comfortable? Is introducing myself and saying something like, “Hey, I always see you here and realized we’ve never met. I’m Tamara,” a good approach, or would you prefer something different?
I’d especially appreciate hearing from autistic men about what would make an interaction like this feel natural versus overwhelming

I recently watched an interview with Temple Grandin. She’s an amazing advocate for people with autism, and I have always been a fan of her work. That hasn’t changed. However, while watching the interview, I realized we may view different parts of the autism spectrum through different lenses.

She expressed concern about the autism spectrum expanding and that those with higher support needs may not receive the attention and support they need. While it’s important that everyone gets the support they need, I don’t know if I completely agree with her perspective.

People with higher support needs often have more visibility because it can be physically obvious that they need assistance. It’s those who come across as able-bodied who are often left in the dark. I am one of those people.

She mentions that people who are considered higher functioning are sometimes coddled. Maybe that’s true for some people, and we aren’t in those households to judge. I agree that anyone on the spectrum should be encouraged to grow because the world is not designed for us. Nonetheless, we need to learn basic skills to function, and anyone with a support system should be taught those skills to the best of their ability.

As someone who struggles with my diagnosis every day, I am currently in a phase of learning to embrace who I am. Ms. Temple states that many people make their diagnosis their identity in a sense. My response to that is that people who are diagnosed later in life may talk about their diagnosis frequently for a while. This is where my experience differs from Ms. Temple’s. She was diagnosed early and had a wonderful support system, especially in her mother. Not all of us are that lucky.

Now, I acknowledge what she is saying, and I know she is still advocating for the autism community. She isn’t completely wrong. She is simply supporting a different part of the community. I stand firm in my advocacy because I was completely shielded from my original diagnosis and forced to work harder under circumstances where I needed support. It altered me as a person.

I brought a child into this world unaware of my own diagnosis. While I am grateful for my children, that was information that should never have been kept from me. I fought like hell to get through this world. Can you imagine spending your entire life feeling like something is wrong with you and not being able to put your finger on it? Can you imagine the mental toll that takes?

Finding out as an adult at 33 years old was shocking, scary, and a relief all at the same time. It has only been a few years since then, and I am still chipping away at self-discovery.

Because I was essentially forced to fit into society, I am labeled as capable, even by my own family, despite the fact that they struggle to understand the process of unmasking. That’s the key word here: unmasking. Becoming the person I was always supposed to be.

Due to my parents' decisions, and yes, I will go as far as calling it negligence, I became someone the world needed me to be or expected me to be. That kind of damage requires support too.

I am not saying that people with higher support needs should not receive the resources they need. They absolutely should. But I do not believe that people with lower support needs should receive any less support simply because their struggles are less visible.

As a matter of fact, why is this a contest about who needs more support?

Support is support, and anyone who needs it should have access to it regardless of where they fall on the spectrum.

I battle every single day with tasks that I cannot seem to overcome no matter how aware I am of my challenges. I still struggle every day, yet I come across as capable.

Just because I come off as capable doesn’t automatically mean that I am.

That’s something that needs adjustment in this community.

I'd be interested to hear other perspectives on this. Do you feel certain groups within the autism community are overlooked? Has your experience been similar or different from mine?

I do not in any way intend to be rude here. the person in question is a friend. they have been for a while.

A lot of the time instead of holding conversations where things go back and forth. They dominate the conversation. They talk at you instead of with you.

They don't ask questions. Expect me to listen to really long expositions about various topics that interest them. (Yes they are autistic, and so am I lol, and so are many others)

I just don't know what to do. Lately my best option has been to sort of distance us because I genuinely don't enjoy our conversations in this way.

I try to engage with them. But they always tend to bring it back to themselves. They talk a lot about how the relationships they get into never work. I can't help but think this is part of the issue. I don't know how to discuss this with them in a way that wouldn't damage the relationship.

And believe me ive tried before. I've brought up certain frustrations about their behaviors and things. It just feels like they never quite change. I'm not sure what to do from here, I want to be a good friend but I'm struggling to find joy in the friendship and I think that's an important part of being friends, is to properly enjoy one anothers company instead of coming up with excuses to avoid it.

My neighbor who lives five doors down for me in our quiet residential road has three autistic children. They look about age aged eleven, seven and four. All three non verbal.

I don't have their phone number, but one major incident that alarmed me was when their seven year-old boy eloped and started trying to get inside each house on the street as he worked his way down the street.

At this point, I had not realized which house he belonged to but as a teacher, I recognize autism when I see it.

Eventually, one of our neighbors was able to hold his hand while I called the police. The boy was hard to hold onto because he kept wanting to run away, and we were nervous that he might get into some danger.

Police arrived and we discovered it was our neighbor five doors down.

Anyway, today their daughter who I didn't know existed and who seems to also be autistic, decided to elope this morning while I was planting in my front yard with my two year-old. She did the same thing of trying to get into the house, dismantling the garden hose, coming to sit on a chair, which is absolutely fine with me, but I knew she might carry on going down the street until she gets lost.

This girl was more cooperative when I asked her to follow me back to her parents house she did. I knocked on the door multiple times and pressed the ring doorbell, no answer. I can see their SUV parked in the driveway with all the doors open so someone must be home.

She ended up following me back to my house. I needed to go inside to grab water for my 2-year-old but she followed me inside. I told her to wait outside, but she wouldn't so I ended up having to stand outside in the heat with her and look after her until God knows when her parents would notice she was gone. I was reluctant to call the police again in case they are reprimanded for neglecting their child.

I went back and tried the door again this time a very sleepy father, but a very appreciative opened the door and thanked me. Inside I saw another child. He told me all three of his kids are non verbal.

But am I doing the right thing? Should I have called the police the second time round? How else can I help? I don't want it get the parents in trouble for not watching their kids but equally, I don't want those kids to end up in the wrong place.

I work for a local charity, and manage a small team of workers and volunteers. One of them is a quiet, autistic young man, who in the kindest way possible, smells really bad. I don’t think he changes his clothes or washes. Please correct me if I’m wrong, but I suspect this may be related to his autistic traits.

We work in an large but enclosed workshop area, with little ventilation. The area is often visited by customers/users of our charity operation.

It has got to the point where I, and other members struggle to concentrate on our work because of the odour, and is awkward for customers who may find it shocking upon entering our workplace. And of course, it’s unfortunately unpleasant.

I would like to know if this is something that I ought to try and resolve, however I do not want to hurt the person concerned. Being formally told you smell is not something the best of us would deal with well.

Anyway, with the best will, please help, if possible :)

My (38f (also autistic but with different traits)) brother (27m) decided he was going to buy plane tickets and go to Spain for the solar eclipse on a solo trip. On the one hand I'm very impressed by him and I admire his conviction and willingness to pursue the things that are important to him, but on the other hand I am worried that he doesn't consider the full scope of things.

He thinks in black or white. He is not fully independent in a sense that he lives with my stepfather and he doesn't pay rent. His current job is the first one he's had for more than three months and he is thriving. He has seemed to mature a lot since he moved in with my stepdad a couple years ago. He tends to make choices on a whim and they revolve around whether or not he feels he's been treated correctly, or whether or not he likes what he's doing. The jobs that he's had before this one have been less than stimulating to say the least.

My family has definitely done their share of traveling, and he knows what it's like to be on a plane or a train or take long road trips. He knows how to pack and the things he needs to do as far as having a passport goes. He has gone on solo trips before, like to New York and to Washington DC. He also was gay and there have been situations where he's been on apps and older men have targeted him, but he doesn't realize. He has a hard time seeing bad intentions in people.

My stepdad is also concerned, but there is nothing we can do about it. We can't control him and sometimes it can be really difficult to talk to him about things because he brushes them off. He has the selective mutism characteristic and when he feels like he's being infantilized or like his abilities are being minimized, that is his go-to. Which is valid. But we love him.

I'm an overthinker, and my brain shoots out scenarios of each different thing based on each different movement or choice and I'm constantly thinking of what ifs. It makes me good at my job, but it brings me a lot of anxiety. I'm very thorough with my research, it's very important for me to understand things. He is the opposite. I have had a lot of trauma and I have been taken advantage of when I was younger and I think that that has shaped, in part, who I am today. I don't think in black or white, I think in all things exist at once lol.

I love this for him and I know I should trust that he is able to handle himself, but at the same time I am afraid it will be difficult for him to notice bad intentions. I don't know what it's like to travel abroad, I'm like the rest of my family I have opted out of traveling due to my sensory issues. I do know that a tourist destination can be very attractive to people who are looking to take advantage of others. Whether it be to somehow steal money, to sell fraudulent tickets or items or God forbid human trafficking (which is always a possibility, even though I'm thinking in worst case scenario - I work in the human services industry and am well aware of the level of human trafficking that's going on under our noses here (US) alone).

So I guess the short and long of this is has anyone done a lot of traveling that can provide any insight into situations they've come across? Do any of you know anything of Spain? He's going to be traveling by train throughout the area. He has an itinerary planned so there's no specific area I can pinpoint. Any tips for keeping yourself safe when traveling abroad? He knows our numbers by heart and he knows to keep his passport close and on him at all times. Any insights are so welcome and appreciated.

Thank you!

TDLR; My brother is going to Spain solo and I am concerned about him being taken advantage of either monetarily or sexually. Please provide tips or relatable situations.

Hey y'all. I’m ADHD/autistic (late diagnosed0) (46/F) and I’m trying to make sense of something happening in my relationship right now with my autistic/Apergers boyfriend (46/M). We’ve been together about 3-4 months and in person things have felt really good between us (fun times, parralel play, shared interests, etc). We get along well, strong chemistry, affection, everything feels natural when we’re together.

But after a recent weekend at the beach where there was a bit of tension the first day (he felt I was being slightly pushy when I was talking abt a special interest) he became quite distant after we got home.

This morning he told me he’s been thinking a lot since Sunday, and that he doesn’t think the relationship is “going to make it" and asked if I wanted an email why or in person. He is acting super cold and kinda distant which is off for him. We’re having a phone call tonight to talk about it.

I’m struggling because this shift feels very sudden compared to how things usually feel when we’re together. I care about him tons. I don’t want to overwhelm him or make things worse on the call, but I also don’t want to lose the relationship if there’s any way to repair what happened!

I guess what I’m wondering is:

for autistic/Asperger’s people, when you’ve mentally stepped back like this from your girlfriend, is there anything that can help you feel safer again in a conversation so the relationship isn’t automatically shut down? Or once you’ve decided it “isn’t going to work,” is that usually final?

And if there is any chance to salvage things, how would you recommend me approaching a call like this so it doesn’t feel overwhelming or pressuring?

Any perspective would really help. I don't wanna lose my boyfriend cause I think I love him! Thanks in advance people. xo

Update1: just wanna say thanks to you all for sharing your experiences with me. I really appreciate your emotional labor around this issue, and I wanna use the ideas to learn how to listen to him better, respect his boundaries, and move on if needed. Take care everyone.

Update2: he said it had nothing to do with the info dump on Friday. He just realized two weeks ago that he doesnt miss me when we are apart so that means in his brain there is not deep enough attraction between us. He said he was really attracted in the beginning, then when we had a ten day stretch apart two weeks ago he didn't miss me. Therefore, he concluded that he had deeper attachment and attraction to previous women (and not me) despite us having deep attraction when we are together.

It’s not actually confirmed if my gf is autistic or not but there are signs and her and I don’t know how else to explain the problems we have—She’s terrible at cues like when I need attention (I need to ask for it expressly). She has no idea when I’m flirting with her and she doesn’t know how to flirt. She’s never initiates sex. I’ve given her a literal list of things to say to be flirty or dirty and she can’t seem to have any creativity outside of examples I’ve provided. She hates physical touch unless it’s mine. I’ll send her photos of me that I would consider decently attractive (I’m average) and she has no reaction other than “looking good”. She has never sent any elicit photos that I didn’t have to specifically ask for.

When I’ve brought all these things up she explains that her mind just doesn’t think like that. She does try, and we do love each other, it can just be so frustrating and disheartening when all of my needs have to be asked for in writing in order to be met

As a child I feel like I was very average in almost every way. I had a lot of interests that I would indulge in heavily but other then that I think people thought I was normal? I don’t remember a lot but my family says I was like everyone else.
However, as an adult I have almost every symptom of autism. I still fit into society and function “normally” but internally I am so much more aware of how I act and behave. I know that the way I live and think is different from everyone else. I’ve made other posts about my autism experiences and symptoms if you’re curious about that or trying to help.

Thank you for any help!