r/AskAutism

I have never witnessed a melt down

I think I know people who are autistic who never experienced it

What causes them?

Are they more common when you are younger

Can someone who never had one in youth experience something drastic causing one later in life?

Do any comorbid disorders make them worse?

I feel disappointed with Kaetlin. She seems to be advising parents to reassure a person during a meltdown

Quite honestly, as an ADHDer who doesn't to cause harm, I will literally walk away and increase their space unless there is a really good reason to interact

I am not autistic at all. But if i am hyperfocusing, I really hate people talking at me.

What I want to know is, if and when you experienced melt downs, how you would want people to react

Would you want someone talking gently and holding your hand? Would you prefer space so you could unwind?

I hate being autistic. I know to some people it's like the best thing in the world but those are usually the people that have some kind of autistic superpower like they're amazing at math or they have unbelievable music ability or some other kind of amazing genius. But when you're just run-of-the-mill normal average everyday autistic person like me it's fucking sucks. There is nothing special about being autistic other than your superpower being able to alienate people with the greatest of ease. Are the other amazing superpower you were given with your autism where you can appear close enough to normal that when the glitches in The matrix make their appearance people blame you for them like you should have known no matter how many times you try to explain your social ignorance in blindness to people you still get blamed like you're the bad guy. Oh yeah autism is the fucking best.

It even makes it better when you have a family that leaves you over it. That would rather judge you and not have anything to do with you or support you because of your differences. Yeah autism is fucking great.

The best part is where you get to live in a world where you're basically a ghost with a pulse where you're always on the sidelines looking in at the party never get to participate.

Autism sucks. In the worst part is I get sad over the fact that I can't have relationships then I watch movies where people get to enjoy each other and make new friends and become close and share a bond and no one wants from me and I've tried in my socially awkward autistic way to have that with people. But no matter what I do relationships and people don't last in my life. I always thought about writing a biography called you have 5 minutes because after that you won't want any more of my time. And that's been the constant truth throughout my entire autistic life. It's hello followed by a goodbye and never call me again and sometimes even threats of being arrested if I do contact them again. Yeah being autistic is great.

You get to be close enough to normal to want the things that normal people have but far enough away from normal never to have them so you get to live in empty sad pathetic invisible life. But autism is great isn't it. we're so special that we're autistic right?

Autism fucking sucks

My daughter (4yo) is not potty-trained. She (very quickly) poops, strips down, digs into her diaper, and plays with her feces. We have 2 adaptive PJs for her that zip up and button in the back. It's impossible to get out of them. They work but are expensive. Has anyone had experience with this and knows where to find affordable PJs for littles like her?
I appreciate your help!

Wondering if anyone in this group can provide some insight here. Why does everyone i know all of the sudden have ADHD or autism? I don't mean to invalidate, but it does seem like so many people have diagnosed themselves with these disorders via tiktok, and that's brought us to a place where very normal behaviors are apathologized and labeled as neurodivergence. For example, the other day one of my friends was telling us she wants to get into birding and another friend that's "a sign of autism, having a special interest." What happened to just having a hobby? I miss when we could have hobbies and quirks without having to make them symptoms of a disorder.

Some of the explanation is expanded criteria of those things, but I also think some of it is TikTok diagnosing and just social media rotting our brains and ruining our attention spans.

In some sense, I'm glad we're having more conversations about mental health and those who need help are getting it! But I also feel like this has become somewhat invalidating to people who actually have those disorders and have had a doctor diagnose us. I know medical gate keeping is real and not everyone has access to a formal diagnosis, but there must be some sort of middle ground between that and everyone I know having autism or ADHD, and very normal human behavior being put into a box of autism characteristics.

Anyway, would love to hear others thoughts on this! And I really hope this doesn't come off as invalidating.

Can anyone help me where or what company do you think is the Best ABA Therapy Center in Texas? Thanks much

I LOVE mash personally and my friend (also autistic) hates it

I wondered whats the wider opinion

I’m 19 and getting my first job soon and a lot of the time when being around new people i sometimes tell them first that I am autistic I guess to like have them know there’s a reason if im acting a certain way so they don’t think im just being weird or rude since im bad with eye contact and social cues and conversations and tone and like all the stuff but would that be a disadvantage to tell my workplace?

Hey, guys. I (28F) have been seeing a guy (34M) for about five months. He's autistic, avoidant, an immigrant from the UK who's lived in my country for over 10 years, and he's been dealing with heavy grief.. his father died by su1cide almost two years ago. We had this instant and amazing connection through music, life goals, sense of humor, love for animals, understanding the world..

Three weeks ago we agreed to meet and talk about us, after I'd noticed he'd gotten quieter following a difficult phone call from his family. The day we were supposed to meet, a day he suggested, he vanished. Stopped responding. Didn't pick up his phone. He'd never done anything like this before. I was genuinely worried something had happened to him and went to his house (we were supposed to meet there).

He was okay physically but clearly wasn't well mentally. He told me he had family problems and that when things get hard, he hides and needs to be alone. I asked what he needed and he said some time. I told him I missed him. He said he missed me too. He apologized for not picking up my calls and told me to stop apologizing for showing up at his house (I was ashamed about it). He was physically affectionate and very gentle with me. Holding me, kissing my forehead, pulling me close. He didn't avoid eye contact, but he didn't know what to say.

I asked him directly: "So, is this over?" He said no.

When I asked what we were, he said he couldn't answer at the moment.

I leaned to kiss him and he kissed me back intensely, pulling me close. Things got hot and we almost got intimate, but I stopped. I said, "I can't do this, I need to go home." I called an Uber. I told him I didn't want things to be like this and he said, "I know," with his arms still around me. I asked if he was being honest (he always said he was brutally honest) and he said yes. The last thing he said was "text me if you need anything." I think he meant about getting home safely late at night. I said, "you too, please."

I got home and texted to let him know I got home safe and said if he needed anything, I'm here. He didn't replied.

Five days later I sent a calm, no-pressure message. I said I was confused about what everything meant for us and asked when would be a good time to talk. I said no rush, no pressure, I know you said you needed time. No response. It's been almost three weeks of silence now.

He hasn't blocked me. He still follows me on everything. But zero words.

And yet, I've noticed things that don't add up. For the first two weeks, his Spotify activity was all depressive music (songs about broken men, grief, about failure, about being beyond repair.).Then about a week ago, it shifted. Suddenly it was indie rock, songs about missing someone. Bands we share. Songs he knows I love. He's played them on repeat for days.

He also hides and unhides his Instagram stories from me. He doesn't know I can tell when he does it. Right now they're unhidden since friday (today is sunday). But he hasn't looked at a single thing I've posted (at least not with his account).

Here's what I can't understand: I gave him an easy out. I literally asked if it was over. He said no to my face. I sent a thoughtful, pressure-free message and still nothing. Is this something avoidants do? Not break up but disappear anyway? Is he genuinely taking space and planning to come back, or is this a slow-motion discard?

I know people will say "silence is an answer." But he explicitly said it wasn't over. That's what I can't reconcile.

My therapist thinks he has no idea how much his silence is hurting me. He's a very black-and-white, practical thinker, and my message didn't mention the pain at all. She said I should send another one when I'm ready, saying clearly that the silence isn't okay with me. I extended my hand, but I didn't say I can't work with silence.

I have a three year-old level three nonverbal autistic son. He is scheduled to have his tonsils and adenoids out, and tubes put in his ears. I have a friend who’s 12-year-old daughter just had this done and it was absolutely miserable. Has anyone done this on a autistic child so young?? What should I be expecting? Help

I’d really love to hear from any autistic adults who didn't speak as a child or teen (whether you do now or not).

I am an autistic adult myself but was verbal, but I care for a 4 year old autistic little one who is non-speaking nearly 100% of the time (just the odd word a couple times a month). I'd like to gain a greater understanding from those who have maybe been in his shoes of how he might see the world.

• What was that experience was like? • Why didn't you speak (as I assume it can vary which some people it being a choice for comfort, other being unable?) • And what was helpful from your care givers or do you wish they had done?

I hope I have worded everything to not offend. I'm happy to be kindly educated if not so I can learn.

PS we are helping him learn other ways of communication and helping him to know his thoughts and feelings are valuable.

Hi all! I’m trying to reach out to my personal, local community but no one has any insight to offer, so here I am.

Me (NB23) and my boyfriend (M26) are both autistic trans poc about to travel to CA for a wedding.

I have OCD, as well, and because of it am absolutely not able to go through with any biometrics process. We are trying to complete TSA Precheck stuff so that the whole process can be a little easier. We are already utilizing ADA accommodations offered by JetBlue like priority seating and such, so we thought we were in a good spot!

This weekend and today specifically have been really disheartening, however. We have both changed our names legally as well as our socials, but we were not able to change our birth certificates in time before the current administration took over. We are not rich whatsoever and cannot afford to deal with any fines or loss of documentation; this, on top of the fact that both of our jobs are *thankfully* very accepting, means that our birth certificates were never an issue until now.

The online “pre” precheck form literally will not let us complete filling it out because of the mismatch in documentation. I’m really trying to figure out how we can work this out with an actual human being in person, but I haven’t found anything. So far, I’ve made one phone call and was immediately met with blatant disrespect. Every question I had, he answered with contempt and brushed me off; he even berated me for not having my BC updated.

Does ANYONE here have any experience with something like this with TSA, or any advice/recommendations on what to do moving forward? Our flight is on Thursday and this has all been so exhausting..

Thank you for any responses in advance 🫂🩶

Hi, all. I am the husband of a woman with AuDHD, mobility issues, and chronic pain. My wife has recently decided to live more authentically, and it is causing a lot of stress in our relationship. Yesterday, we were in the process of moving to our new home. After taking care of the first load, my wife requested a plan for the day. While we covered most of the details, I neglected to mention that I would need to take care of the dogs before our second run.

Immediately after unloading from the first run, my wife got into the truck, and she overheated. Meanwhile, I realized that given the time, I would have to take care of the dogs, and I notified my wife immediately by text from inside the house. My wife was in autistic meltdown at this point, and she falsely accused me of intentionally withholding information and causing her pain and discomfort.

While this was triggering to me, my wife expects me to provide immediate comfort and repair in this situation, while I have learned from my own trauma recovery work that taking a few minutes, creating some distance from the conflict, and self-regulating can help me to respond in a more constructive and loving way.

For anyone who has found themselves in a similar scenario, what recommendations or suggestions would you have for handling this?

I hope this is an okay post

So I am not autistic (I mean, you never know)
But I have a family member, my 2yr old niece, Kaylee, who I think might be.
I don't need a diagnosis or wtv, I'm just hoping she'll be treated okay, if she does have autism.
In my family being ND, is heavily stigmatized, especially with my half-sister (my niece's mom)
I'm just scared she'll be treated badly by her parents, siblings (well honestly only one of them would do that sinc I've already seen my oldest niece Gabby say some messed up stuff about autistic ppl) and grandparents etc.
I wanna be a good aunty for her, whether she has autism or not, but I HATE her mom an oldest sibling, like that whole side lwk.
How do I hang out with her and be a good aunty while also avoiding her family?

I am a nurse and was diagnosed with autism at 26 years old about 7 months ago. Honestly, I had no idea I was autistic when I went into nursing. I thought if I forced myself into enough exposure and uncomfortable situations that eventually I would “get over” my struggles socially, mentally, and functionally.

I first worked in a hospital for about 6 months and completely burned out and had to quit. After that I went into mental health/substance abuse nursing because it was more routine-based and less chaotic than the hospital. I stayed there for almost 4 years, but I struggled the entire time even though I became much more functional there with repetition and routine.

The facility recently went through bankruptcy and I had to get a new job in the same field. Since starting over again, I feel like I am losing my mind.

I am constantly overwhelmed. I cry all the time now. I feel like I’m barely holding it together at work and it’s affecting my personal life badly. I feel exhausted mentally before I even go into shifts because I know how much effort it takes just to function normally around people.

Nobody really knows I’m autistic. I mask constantly. I spend so much energy trying to hide: confusion, overwhelm, social difficulties, executive functioning problems, sensory sensitivity, anxiety, difficulty processing things quickly, difficulty learning environments/systems unless I repeat them many times.

People at work say I am “slow.”

One thing I struggle with badly is learning systems/environments. For example, at my detox facility there are apartments/buildings with room systems that don’t match the charting names clearly. People seem to “just know” where everything is. I was shown quickly once or twice and everyone else acts like it’s common sense. Meanwhile I get confused and anxious trying to find patients or understand where things are.

I ask questions, but honestly if I asked every question I actually had, it would be nonstop. So I filter them. I try to figure things out behind the scenes by watching other people, researching things myself, memorizing patterns, or pretending I understand until I can piece it together alone. A lot of “common sense” things are not common sense to me unless I’ve repeated them many times.

The worst part is that I genuinely care SO much about doing things correctly. I overthink everything because I’m scared of making mistakes or looking incompetent. I feel like I am constantly trying to compensate and appear normal. I just don’t feel like I have ever had any other option but to just “push through”. And ever since I got diagnosed, I’ve been so exhausted of doing that now that I know what it is. I would quit on the spot if I had the option and find something that worked better for my brain. I wish I would have known all of this before I went to college and got into this position. Now I don’t know what to do.

Financially I feel trapped. I wish I could leave nursing entirely, but I cannot find anything else with remotely similar pay and I have struggled financially for years already. I feel backed into a corner.

I guess I’m posting because I want to know:

-Did anyone else choose a career thinking exposure would force you to become more socially functional, only to end up extremely burned out?

-Has anyone found careers or work environments that are more autism-friendly but still financially survivable?

-How do you survive workplaces where there are a lot of unwritten rules and “common sense” expectations?

- How do you manage the overwhelm and masking long term?

- Are there other autistic nurses or healthcare workers who relate to this?

- Does it ever get easier?

I feel very alone in this.

My husband and I have been struggling to figure out how to help my brother-in-law (27M). He’s very high functioning, but has very low self-confidence. He’s been at a local college for ~8 years now and still lives with his parents. He’s never had a job and sleeps most of the days (only awake from 10pm-6am most nights). He recently quit enrolling into classes and never got his degree.

We think he’s struggling with depression and self-esteem issues. He’s very smart and capable, but he doesn’t see that in himself (my husband and I think his parents haven’t really pushed him to do much, baby him, and let his diagnosis define him).

We aren’t really sure what to do. We’ve been actively trying to spend more time with him since the only place he likes to visit (other than his own home) is our house. He’s coming over this weekend, and we are trying to decide if/how to address our concerns.

He’s always said he wants to get married and have kids, but we’re scared that he won’t find that on the path he’s currently on. Partly because he doesn’t have any opportunities to meet people with his current lifestyle.

We want to encourage him to get a job, find something he enjoys, or maybe even get back in school, but we don’t want to be pushy or make him feel bad. Again, he’s extremely high functioning and smart. We want to help, but we don’t want to overstep or unintentionally make things worse.

Any advice or thoughts?

So, I am a 23F, working in my first job for about a year now, and I am not sure if I am doing a good job or not. I recently got diagnosed with autism, and things feel so different now. A lot of things make sense, but there are a lot I am still trying to unlearn and relearn. But one thing I know is that I need a job, but I am not really doing great at that.
Some problems I am facing are:

• They changed my work portfolio, and I am no longer working for the work I came for but have been shifted to proposal writing and connecting with people (both things I am not good at).
• There are times I check my emails and submissions like 10 times, so I don't make a mistake, but I still sometimes send wrong things, forget to rename things, etc. and yeah, when my manager scolds me for that, I too feel like shit
• I get shamed a lot as I take too much time as compared to my colleagues when it comes to work; I've been told I am not doing my best and need to "up my game."
• Two of my teammates left the team, and they still haven't hired anyone new. I've been working 3 people's jobs, and many times my mind goes blank because there are, like, 10 things with the same deadline or "urgent."
• Oh, and I am on minimum wage. Every time I have asked for a raise, they have asked what I have even done or accomplished, and I go silent most of the time.
• My self-confidence is down the drain; I am not sure if I am even good at anything. My software skills are going away because I am not practising anymore.

It's my first post, so idk how exactly it happens, but I just wanted to rant and possibly get some kind of explanation or answer.

Also, my English is not great, so spare me, please.

Hey guys, I have a question.

I’m thinking about buying Loop earplugs. I’m mainly looking for noise reduction for being in public places like shopping malls, walking outside, restaurants, cafés, etc. I still want to be able to have conversations sometimes, but also have more quiet when I’m alone.

That’s why I’ve been looking into the Loop Switch 2, but I’m not sure if they’re the right choice for me.

One issue I have is that earphones tend to fall out of my ears. I’ve tried AirPods (both regular and the ones with silicone tips), and they always fall out. It’s not that they feel loose — if anything, they feel kind of too tight, and then they just end up coming out anyway. I don’t know if that means I have small ear canals or something like that.

So I’m worried that Loop earplugs might also fall out, and if they do, then obviously they won’t work for me.

If anyone has experience with that, I’d really appreciate your input.

Also, how much noise reduction do the Switch 2 actually provide in real life? And are there maybe better alternatives than the Switch 2 for what I’m looking for?

Again, I don’t need complete silence — I just want to reduce background noise and overstimulation as much as possible while still being able to talk to people when needed.