Navigating autistic meltdown in female AuDHD partner
Hi, all. I am the husband of a woman with AuDHD, mobility issues, and chronic pain. My wife has recently decided to live more authentically, and it is causing a lot of stress in our relationship. Yesterday, we were in the process of moving to our new home. After taking care of the first load, my wife requested a plan for the day. While we covered most of the details, I neglected to mention that I would need to take care of the dogs before our second run.
Immediately after unloading from the first run, my wife got into the truck, and she overheated. Meanwhile, I realized that given the time, I would have to take care of the dogs, and I notified my wife immediately by text from inside the house. My wife was in autistic meltdown at this point, and she falsely accused me of intentionally withholding information and causing her pain and discomfort.
While this was triggering to me, my wife expects me to provide immediate comfort and repair in this situation, while I have learned from my own trauma recovery work that taking a few minutes, creating some distance from the conflict, and self-regulating can help me to respond in a more constructive and loving way.
For anyone who has found themselves in a similar scenario, what recommendations or suggestions would you have for handling this?