r/adultautism

Hey everyone, I really need some advice.

My current situation: Me (28F) and my boyfriend (28M) have been together for 4 years.

Overall, we match well in many ways. We have chemistry, he treats me well, he’s responsible, and he genuinely puts effort into the relationship. He cooks for me, bakes for me, makes birthdays special, things like that.

But obviously not everything is perfect.

Lately I’ve been feeling emotionally uncomfortable in the relationship and I don’t know if it’s because of my own communication issues or because of him.

For a long time now I’ve been trying to explain to him that I strongly suspect I’m autistic. I’ve struggled my whole life with a lot of typical neurodivergent issues, and I’m already diagnosed with ADHD.

Life itself is already exhausting for me, especially working full-time in an overstimulating job (Police). I think what I want most is simply to feel understood.

The problem is: whenever I try to talk to him about how hard things feel for me (which is already difficult because I usually keep it all inside), he tends to minimize it or I can tell he just doesn’t really get it. He has this mindset of “other people have it worse,” so he compares my struggles to others a lot.

At this point I’m honestly burned out, and because of that it’s become even more noticeable that I’m “different” and low on energy.

He often doesn’t understand when I’m exhausted, and I feel like deep down he judges me for it.

One example: I have a skin-picking habit around my fingers that I’ve had since childhood and genuinely struggle to control. He often gets annoyed by it and says it’s unattractive and that my fingers look horrible, even though it’s honestly not THAT severe, mostly dry skin and sometimes small bloody spots.

Honestly I‘m often anxious when I‘m around him and when I notice that I‘m skin-picking again I stop before he reacts.

He also gets irritated when I don’t make eye contact while talking, even though I’ve explained multiple times that I actually focus better that way and that I want to be able to unmask at home and just be myself.

He says he also dislikes when I stare into space sometimes and finds it “unattractive.”
Or when I‘m overanalyzing.

Sometimes I show him autism-related memes or reels because I’m hoping it’ll open up conversation, increase his awareness, or maybe motivate him to understand me better and have more empathy for why I behave the way I do.

Sometimes he agrees that it’s relatable… but then says things like:
“that’s really unsexy.”
Meaning autistic behavior in general.

The irony is that some of these traits actually become stronger the more uncomfortable and unaccepted I feel.

What hurts is that I don’t even expect the relationship to revolve around me. I genuinely try to listen to him too. I ask him questions, try to have deeper conversations about him and his interests, and I listen for long periods when he talks about things he likes.

But when I talk, I often feel rushed or stressed because I can sense his attention fading and that he doesn’t really want to listen. Because of that I’ve started talking less and less. Ironically, he complains that I don’t talk enough.

I just naturally enjoy deeper conversations and meaningful topics. If interactions stay surface-level all the time, I honestly prefer saying nothing at all.

I’m at a point where I genuinely don’t know what to do anymore.

Is this enough reason to break up?
Is it my fault for not communicating well? Is his behavior understandable because he never learned about this topic or because he suffers indirectly from my behavior? He said that my skin-picking is triggering him because he doesn‘t like repeating noises which I understand.
Am I maybe too much? i feel like a normal and outgoing extroverted girl would be a better match for him..

Thank you for taking your time to read my text 🙏🏻

I came across this subreddit and wanted to share my experience with recovering from autistic burnout and also getting my adhd diagnosis in the process. If you’re in a similar position as I was back then, I hope I can inspire some of you to keep going and know it WILL get better 💕
After I finished my bachelor degree I noticed how I was completely burned out. We were still in the middle of the c-pandemic and honestly, I completely lost my spark. I felt so exhausted and the “simplest” task felt incredibly overwhelming and hard. Almost 2 years later I finally got my autism diagnosis and just recently I got my ADHD diagnosis. Since I’ve gotten my adhd meds I’m really feeling so so so much better. I am able to start my chores and find my creativity again 🥺
The long waiting lists felt terrible and discouraging at the time… as if I was running out of time. But I am glad I pushed through and am finally starting to feel better. Autism therapy helped me a lot too and helped me pinpoint my strengths and weaknesses better, so now I feel like I can accommodate myself more and be kinder to myself. Asking for help, when I felt completely lost and hopeless was one of the hardest things I had to do and also one of the bravest things.
Did any of you experience burnout? How did you deal with it?
I hope others can find a sense of hope from this post and push through. You’re not alone and just getting up on those hard days is something amazing you achieved on this day that you can be proud of and be kind to yourself for. 💕

I genuinely have no idea what this experience is and haven't seen it mentioned elsewhere and don't even see it in the autism criteria. For context, I have giftedness, ADHD, dyslexia, OCD, anxiety, and autism L1. I used to be clearly autistic up until ~ 2 yrs ago (infodumping, monologuing, literal communication, clear stimming, etc). So I at least clearly "had" autism (even though I know you can't "un-have" it. I don't really struggle with communication anymore and actually try really hard to make everyone feel good, welcomed, appreciated, etc sometimes to my own determent but it feels authentic and alligned with me, not like a 'mask' I put on. My main difficult now socially (I clearly fit the other parts of autism) is that I have a hard time 'putting the pieces together' socially and am SOOOO analytical almost to my determent. I am very strong socially, but then I open my mouth and the autism falls out. Like I was talking about all my rules and clear social structure of how I think about the level of friendship and my mom was like wtf?? because apparently others don't think about things that hard. It's like I'm existing on this whole other intellectual level all of the time but also failing at fundemental human understanding that neurotypicals never even think about. But sometimes I don't feel autistic at all because I don't really struggle with being monotoned, having a flat affect, having different communication, etc anymore. But I'm not really neurotypical either. What is this?? I haven't seen this represented and I'm so confused!! Am I just gifted and anxious??

I understand this sounds a lot like masking and I did put a lot of effort into learning how to be this way but now it feels mostly in line with who I am it's just that I have to think about it more. But it's not like I'm pretending to be someone else or putting my fake face on. I don't feel like I belong anywhere in what I've seen about autism but I clearly have something going on. Has anyone else experienced this?? Or maybe it's something else??

So I've been doing a lot of therapy over the past 3 years and as a part of that I have healed some of my childhood trauma- a lot of which I didn't realise was even there but was screamingly obvious from the patterns in my life...

I'm currently in the city having caught the train and then a packed tram to get to my accommodation. The city is very busy and I used to love it but now all of a sudden its a sensory nightmare??? What on earth????

I realised that I USED to be comfortable in the city crowds because I would literally pretend to be someone else. Its actually how I have always masked, and when I don't do that I am overwhemed by sensory issues and the presence of people. It was fun, exciting and my imagination is great so I always had a good time lol.

So much of my mask has been to not let parts of me show and therefore I would adopt a persona that isn't affected by everything. Too cool for school. I'm not doing that so much now I've been diagnosed and understand myself and have given myself permission to exist as I am. I have been reprocessing my entire life, with kindness and a shitload of aha moments. I thought it would be easier on my nervous system to be fully myself, and that nasty inner voice I had my entire life is pretty much gone now, but I was NOT expecting the world to become so completely overwhelming to me without that buffer of pretending to be someone else...

I'm starting a new job soon, and I'm wondering if I need to bring back a level of masking to prevent myself being completely swamped by a new environment and people.

Thoughts?

(oh god I sound insane hahahaha urgh)

Hey everybody,

Through working with an ADHD specialist, I recently learned that I likely have some degree of autism. I just finished my 2L year, and I wanted to reach out to see if there are any lawyers/attorneys here who also have some degree of autism, and ask how they manage both their disorder and their practice.

I have found it very difficult in really any job I’ve had, but especially in my legal jobs/internships. Specifically, I tend to take much longer than most people to complete assignments.

I really appreciate any feedback!

​

I dagens samhälle, där vi ständigt omges av information, har vi alla ett val: att vidga våra perspektiv och faktiskt lära oss om andra.

Trots detta har många människor därute valt att döma oss på grund av okunskap, även fast det idag finns alla möjligheter att ta till sig kunskap om vad det innebär att ha autism.

Det är inte bara en diagnos, utan flera, och man kan inte generalisera eller placera alla med autism i samma kategori. Alla inom spektrumet fungerar olika – därav namnet autismspektrum.

Bara för att vissa mår bättre av att få en diagnos betyder det inte att alla av oss delar den uppfattningen eller har samma upplevelse av att ha fått denna stämpel.

Jag tycker personligen att samhällets syn på detta är minst sagt märklig.

Hur tänker människor som sätter diagnoser på andra samtidigt som man förväntas acceptera den och leva ett liv där man måste välja mellan att vara sann mot sig själv – vilket ofta leder till att andra ser ner på en – eller vara tyst för att slippa bli dömd?

På vilket sätt tror vårdgivare att de hjälper mig genom att säga att jag har en diagnos?

Det gör att jag varje dag blir påmind om att jag anses mindre värd än andra, på grund av hur samhället väljer att behandla diagnosen, trots att jag inte har några fysiska hinder.

Jag förstår inte behovet av att dela in människor på det här sättet och tycker att det är förminskande.

Det är samma föråldrade tankesätt som fortfarande används av myndigheter idag – samma mekanism som historiskt har delat in människor i ett “vi och dom” för att frysa ut dem som inte passar in i majoritetens box och sopa undan dem.

Det räcker att se tillbaka på historien kring Lillhagens sjukhus, som öppnade 1932, för att förstå hur djupt rotad den här föråldrade synen är.

Jag har inte valt min diagnos eller att bli utredd i skolan.

Det beslutet togs av andra.

Jag tycker att valet att gå en NPF-utredning inte borde ligga hos föräldrarna eller skolan utan en själv.

Ibland kan jag personligen känna att det hade varit enklare att inte veta om diagnosen alls, för då hade jag sluppit ångesten och oron över att inte kunna vara mig själv bland folk.

Jag blir faktiskt provocerad av att det ständigt ställs krav på oss från majoritetssamhället att vi ska anpassa oss efter deras förväntningar, istället för att människor försöker förstå oss bättre och inse att även vi har rätt att ställa krav på andra.

Jag vill därför lyfta ett varningens finger.

I slutändan handlar det om att varje person ska må bra i sig själv, oavsett hur majoriteten väljer att se på en och väljer man som majoritetssamhälle att blunda istället för att förstå oss då har man ingen rätt heller att bli förvånad över att vissa av oss når en gräns och när den gränsen väl är nåd då är det inte bara på bekostnad av individen själv utan även på samhället i stort.

Tycker ni verkligen, när ni tagit till er detta, att det är konstigt att vissa människor med diagnoser blir deprimerade eller isolerar sig i den här situationen?

Det gör inte jag i alla fall, och den som säger något annat behöver läsa på betydelsen av ordet empati.

Jag är en människa först och främst. Inte en diagnos,kod,ett offer eller någon som behöver speciella hjälpmedel för att fungera.

Många inom spektrumet har faktiskt en djupare form av empati än många andra tror även om inte vi alltid kan eller vill uttrycka oss i alla sociala sammanhang.

Därför tror jag många fler behöver stanna upp och ställa sig frågan. Hur vill jag leva i detta samhälle?

Och till dem som sannolikt kommer att slänga ur sig projektioner i syfte att förminska min upplevelse vill jag säga att era ord inte biter på mig.

Jag står i min sanning.

Har ni inget vuxet att tillägga kan ni inte förvänta er ett svar från mig.

Avslutningsvis vill jag nämna att det här inte är en attack mot enskilda individers syn, utan en kritik mot samhällets föråldrade perception, en bild som många har tagit till sig och som skapat en felaktig uppfattning om oss som inte överensstämmer med verkligheten.

P.S: Jag kommer endast att svara på kommentarer som är konstruktiva och skrivna i en respektfull ton.

Om ni vill skriva och lära känna mig så är det bara skicka ett meddelande privat.

Hi all, I’m 25f and undiagnosed but unsure. I have ADHD and OCD, which I understand that symptoms overlap a lot with those of autism. My question is- can anyone relate to feeling chronically younger than peers? I feel like people look at me like I’m younger than I am because I do things that others don’t, or that they’re better at hiding (such as swaying, rocking, zoning out, fidgeting). I also have very specific interests which other people find strange or humorous. It’s just a feeling I get when speaking to others that they view me as younger because of neurodivergence, even if they can’t put it into those words exactly. I’m not diagnosed but I’ve suspected for a long time now, but I’m not trying to self diagnose. I don’t really have the option to get an evaluation at the moment.

I can feel the stress and anger building this week, lots of things are super busy at work.

Does anyone else feel like they are on a rail that's destined for a breakdown, and no matter how much you try and calm things, it's like I have no choice that I wilk get overloaded and breakdown.

I'm sat in my office, trying not to burst into tears. Not a good look for a 45 year old guy in a corporate office.

Something else I've noticed is when im speaking out loud it's like my brain can't find the next word. It's weird, when im more relaxed I can speak fine, but when im feeling overwhelmed I can't form sentences.

Guess im just putting down my feelings.

At work they say that autism is a super power. I just want it to go away. I don't have any super powers.

I am a compulsive hand washer. (My third grade teacher actually expressed concern about my compulsive handwashing to my parents!) When a teen, I became obsessed with showering daily and if I was in a situation where I could not, I was massively uncomfortable in my body. Then Covid hit ... and with it the opening stages of Autistic burnout. I had no idea it was that at the time, but looking back I can see it. Anyway, I stopped showering because I started working remotely full time. I could not force myself to do it to save my life, which confused the heck out of me because I used to be so religious about showering, and I am still a compulsive hand washer. Anyway, I have decided to force myself to shower more often so as to not neglect self care. I actually showered this morning, and it was the second time this week. I am proud of myself.

How can hordes of people be so fucking cruel.

I hate being autistic. I know to some people it's like the best thing in the world but those are usually the people that have some kind of autistic superpower like they're amazing at math or they have unbelievable music ability or some other kind of amazing genius. But when you're just run-of-the-mill normal average everyday autistic person like me it's fucking sucks. There is nothing special about being autistic other than your superpower being able to alienate people with the greatest of ease. Are the other amazing superpower you were given with your autism where you can appear close enough to normal that when the glitches in The matrix make their appearance people blame you for them like you should have known no matter how many times you try to explain your social ignorance in blindness to people you still get blamed like you're the bad guy. Oh yeah autism is the fucking best.

It even makes it better when you have a family that leaves you over it. That would rather judge you and not have anything to do with you or support you because of your differences. Yeah autism is fucking great.

The best part is where you get to live in a world where you're basically a ghost with a pulse where you're always on the sidelines looking in at the party never get to participate.

Autism sucks. In the worst part is I get sad over the fact that I can't have relationships then I watch movies where people get to enjoy each other and make new friends and become close and share a bond and no one wants from me and I've tried in my socially awkward autistic way to have that with people. But no matter what I do relationships and people don't last in my life. I always thought about writing a biography called you have 5 minutes because after that you won't want any more of my time. And that's been the constant truth throughout my entire autistic life. It's hello followed by a goodbye and never call me again and sometimes even threats of being arrested if I do contact them again. Yeah being autistic is great.

You get to be close enough to normal to want the things that normal people have but far enough away from normal never to have them so you get to live in empty sad pathetic invisible life. But autism is great isn't it. we're so special that we're autistic right?

Autism fucking sucks

Im audhd and very firmly masked. I was diagnosed as adhd 11 years ago and autistic ~6 months ago. I am 34.

Ive driven past this place for years, and by the time i get home to search it i forget it exists..i pull in and go in with great intent.

I walk in, thinking that there would be the entire range of ASD individuals supported at this place… like, there would be people with high needs and people like me who just need a coffee hour or something to bitch about how their husbands light bulb choices caused the fight over which color curtains to get and how that caused you to go off the handle and you said something you shouldnt have.. and how do we manage that….a day program for higher needs, and a later program for lower needs.

So, i walk in. Most people seem to need a lot of support. Totally fine. I ask, “who works here?” And they identify themselves. I tell them my story about how im recently learning how to unmask and it’s so hard to put it back on. And im saying that i dont quite vibe with a lot of the energy around how people treat autistic people.. and i am wondering if there was a late diagnosis, adult audhd or autism groups here?….. and they walk me to the fuckin director.. and im now in a whole job interview..

The carer literally said “hes looking for a job”.. and i was like.. is that what you got from that? ..oh this is now an interview.. i am wearing dirty pants, nothing is right, everything is wrong.

Im like.. i came here for support, why are we discussing this? Also, how is your carer just surprising a person with a full-on job interview who said theyre autistic? I am a walk in asking what support and services you provide…

I mean.. im also looking for a job, but not right at this damn moment. Also i am struggling .. i came to you asking for help.. …and your sign is very misleading..im doing all the things a late diagnosed person does..

This is a rant.

Again, i am amazing at masking and bottling stuff up which is not healthy and is usually directed to people i love when i “release”. THATS what i came here to talk about. Not for an interview cuz i look “normal”.

34F, always felt different. Wondering if I might be autistic and scared it won't change anything.

I've always felt like I see and feel things differently than other people. When I'm with others I play different roles depending on who I'm with, I shape myself around them; usually to make them feel less alone. I'm tired.

Normal stuff has always been hard for me. I didn't walk until I was 3. Never learned to ride a bike. Didn't drive until I was 25. I struggle to keep a tidy living space and to take care of myself and my things; my car goes without maintenance, I rarely see a doctor. I do keep myself clean and my clothes clean because I want to smell and appear nice to others, but even that was hard to build because I genuinely hate getting water on my face or near my eyes.

I don't like being touched. Physical intimacy has never really interested me.

For the last 12 years I struggled with substance abuse. I've been sober from alcohol for 3 years, THC for over a year. Most recently I quit nicotine about 10 months ago. Its getting harder to stay masked, I've withdrawn a lot from people. Its hard with my family, my friends, and my partner for me to want to be around them, and I feel lonely at the same time.

My therapist thinks I should get tested for autism and I'm considering it. But my biggest fear is that even if I get a diagnosis, it won't make daily life any easier. It'll just give me a name for why ordinary things drain me completely, why connection feels like performance, why I can't just be myself without becoming whoever the room needs me to be.

Has anyone else felt this way going into a diagnosis? Did it actually change anything for you?

A lot of Autistic people take a neurodiversity approach wherein even if their Autism is a disability (as is part of the diagnostic criteria) they prefer an approach of behavioral health supports combined with social environment modifications (biopsychosocial or social model) and they see their Autism as part of their identity. As a person with mild to moderate cerebral palsy (and severe anxiety but I see that as a disorder in need of curing) I see the ways I adapt, the tools I used the routines I have developed around my access needs and the interests I have developed from activities I have to do to manage living with cerebral palsy such as pilates and lifting as part of what shapes me. I have also made many friends in disability spaces. as such, I take a neurodiversity affirming approach to my CP, a view which has been influenced in part by my Autistic friends' perspective. As such, I am curious: If you are both Autistic and have cerebral palsy do you see both of your conditions as pieces of who you are or just your Autism? Do you see neither condition or both as a part of you? Thank you!

This Friday, I begin the process of being evaluated for adult autism, and I am very frightened. I’m pursuing this diagnosis because my therapist strongly recommended it. My daughter is AuDHD, and other members on my maternal side of the family are autistic as well.

I’m a 48-year-old male algebra and chemistry teacher who has struggled with many things over the years. Everyone sees me as this ultra-smart person who can fix anything, do anything, or learn to do anything. People come to me to solve problems, but inside I always feel like I am mentally struggling to make it through each day.

Inside, though, these are the things I’ve struggled with throughout my life: social confusion, bullying, isolation, loneliness, noise sensitivity, sensory overload, difficulty with emotional expression, miscommunication, social anxiety, small talk, crowds, intolerance to change, shutdowns, emotional overwhelm, chronic stress, hypervigilance, rehearsing conversations, rumination, executive dysfunction, task initiation, forgetfulness, mental overload, time pressure, perfectionism, rigid thinking, sleep tension, irritability, burnout, dyslexia, processing speed issues, feeling different, social masking, misreading intentions, flat affect, relationship strain, conflict avoidance, walking on eggshells, touch sensitivity, clothing sensitivity, dependence on routines, deep immersion, hyperfocus, preference for solitude, anxiety around authority figures, discomfort with public attention, forced socialization, self-doubt, emotional exhaustion, and ADHD.

My question is this: I have Autism Quotient testing results, the Ritvo Autism Asperger Diagnostic Scale–Revised (RAADS-R), my learning disability diagnosis from grade school, and written descriptions of how I’ve struggled throughout life. Should I bring all of my “papers” with me, or should I just go in and let them figure it out?

Thank you!!!

This is just my opinion but I work in the healthcare field and specialize with autism, and I even perform the golden diagnostic standard to aid with diagnoses.

I can explain why the maternal instinct is going around regarding haters who have a soft spot for him. People dislike his masking. And they see him at heart as an autistic kid who is trying to navigate through life that’s surrounded by his special interest (looksmaxing).

I hate how society is beginning to normalize autism in people, with the idea of a high masking neurotypical appearing person. It just isn’t representative of the struggles of the neurodivergent community. I wish that his insecurities could shine through and be embraced because he’s openly talked about being on the spectrum, yet continues to mask. He is an amazing looking guy, he gets women, he has money, he appears to be having fun but it’s not enough for him. None of that will go away with his asd traits not being suppressed anymore. I truly believe that if he began to embrace his differences, then more people would start to like him. He would also have significantly less insecurities and anxiety (from all the masking) and I think he would receive less hate.

Right now people are battling with the knowledge that he is a real person, who has feelings, and is incredibly intelligent, but they stay stuck on all the negatives. Those negatives to me seem like his mask because it made him get SO popular.

I genuinely feel bad for him because he seems like an incredible person who’s gotten stuck. I worry about the drugs and partying due to the intense effects on the autistic brain from substances which is not talked about a lot. They are known to worsen cognitive deficits and sensory processing that everyone who is diagnosed with autism have in one way or another. And these drugs impact the brain so significantly that they get stuck in a cycle of being okay, and then the world feeling worse because of worsened autism traits from the comedown, and then feeling okay again, but even worse the next time… it can lead to depression and anxiety that is incredibly hard to cope with as a neurotypical person. Now imagine that coupled with a neurodivergent person, who already struggles with the intense psychological and mental exhaustion from masking all the time.

I can only hope that one day someone close to him sees past his looks and persona, and cares deeply enough to explain how detrimental these WILL be on his mental health in the long run.

Do you have a physical habit that is bad for you (such as scratching, hair pulling, etc.) but is sooooooo hard to stop??

*scratches head in nervous anticipation*

19, i exhibit almost every other autistic trait in the book: control/rigidity/routine issues, executive dysfunction, social alienation and communication issues, masking, stimming and under-stimulation/overstimulation problems, giftedness in abstract thinking and pattern recognition...

thing is, i dont remember having a crazy amount of sensory sensitivity as a child. currently i struggle with it a LOT, to the point where i need earplugs to avoid having a meltdown... but i never had meltdowns or tantrums over noise as a child, and i don't remember particular issues. im wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience? all i remember is:

- in elementary id wear a super tight high ponytail with two headbands. every day. if it wasnt tight enough, id have my mom redo it. also only super tight and soft clothes so lots of leggings. no jeans (too cold/textured), no turtlenecks, and socks had to be worn inside out if they had a prominent seam on the inside where the toes were. no meltdowns, just annoyance.

- i disliked sleeping in summer: on one hand i needed a nice heavy cover, on the other i needed to stay cool (and my mom would get mad at me for using the air conditioner so often). dilemma. no meltdowns, just something that internally annoyed me. sleeping with no weight was like sleeping standing up.

- in middle school id wake up everyday to wash my hair, no conditioner, cause i detested greasy/weighed down hair. even slightly. also i reverted to only baggy/loose clothes and hated tight ones. sometimes id cover my ears in the lunchroom (id cover and uncover them super fast, cuz if u just cover them you still hear the "background" clearly). i also discovered i hated air fresheners.

- middle school was when i started buying my own clothes instead of using hand-me-downs, and i realized im a terrible shopper. after one store im mentally exhausted, i cannot try on and take off jeans for ages, all the clothing options are overwhelming, theres too much light and noise and pressure and after six stores id be lucky if i found one pair of jeans.

- ive never been a picky eater!! my mom started me on vegetables really early and always cooked a variety of foods. when it came to snacks or making my own food, i always ate the same things, but i was never picky. also recently i noticed i dont "like" or "dislike" food, it just feels/tastes more complex or interesting in my mouth. i love eating figs for example, theyre stimulating. then again, i do have a history of anorexia so that warped my food perception to an extent.

do any of these count as sensory issues, or is it just quirks? they were mild things, nowhere near the sensory overwhelm i experience currently

the point of the post was the fact that in childhood my sensory sensitivity was mild compared to every other autistic trait i possessed (with age and burnout my sensory issues became extreme). and since im currently getting diagnosed, i was doing a deep-dive to figure out how my autistic traits exhibited themselves back then, and if they were as severe as they are now. and the result was sensory issues being mild and more tolerable than they are now.

any insight is appreciated :)