u/lost-in-the-woulds

If you want to know why the world perceives Christians as being anti-sex, just spent a bit of time in this sub.

Christians view sexual sin as the most sinful of all sins. We pile on people having struggles with porn and tell them how evil it is, and how evil people who use porn are. Many Christians consider looking at pictures of attractive fully clothes women as evil also.

Meanwhile, when young Christian couples are struggling with sexual issues, or if older Christians are struggling in a sexless marriage, they get a pat on the head and told to "pray harder," but don't talk about it. Because talking about sex with someone you are not married to is evil.

I grew up in a Baptist church. We were at church at least three times every week and I went to christian schools. I now serve on my church's tech team, so I am there every week. Every single time the subject of sex has come up, both in the churches I attended, and at the christian school I went to, it was within the context of "sexual sin" .... no church leader in my experience has said anything good or positive about sex. In fact, my youth group leader told me that "sex is always sinful, but God looks the other way if the couple is married." Literally. Those were his words in response to me saying to him that since sex is so awful, I am surprised that Baptist even have children.

So don't be surprised when your non Christian friends view Christians as anti-sex, because we are anti-sex. And we have been since long before I was born.

I am a compulsive hand washer. (My third grade teacher actually expressed concern about my compulsive handwashing to my parents!) When a teen, I became obsessed with showering daily and if I was in a situation where I could not, I was massively uncomfortable in my body. Then Covid hit ... and with it the opening stages of Autistic burnout. I had no idea it was that at the time, but looking back I can see it. Anyway, I stopped showering because I started working remotely full time. I could not force myself to do it to save my life, which confused the heck out of me because I used to be so religious about showering, and I am still a compulsive hand washer. Anyway, I have decided to force myself to shower more often so as to not neglect self care. I actually showered this morning, and it was the second time this week. I am proud of myself.

Honestly, and this feels so weird to say, because all, and I do mean all, of my grandparents' (all four of them) siblings were alcoholics .... but alcohol is the only thing that makes my brain calm down enough to be able to function without being in fight or flight mode. I have tried anti-depressants .... they help a little .... and ADHD meds ... but they make it worse!!!

I don't drink to get drunk because I don't want to lose control But .... yeah .... truth is that I need alcohol to calm my brain down enough to function, nothing else I have tried works. Alcohol makes me feel normal.

I was so looking forward to this appointment because I missed my last one, and that was totally my fault. I only remembered I had it a half hour after it was scheduled to be over, and I was so embarrassed it took me a day to get the courage to write my therapist and apologize. She said no problem and set today's appt. I even got a text confirming it yesterday. When I logged in for the appt today, the therapy portal told me my appointment was cancelled. I wrote my therapist to ask her why, and she did write back that she had a family emergency (probably one of her two school age kids) and had to cancel all of her appointments.

I realize its just bad timing, but part of me feels like karma is punishing me for missing the last appt. My head is kind of spinning now.