r/gender

Let us talk about sex, not the act but the differentiation of a human being as 'male' or 'female'.

When I was kid I used to wonder why I am a girl and the kid who wears a shirt and trouser is a boy. Later in biology I learnt that it was in the genes. I was taught yhat the ovum was X and sperm was either X or Y so XX combination gave rise to a female while XY gave rise to a male.

But how does this happen.Only women require nipples to feed the offspring and why do men have a useless pair was a question I had in the back of my mind. Let me tell you what I have found.

Oh wait, did I tell you about the genetic makeup ? We have billions of DNA base pairs organized jnto 23 pairs of chromosomes (46 in total). Twenty two of these are called autosomes while the 23rd one is the sex chromosome. (XX for females and XY for males). We inherit one full set of 23 chromosomes from each biological parent and it is the sperm that we inherit from the father that determines the sex.

You might have learnt in biology that all of us begin our life as a single cell which happens with fertilization. The ovum, or the female germ cell carries the X chromosome while the male germ cell, the sperms, can either be X or Y. But for the first 4 or 5 weeks we grow neutral. Not male or female, yet.

Around 4 to 5 weeks, the fetus develops a bipotential gonad that is capable of transforming to either ovary of the testis. And alongside two separate duct systems the Wolffian duct ( male blueprint) and the Mullerian Duct ( female blueprint) develop, regardless of the genetic makeup.

At around 6 to 7 weeks, a gene called SRY ( sex determining region Y) on the Y chromosome activates. This would inturn activate a cascade of other genes transforming the bipotential gonad to the testis.

Conversly, if there is no Y chromosome, nothing peculiar happens. By default the bipotential gonad with the help of a few genes develop into the ovary.

After the differentiation of the Wolfian Ducts into the testis, hormone production begins. First, the Anti-Mullerian Hormone (AMH) tells the Mullerian ducts that they ar no longer needed and withers away. Second, the Testosterone alows the Wolfian ducts to further develop into epididymis, vas deferens and seminal vesicles. Last but not the least we have Dihydrotestosterone (DHT) that shapes the external genitalia to testes and scrotum.

In the XX embryo, since there is no Anti Mullerian Hormone, the Mullerian Ducts continue to develop into ovary, uterus an fallopian tubes. The Wolffian Ducts, not having a particular role to play, slowly withers away. Without the influence of male hormones, the external genitalia differntiates into the labia, clitoris and lower vagina.

Sometimes this process doesn't happen exactly as programmed. And that's for a different post.

I am once again making a list to decide if im really a guy in the middle of the night. Join me in my ritual.

Points indicating I may be trans (and counterarguments in italics) :

- I was jealous of trans men for getting to be men (its objectively easier to be a man and the trans men im thinking of were very handsome maybe I was just jealous of their looks and male status).

- I always thought my ex was a gay man (he is a man but says hes not gay but Iv got doubts) and got upset that we cant have a gay relationship because that was the relationship I wanted to him. Our relationship felt off for this reason (maybe theres just something wrong with my ability to relate to men romantically so I do wierd shit like this to cope).

- I like it when people think im a man. I like how they treat me (because they treat me better as a man than as a masculine woman. Also I like it but im not euphoric its more :) than :D).

- I like being he/himed and adressed by the name I picked (even though I like it the name still feels a little off and it feels artificial and the artificial part makes me cringe).

- as a teenager I thought every day about how terrible it is that I have to live my one life as a woman (because life as a woman is restricted and painfull maybe I wasnt yearning to be male only to be free and to be treated with more dignity).

- as a child I got really mad when people corrected me about using the masculine term for my dream job (in my language jobs have a masculine and feminine version) and I was Really Mad I couldnt pee standing up (the masculine term is more serious (because of sexism) many women prefer it. And I was a wierd kid that would just do things maybe it was that).

- I like walking around my flat in trans tape and boxer shorts (Iv got a masculine build a flat chest looks more natural and pleasing on my body objectively. Many lesbians like boxershorts).

- I relate to I saw the tv glow very hard. I dont feel a strong connection to my reflection in the mirror. Could be anyone. Also to my life. Like its just a show im watching and I could change the chanel anytime.When I saw that movie I cried for hours after and I have trouble crying usually. I didnt think I might be trans until 1 year after I watched the movie. Got a tattoo of "there is still time" without thinking im trans. (the dissociation described in the movie can also come from being autistic).

- Iv had moments with a gay male freind that felt like flirting/attraction between two men (Iv got nothing for this cause that was intense and even with my self gaslighting I cant argue against how real that felt).

- I never had strong opinions on my body it was just there. The features I did like were my broad shoulders and my muscular back on the muscles on the top of my arm that I got from basketball (a butch woman would also like this but I know im not a butch woman I dont know why I know this but I know this for sure).

- I always wanted to be a cowboy (as a fantasy not as a real plan) I wanted that cool maculinity and rugged lifesyle.

- During covid when I was loosing my mind in lockdown I started wearing my fathers white collared office shirts because they made me feel like a person.

- Since Iv let myself consider I might be a guy the way I walk and move and sit has changed. I sit differently in my body. I feel a deep inner confidence and stability and peace. I dont let people talk down to me as much and can brush off insults more easily. I feel more compfortable in social interactions*.* I also see women differnetly (honestly more sexually) and have a stronger sense of my sexuality. Havent got a good counterargument to this one.

Reasons I might not be trans counterarguemts in italics:

I miss my long hair and cried with joy when I got a wig that looked like my old hair (Iv got an illness where I cant have hair). There are men with long hair and I lost a lot of my identitiy with my hair. It makes sense that I want it back. But I even like it with wigs that dont look like my old hair. I also just like looking good and I look good with long hair. Maybe I dont want to look female I just want to look good.

I love feminine shit. Dresses, makeup, glitter, bows.So do many drag queens.

For differnet reasons I live at an intersection of identities where no one gives me a fucking break. Maybe I think that if im a man some of this will go away. I also know being trans is dangerous and difficult. And how would this logical thought be affecting my feelings and desires so deeply feelings dont work like that.

I was raised to belive that women are not people or human. What if im just trying to be human? Thats possible although I hope Iv healed enough for this old belief to not have such a hold on me but who knows.

I dont have disphoria. But Iv dissociated from my body since around puberty and there is no other trauma at around puberty to explain this dissociation. Also the "not connecting to your reflection" thing could be disphoria.

i’m fine with any/all pronouns but prefer masculine ones fine with being called a girl but I feel more masculine. I don’t know what this gender identity is. Please help. I am reposting this From my other account

Genuine question.

Wasn't human biology always based on two biological sexes for reproduction (except rare medical conditions)? So where is this sudden increase in all these gender identities coming from?

I don't think it's because our genes suddenly changed. Evolution doesn't work that fast. Could modern lifestyle, pollution, hormone-disrupting chemicals, diet, stress, etc. be playing some role, or is it mostly because people are more open about it now?

I'm not claiming anything. I'm genuinely asking because I haven't seen convincing evidence either way.

I 18 FTM have identified as trans since I was 12. I came out to family and friends at 13, and have been living mainly as a guy since. Of course my family all rejected it, I’ve essentially lived what my parents call a “double life“ where I am a male outside of home, and female at home. Theres been various times I’ve had to fight with everything I have just to try to get them to accept me. For background info, all my childhood was stereotypically female interests and behaviours, and it wasn’t until Covid that I thought differently. I didn’t even tell my grandparents until recently, and other family and family friends have no idea. My parents however have finally started to not oppose it, they just say they would accept me but need me to think about it more and have more life experience, which I understand. Anyways, now I’m reconsidering the whole thing. Not the first time, but definitely the most I’ve ever thought my decision wasn’t completely right. I’m not a girl, I don’t think even though I mostly am personality wise, but I’m also not a guy anymore, even though that’s more what I see myself as especially in the future. For example I see myself as a dad in the future, but also more maternal? I’m not sure anymore, and I almost feel that by admitting that to anyone would be like defeat. I’m also not sure if it’s their words getting to me, or if maybe they were just right. I have a gender therapist I’ve gone to for a few years that my parents hate, but I’m not sure if she’s helping anymore. I also don’t have any LGBTQ+ friends or anyone to talk to. Ive never really associated with any of that stuff either, as I am more stealth and just saw myself as a guy, not trans other than when I explained to people. TV shows and books are the only thing I can relate to at this point. I don’t know what to do with my life. Where do I go from here? I know people say to experiment and there’s no need for labels, but I’m genuinely so lost I need at least an anchor to hold on to. Something to present to people who I meet, and have known before, because at this point I don’t even know what I see when I look in the mirror. Any advice or comments are appreciated.

I am a man and I feel 100% comfortable being a man. I don't feel like I want to transition or stop being male.

However, I sometimes have a strong curiosity about what it would be like to experience life as a woman. I wonder what it would feel like to have a female body, to have conversations and friendships between women, to experience things like a period or female sexuality.

This is confusing for me because I come from a conservative and Christian background, and my family and my own views are generally right-wing. I don't really identify with LGBTQ+ ideas, so I don't know how to understand these thoughts.

I am not looking for a political debate. I am just curious about what this could mean psychologically. Is this something people experience? Would talking to a psychologist make sense, or is it just normal curiosity?

I would appreciate honest answers.

i mean the title says it all
what body should i even give
well i would choose being a boy cause being a girl seems tough so yeah

For example bro, dude, girlypop, queen

I am questioning myself over my gender (or not gender) for the past months. During the pandemic, I used to think, I questioned myself a lot, but most of the time I thought I was a trans man, and it was “easy” to question or experiment with names and different pronouns at the time because the only people that knew were my friends and the internet. I ended up forcing myself to forget about my questioning (and my other interests at the time), because I was sure at the time that I’d never have a social life (would never be accepted) and was destined to be alone. Now I am questioning myself again, but it’s harder now, considering that we live in a society that made gender norms, such as considering behaviors/ styles and ways that you express yourself to fit in a certain box. And even if you are trying or wanting to go in an opposite direction, you are still considering, in a certain way, this boxes. So, my question is, how did you understood your identity? Was just a feeling that made you sure, a discomfort (dysphoria).. How did you understood that in a way without (or how did you) questioning how you came to that conclusion? Because we are submitted to believe and behave in a way just for biological reasons, that made the society associate that with certain norms. I can feel like myself but like, what feeling like myself is like gender-wise? Where I live the language is pretty much completely gender oriented, we don’t have many neutral words such as in English, so it’s even harder for me to comprehend that and understand how I feel and how will this affect me. Sometimes I feel like dressing “feminine” or “masculine” or “androgynous”, but I don’t think I’m feeling such a gender at the time, I’m just changing the way I present myself principally considering how I will be perceived. I actually hate the most that everything I’ll do will be perceived in a way that I can’t exactly control or expect the person to see me before seeing a label, it’s really hard to comprehend the meaning of gender in a already made society. Does anyone understand how I feel or can help me with your opinions/visions/experiences?

My boyfriend wanted to be trans in the past when he was really depressed. He told me he only felt that way because he was extremely depressed and is happy being a man. Around two years ago before we met, he said he would try on makeup in high school. He decided not to be trans though. When we met I met him as a man. Then something terrible happened and he wanted to be trans again thinking his life would improve around a year ago before we met. Then we dated for almost 7 months and things shifted a bit in our relationship because we had to do long distance. He broke up with me and then I discovered he wanted to be trans. We got back together after a week of breaking up but before we did we talked about it and he said it was only because he was really sad about his life again. This was around two months ago though and he says he’s happy being a man and only feels that way when he is really depressed. I’m not sure what to think and I’m really trying to understand this or if this can be a problem in the future. We really love each other and I’m worried if this will happen again when we are together. It hasn’t happened when we were together and he said he really loves me and envisions a future together.

Almost every woman or girl I have known has seemed inclined to become keen on not sorting out mistakes she makes about me, my personality, my intentions, or how I experience her. It'difficult to say it, but this (to some extent fatally, I feel) includes my own mother. Moreover, it includes virtually everyone I've dated, as well as, very much, a childhood peer, who, when we were 4 or 5 was rhe first girl (that I remember) to declare love for me.

I don't get if I'm doing something wrong, or if it, somehow, is a common female trait - that also victimizes others. That is, I can't find anything that I do that is quite wrong enough for them all to avoid resolvements with me. But the very few exceptions that I've been acquainted to have somehow been inclined to neglect the possibility of me really having such a problem with other females. Usually, that is, everybody (males too) become evasive of the issue.

Can anyone figure out anything about why this happens?

Why do I like need to choose between male and female like why can’t I be both at the same time. Like why m.

I’m male, but I’ve always been low on testosterone, docile, and baby faced.

I grew in a place where homophobia is very strong and I’ve always been bullied for being gay even though I actually have never been; it was just for my looks and disposition.

I have always exclusively liked women, and I still do. I am obsessed with femininity actually, that’s how I explain my ever existing interest in cross dressing and feminine wand wielders.

I have a girlfriend and while she was away, sometime last year, I dipped in and actually committed to cross dressing and it felt amazing.

Since then it’s hard not to think about it.

I told my gf and she’s okay with it, she didn’t make any negative remark, but whenever I suggested trying again she kinda went against it. She does not support it and I understand why.

We speak about building a family, which I truly aim towards, and if she wants to build it with a masculine figure to support her then that’s what I have to do.

And that’s alright, cause I don’t think I’m trans. I’m okay with my masculine side as much as with my feminine side, or at least they’re very very close to each other in terms of what I like myself best in.

But something doesn’t feel right, on one side I feel like I want to experience femininity more, on the other side I think it might just be a destructive intrusive thought I’m better off suppressing.

I’d be so grateful if you wanted to share some thoughts.