u/thats_just_how_i_am

Have any of you ever thrown your kiddo an updated gender reveal or coming out party? I feel like my kiddo would eat it up but I’m curious to hear what everyone else’s experience has been.

Do any of you all know of any digestible way to explain social constructs and how it applies to gender? I have a bachelors in psychology with a minor in sociology and it’s still kind of hard for me to explain to someone else hahaha. Like I can explain the definition of a social construct but I’m looking for a way to explain it in a way that people could understand gender.

I was talking to a good friend earlier and off the fly I told her to use paper cash as an example. Cash money itself doesn’t hold any value. We “assign” value to it. And most people use that paper money to trade for goods, services, what have you. So if I were to take a $10 bill and use it to write my grocery list, is it wrong? Or am I just using it differently. I know this doesn’t 100% explain gender but I’m just trying to think of creative and effective ways to explain the social constructs. I hope my ramblings made sense haha.

Hi there! Let me start off first by saying my 9 year old AMAB kiddo has not initiated a name or pronoun change so I will be using he/him pronouns.

Ever since he was 2 years old, I’ve had this vibe. Not necessarily that I ~knew~ he was trans, but I recognized that the traditional boy route was not of interest to him. I actually used to jokingly refer to him as “one of the girls” because anytime we’d go to a party or a place with a mix of kids, he’d always end up with the girlies. Same with interests and preferences; he always seemed to naturally lean more into traditionally feminine options. He used to dig in the laundry and wear my blouses and dresses.
His dad and I have always provided him with a safe space to explore. So when he was between 3-5 years old, he wore his Elsa costume dresses pretty regularly.

Okay, so all of this to say, almost two weeks ago he came out as trans to me. He told me explicitly that he’s known since he was 3 years old that he was meant to be a girl. His dad and I, again, are very supportive and understanding. Here’s where the problem is. We live in West Virginia near Maryland, aka MAGA country. There are some open-minded folks but there is a definite and legitimate risk of trans folks being harassed and not equally protected. My son’s dad and I are not together - his dad came out as gay, obviously putting a lil damper on the marriage. But we have an incredible coparenting relationship and both have a solid bond with our baby. We give our kiddo full freedom at home - make up, hair, nails, dresses, you name it, he can do it…at home. He gets understandably upset when he asks about wearing dresses in public and we say no. But truthfully, we’re working with his counselor on building his coping skills because it would take one sideways comment to kill my tender-hearted baby’s spirit. So we feel like we’re in between a rock and a hard place. Like we’re supportive in every other aspect, but we’re also worried we’re sending the message that he has something to be ashamed of. We’ve explained our concerns to him in an age appropriate way and he seems to get it but is still understandably miffed by it. I told him I’m mad for him. It’s not fair that in order for him to be himself, we have to be this cautious and concerned.

I keep thinking about middle school too. He’s about to start 4th grade and in our district, middle school starts in 5th grade. So I’m trying not to throw up at the thought of middle school only being 13 months away. I keep reminding myself that I don’t need to have all the answers today but then my brain finds a hundred things to worry about. None of which have anything to do with me being ashamed of him or unsupportive. I’m just scared that my baby is going to get hurt and no one’s going to care. Does the anxiety get any better? 😞😭🩵💕