I keep thinking about my parents death's, and its ruining me.
This has been something I've recently started thinking about ever since my late best friend passed away from cancer, and now its spiraling out of control.
(Before I begin I thinks its important that I am still very young, and my parents haven't even aged 50 yet, as they are both in their late and early 40s.)
Death was a topic I had thought about, but never really considered to be important. Of course it was something serious, but I had always joked about it and never took it serious. This was of course the same when I met my friend who had passed. We always joked about it on the phone, how if he dies I could do something stupid in response, immature stuff like that. He passed this year 7/31, and seeing the body was the most haunting thing I've ever seen.
Since then, I have spiraled into this rabbit hole of depression, and thoughts of my parents frequently dying, and how I would respond. These thoughts rarely apply to myself. In fact, i frequently would rather I die in place of my siblings or parents, if something tragic were to happen.
I love my parents with every fiber of my being, and I can't stand the thought of them leaving me like that. I genuinely believe I'll fall apart without them.
I know that realistically i have more than enough time to bond and create memories with them, but every time I'm around them, I think about their deaths, and Its ruining my life.
I've read threads of similar peoples questions, and each time, they always say "Just live in the present!" but it also makes me wonder if people think I haven't tried that?
If someone out there has been dealing with these thoughts, how can I deal with this? I haven't even begin to live my life, and I'm sure once I get older, its only going to get worse.