u/idk50000009

Hello, I’m a 21F and I’ve always kind of had a hyper awareness to the fact that I’m going to die one day. Now, I wasn’t really entirely focused on the feeling in my youth since I often participated in a LOT of maladaptive daydreaming to survive my very dysfunctional household. I often would daydream about being older and getting away and being an adult and being loved. Now that I’m at the age where I daydreamed of, I feel like I lost my life due to the toxicity at home and I feel stunted. What do you mean I’m never going to be young? What do you mean I will become the age of my older peers and won’t have anyone to comfort me and guide me?

I noticed this fear got worse earlier this year after I went to the hospital due to severe depression which was spiked by the wrong medication. I lost control of myself which made me fear sleep and nighttime since it occurred in that time frame. I was severely depressed for months and contemplated taking my life, and I feel a bit better now however the idea never fully leaves me or my day to day life. That experience also brought up a lot of repressed feelings such as a death of someone close to me which really re-wired how I view aging and death.

I really need help and I don’t know what to do. How do I stop feeling like life is pointless? How do I stop fearing sleeping and nighttime? How do I stop being hyper aware that I’m getting older and will die and everything is pointless and I’m going to live a miserable life

Hi!! I’m trying to reconcile with a friend and we had a big failing out recently. I reached out asking to talk about it but they haven’t responded and it’s been two days now and I’m paranoid and anxious. I have incense and a notebook and a “ road opener” green candle abre Camino. What could I write on the paper or do with my materials to help bring them back or respond?

Hi! I’m 21 and I’m looking for a good part time job. I’ve mostly had experience in the food industry so are there any host/ busser / server jobs in the area that might be good to apply to? ( kind management decent pay etc ) or honestly any other job could work too it doesn’t just have to be restaurant! :)

I ( 21F) was in a push pull dynamic with a person who had BPD ( 20m). He would make me feel so wanted and then would discard me the next moment and I let him walk all over me pretty much. He left the third time the other night and seemed so emotionless even though earlier this week he was saying I was the best part of his life and the brightest part and I bring out the best in him. Then he shut me down and said we weren’t anything and we’ve been over even though we were trying to work things out. I’m done with it, even though it really saddens me. I heard he’s been toxic to other ex’s as well and I don’t want to be in the cycle anymore but it hurts so much and I would like to have some advice or comfort bc I feel so alone.

Hi, I really really need some comfort and help in this time.

(21F). There was this guy I dated who had bpd (20m) and I genuinely really liked him and cared for him, and he seemed to really like and care for me, even saying kind of lovebomb-y things I guess about how I’m perfect etc. He made me feel really wanted and he genuinely was sweet to me and we had many good times together. However, the red flags were always there I guess but I just hoped it would be different or change. Firstly, he drank a lot and there was nothing I could do to stop it and he would dismiss the fact that he had a problem. He also talked really lowly of himself calling him an asshole and so many other negative things. He also couldn’t be there for me in the ways I needed, and getting reassurance from him was so so slim or it would make him split and leave. And not to mention I have past trauma with relationships and would talk to him about it and he would say “tell your therapist not me”, even though he would talk about his ex’s and their sex lives. And let’s mention how due to the past trauma I would disassociate during intimate moments sometimes and he’ll just say I freaked him out and he’ll take it personally and go distant and I would have to beg for him to be okay. That’s all I did in this dynamic. Beg. But at the same time, things were so good once and then he randomly just split and broke up with me and there was nothing I could do. Then he would text me a bunch of things saying how he wants me etc, and telling me to wait for him. A few days after he broke up the first time he comes back and says he regrets it and so on. We talk again and then a few weeks after breaks up again. This was all so devastating for me because we did intimate things together and had such a good time and he seemed so happy with me then BOOM he would abandon me and it was so so gut wrenching. Now, after couple months of no contact, he messaged me earlier this week and said he missed me and we ended up calling and the feelings were there for the both of us. Throughout the week he would express how he missed me and we would talk about being on the same page for taking things slowly and I started to tell him I don’t want to do intimate things anymore unless we’re nearing a relationship and he would keep bringing it up. "We can only hug..." just stuff like that. He would keep bringing it up. Then whenever I was happy about something he would try to tear it down, as he did for a lot of things when we talked before. He said that my "looks make up for it" in reference to my quirks and personality, which he said was a joke but really hurt me. The other night I told him how I felt, told him he tears down the things that make me happy, how I don't like him making fun of me but praising my appearance, how I just want to take things slowly and I feel like he just prioritized physicality. He just responded with "oh ok". I then tell him I would like to talk to him about it and he said we could after work then BOOM he shut down and just started being really mean to me. I begged for him to call me so I can get closure and eventually we did, which was just me crying and asking why he's so mean to me and how I don't understand how he could want me and treat me so poorly. He sounded like he didn't care, he was even laughing at me sometimes.
Whenever I told him he hurt me he would say "okay okay we get it, you've been chewing me out for thirty minutes now I'm just going to hang up on you" and saying he wants his shirt back (which I'll probably not give atp). He said he cared about me, and he didn't lie when he said I made his life better, but he said it's a "fault in his ways" with him doing this and treating me poorly. It was so devastating and gutting and I feel so so shattered. Just the other day he wanted me then he became so mean. I don't understand it, I need comfort and relief I don't even know. I didn't deserve this.
I was always so so sweet to him and supportive and gentle and patient and this is how he treats me. I minimized myself and my pain for him, I shrunk myself to keep him there and this is what he does.

Hi, I really really need some comfort and help in this time.

(21F). There was this guy I dated who had bpd (20m) and I genuinely really liked him and cared for him, and he seemed to really like and care for me, even saying kind of lovebomb-y things I guess about how I’m perfect etc. He made me feel really wanted and he genuinely was sweet to me and we had many good times together. However, the red flags were always there I guess but I just hoped it would be different or change. Firstly, he drank a lot and there was nothing I could do to stop it and he would dismiss the fact that he had a problem. He also talked really lowly of himself calling him an asshole and so many other negative things. He also couldn’t be there for me in the ways I needed, and getting reassurance from him was so so slim or it would make him split and leave. And not to mention I have past trauma with relationships and would talk to him about it and he would say “tell your therapist not me”, even though he would talk about his ex’s and their sex lives. And let’s mention how due to the past trauma I would disassociate during intimate moments sometimes and he’ll just say I freaked him out and he’ll take it personally and go distant and I would have to beg for him to be okay. That’s all I did in this dynamic. Beg. But at the same time, things were so good once and then he randomly just split and broke up with me and there was nothing I could do. Then he would text me a bunch of things saying how he wants me etc, and telling me to wait for him. A few days after he broke up the first time he comes back and says he regrets it and so on. We talk again and then a few weeks after breaks up again. This was all so devastating for me because we did intimate things together and had such a good time and he seemed so happy with me then BOOM he would abandon me and it was so so gut wrenching. Now, after couple months of no contact, he messaged me earlier this week and said he missed me and we ended up calling and the feelings were there for the both of us. Throughout the week he would express how he missed me and we would talk about being on the same page for taking things slowly and I started to tell him I don’t want to do intimate things anymore unless we’re nearing a relationship and he would keep bringing it up. "We can only hug..." just stuff like that. He would keep bringing it up. Then whenever I was happy about something he would try to tear it down, as he did for a lot of things when we talked before. He said that my "looks make up for it" in reference to my quirks and personality, which he said was a joke but really hurt me. The other night I told him how I felt, told him he tears down the things that make me happy, how I don't like him making fun of me but praising my appearance, how I just want to take things slowly and I feel like he just prioritized physicality. He just responded with "oh ok". I then tell him I would like to talk to him about it and he said we could after work then BOOM he shut down and just started being really mean to me. I begged for him to call me so I can get closure and eventually we did, which was just me crying and asking why he's so mean to me and how I don't understand how he could want me and treat me so poorly. He sounded like he didn't care, he was even laughing at me sometimes.
Whenever I told him he hurt me he would say "okay okay we get it, you've been chewing me out for thirty minutes now I'm just going to hang up on you" and saying he wants his shirt back (which I'll probably not give atp). He said he cared about me, and he didn't lie when he said I made his life better, but he said it's a "fault in his ways" with him doing this and treating me poorly. It was so devastating and gutting and I feel so so shattered. Just the other day he wanted me then he became so mean. I don't understand it, I need comfort and relief I don't even know. I didn't deserve this.
I was always so so sweet to him and supportive and gentle and patient and this is how he treats me. I minimized myself and my pain for him, I shrunk myself to keep him there and this is what he does.

Hi, I really really need some comfort and help in this time.

(21F). There was this guy I dated who had bpd (20m) and I genuinely really liked him and cared for him, and he seemed to really like and care for me, even saying kind of lovebomb-y things I guess about how I’m perfect etc. He made me feel really wanted and he genuinely was sweet to me and we had many good times together. However, the red flags were always there I guess but I just hoped it would be different or change. Firstly, he drank a lot and there was nothing I could do to stop it and he would dismiss the fact that he had a problem. He also talked really lowly of himself calling him an asshole and so many other negative things. He also couldn’t be there for me in the ways I needed, and getting reassurance from him was so so slim or it would make him split and leave. And not to mention I have past trauma with relationships and would talk to him about it and he would say “tell your therapist not me”, even though he would talk about his ex’s and their sex lives. And let’s mention how due to the past trauma I would disassociate during intimate moments sometimes and he’ll just say I freaked him out and he’ll take it personally and go distant and I would have to beg for him to be okay. That’s all I did in this dynamic. Beg. But at the same time, things were so good once and then he randomly just split and broke up with me and there was nothing I could do. Then he would text me a bunch of things saying how he wants me etc, and telling me to wait for him. A few days after he broke up the first time he comes back and says he regrets it and so on. We talk again and then a few weeks after breaks up again. This was all so devastating for me because we did intimate things together and had such a good time and he seemed so happy with me then BOOM he would abandon me and it was so so gut wrenching. Now, after couple months of no contact, he messaged me earlier this week and said he missed me and we ended up calling and the feelings were there for the both of us. Throughout the week he would express how he missed me and we would talk about being on the same page for taking things slowly and I started to tell him I don’t want to do intimate things anymore unless we’re nearing a relationship and he would keep bringing it up. "We can only hug..." just stuff like that. He would keep bringing it up. Then whenever I was happy about something he would try to tear it down, as he did for a lot of things when we talked before. He said that my "looks make up for it" in reference to my quirks and personality, which he said was a joke but really hurt me. The other night I told him how I felt, told him he tears down the things that make me happy, how I don't like him making fun of me but praising my appearance, how I just want to take things slowly and I feel like he just prioritized physicality. He just responded with "oh ok". I then tell him I would like to talk to him about it and he said we could after work then BOOM he shut down and just started being really mean to me. I begged for him to call me so I can get closure and eventually we did, which was just me crying and asking why he's so mean to me and how I don't understand how he could want me and treat me so poorly. He sounded like he didn't care, he was even laughing at me sometimes.
Whenever I told him he hurt me he would say "okay okay we get it, you've been chewing me out for thirty minutes now I'm just going to hang up on you" and saying he wants his shirt back (which I'll probably not give atp). He said he cared about me, and he didn't lie when he said I made his life better, but he said it's a "fault in his ways" with him doing this and treating me poorly. It was so devastating and gutting and I feel so so shattered. Just the other day he wanted me then he became so mean. I don't understand it, I need comfort and relief I don't even know. I didn't deserve this.
I was always so so sweet to him and supportive and gentle and patient and this is how he treats me. I minimized myself and my pain for him, I shrunk myself to keep him there and this is what he does.

Do you think he meant this? ( my bpd ex ) He rly rly liked me and showed that but would get stressed and had a lot going on in his life and didn’t regulate his bpd well so he would split pretty bad and say he’s an asshole and that he’s not ready for a relationship and this was the last text he sent me :(((((

His message in response to mine was “___, we’re young and we’ve got plenty of time to figure things out. please don’t get hung up on me or anything. i’m an asshole that screwed things up between us because i don’t know what i’m doing. i’d like to hold out hope that maybe some day things can be ok for us again. i’m sorry for what i’ve done. i don’t like the idea of letting this go.”

I texted him I missed him not too long ago and he read it but didn’t respond. We still follow each other on IG and all of his friends still do, but he removed me from his story around my bday and I went on my stalker account and noticed he posted a picture that I took WITH HIM one day a whileeee ago ( like before we even split up) and he posted it with a song he said reminded him of me before the DAY AFTER MY BIRTHDAY. But he removed me from seeing his story so I had to see it from a fake account. He also posts kinda sad or self loathing depressed songs on his ig notes.

Do you think he meant this? ( my bpd ex ) He rly rly liked me and showed that but would get stressed and had a lot going on in his life and didn’t regulate his bpd well so he would split pretty bad and say he’s an asshole and that he’s not ready for a relationship and this was the last text he sent me :(((((

His message in response to mine was “___, we’re young and we’ve got plenty of time to figure things out. please don’t get hung up on me or anything. i’m an asshole that screwed things up between us because i don’t know what i’m doing. i’d like to hold out hope that maybe some day things can be ok for us again. i’m sorry for what i’ve done. i don’t like the idea of letting this go.”

I texted him I missed him not too long ago and he read it but didn’t respond. We still follow each other on IG and all of his friends still do, but he removed me from his story around my bday and I went on my stalker account and noticed he posted a picture that I took WITH HIM one day a whileeee ago ( like before we even split up) and he posted it with a song he said reminded him of me before the DAY AFTER MY BIRTHDAY. But he removed me from seeing his story so I had to see it from a fake account. He also posts kinda sad or self loathing depressed songs on his ig notes.

I feel devastated honestly.

Hi, so I’m (21F) pretty upset right now and I’d like advice or to change my perspective and comfort etc. There was this guy (22) I was talking to and i was starting to like him. I was over at his place a lot, his mom seemed to love me, he took care of me in so many ways. He was always there for me when I was going through something and reassured me more than most have. He paid for my things, he went out of his way to comfort me and protect me etc. Mind you, I’ve been struggling a lot recently with depression and some self harm / suicidal thoughts which he was aware of since i was vulnerable with him. One day last week he told me we needed to take things “slow” because he went fast before in the past and it fucked up and he told me he prioritized communication and he rly liked me but wants us to take things slowly and make sure we’re right for each other. He sounded mature in my mind and I tried to accept it. Then, after the next days he would say he’d text me or call me and let me know if we could hang out and several times he didn’t. Which led me to go to him and communicate that I’m hurt by that and I’d like more communication. Nothing rly changed that much. At some points he said he didn’t want me in his room anymore because it made it harder for him to not blur the lines of physicality with me ( we’ve kissed before etc), just communicating boundaries. But even then, when I was upset he called, he sent me money for food, he told me that I’m never too much and I’m not hard to love. Just so many things I could go on about. Then, the nightmare hit. I kinda snapped at him and mentally but I apologized and he said everything was fine between us and he wanted me to get better. Yesterday, I hung out with one of his friends and he was telling me that I shouldn’t want a relationship with him and it wouldn’t be good for me. He told me that he was calling me annoying and stupid and that I wouldn’t take the hint that he didn’t want to be with me and he was ignoring my texts and calls. I told his friend how he was treating me and he said he wasn’t aware of how he was kinda leading me on. He also told me I wasn’t the only girl he was talking to even though he said I was. I was heartbroken. I cried there for a bit bc I felt so humiliated for trying with him and being so vulnerable. I called him and it went to voicemail and I told him that I knew what he was saying about me and that I deserved better and thought he was different and I ended it. He called his friend immediately to which he didn’t pick up, he called him back later and told me that it was the same stuff as before, and he didn’t want to tell me what he was saying. After all this, the guy and his other friend unfollowed me off Instagram and I just feel so hurt bc how could someone care for me so much, like he SOUNDED and LOOKED like he cared and then he was making fun of me??? Leading me on but acting like I was a drag to his friends? I feel hurt and humiliated and so embarrassed that all he’s gonna remember me as is “crazy” probably.

Some red flags though I should’ve picked up on was that he was always talking about his ex or how all these girls are “in love” with him. This unsettled me. I would be upset and he would just say “who’s in my room right now?” ( me). He also had a temper and would be very reactive sometimes for minimal reason. He would pretend to hit me as well. I’d like to think deep down he’s insecure and that’s why he would fixate on the guys I was talking to in the past and making fun of the way they looked even though they were attractive. And how he’d go onnnn and on about all these girls who liked them. I’d like to think some part of him cared about me but his ego is too big and he resorted to being immature.

I just hate this I feel so embarrassed and humiliated and I can’t believe he didn’t care . I feel devastated and I’m also feeling so lonely because him and his friend group filled my loneliness and now that’s all gone and i just feel like all of this is a nightmare

Hi, so I’m (21F) pretty upset right now and I’d like advice or to change my perspective and comfort etc. There was this guy (22) I was talking to and i was starting to like him. I was over at his place a lot, his mom seemed to love me, he took care of me in so many ways. He was always there for me when I was going through something and reassured me more than most have. He paid for my things, he went out of his way to comfort me and protect me etc. Mind you, I’ve been struggling a lot recently with depression and some self harm / suicidal thoughts which he was aware of since i was vulnerable with him. One day last week he told me we needed to take things “slow” because he went fast before in the past and it fucked up and he told me he prioritized communication and he rly liked me but wants us to take things slowly and make sure we’re right for each other. He sounded mature in my mind and I tried to accept it. Then, after the next days he would say he’d text me or call me and let me know if we could hang out and several times he didn’t. Which led me to go to him and communicate that I’m hurt by that and I’d like more communication. Nothing rly changed that much. At some points he said he didn’t want me in his room anymore because it made it harder for him to not blur the lines of physicality with me ( we’ve kissed before etc), just communicating boundaries. But even then, when I was upset he called, he sent me money for food, he told me that I’m never too much and I’m not hard to love. Just so many things I could go on about. Then, the nightmare hit. I kinda snapped at him and mentally but I apologized and he said everything was fine between us and he wanted me to get better. Yesterday, I hung out with one of his friends and he was telling me that I shouldn’t want a relationship with him and it wouldn’t be good for me. He told me that he was calling me annoying and stupid and that I wouldn’t take the hint that he didn’t want to be with me and he was ignoring my texts and calls. I told his friend how he was treating me and he said he wasn’t aware of how he was kinda leading me on. He also told me I wasn’t the only girl he was talking to even though he said I was. I was heartbroken. I cried there for a bit bc I felt so humiliated for trying with him and being so vulnerable. I called him and it went to voicemail and I told him that I knew what he was saying about me and that I deserved better and thought he was different and I ended it. He called his friend immediately to which he didn’t pick up, he called him back later and told me that it was the same stuff as before, and he didn’t want to tell me what he was saying. After all this, the guy and his other friend unfollowed me off Instagram and I just feel so hurt bc how could someone care for me so much, like he SOUNDED and LOOKED like he cared and then he was making fun of me??? Leading me on but acting like I was a drag to his friends? I feel hurt and humiliated and so embarrassed that all he’s gonna remember me as is “crazy” probably.

Some red flags though I should’ve picked up on was that he was always talking about his ex or how all these girls are “in love” with him. This unsettled me. I would be upset and he would just say “who’s in my room right now?” ( me). He also had a temper and would be very reactive sometimes for minimal reason. He would pretend to hit me as well. I’d like to think deep down he’s insecure and that’s why he would fixate on the guys I was talking to in the past and making fun of the way they looked even though they were attractive. And how he’d go onnnn and on about all these girls who liked them. I’d like to think some part of him cared about me but his ego is too big and he resorted to being immature.

I just hate this I feel so embarrassed and humiliated and I can’t believe he didn’t care .

Hi, so I’m (21F) pretty upset right now and I’d like advice or to change my perspective and comfort etc. There was this guy (22) I was talking to and i was starting to like him. I was over at his place a lot, his mom seemed to love me, he took care of me in so many ways. He was always there for me when I was going through something and reassured me more than most have. He paid for my things, he went out of his way to comfort me and protect me etc. Mind you, I’ve been struggling a lot recently with depression and some self harm / suicidal thoughts which he was aware of since i was vulnerable with him. One day last week he told me we needed to take things “slow” because he went fast before in the past and it fucked up and he told me he prioritized communication and he rly liked me but wants us to take things slowly and make sure we’re right for each other. He sounded mature in my mind and I tried to accept it. Then, after the next days he would say he’d text me or call me and let me know if we could hang out and several times he didn’t. Which led me to go to him and communicate that I’m hurt by that and I’d like more communication. Nothing rly changed that much. At some points he said he didn’t want me in his room anymore because it made it harder for him to not blur the lines of physicality with me ( we’ve kissed before etc), just communicating boundaries. But even then, when I was upset he called, he sent me money for food, he told me that I’m never too much and I’m not hard to love. Just so many things I could go on about. Then, the nightmare hit. I kinda snapped at him and mentally but I apologized and he said everything was fine between us and he wanted me to get better. Yesterday, I hung out with one of his friends and he was telling me that I shouldn’t want a relationship with him and it wouldn’t be good for me. He told me that he was calling me annoying and stupid and that I wouldn’t take the hint that he didn’t want to be with me and he was ignoring my texts and calls. I told his friend how he was treating me and he said he wasn’t aware of how he was kinda leading me on. He also told me I wasn’t the only girl he was talking to even though he said I was. I was heartbroken. I cried there for a bit bc I felt so humiliated for trying with him and being so vulnerable. I called him and it went to voicemail and I told him that I knew what he was saying about me and that I deserved better and thought he was different and I ended it. He called his friend immediately to which he didn’t pick up, he called him back later and told me that it was the same stuff as before, and he didn’t want to tell me what he was saying. After all this, the guy and his other friend unfollowed me off Instagram and I just feel so hurt bc how could someone care for me so much, like he SOUNDED and LOOKED like he cared and then he was making fun of me??? Leading me on but acting like I was a drag to his friends? I feel hurt and humiliated and so embarrassed that all he’s gonna remember me as is “crazy” probably.

Some red flags though I should’ve picked up on was that he was always talking about his ex or how all these girls are “in love” with him. This unsettled me. I would be upset and he would just say “who’s in my room right now?” ( me). He also had a temper and would be very reactive sometimes for minimal reason. He would pretend to hit me as well. I’d like to think deep down he’s insecure and that’s why he would fixate on the guys I was talking to in the past and making fun of the way they looked even though they were attractive. And how he’d go onnnn and on about all these girls who liked them. I’d like to think some part of him cared about me but his ego is too big and he resorted to being immature.

I just hate this I feel so embarrassed and humiliated and I can’t believe he didn’t care .

So, I don't really know what this means, but there was this guy that I was talking to a bit ago. He had BPD, and he was splitting, and would leave me sometimes, even though he said that I was the right person for him. And, you know, he treated me as if I was everything. And then he would split and say that he's not ready for a relationship and that he's an asshole and all this stuff. But that ended around a month ago, month and a half ago. And we haven't spoken. Last bit of the conversation on text was that I'm trying to get better, and I hope that maybe one day we can work things out. And he said that we're young, we have plenty of time to figure things out. He didn't like the idea of letting it go, and he told me not to get hung up over him, and that he's an asshole, etc. And I said I just didn't want to hold out hope and he's not on the same wavelength. And he never responded to that, and I texted him a few weeks ago saying that I missed him, and I knew I was the only one that was, and he left me on read. So I don't really know, but I saw that we were originally supposed to have plans on my birthday, and of course, since we weren't talking anymore, we didn't. But he, I noticed that he removed me from his Instagram story. So I went on my stalker account to see, and I saw the story. And in his highlights, I noticed that the day after my birthday, he posted a picture of this animal, and the picture is the one that I took when we went out on our date, and he put a song over it, and it was a song that he said reminded him of me. And mind you, we took that photo like a month previous. And he had plenty of time to post it when we were talking, but he didn't. He posted it a day after my birthday, and I don't really know what this means, and I don't know why he removed me from his story. I'm confused. He still follows me on my main Instagram and all of his friends do, but I don't know.

So, I don't really know what this means, but there was this guy that I was talking to a bit ago. He had BPD, and he was splitting, and would break up with me sometimes, even though he said that I was the right person for him. And, you know, he treated me as if I was everything. And then he would split and say that he's not ready for a relationship and that he's an asshole and all this stuff. But that ended around a month ago, month and a half ago. And we haven't spoken. Last bit of the conversation on text was that I'm trying to get better, and I hope that maybe one day we can work things out. And he said that we're young, we have plenty of time to figure things out. He didn't like the idea of letting it go, and he told me not to get hung up over him, and that he's an asshole, etc. And I said I just didn't want to hold out hope and he's not on the same wavelength. And he never responded to that, and I texted him a few weeks ago saying that I missed him, and I knew I was the only one that was, and he left me on read. So I don't really know, but I saw that we were originally supposed to have plans on my birthday, and of course, since we weren't talking anymore, we didn't. But he, I noticed that he removed me from his Instagram story. So I went on my stalker account to see, and I saw the story. And in his highlights, I noticed that the day after my birthday, he posted a picture of this animal, and the picture is the one that I took when we went out on our date, and he put a song over it, and it was a song that he said reminded him of me. And mind you, we took that photo like a month previous. And he had plenty of time to post it when we were talking, but he didn't. He posted it a day after my birthday, and I don't really know what this means, and I don't know why he removed me from his story. I'm confused. He still follows me on my main Instagram and all of his friends do, but I don't know.

Hi, so I’m (21F) pretty upset right now and I’d like advice or to change my perspective and comfort etc. There was this guy (22) I was talking to and i was starting to like him. I was over at his place a lot, his mom seemed to love me, he took care of me in so many ways. He was always there for me when I was going through something and reassured me more than most have. He paid for my things, he went out of his way to comfort me and protect me etc. Mind you, I’ve been struggling a lot recently with depression and some self harm / suicidal thoughts which he was aware of since i was vulnerable with him. One day last week he told me we needed to take things “slow” because he went fast before in the past and it fucked up and he told me he prioritized communication and he rly liked me but wants us to take things slowly and make sure we’re right for each other. He sounded mature in my mind and I tried to accept it. Then, after the next days he would say he’d text me or call me and let me know if we could hang out and several times he didn’t. Which led me to go to him and communicate that I’m hurt by that and I’d like more communication. Nothing rly changed that much. At some points he said he didn’t want me in his room anymore because it made it harder for him to not blur the lines of physicality with me ( we’ve kissed before etc), just communicating boundaries. But even then, when I was upset he called, he sent me money for food, he told me that I’m never too much and I’m not hard to love. Just so many things I could go on about. Then, the nightmare hit. I kinda snapped at him and mentally but I apologized and he said everything was fine between us and he wanted me to get better. Yesterday, I hung out with one of his friends and he was telling me that I shouldn’t want a relationship with him and it wouldn’t be good for me. He told me that he was calling me annoying and stupid and that I wouldn’t take the hint that he didn’t want to be with me and he was ignoring my texts and calls. I told his friend how he was treating me and he said he wasn’t aware of how he was kinda leading me on. He also told me I wasn’t the only girl he was talking to even though he said I was. I was heartbroken. I cried there for a bit bc I felt so humiliated for trying with him and being so vulnerable. I called him and it went to voicemail and I told him that I knew what he was saying about me and that I deserved better and thought he was different and I ended it. He called his friend immediately to which he didn’t pick up, he called him back later and told me that it was the same stuff as before, and he didn’t want to tell me what he was saying. After all this, the guy and his other friend unfollowed me off Instagram and I just feel so hurt bc how could someone care for me so much, like he SOUNDED and LOOKED like he cared and then he was making fun of me??? Leading me on but acting like I was a drag to his friends? I feel hurt and humiliated and so embarrassed that all he’s gonna remember me as is “crazy” probably.

Some red flags though I should’ve picked up on was that he was always talking about his ex or how all these girls are “in love” with him. This unsettled me. I would be upset and he would just say “who’s in my room right now?” ( me). He also had a temper and would be very reactive sometimes for minimal reason. He would pretend to hit me as well. I’d like to think deep down he’s insecure and that’s why he would fixate on the guys I was talking to in the past and making fun of the way they looked even though they were attractive. And how he’d go onnnn and on about all these girls who liked them. I’d like to think some part of him cared about me but his ego is too big and he resorted to being immature.

I just hate this I feel so embarrassed and humiliated and I can’t believe he didn’t care .