r/BPDsupport

I’m 32 and on my second marriage. Like everything else, it was going great…until it wasn’t.

I’ve struggled with alcoholism and it has done serious damage to my relationship. I was diagnosed with BPD a year ago, although I knew for a while that was likely what I struggled with. I have my bachelors in psychology and am so self aware that it hurts. I finally feel like I’m at a place where I can do better, but my marriage is just falling apart.

My spouse and I are going through bankruptcy and fell behind on those payments last year after she broke her leg and lost her job a few months later. We both have jobs we are happy with and make enough to get by, but one of our cars just bit the dust and we have no way of getting a new one in the foreseeable future.

I know where I’ve messed up and I’m so beyond thankful that my wife has stayed by my side through my darkest moments, but I know she doesn’t love me anymore. She tells me all the time she has to be high to tolerate being around me and intentionally stays busy to avoid being around me. Whenever I am struggling and overwhelmed, she gets mad and tells me I shouldn’t need her to “tell me what to do” and trying to communicate is like pulling teeth. She says the entirety of our 7 year relationship has been bad, but gets mad at me when I suggest a divorce.

I know I’m just rambling and none of this matters to anyone, but I’m so tired of feeling so alone all the time. Every day I’m told how undeserving of love I am, but I’m also a bad person if I want to end the relationship. I have no car or money or place to go to get away. At this point I have no concept over what feelings are valid and when it’s the BPD brain kicking in. I love my wife, but our life is so messy right now it’s hard to have faith that things can be better. She said she’s open to therapy with me, but there’s always an excuse about money and time and schedules.

I try to keep my head down and just do what needs done each day, but then she’s mad that I’m not affectionate. But how am I supposed to be affectionate when she tells me how much she hates being with me constantly?

(Diagnosed BPD) (Need a safe place to vent)

My 8 year relationship just ended Sunday because my partner was emotionally cheating on me. He hid her as a friend for over a year and told me Sunday we were breaking up and that he wants to date this other woman. He told me he wants to be friends, as 8 years is a long time and we really are each other's best friends. But he said I should wait before talking/dating others because I need fo get on my feet, figure out what I want in someone and take time to let my BPD waves (thats what I call my emotions) pass. I want to be his friend, not because of the fear of abandonment but because we truly are friends. He says theyre just talking and taking things slow, but its been 1 week since we broke up. He says its because he's known her as a friend for a while and thats why he's working on moving on with her. They talk constantly through text and I go from perfectly fine with it to wanting to cry and throw up. My anxiety is terrible. It kills me sometimes to see him laugh and smile at her texts. He pulls over while driving to respond to her all the time. He cant put the phone down. He cant put her down. I dont know what the future holds but I wish I could know when my pain will end. He didnt tell me about her because he was worried I would have a BPD spiral but I genuinely wouldnt of had a spiral because I dont care if someone has guy/girl friends. It has never bothered me. So many of my exes have cheated on me and I'm here again. It hurts. It hurts so bad. I just want the emotions to stop. I want to stop feeling so sick to my stomach all the time. I want to feel joy, to feel anything but a glimmer of happiness when Im not around/distracted. I sometimes want to talk to him and vent but he has to "finish his text first". The whole situation is crazy and I worry she's better than me in every way possible. I feel like everyone is. Im not suicidal, I'm just impatient for the pain to stop. Sorry for the rant. These are just things I cant say to him.

My wife (29F) has BPD and is really struggling mentally at the moment. I’m trying my best to support her, but I feel completely lost and would really appreciate advice from people who understand BPD — either personally or through a partner/family member.

For context, I’m 31M and mildly autistic. One thing I struggle with is reading emotions and knowing the “right” way to respond emotionally in tense situations. It’s not that I don’t care — I care deeply — but sometimes I genuinely don’t understand what support is needed in the moment, which is why I’m making this post instead of just assuming I know best.

Right now she’s pushing me away hard. She says she wants to be alone, gets overwhelmed very easily, and sometimes treats me pretty badly when I try to connect with her. I know this isn’t “about me,” but I think it’s important context because I’m struggling to understand what the right thing to do actually is.

What confuses me is that she’ll also make comments implying I don’t want to spend time with her or don’t care enough. The reality is I am trying. I’ll try sitting with her, talking to her, watching TV together, or even just quietly existing near her — but even small things can trigger a huge reaction.

For example, recently even sitting on the opposite end of the couch caused her to storm off, lock herself in our bedroom, and completely shut down. But then at night when she’s asleep, she’ll hold onto me all night and seems completely comfortable with closeness and affection.

I feel like I’m constantly getting mixed signals:
- if I give space, it feels like abandonment
- if I try to be close, it feels overwhelming for her
- if I ask what she needs, she often doesn’t know or gets upset

I love her deeply and genuinely want to reconnect with her instead of making things worse. I don’t want this to become a “poor me” post because I know she’s hurting too. I also know my autism can make emotional situations harder for me to navigate, and I’m trying to learn instead of becoming defensive or frustrated.

For people who have BPD or have loved someone with it:
- What actually helps during periods like this?
- How do you support someone without making them feel trapped or abandoned?
- How do you handle the push/pull dynamic without accidentally escalating things?
- Are there ways I can communicate more safely or clearly as someone who struggles with emotional cues?

I’d really appreciate honest advice.

I was diagnosed with BPD officially 6 months ago but suspected I suffered from it for years. Since my diagnosis my husband has been blaming every little thing on my BPD and I'm not even allowed to be a little annoyed without him saying I'm splitting. I am so ashamed and wish I never knew. He tells everyone and no one looks at me the same after. Like I'm inherently evil and manipulative or something. I wish I could just disappear I can't take the guilt and shame anymore.