u/jemapelleviktor

So I got my dog 9 years ago and I was around 10 and I tried millions of times to get into the habit of walking her every single day but it just never happened. I would say “I will start small and walk her everyday for a entire week” but after the week I could never continue because it felt like too much and i would be super tired because I would spend 7-8 hours at school and would not come home until around 9-10pm because of hobbies etc. also my parents would come home exhausted from working and never cared enough to take my dog out. I always begged them to make a system where I take the dog out and then the next day my mom did and then the next day my dad did so its like a circular system but they never said sure and would never do it. During covid my dog was out most of the time for like 2-3 years because we would go to forests for walks etc. so there were times she would spend a lot of time outdoors so it was not like she spent her entire life locked up but then would spend most times indoors. When I was living with my parents I would take her out maybe like 4-5 times a month which is obviously not enough but thats all my energy could do. Then when I left my parents house for a year for uni I am 100% sure that they did not take her out properly for months because both my grandma and great grandma got surgery and my parents had to take care of them full time until they went back to their houses. None of these are plausible excuses and I feel so much guilt and pain from this to the point I cry sometimes because I feel like I failed my dog. But actually we moved countries and we take her out everyday so there is a improvement. I take her everywhere to the market, for walks, activities just wherever I can take her. Also my mom started doing morning walks with her and I am so much happier knowing she gets her daily dose of activity. But I still have this terrible guilt in me that I could not do this regularly for 9 years. I feel like I will burn in hell due to heavy religious trauma I have and thats all I can think of.

So I had this fear since I was like 8 and it ruined me to bits. Every once in awhile I get terrible panic attacks and anxiety to the point I feel paralyzed. I cannot eat, drink, sleep, or do anything without my thoughts going “You will never experience anything you love again!” and it goes on for months. I have realized that this fear usually peaks whenever I am going through a big change in my life and that my future is unknown and I always start getting cues from my body thoughts that the obsessive state is coming back. I keep thinking about existential stuff and what comes after and I spend hours on Reddit and Google researching what possibly comes after but I do not get panic attacks and my body is in a calm state but my mind is racing. So when I start thinking about it and it keeps reoccurring I know that it is coming. I do not want to go through those times again as those states I went through are the worst experiences of my life. I lost a lot of people due to my terrible mental state and people around me just distance themselves because of this. I am literally non-functioning during those times.

How can I get over it before it even starts? I really need advice. And please do not say “its like before you were born, in a state of non-existence and never experiencing again so no need to worry!” because IT MAKES IT WORSE!

So I was talking to my dad on the phone and i was crying and he was complaining about how I cry at everything 24/7 and then I said “then i wish you made my mom abort me or something” then he gave me a whole lecture about how humans creating babies is the biggest accomplishment one can have and how it is the most beautiful thing over paintings, art, etc. and how it is the most natural thing to have so there was no reason for me to say that because humans have no other choice but to have kids and I got mad

Because my parents decision to have me gave me one thing that is certain. A death sentence. They will die one day, my soul dog will die, everyone I love will be gone and one day it will be me. Maybe before everyone maybe after everyone. But I will be gone that is 100% and I am TERRIFIED I spent my years on having panic attacks, taking heavy medication, therapy and many more just because I am terrified of dying and I always say to myself I wish I was never born so I wouldn’t know what being alive is

I wanted to shout at my dad that he gave me a death sentence and because of him and my mom I will experience being gone forever and that I do not want to go through that but I have no other choice because of them

I am terrified of what comes after If it was 100% proven that there was something beyond “You will cease to exist! Gone forever! No senses at all! Just being nothing!” I would be living my best life but nothing about afterlife is proven and probably wont be proven and just the idea of it being “gone forever and never wake up or live again” is terrifying If I could I would live forever because I find it super unfair that the idea is we get one life and no matter how good or bad it is it will be taken away from us because “thats the circle of life!” I did not consent to being born and I do not consent to dying

So my biggest question from this post is why do people have kids knowing they will be dead and gone and all that life they had will not matter?

So I wanted to major in theatre/acting and spent a year preparing for conservatory exams. But I also decided to apply for universities abroad for a different major. The conservatory exams were clashing with my abroad universities orientation week and my parents said to go abroad rather than take the exams so I did not enter them and went abroad. That was the worst decision I have ever made.

I can swear that this year was one of the worst years of my life. Me and my parents could not afford housing so I live 2 hours away from school so I spent 4 hours going to and coming back from school (I literally had to wake up at 4-5 am just to get to class at 9). I lost all of my friends mid school year and has been extremely lonely since then. I dont remember when I last talked to someone from school its been months. I gained 15kg due to all of the stress I had because of classes, family issues, and being tired from switching between trains, buses, metros just to get to school.

But what did my friends do this year? All they did was prepare for theatre exams and spent their time doing arts. They practiced singing, dancing, acting all the things I want to do while I did absolutely nothing because there is no english theatre, dance, singing, and art schools in my current country. I am so jealous and I envy them so much. A girl from my old theatre got into a musical theatre school in London (its a school nobody knows tbh its a very low ranking school) BUT SHE GOT ON THE BIGGEST NEWSPAPER?

For my other theatre friends now that it is summer it is the time again that they will be entering exams again (they failed all university conservatory exams in my country last year so they are trying again) and I have been crying for the past 2 months just wishing that they dont get in. I just do not want them to live my dream life while I suffer abroad.

Also today has been really harsh because they entered a conservatory exam today at a big university and it went well for them. My entire body is filled with rage because I cannot experience it.

I tried to tell my parents how much jealousy and envy I am carrying and all I got was dismissal. “Oh you are in a much better situation than them! Theatre people are poor and homeless! Our home country sucks and the country you are in is so much better..”

I agree that it sounds selfish that I do not want them to enter a major but please try to see my side.

I might be thinking this because of how much pain and anger I am feeling as I am writing this but I need advice. Also I do not know if this is the right subreddit but we will see.

Ever since I can remember I have been miserable. Every place I go I am unliked, bullied, left out. No experience I had was never in a way I wanted. My life was wasted and I cannot even take it back and change it with something better. Even a good moment gets ruined in a second each and every time. I do not know why but just something happens and everything is ruined to bits.

I prayed for years just for it to go away, just to be liked and happy for once. None and I mean NONE of my prayers were answered. I prayed my mom to stop smoking and she did and I was like “Oh God finally listened to me for once” and guess what she started smoking again. Even the one prayer that was answered was shattered.

Even through all of this I kept believing in God. He keeps dissapointing me over and over and over but somehow I always said God will make it okay. But no I decided that if he truly exists he hates me and created me just to suffer. He is truly evil because he is probably giving me all these problems and issues and laughing up there as if im a toy to be treated terribly. Heck God watches wars, sickness and all the terrible stuff happening in the world and does nothing but refills a stupid woman’s hairspray. What a loving God! Why am I going through such a “test” while other people live their best lives? Why am I suffering this much?

If God created me with all this love why is he treating me like shit?

I do not want to get old like it will be just a reminder of how I have no time left. When you are young you are always told “You have so much time in your life” but after reaching 40 and above everbody stops telling you that and its like counting the years before you die. Why does life have to run out? I geniunely hate this. I wish we lived to 300-400 years but even then it would not feel enough for me and I would want to live a 1000 years. It is not fair.

Hey guys. I saw this post from Turkish twitter where this couple went against their doctors advice and gave birth to a kid with Apert Syndrome. These types of births are not uncommon in Turkey tbh because for all of the years I lived there I kept seeing families with sick kids because of inbreeding begging for money, or families still having kids despite being told that they’re children is going to suffer. Also my FYP and explore pages are filled with parents with very sick/disabled kids probably because I interacted with one video and now my algorithm thinks I love seeing sick children. It always makes me wonder: why do people still have kids knowing they are going to have a very rough life?

ALSO

I am not trying to hate anyone or their decision to have a disabled child. Obviously not every disability or illness can be detected before birth and I respect everyone that is going through this because I can think that it is really hard. My question is about the people who were informed about the condition and still go with the pregnancy. I am just very curious because personally I would not go through with a pregnancy if I knew the child was going to have a rough life due to illness or disability.

Hallo allemaal. Ik ben een transman met ernstige dysforie en ik wil graag beginnen met mijn transitie. Ik heb geen huisarts en ik ben een internationale student. Is er een manier om het proces te starten zonder naar een huisarts te gaan? Mijn ouders en familie zijn namelijk erg homofoob en ik weet niet hoe ik het over de huisarts kan hebben zonder mezelf opnieuw te outen.

Hoi allemaal!
Ik spreek maar een beetje Nederlands, maar ik doe mijn best. Ik wil morgen naar Utrecht Pride, maar ik ben er nog nooit geweest. Wat is de gebruikelijke leeftijdsgroep, welke activiteiten zijn er, hoe zit het met de veiligheid, enzovoort? Trouwens, hoe kan ik vrienden vinden als ik ga, want ik heb niemand om mee te gaan...

I study in Rotterdam but live 2 hours away because I cannot afford housing and it is ruining my life. I waste more than 10 hours just commuting and I hate it. I cant hang out with people because I have to leave early. This much commute has also made me miss studying because of how much sleep i need for waking up early. I will also get a negative BSA because I failed 2 classes so whats the point in going to school anymore? This much commutte has taken so much life from me that I wont ever forgive my parents for making me go through such thing.

What can I do?