u/El-Iskender2

Hello gang, 14 months off Clonazepam and 4 weeks away from finishing Mirtazapine taper. The last two weeks I had been feeling stable and dare I say perhaps slightly improved from baseline (except for brain). Then Friday I went out for dinner and indulged in deserts. By Saturday morning it was clear I had gone back to bad. Sunday, Monday and today so far, my anxiety has been through the roof, particularly about my situation with my brain and feeling like it’s not going to get better and even thinking it’s going to get worse. I don’t think it’s gotten better in two years. I sit at my computer to work and it’s a constant reminder of how limited my brain is. Something that’s gotten worse is my typing. I cannot for the life of me, type one single word correctly any more. It’s like my brain has disconnected from my hands and fingers. Not the case with typing on phone. The letters seem to be all there but all out of order. Anyway, just feeling very pessimistic, anxious and afraid. Thanks for reading.

Anybody here who successfully tapered off Mirtazapine also experienced this terrible anxiety very low on taper? I take Mirtazapine at bedtime and the anxiety begins maybe around 5 AM that is what eventually wakes me up. Then it remains with me most of the morning till around 10 AM. I have kept my cuts to 10% every 2-3 weeks. At this point I’m thinking I seem to be so sensitive that it could be a paradoxical effect? Thanks for reading.

Anybody here who successfully tapered off Mirtazapine also experienced this terrible anxiety? I take Mirtazapine at bedtime and the anxiety begins maybe around 5 AM that is what eventually wakes me up. Then it remains with me most of the morning till around 10 AM. I have kept my cuts to 10% every 2-3 weeks. At this point I’m thinking that it could be a paradoxical effect? Thanks for reading.

If not, can it be bought from Europe and would I need a prescription? This already feels icky, I feel like I’m inquiring about illegal drugs. 🫤

Is there anyone here who saw definite improvements in cognitive function and memory upon taking on a workout routine? Just wondering, it’d be a huge incentive for me to say the least.

Hello everyone. Anyone here has experienced significantly worsened cognitive fog after taking Trazedone (a low dose)? This is on top of my cognitive baseline which is poor already. I was looking at computer code this morning and I’m finding I am just staring at it not able to figure out what it does. Pretty concerning.

Hey everyone, I’m two weeks away from finishing my Mirtazapine taper. Starting maybe 2 months ago I noticed a lack of appetite started to set in. Now it’s pretty extreme. Zero appetite. My body does get hungry so that signal seems to be okay, however, eating is very difficult. It can be a juicy steak which I’ve always loved and now it’s like blah, just eating because I have to. I had never in my 57 years had appetite problems. Anyone else here who’s had the same issue? Thanks.

Hey everyone, I’m two weeks away from finishing my Mirtazapine taper. Starting maybe 2 months ago I noticed a lack of appetite started to set in. Now it’s pretty extreme. Zero appetite. My body does get hungry so that signal seems to be okay, however, eating is very difficult. It can be a juicy steak which I’ve always loved and now it’s like blah, just eating because I have to. Anyone else here who’s had the same issue? Thanks.

Hello good people. Im sorry but im just venting. I am utterly exhausted and at the end of my wits. I’m at almost 14 months post Clonazepam jump. I’m also 2-3 weeks away from completing a Mirtazapine taper. Dealing with cognitive impairment for two straight years, neuropathy/fibromyalgia-like pain, anxiety, no ability to chill, lots of lethargy and lack of motivation and energy, and crappy sleep. Instead of windows and waves, I only deal with baseline and waves. Never a window; just back to a sucky baseline. Is it BIND, is it Mirtazapjne withdrawals? I’m tired of constantly looking at what I did or ate or possible supplemented with that might be a possible reason for worsened memory or cognition or anxiety. Is it the bit of sugar I had yesterday? The half a capsule of magnesium glycinate, the omega 3? Eating too little, too much? Afraid to try CBD, or theanine, or whatever else. Everything looks suspect. Just frozen in this constant retrospective analysis and poor executive function. Just last night I was reviewing if had anything like an advanced directive for my family as I often feel “this close” to entirely loosing it.

I just wish so much I could talk to somebody who’s been here and who could tell me everything is going to be okay. Someone I can hang on to. Someone to hold my hand. I’ve always been extremely strong until now. I don’t know what giving up looks like to me but I’m close. Will this keep getting worse until I can no longer care for myself and have this hell become even worse? I pray to God but even my faith seems to have been wiped out along with my higher order thinking.

I’m sorry I’m writing this, I feel embarrassed for doing it but I’m desperate. I wish so much I could cry, I would cry for a long time.

Thank you for reading. God bless you all.

Hello people, I’m not ecstatic necessarily but just wanted to report I have been able to travel from Arizona to DC for a work conference. I’m a vendor so I don’t attend actual conference sessions (which would tax my brain). Just presence in a vendor booth and chatting with people and current customers, plus dinners (I do miss my glass of wine); all heavy social situations. In any case, I have done okay. I still suffer from what feels like neuropathic pain so all the walking around has really spiked pain from my lower back down but have managed to still show up and be present. I’ve been distracted enough to not be thinking how my impaired higher order thinking is still there.

Currently 13 months off Clonazepam and 2 weeks away from finishing Mirtazapine taper.

I have a flight back to Arizona later today and I feel fine about it.

So I guess this qualifies as progress even though I don’t feel ecstatic as I said. Hopefully this helps others who are having a really rough time right now. It will abate. Just keep taking care of your nutrition, sleep routine (screen time), regular physical activity as tolerated but -regular. That’s all we can do while we wait things out. Best to all.

I’m finding myself being afraid of being by myself with downtime because that’s when my thinking turns inwards and I start thinking about thinking and realize how it is still impaired. It makes me feel very anxious and afraid this is a permanent or even that it could be a worsening issue. It’s like I need to be constantly distracted to avoid this issue. Falling asleep has become harder because of this inward thinking while waiting to fall asleep. Just feeling afraid.

Anybody else here in this same boat?

Just needing some support. I’m currently dealing increased levels of anxiety. I’m almost done with tapering and am at very low levels. Frustratingly though, my anxiety has been getting worse the last few days.

One issue I am experiencing is that when I finally get to the point that I think I can begin to fall asleep, and I’m staring to go into this in-between space (falling asleep but still awake), I am having these non-sensical thoughts or even visual imagery? The thoughts are usually disturbing in some way at the time they happen and jolt me awake and usually cannot recall what it was once awake.

Is this something that some or you have also experienced? Is this part of the withdrawal anxiety? This is becoming very hard.

Thank you for reading.

Hi everyone, for those who are tapering or finished a taper and are very sensitive to dose changes. Did you ever up-dose as a way to stabilize a bit? I am seriously considering this and was hoping to hear from you.

I have no idea why but for the last week I’ve been having more and more anxiety. It’s to the point now that I’m afraid I won’t be able to function if it continues increasing like this. To make matters worse, I have a work trip flight later today (it’s 1:30 AM) and coming back Wednesday, which is making my anxiety even worse.

Just as a background, I finished a Clonazepam taper 13 months ago. I am also at a super low dose of mirtzapine as I’ve been micro tapering at about 10% every two weeks. My last dose reduction was on July 5th, so almost 2 weeks ago. I am still far from feeling well with anxiety as one of my main symptoms. I wish I had never used benzos cause it would help me now for sure but I don’t think that’s an option anymore (I wish it was cause it rough right now). This leaves me with maybe increasing Mirtazapine. I also have Trazedone but I think that only helps with sleep. But I’m rambling now. Thoughts or experiences anyone? Thanks.

(possibly triggering)

Hello everyone. As some of you may know, I was due for a brain MRI this week and the results are in. First off, I really apologize for these messages. I truly don't want to be annoying or irritating but my levels of anxiety have shot up because of the less than stellar results. Could this still be from the benzo use, withdrawal, BIND? Thank you for reading.

My primary doctor says in his note:

• "MRI did not reveal any major abnormalities such as a brain mass or other.
• MRI does show mild volume loss that is sometimes seen with early stages of dementia. The radiologist specifically comments that it is more pronounced in the frontal parietal area, which is a component of the brain that is most active in executive functioning.
• I agree with neuropsych consultation that is being arranged.
• At your upcoming appointment, I think it may also be reasonable to consult with a neurologist in the memory clinic to consider P tau testing, etc."

The actual finding in the MRI are:

• "MEDIAL TEMPORAL/HIPPOCAMPAL ATROPHY (MTA scale):
  • Left: 0 - no atrophy
  • Right: 1 - widening of the choroid fissure, however there is no asymmetry on the
• temporal lobe or significant parenchymal volume loss.
• GLOBAL CORTICAL ATROPHY: 1 - mild atrophy: opening of sulci predominant on the frontoparietal lobes.
• PARIETAL ATROPHY: 1 - mild parietal cortical atrophy"

And the signing physician says:

• "Mild diffuse cerebral volume loss, more pronounced at the frontoparietal lobes. No significant hippocampal atrophy."

Hi everyone, so it’s been 13 months since I’ve been off Clonazepam and 4 weeks to go on a Mirtazapine taper. Dealing with impaired higher order thinking and memory for almost two years now since around the time I was tapering linearly from both (not yet aware of withdrawals and more appropriate tapering).

Tomorrow I have a brain MRI, and given the length of time of this issue, I am absolutely terrified of doing this and a possible bad diagnosis. This is when I’d prefer to stay ignorant instead. I know it makes no sense but that is really how afraid I am of it. Any words of wisdom or your own experience would help a lot. Thank you!

I read somewhere of some people in BIND having positive results with Inositol supplementation. As a person at 13 months post jump and desperate for improvements, I decided to try it. It’s been about a week of taking it in the morning but it’s been about 4 days of a definite increase in anxiety and trouble getting stuff done on computer (I do computer coding as part of my job) as my mind is too energized with apparently nothing —it’s a weird anxiety, but I just can seem to be able to focus long enough to code or fix coding issues. Very scary because this is my livelihood.

In any case, I am strongly suspecting the inositol and I’ve stopped it as of today. I hope that’s what it is and that this awful anxiety subsides enough to be enable to work a little better.

Anybody with similar experience with inositol? Thanks!

Are the Weekly Support Zoom meetings still happening? Sundays at 4 PM ET?

Where can I find the link?

Thank you

I’m 13 months post jump. Considering it given my cognitive issues. Thanks.

This is hard to explain. I’ve have always been a researcher, an analyzer, a problem-solver. I’ve done so much research and analysis about my health situation and events the last 5 years. Long covid twice, then benzo withdrawal, then mirtazapine withdrawal. Now 13 months off benzos and close to finishing mirtazapine taper, I am very frequently catching myself analyzing a situation, any situation, stuff that I would normally would have done before, however, this time, it’s like my brain is giving up on me and essentially not wanting to do that. It’s like it gives up and like I am giving up also. Not sure if this is brain exhaustion or a very real worsening cognitive decline which worries me.

Does anybody here identify with this experience? Thanks!