r/YoungAdultStruggles

I (21F) feel like I’m behind In life because all of my friends and family members around me are

- graduating college
- getting married
- having kids
- getting their first cars and places
- getting driver licenses
- traveling across the world on their own

Meanwhile me, i’m stuck living in my parents. Don’t have a job. Just graduated high school a year ago. And two years ago, I was diagnosed with ADHD, OCD, and some autistic traits. I don’t know how to go through an airport. I’m still learning how to drive but I felt like if I was treated with my mental health issues a while before I would’ve been at the right time in my life and not being behind. I feel low-key embarrassed to tell everyone that I graduate high school a year ago and I’m 21 because everyone around me already finished when they were 18 or 19. And I was also diagnosed with ADHD paralysis, which is the reason why it took me a long time to finish high school work. I was going through the worst point that my mental health has ever been plus on me having eating issues like refusing to eat due to my OCD. So after being underweight and overweight in one year, it also played an effect on my energy levels when it comes to doing basic task like doing laundry, cleaning your room, etc.. also I was dealing with a bunch of family issues with my relationship with my female cousins. I just felt like if I got my problems fixed earlier I would’ve never been behind and I would’ve been on the right track, but it just makes me wanna cry. I could’ve had all these things done by now all these accomplishments and goals if I would’ve gotten my life together, but I just said and wonder when is it gonna be my turn? When am I gonna achieve all of these wonderful things.

For background, I'm M34, and I'm trying to turn my life around. During university, I was a part of a frat and fucked around too much. Resulting in getting a girl pregnant. In addition, I made terrible financial decisions like buying exotic cars, racking up child support loans, maxing out my credit card, and ignoring payments for my student loans, resulting in ~400K debt. Luckily, through my network, I was given the opportunity to work in a big tech company with a starting annual salary of 149K, but I don't have time to research and manage payments. I won't be giving my family's situation as my wife and I decided that it was best to separate our finances so nothing would affect our child.

E55 AMG Loan ~ $28,800

Child Support Loan ~ $9,000 (prioritizing)

Student Loan ~ $125,000

Bank of America ~ $7,000

Mortgage ~ $298,000

I wish I had never made these terrible decisions, thinking that I could live like a king, but now facing reality. I seriously need suggestions on how I can manage this or resources that can help me.

I made this account just to post this, so please don't judge me. I'm genuinely looking for honest opinions and maybe some perspective on what happened.

Around 7–8 years ago, I met a girl. We only talked for a short time, but I really liked her. She was still in high school, yet she was incredibly mature and smart for her age. At one point she told me she was too young, wanted to focus on school and her future, and because of how we were both raised, she thought it was better if we stopped talking.

I respected that. I never tried to convince her otherwise because, honestly, I agreed with her.
The thing is... I couldn't stop caring about her.

I didn't want to interfere with her life, but I always wanted to know if she was okay. One of my relatives knew her, and eventually I also got to know one of her friends. Every once in a while I'd ask how she was doing. Her friend promised she'd never tell her I was asking... and she kept that promise for years.

A few years later, when she started university, I thought maybe the timing was finally right. I found out which university she was attending and where I might run into her.

The funny part is the day I finally saw her was literally the last day before COVID shut everything down.

She saw me, looked completely shocked... and honestly, angry too. She knew I had absolutely no reason to be at that university, let alone that specific building.

That night I messaged her. She ignored it at first, but then, out of nowhere, she replied.

Later I found out why. Her friend had told her that I'd been asking about her over the years. I think that's what made her decide to give me another chance.

That's when things started getting complicated.

We got back together, and for a while things were actually good. I was already financially stable and planning to make things official pretty quickly. Yes, there's an age gap between us. Please don't make that the focus of the post.

The first big problem was my mom.I introduced them because I genuinely wanted this relationship to lead to marriage. My mom wasn't rude to her, but she definitely didn't like her. She tried to hide it, but my girlfriend picked up on it immediately.

And honestly... she wasn't wrong.The reasons were exactly what you'd expect from older generations.

My family cared way too much about appearances and social status. Her parents were divorced. Financially and socially our families were worlds apart. I was a doctor, she wasn't. Even little things, like the fact that she was tiny, cute, and short, somehow became a problem. It honestly felt like my mom wanted me to marry a supermodel instead of someone who made me happy.

None of that mattered to me.

Unfortunately, it mattered to my ex because she knew it mattered to my family.

The second issue was my future.I wanted to continue my surgical training abroad and eventually settle there. That was actually her dream too... until reality hit. She became emotional about leaving her mom behind, and I completely understood why.

There was also something personal about me that she struggled with accepting. I won't get into that here, but it definitely played a role.

Eventually we stopped talking for a while.

Then something happened that honestly made me admire her even more. She basically said, "Let's both compromise a little. You do your best, I'll do mine, and we'll figure things out together."

That meant everything to me.

So we tried again.

Fast forward to when she was about to graduate. I brought up marriage again.

Instead of being excited... she looked terrified.

She said she was still young, had never worked before, and wasn't ready. I told her she could continue studying, work, do whatever she wanted I wasn't trying to stop her from living her life.But then she started listing every reason why marrying me would probably end badly.

She talked about her dad, how he treated her mom, how he made promises he never kept, and how he seemed like the perfect man in the beginning before everything fell apart.Then she brought up my mom. Then every flaw I had, Even the things I was actively trying to change for her.

It felt like no matter what I said, she'd already convinced herself that our future would end the same way her parents' marriage did.

I got angry.... like really angry,I said things I wish I could take back,That phone call ended our relationship.

We haven't spoken since.

Now here's the part that's been eating me alive.

Today, I'm engaged.

Ironically, I'm engaged to one of my relatives on my mom's side. She's exactly the kind of woman my mom always wanted me to marry. And don't get me wrong she's genuinely a good person. She's kind, respectful, beautiful, caring... honestly, she's wife material. She hasn't done a single thing wrong.

The problem isn't her.

It's me.

I've always treated her with respect. I'm calm with her, I spoil her, I try to make her happy... but none of it feels real. It feels like I'm playing the role of a good fiancé because that's what I'm supposed to do. Not because it's coming from my heart.

Our wedding is in 60 days. And somehow... I'm still thinking about my ex. Last week I hugged my fiancée... and accidentally called her by my ex's name....Twice.

The worst part is that my ex has a very unique name. It's not the kind of name you accidentally mix up with someone else's. Somehow I managed to play it off, but inside I felt sick.

I catch myself searching for my ex on every platform I can think of. Eventually I found her Instagram. She only has half of her face in her profile picture.Seeing that hit me way harder than it should have.

For a moment I felt like a kid again. All I could think was... I just want to be with her. But I can't do anything.I'm engaged.

And I don't even know if she'd ever want anything to do with me again. I don't know if she forgave me for how I acted during our last conversation. Looking back now, I realize I didn't understand what she was trying to tell me. Instead of listening, I got defensive and angry.

I even did something I'm ashamed of. One of my relative is still friends with her, so I asked her to casually mention that I'm getting married, just to see how she'd react. I wanted to know if she was seeing someone, if she was happy... I don't even know what I was hoping for. Apparently, she didn't react at all. She simply said she's still single. She's working.She's doing well. And that was it.

Meanwhile, I'm sitting here feeling like I've made the biggest mistake of my life.I keep thinking about everything I put both of us through. Every promise. Every argument. Every decision. Every "what if."

It feels like something is suffocating me.

A few days ago, I cried in front of my mom for the first time in my life.

I told her she was one of the reasons I ended up here.I know it's not entirely her fault. I made my own choices too. But I'm not happy.I feel trapped. I feel weak.

Some days it honestly feels like I don't know how to keep carrying all of this.

I don't know if I'm grieving someone I lost, grieving the life I imagined, or just terrified that I'm about to marry someone while my heart is still somewhere else.

I know that's unfair to my fiancée.She deserves someone who's completely sure about her.

And right now... I don't know if that person is me.

I am a 23f year old tattoo artist that has worked extremely hard for my career. I spent years earning next to nothing and sofa surfing so that I could have my dream job, and made every sacrifice along the way. I sacrificed friends, experiences, family, relationships. You name it. Every single thing that a teenager/young adult should have experienced, I missed. It never bothered me. But the regret and all of the realisations are really sinking in now. I’ve wasted my prime years on a career that is taking more than it’s giving back. I rent a sh!tty house full of damp, I see my family twice a year, I work in a busy shop that demands I work 6 days a week, yet I still can’t afford to move up in the world. I have huge dreams, my passion for art is huge. I want to own/rent my own shop, make it something really special, a place where people feel welcome and at home. I want to own a house. I want to drive goddamit. But I can’t do any of this. I want to give up. I feel like a failure for not having accomplished any of the goals I set out to. My family were extremely poor and I really thought I could break the cycle. But I can’t. I think what bothers me the most, not to sound like a brat, is that i was forced to move out of my parents home at 14 because my mum had another child and there wasn’t room for me anymore. Moving out was hard, it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But it was safer, and it was less scary than having to hide from my parents when they were angry and hostile and looking back, extremely abusive. But after I moved out, they seemed to become the best parents in the world to my siblings. And I know this seems random (trust me I’m getting to my point haha) but (without telling anybody, or maybe just me idk) they came into a LOT of money a few years back, I only found out today. And since then, they have paid for my sisters car, started up her business for her, upgraded all of their own gadgets and whatnot. I didn’t know about all of this until today as my sister mentioned something and was shocked I didn’t know. This has really been upsetting me because I remember crying to my mum a year ago about how I wanted to end my life because of my debt and my financial failures. She barely even offered emotional support nevermind help me out at all. I am a firm believer that her money is her money, I wouldn’t ever expect her to spend anything on me. But she never has, I have struggled my whole life. I had to pretend to forget my food money in school because she wouldn’t even feed us or give us a packed lunch, and I find out she’s giving her niece a £8000 wedding payment so that she can have her dream wedding, meanwhile I’m £6000 in debt. I always knew I was on my own in life, and I wanted to make something of myself because of that. But I think Im more disappointed in myself because this life I imagined for myself is not what i had in mind. I didn’t think I’d be searching the bargain bin in charity shops for a pair of shoes, or ‘forgetting’ to scan milk in the shop self checkouts. I want to die, I’m so exhausted. I always hoped to god that luck would be on my side, that someone out there would see me struggling and help me. Maybe after looking after myself my whole life, I’m begging for someone to take the wheel. any advice?

Hi everyone,
I’m 26 and I genuinely don’t know what direction to take anymore.
For the last couple of years it feels like every plan I’ve had has fallen apart. I studied accounting, then realised office work wasn’t for me. I tried another career path and that didn’t feel right either. I worked in construction for a while and actually enjoyed being on site more than being behind a desk.
More recently I spent months trying to start my own food business. I found a unit, spoke with solicitors, negotiated with the landlord, planned everything and invested a lot of time, only for the whole deal to collapse after months of delays and back and forth. It really knocked my confidence because I felt like I’d finally found something I wanted to build.
Now I’m back at square one.
At the moment I’m considering learning painting and decorating. My dad has worked in the trade for years, my uncle is also a painter, and I have an interview for a painting and decorating course. If that works out, I was thinking of spending some time learning the basics with my uncle before the course starts.
The problem is I keep asking myself whether this is actually the right path or if I’m just convincing myself because I’m desperate to move forward.
I don’t want to spend the rest of my life jumping from one idea to another. I want to commit to something, become really good at it and eventually build my own business. I’m not expecting success overnight, but I do want to make the right long term decision.

Has anyone else been in this position where you felt completely lost in your mid twenties?

If you had to start again at 26 with no clear direction, what would you do?

If you’re a painter and decorator, would you recommend the trade today?

If you work in another trade or run your own business, what path would you choose if you were starting from scratch?

I’m not looking for people to tell me what I want to hear. If you think I’m making a mistake, tell me. I’d rather hear honest opinions from people with real experience than spend another few years going in circles.

Thanks for reading.

I'm 27 years old and I've been thinking about moving from California to Houston, Texas. California has become so expensive that even a studio apartment is around $2,000 a month where I live.

My older sister lives in Houston, so I'd have family there. I'm honestly tired of seeing the same places and living the same routine every day. I want to experience something new, start fresh, and I feel like there might be more opportunities for me in Houston.

At the same time, I'm scared. I've lived in California my whole life, so leaving everything I've ever known is a huge decision. Part of me worries about whether I'd regret it or if I'd be making the right choice.

If you were in my position, would you make the move? Has anyone here moved from California to Houston? Was it worth it, and what advice would you give before making a decision?

i recently went through a breakup. it's only been two weeks and I feel miserable. He was my first boyfriend and we met two years ago. We had been dating for 1.5 years when some months ago we started fighting. Many times we had fought and one of us talked about breaking up, but ultimately we got back together each time. this situation had happened 3-4 times. Around 2 months ago, he started 11th grade and i started my 12th. we're both 17. Ever since his school started he was very eager to learn new stuff and work in the gym extra hard. I was supportive of this. He started working in the organizing committee of his school's mun when it all started feeling strange. He was too busy and i kept asking for at least 1 hour of his day so we could talk and know the updates. Unfortunately that did not happen. One of us was busy the whole time which kind of led me to feel very distant and lonely. I wondered if it was my overthinking or we were actually drifting apart. He invited me to come to his mun but i refused since I had academic priorities. I kind of got mad at him because he couldn't give him any of his time to me. even a text would have been fine but somehow I was asking for too much. i stopped texting because I was angry and he didn't reach out either. it was on his sister's ig that i found a picture of him in the background surrounded by a group of girls. i got angry and he said I was overthinking and he was right there with the rest of his friends in front of him (which i couldn't make out from the picture clearly). i have never doubted his loyalty and he's never looked or talked to any girl without telling me.

after this we fought and decided we should take a break for two months. he blocked me, i blocked him. i accepted 5-6 requests from guys on my Instagram ( we both had each other's instas and he didn't allow me to have guys on my acc, was jealous) 2-3 days later, i go to a friend's sister's birthday party, (shes 4-5 years older) to cheer myself up a bit after this. i sent a snap in which we were having dinner together and in that snap, the Birthday girl's boyfriend was somehow in the frame. he started texting me on snap, he said I'm having fun without him, im happy without him and I'm happy with other men. i said it's nothing like that. we talked and ultimately i melted when he said he doesn't wanna live without me and he misses me. we got back together. after this, things started getting better. we started flirting more and it was fun. we were hanging out one day without our parents knowing when he lost the car keys at the ice cream shop. When he finally found the keys, i said that this shouldn't repeat again. i told him " be a man". I admit that it was bad thing to say and immediately said I'm sorry, but the words had got him and he stayed silent after that. a few weeks later he tells me he wants to go on a trip with his friends ( i had been asking him to hangout w me and he kept declining) and he says he's asking his parents. that night, he was with his friends when my parents fought and I had a panic attack. i kept texting him, calling him, he didn't pick up or see my texts. When he returned he said he was with his friends parents, and he wasn't in a situation to check his phone. that hurt me. the one person i love and needed desperately didn't think to check what his constant notifications are about. he didn't say sorry and just started acting like everything was normal the next morning. he packed and left with his friends early 6am. i was hurt, and i didn't wanna text him, but i eventually called him during the afternoon and he said he wouldn't be able to call as 'theres no place'. all his friends knew that we were dating. he could have easily gone outside the room ( they had 4 rooms) or even in the hallway. after that, they went out, had dinner, shopped, had fun while i cried in my room begging, waiting for a text from him. i eventually realised he's doing this by choice. I couldn't let myself get treated like this anymore. i texted him that we need to talk and i gave him time till 10 pm to return back to his room and have a conversation. he said it's too early and he probably won't be able to make it. i later texted that we should breakup.

things happened and we texted, he called me manipulative, mean, and said that he now realised his worth. he said i followed guys the moment he left and he still forgave me, while he believed I hadn't forgiven him for the whole surrounded by girls picture.

we broke up. we kept texting 2-3 days alternately ( mostly me) trying to change or improve the situation but it didn't help. he said he needs to go and he's breaking up with me for me, so I can be happy. i miss him so much and no matter what i do it's really hard to move on. we were very close and i never wanted to break up. we literally broke up on text and no matter how much I asked he didn't wanna meet me irl ( said his family won't allow). a few days ago he sent me back my scarf, my tshirt and a bracelet I made with morse code. he said his family doesn't want him to keep my things, and he managed to convince them to keep the handmade things. it really broke my heart and it hurts as hell. especially when i saw the bracelet. i couldn't help but return his sweater which he gave to me on 3rd december.

i couldn't help but call him today, and its probably the last time I texted him. i told him how I've been feeling recently, how I've been treating myself and no matter what it just keeps getting harder. that i feel like cutting all contact from him is the only way I can push myself to move on. he said " im sorry, i hope you take care of yourself. i really care about you". i asked if that's all he wanted to say after my long paragraphs. he said " i can't say more" and i said that I was the only desperate one. i texted for a bit and when i saw he wasn't opening my texts, i texted him goodbye and blocked him.

idk what to do. this is fucking hard. i shouldn't have gotten so addicted to him, it hurts to feel so unwanted. i used to be so happy, i feel shameful to let myself be this way.

Yes yes, another rant. Shutup.

Today's rant is, when did smoking, drinking, and doing drugs become cool?! Why has it become cool?! It honestly baffles me. It's not cool. Why do ppl think cussing is cool when it literally isn't!! It's so difficult to find a friend or an acquaintance or a partner who doesn't drink or smoke or cuss or do drugs. Why has it become so normal?! Why do ppl think it's cool or hip?!

Because it doesn't!!

So... As the title states, my parents want me out of the house at 18. Like immediately. I have a job, working on getting a second, and have about $3000 saved. I'll still be in school. I haven't taken a driver's ed course yet and I don't have a car anyways. Should I get a car first and live out of it for a while so I can get around easier? Or should I get a place to live because honestly I think I'm going to need a car either way. Can I get some advice in general on what to do? Not just about the living situation either but everything.

TL;DR: This is going to be long. I'm sorry. I don't know who else to talk to because everyone in my life has already told me to leave him, and I can't make myself do it. I need strangers to tell me what I already know, because maybe I'll finally listen.

Five weeks ago I met this guy, let's call him Jim, he's 18, he's a boxer, he's so handsome and I don't know what happened to me but I fell for him so fast and so hard that it doesn't even feel real, like I look back at who I was before him and I don't recognize that person, I don't remember what it felt like to not have my entire day revolve around whether or not he texted me back, whether or not he's mad at me, whether or not I'm about to lose him. I hadn't felt anything for anyone in years. Years. I've had guys want to be with me and I tried so hard to feel something for them and I just couldn't, it was like I was broken or something, like everyone else got to have these big feelings and I was just numb, and then Jim walked into my life and suddenly I wasn't numb anymore, suddenly I was feeling everything all at once and it was overwhelming and terrifying and I thought that meant it was real, I thought that meant he was the one, because why else would my body react like this, why else would my heart literally hurt when he doesn't answer me.

At first it was good. Or I thought it was good. We met through instagram and two days later he came to my pro wrestling class to meet me, he didn't have to do that, nobody's ever done that for me, he offered to come to my graduation because I don't have anyone to go with, my mom's an alcoholic and she's not going to be there and he knew that and he offered and I melted, I completely melted because someone was finally seeing me, someone was finally choosing me. We liked the same video games and the same sports and the same movies and he asked me about things I liked that he didn't know anything about and he actually listened, he actually seemed interested, and I was so starved for that kind of attention that I just soaked it all up without questioning anything.

The first time we hung out alone we kissed and it turned into this long makeout session and I was into it but then he grabbed me by the throat while we were kissing and I froze for a second because it scared me, we barely knew each other and he had his hand around my neck and it wasn't hard enough to hurt but it was hard enough to remind me that he could hurt me if he wanted to, that he was stronger than me, that I was vulnerable, and I told myself I was being dramatic, I told myself it was just a kink thing or whatever, people do that, it's fine, I'm overreacting, I'm too sensitive, I need to stop making everything a big deal.

He also told me early on that he had hit an ex once but that they were playing and it wasn't on purpose and I should've run, I know I should've run, any sane person would've run but I didn't run because he was looking at me with these eyes and telling me I was different and I wanted so badly to be different, I wanted so badly to be the girl who was worth being good for, and I convinced myself that he was just being honest with me, that he was trusting me with something vulnerable, and isn't that what intimacy is, isn't that what love is, sharing the ugly parts and being accepted anyway. That's what I told myself. That's what I still tell myself sometimes when I can't sleep at night.

The second time we hung out we were walking and this dog just started barking at him like crazy, like snarling and lunging and the hair on its back was up and I got this horrible feeling in my gut, this primal fear that I couldn't explain, and I looked at Jim and he was just standing there and laughed saying “this fkn dog thinks i’m scared” like it was nothing and I thought maybe the dog was just crazy but then I thought about what dogs sense that humans can't, about how animals can smell danger on people, and I got scared but I pushed it down because I didn't want to be that girl, I didn't want to be the paranoid girl who ruins everything because of a bad feeling, because what if I was wrong, what if I threw away something real because I was scared of nothing, and I couldn't live with that, I couldn't live with being the reason it didn't work out.

By the second week I was already falling and falling hard and he was texting me constantly and talking to me all the time and I felt like I was finally alive after years of being half-asleep, like he had woken something up in me that I didn't even know was there, and then the hitting started. He would throw punches at the air because he's a boxer and then he would throw them at me and they weren't hard enough to leave marks but they were hard enough to sting, hard enough to remind me every single time that he could do damage if he wanted to, and I would flinch and he would laugh and I would laugh too because what else was I supposed to do, what was I supposed to say, hey can you stop pretending to hit me because it actually terrifies me, no, I couldn't say that, I couldn't risk him thinking I was weak or dramatic or too sensitive, so I laughed and I took it and I told myself it was just his sense of humor, just boy stuff, just roughhousing.

One day I actually worked up the courage to tell him to stop hitting me and he looked at me and said "If I hit you for real you'll end up on the floor crying" and something in his voice when he said it, something cold and casual and absolutely certain, scared the shit out of me, like my whole body went cold and my stomach dropped and for a second I saw exactly what he would look like if he wasn't pretending, if he was actually angry, and I was terrified but I chose to believe he was joking because the alternative was too horrible to think about, the alternative meant that I was alone in a room with someone who could destroy me and I was letting him, I was inviting him in, and I couldn't face that so I laughed and I said you're crazy and I changed the subject and I pretended my hands weren't shaking.

That same week he told me there was a gang that wanted to kill him because his ex made up some story about him hitting her and he swore it wasn't true and I believed him, I don't know why I believed him but I did, my heart just chose to believe him and my brain couldn't override it because my brain was already so twisted up in him that I couldn't think straight about anything, everything that came out of his mouth I just absorbed and accepted because questioning it meant risking losing him and I couldn't lose him, I couldn't, I had just found him, I had just started feeling again after years of nothing and I couldn't go back to that emptiness, I would rather be scared with him than empty without him.

He started asking me for sex and I'm a virgin by choice, I've had so many opportunities, so many guys who wanted me and I just didn't want them back, not like that, I'm a hopeless romantic and I've always been serious about waiting for the right person and I thought maybe he was the right person because of how I felt about him but something in me was still saying no, something in me was still holding back, and I couldn't tell if that was my intuition protecting me or my fear sabotaging something good, and I still don't know, I still can't tell the difference between self-preservation and self-sabotage and it's driving me insane.

Two weeks after we met we went to the cinema and he was touching me and I didn't stop him because I liked him and I wanted him to want me and we ended up in the public bathroom and I know this is disgusting and I'm sorry but I need to say it exactly how it happened because I need someone to understand how confused I am, how fucked up my head is right now. He put his fingers inside me and I said no at first, I said no, but he kept insisting and pushing and looking at me like I was hurting him by saying no, like I was being cruel and unreasonable, and I was so tired of fighting, so tired of being the difficult girl, the prude, the one who can't just relax and have fun, so I said yes and I let him and it hurt so bad, I wasn't ready, I wasn't wet, I had never even done that to myself and it felt like I was being ripped open and I wanted to cry but I didn't because I didn't want to ruin it, I didn't want to make him feel bad, I didn't want him to think I was broken or frigid or whatever, so I just laid there and took it and tried to look like I was enjoying it and then right after we got out of the bathroom he looked at me and said "I love you" for the first time and I felt like I was going to explode, like my heart was too big for my chest, like all the pain and confusion of the last twenty minutes didn't matter because he loved me, he actually loved me, and I had never felt that before, I had never had someone look at me like that and say those words and mean them, or at least I thought he meant them, I still don't know if he meant them, I go back and forth every single day and it's killing me.

Week three and the pattern just kept going, the joking hits that weren't jokes, the pressure for sex that never let up, and then he told me he wanted to be with me by all means unless I fucked him up and I asked him what that meant and he said don't sue him like his ex did and I felt sick, I felt physically sick because what does that mean, what did he do to his ex that she sued him, why is everyone in his past accusing him of violence, and I knew, I knew in my gut that there was something wrong, but I couldn't make myself leave, I couldn't make myself walk away from the only person who had made me feel alive in years.

We were in a supermarket bathroom and I didn't want to be there, I didn't want to do anything, but we were there and he was touching me and then he tried to put it in and I said no, I said no multiple times, and he didn't have a condom and I said no and he said it wasn't necessary because he has no STDs and I said no and he kept insisting and pushing and I was against the wall and he was bigger than me and stronger than me and he was about to do it and I was frozen, I was completely frozen, and then somebody knocked on the door and we had to leave and I have never been so relieved in my entire life, I literally wanted to fall to my knees and thank God or the universe or whoever was looking out for me in that moment.

Outside he was annoyed, he was actually annoyed at me because I didn't want to have sex with him, like I had done something wrong, like I was being difficult and unfair, and I told him I wasn't going to have sex with someone who wasn't my boyfriend and he said we don't know each other enough to date and I said then we don't know each other enough to have sex and I thought that was the end of it, I thought he would get mad and leave and I was already bracing myself for the heartbreak, already planning how I would survive without him, and then ten minutes later he asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes because I loved him, I loved him so much it physically hurt, and I thought this would fix everything, I thought if I was his girlfriend then all the pressure would stop, then he would be gentle with me, then he would love me the way I needed to be loved.

Things got worse.

That same week we went to his best friend's birthday party and my mom was drinking because I wasn't home, she's an alcoholic and she gets vicious when she drinks, and she was calling me and saying horrible things and I had a full anxiety attack in front of everyone and I couldn't breathe and I couldn't stop shaking and Jim just looked at me like I was embarrassing him. I had told him I would quit smoking for him, he didn't like it when I smoked, and I lied, I still smoke two packs a day because I'm a mess and smoking is the only thing that calms me down sometimes, and that day I smoked an entire pack in front of him because I was spiraling and he got so mad, so cold and distant and angry, and he wanted to have sex that night too and I said no and I had started giving him handjobs by then because I thought maybe if I did other things he would stop pressuring me for sex but it wasn't enough, it was never enough, and he was so so mad at me and I felt like I had ruined everything, like I was too broken and too difficult and too much work and he was going to leave me and it would be all my fault.

During all of this every single one of my friends including my wrestling coach told me to leave him, they said he's a bad person and a bad influence and he's only going to hurt me and I didn't listen, I didn't listen to any of them because they didn't understand, they didn't understand what it felt like to finally feel something after years of numbness, they didn't understand that I would rather be hurt by him than feel nothing without him, and I told myself I wasn't leaving because I was scared of what he might do to me if I left and that was partly true, I am scared of him, I've seen what he's capable of, but the real truth is I don't want to live without him, I'm so attached to him in this way that doesn't make any logical sense, I think about him when I wake up and I think about him when I go to sleep and when we're not talking I feel like I'm drowning, like I can't get enough air, like the world is gray and flat and meaningless and he's the only thing that makes it colorful and I know that sounds insane, I know it sounds like I'm dependent and codependent and whatever else but I can't help it, I can't make it stop, I've tried and I can't.

My mom threatened to kill me and then kill herself if I don't leave him and when she's drunk she doesn't listen to anything I say so I just shut down and take it because what else can I do.

Jim introduced me to his friends and he's nicer to me around them, he puts on this act like he's so sweet and protective and I'm his perfect girlfriend and then when we're alone it's like I'm a completely different person to him, like I'm just this annoying obstacle between him and sex, like I'm only worth something when I'm making him feel good, and when we're not doing sexual stuff he's horrible to me, he's cold and critical and makes me feel small and stupid and I just take it because I don't want to lose the version of him that his friends see, the version that I fell for, and I keep waiting for that version to come back, I keep thinking if I just do this right or say this right or give him what he wants then he'll be sweet again, then he'll look at me the way he did in the beginning, and sometimes he does for like five minutes and it's enough to keep me hooked, it's enough to make me think it's working, that I'm finally doing it right.

He told me he's leaving on June 28th for another city for three months because his dad is forcing him to go and my friends begged me to break up with him once he was gone and I haven't, I can't, I talk to him every day and I miss him so much it feels like my chest is caving in and I know that sounds pathetic and I know I should be using this time to get away from him but I can't, I physically cannot make myself do it, I've tried to imagine my life without him and I just see this endless gray nothing and it terrifies me more than he does.

The last day we hung out before he left I got on the wrong bus and got lost in the city and I called him because I didn't know where I was and I was scared and he called me dumb and stupid and said I had to figure it out myself because I'm so fucking stupid and I just sat there on the phone listening to him tear me apart and I still wanted him, I still wanted him to come find me, I still thought if he came and saved me it would mean he loved me, it would prove something. When I finally got to him we made up in the bathroom because that's how we always make up now, through sexuak stuff, through me giving him what he wants, and I asked him to ride the bus home with me because I had been harassed the day before and I was terrified of being alone on public transport and he said "if you suck my dick I'll go with you" and I didn't want to, I really didn't want to, but I did it because I was scared and I wanted him to protect me and I thought maybe if I did this one thing he would see that I love him, that I'm worth keeping, that he should choose me.

He didn't come with me.

He left a bruise on me that day too and I don't even remember how it happened, I just remember looking down at my arm and seeing it and feeling nothing, like I was outside my own body watching this happen to someone else. I slapped him at some point, I don't even remember why, and he said "the last girl who did that ended up crying" and there was this threat in his voice, this promise, and I was terrified but also weirdly relieved because at least he was being honest, at least I knew where I stood, at least I wasn't being gaslit for five seconds. And yeah he didn’t hit me back.

Now he's been gone a week and we got into a huge fight because I posted a video of me and my wrestling friend doing a move where my legs were wrapped around his face and his hands were on my legs and Jim went absolutely fucking nuclear, he's threatening to break up with me because he doesn't trust me and he says I'm cheating and I told him my friend is gay but he's not, I lied, I fucking lied because I'm so exhausted from having to explain every single thing I do, every person I talk to, every move I make, and I just wanted him to stop yelling at me for five minutes, I just wanted some peace, and now he's thinking about breaking up with me and we barely spoke yesterday and today we only talked because I told him my mom had beaten me and he just gave me some advice and that was it, no I love you, no I'm sorry, just advice like I'm some random person asking for help.

And I'm sitting here losing my mind because part of me knows this is bad, part of me knows this is so fucked up and wrong and I should run and never look back but there's this other part of me, this loud screaming part, that says I'm exaggerating, that says I'm being dramatic, that says every relationship has problems and I'm just too sensitive and too difficult and if I was a better girlfriend none of this would be happening, and that part is so loud, it's so fucking loud, and it tells me that I can't live without him, that I'll never feel this way about anyone else, that this is my one chance at love and I'm blowing it by being too picky and too prudish and too broken, and I don't know which voice is real anymore, I don't know if I'm the girl who needs to run or the girl who needs to try harder, and I'm so tired, I'm so fucking tired of not knowing what's real.

Please. Someone tell me the truth. Not what I want to hear. What I need to hear. Because I can't trust my own head anymore and I'm scared and I'm alone and I don't know what to do.
Today we’ve barely spoken he’s told me that I have fucked up and that he can’t trust me bc I technically cheated on him (js bc I hung out with a friend whom he thinks is gay) and yeah it’s obvious he doesn’t want to talk to me bc he thinks I’m a cheater.

Hi everyone. I’m an 18-year-old girl from Pakistan, and I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. I feel trapped between what I want for my life and what my family expects from me.
I know this is going to be long, but if anyone reads it all, I’d really appreciate it because I genuinely feel like I’m suffocating and don’t know what to do anymore.
Being a eldest daughter: growing up, I’ve always been known as the “perfect child.” I never really rebelled. I got good grades, stayed respectful, helped around the house, tried to make everyone proud, never argued, and always tried to meet every expectation placed on me. Despite that, it feels like every time I meet one expectation, another even bigger one replaces it.
About a year ago, I had just migrated from interior Sindh to Karachi. It was already a huge adjustment for me. My father wanted me to apply to universities outside Sindh. I didn’t want to leave so soon after moving, but I agreed because he promised he wouldn’t force me to go abroad immediately and that I would have time make up my own future by myself.
For the next year, my entire life revolved around university admissions. My classmates applied to one or two universities. The strongest students around me applied to maybe three or four. I ended up preparing for around twenty different admission tests and actually appeared for eleven of them. Every university had a different syllabus, different pattern, and different preparation. I spent months studying almost every day under constant pressure.
My dream university was IBA. In my first attempt, I scored 192, and in my second attempt, I scored 188. Unfortunately, I still couldn’t get in. Considering I came from a very small school in interior Sindh and was competing with students from some of the best schools in Pakistan, I was heartbroken but still proud that I gave it everything I had.
I also received admissions from a few other universities. My father rejected them all.
Then, as soon as all my university admissions were over, my father suddenly brought back the Australia plan.
It felt like everything I had worked so hard for no longer mattered.
Now everyone in my family expects me to prepare for IELTS in just one month and score at least a 7–7.5 band, even though many people spend months preparing for it. The exam itself costs over 80,000 PKR, so there is enormous pressure to do well on the first attempt.
The hardest part is that I’m not refusing to move abroad forever.
I actually want to settle abroad one day.
My own plan has always been to complete my bachelor’s in Pakistan, become more independent and emotionally mature, and then apply abroad for my master’s. I want to leave when I’m ready, not because I was pressured into it.
I’ve explained this to my parents over and over again.
I’m not saying, “I’ll never go.”
I’m saying, “I’m not ready at 18.”
To me, those are completely different things.
But every time I say that, the conversation becomes aggressive. I’m told I’m ruining my future, that I’m emotional, immature, and don’t understand how the world works. Eventually I start feeling guilty for even expressing what I want.
Another reason this has become so difficult is because of what happened during my first trip to Australia last year.
I spent about two months there with my grandmother and aunt. It was my first time leaving Pakistan, and instead of becoming a happy memory, it became one of the most traumatic experiences of my life.
My uncle had worked in Australia for almost 12 years. During those twelve years, he only came back to Pakistan three times—twice for his own wedding-related events and once when I was very young. He worked incredibly hard to build a life there.
Then his marriage completely fell apart.
There was constant family conflict. I was caught in the middle while relatives spoke negatively about my mother and expected me to take sides when we all were in the same side and should support each other.
Things became even worse when legal issues followed. My uncle and my grandmother both ended up spending time in custody during disputes with his ex-wife’s false accusations. Watching everything unfold while being so far from home was terrifying. Whether or not people agree with how the situation was handled, it left me deeply shaken.
Today, despite all those years of hard work, my uncle and grandmother have lost their home and are living in rented accommodation.
I love my uncle very much, but watching everything he went through has left me terrified of facing something similar before I’m emotionally ready.
That’s why I don’t think my fear is irrational.
Even if I moved to Australia, I wouldn’t be living with my uncle or grandmother anyway, so this isn’t about avoiding them. It’s about realizing how overwhelming life in another country can become and understanding that I don’t feel ready to carry that responsibility alone at eighteen.
Another thing that makes this harder is that my family talks as if my future doesn’t really belong to me anymore. They constantly tell me that I need to settle abroad so I can eventually help everyone else including my younger brothers to leave Pakistan too.
I understand wanting to support your family. I genuinely do.
But sometimes it feels like my entire future has already been assigned responsibilities before I’ve even had the chance to build my own life.
I also don’t feel emotionally supported by my parents.
They’ve provided for me financially, and I’m grateful for that. They’ve given me opportunities many people don’t get. I don’t deny that at all.
But emotionally, I often feel unheard.
Whenever I say I’m overwhelmed, anxious, or scared, I’m usually told I’m being dramatic. My mother believes someone my age can’t really have trauma or depression because this is supposed to be the happiest time of my life. when i got rejected for the 2nd time from iba she said “I should leave these matters to my dad only and she has nothing to do with all and i should have worked harder”
I don’t know how to explain that gratitude and emotional pain can exist at the same time.
For the past two months, I’ve barely been sleeping. Almost every night I end up crying. I have separation anxiety, and the thought of suddenly moving to another country before I’m mentally ready makes me panic. I’ve even started struggling to eat properly because of how anxious I’ve become.
I don’t want to disappoint my parents.
I don’t want to seem ungrateful.
I don’t want to waste opportunities.
But I also don’t want the biggest decision of my life to happen because I was pressured into it.
I keep asking myself one question:
If Australia was always the only acceptable option, why did my father make me spend an entire year preparing for so many Pakistani universities? Why let me invest so much of my life into something that I was never actually going to be allowed to choose?
My ideal plan has always been simple:
Finish my bachelor’s in Pakistan.
Become more confident and independent.
Apply abroad for my master’s on my own. (I know I can do it)
Move when I genuinely feel ready.
Instead, I feel like everyone around me has already decided my future for me.
So I’m asking people who have no reason to take sides:
Am I being unreasonable for wanting to complete my bachelor’s in Pakistan first, even though I fully intend to move abroad later?

If you were in my position, what would you honestly do? (main question because whatever chatgpt does not sound convincing to me, I feel like because its chatgpt it give you the positive part no matter if ur incorrect) i want to know it from real people

I feel like I’m in a hole I’m never going to get out. In all my years this is the first time I’m late on my electric bill. I have 2 days left to pay it before they shut it off. It’s $174.25 and it makes me feel pathetic that I can’t pay it. I’m dashing and ubering all day and it’s 100 degrees and I have no air in my car, but the constant having to put gas in my car takes everything I make. I just feel like I can’t win.

Hello, I’m a 16 year old male who is currently going into senior year. As the title says I don’t know what I want to do with my life. I have an ok gpa (3.7) and not many things that will get me into any good collages. My entire family is full of doctors, my dad is a plastic surgeon, mom does medicine, and brother is currently studying to be a trauma surgeon. I have considered going into premed and it is currently my plan A. The only thing is, I don’t find it interesting, I don’t want to spend the best years of my life with my nose in a book, and honestly the only reason I would become a doctor is for the money. Growing up I have always loved the idea of making money, the second I was able to get a job I did and I have had multiple jobs at one point, and even before that I was shoveling driveways, cutting lawns, doing lemonade stands etc. I just hate how I have to make a decision on what I want to do for the rest of my life at only 16. I have also thought about going into finance but I don’t know what I would study. Also there is the pressure of my family not respecting me or thinking I’m a disappointment for not becoming a doctor. Again, I don’t know what I should do because I need to figure this out quickly, and I don’t want to have to take a gap year or go into collage undecided. Thank you!

I’m 18F (19 in 29 days) and I’m currently in college on my third year for BS in Criminal Justice. Lately I’ve just felt so lost. I don’t know if I’m in the right relationship, the right city, or even the right career. All I know is that I want something different, but I don’t even know what “different” is.
I live with my boyfriend 20M. He has a one-year-old from a previous relationship. He didn’t go to college, which I don’t have a problem with at all, and he has a stable job that he’s happy with. He seems completely content with where his life is, and I’m genuinely happy that he feels that way.

The problem is I’ve never really been that way. I’ve always wanted more for myself. I don’t mean money or anything like that. I just want to keep growing, experience new things, and see what I’m capable of. I don’t want to look back one day and feel like I settled when I was only 18.

Being with someone who already has a child has also made me think a lot more about my future. Sometimes I wonder if we’re just in two different stages of life. He’s happy with where he’s at, and I’m over here questioning everything.

Maybe I’m just overthinking because I’m young, but I feel like everyone around me knows what they’re doing while I’m just trying to figure it all out.

Has anyone else felt like this at 18? Did these feelings eventually go away, or did you realize you needed to make some big changes?

im 19F and im almost done with my second year of college. im failing terribly, if i fail one more semester im out. im so ashamed and i feel bad for my parents and i feel like i failed them, i did honestly. i have no excuse. i dont party and i dont hang out with people and skip lectures. i try to study but its so hard to focus and i got depression and ive been really trying to end it , i attempted last month but no one knew and it didnt work. i had to retake calc 1 4 times and other subjects multiple times and my gpa is so bad. i got bullied and honestly i have not had a good experience at all, i cry a lot at least 4 times a day. i wake up with so much anxiety . i feel so alone, did anyone ever go through the same thing or is currently going through it ?

I (20F) met my boyfriend (26M) in June, shortly after ending a toxic relationship. My ex barely showed affection, didn’t reassure me, didn’t care about my feelings, and never talked about the future. I got used to feeling ignored and emotionally starved.

My new boyfriend is the complete opposite. He’s loving, expressive, affectionate, and tells me how much he cares every day. He’s changed my life in a lot of good ways, and I’m genuinely happy with him. I’m grateful for the love he shows me because I’ve never had this before. But everything has moved really fast. We became a couple quickly, and now he’s talking about moving to a new state together and living together. He asks “are we good?” multiple times a day, wants deep emotional conversations every day, and has a very high sex drive. I’m not used to this level of intensity.

Sometimes I get overwhelmed because I’m carrying my feelings and his feelings at the same time. I told him I needed space because I was shut down, and even after I said that, he kept trying to call me. Today I told him I needed space, and it turned into an hour of him asking why, if I’m upset, if I’m having second thoughts, etc. I shut down because there were too many things going through my head at once. I love him and I’m grateful for him, but I also want normal days that aren’t so emotionally heavy. I’m not used to someone loving me this loudly, and sometimes it’s just a lot for me to process.

Is it normal to feel overwhelmed even in a good relationship? How do I slow the pace down without hurting him?

TL;DR: I love my boyfriend and he makes me happy, but the relationship is moving very fast and the daily emotional intensity overwhelms me. I’m not used to this level of affection because my last relationship was toxic, and I’m struggling with the pace.

Met her on 2018 in a class because of common friends and then we got in touch through fb and all I was kindof introvert so never asked for number but eventually she shared and we continued our communication, her parents were forcing her to get married and she used to tell me all I was unemployed unsettled so didn't take any initiative even after she indirectly asked me sometimes. And then she moved to new city and new job and our communication faded as she was always busy but online so I figured someone else entered the scene. Then after a year I contacted her she never replied, after another year she contacted me and talked like nothing happened and casually said she had a breakup with a guy from her office and they are dating while we were also talking so that hit me hard as I expected that she would tell me if another person is there as we were pretty close. After her revelation I never contacted her again.

After a she again contacted me and I didn't replied and Last week she again called me I received as I had moved on from all our past little history,

Now the problem is for a week we talked continuously and last day she proposed me like if I am ready to forgive her about hiding her relationship while we were talking and if I trust her she wants to marry me. But I said I no longer has feelings for her as I moved on and thought she will be married or with someone else. They she told me that she will wait for me till I am over our past frictions. I told her I can't do that too politely.she told me she was hurt and her ego is hurt as she never proposed anyone. She was actively looking for marriage and matrimony sites are not working for her she said.

Even though I told her I don't have feelings for her there is a part of me who still cares for her and want's to take her hands, but our past frictions caused a trust issue with her for me Even though I forgot about it it may some time surface again.

And also I wasn't settled back then now I am pretty settled too.

I haven't talked to her after the i Said No. But my mind is not okay as I badly wants to reach out and check on her and if I go and talk now I will most probably will get back with her as some old feelings will surface again.

Pls advise me what to do as don't want to do anything foolish even though my heart bady wants to take her forgetting all our past frictions but I didn't have any idea whether I am just the best option she got now and that's why she is choosing me now ?? PLEASE ADVISE

Any advice for a young female going into her 20s with no set plans or aspirations and not a lot of people to rely on ?

I don't know what to do. I don't want to live anymore. I just want this suffering to end—forever. I kept telling myself every day that things would get better eventually. But that day never came, and I don't think it ever will. Every day feels like a repetition of the last; it’s as if I’m trapped in a loop. It feels less like I’m living my own life and more like I’m just watching it go by.

Hello, I’m Hinako. I’m a teenage girl, and I’ve struggled with my mental health since I was young. I simply don't know what to do anymore. I’ve tried everything to get better, but nothing has worked. I am completely at a loss.

I stopped going to school because of bullying; it’s been nearly three years since I dropped out. I have no friends, and I don't go outside. Every day feels like the same routine: waking up, staring at my phone, and going back to sleep. I’m exhausted by doing nothing—by just existing. It feels like I’m merely clinging to life as the days pass. I just don't know what to do.

I’m using a translation tool to write this so that you can understand me.

Please tell me what I should do.