I am feeling confused about my life and my internship... Please help
Recently for the past 3 months ish, ive been feeling really lost and kinda confused about life... I dont know what my purpose is and I dont know what to do. I started a year long internship, and I worked really hard for it, and now I am here, its great, like its a great place to work and everybody is really nice and they have great amenities but. I just keep dropping the ball.... Like I feel like I am always messing up or misunderstanding something and just making mistakes around every corner, and I just feel so bad because I feel like everybody has expectations of me, and I have expectations of me but I am just not living up to any of it. I dont know I just feel so dumb and useless. Has anyone ever felt this way before?? How did you push through it?
I just feel like I wake up everyday to go to my 9-5, and I just keep making mistakes and I feel like the dumb intern who does stupid things, and I look at my peers around me and I feel like everybody just has it figured out. And obviously I know thats not true, but sometimes like man looking at linkedin or just like my engineering friends makes me feel really dumb, unproductive, and like stupid... I dont know its like everybody is so obsessed with productivity and tech and jobs and all these corporate things and I just feel so away from that??? If that makes sense? I feel like well I do like electrical engineering when I am studying, and I liked my courses, I thought they were super interesting.... But now I dont know... All this stuff about getting a huge tech job, and doing a million personal projects, and hackathons and it feels like everybody has to have a million things they have done, and be super smart...... Am i just dumb? Or like I dont know... It all just feels weird...
And I feel like I am ungrateful, because I have this internship, and the content is pretty interesting, and everybody is so nice, and there are so many cool things there and its a great opportunity. But for some reason I come home everyday sad. I don't know why. People would do so much for an opportunity like this, and I know I was dying for this a couple months ago. But I just keep messing up. I feel like a screwup and I just keep making mistakes and I dont know how to fix them. I just always am on edge if I am doing everything right or if I messed up. I come into work and I feel so scared and nervous. I am scared to ask questions, or hand things in. And I spend so much time making sure things are right before I hand it in, and somehow I keep making mistakes. Its been 4 months already, I dont know I feel like by now people say they are settled in, and make big contributions. But i havent done anything like that. I am so intimidated by everyone and everything. Everything feels so big and I feel so small.
TLDR: I just feel like I keep making mistakes and losing out on an opportunity Ive always wanted. I wake up everyday confused and lost about my life and what I am meant to do with it. I feel really intimidated by my coworkers and my peers and just the general state of society and tech right now. I feel like every body is moving at 300x speed and I am stuck on 0.5 speed. I just feel stuck. And stupid.
If anybody can help me out with some advice or their experiences or even if someone else feels this way, I would really appreciate it.