u/TheHotDogBunsWereWet

I live in a hell of my own making. I get so angry about being left alone and not being able to talk to old friends but then I have to remember that I pushed almost everyone away. No one likes me because I push them away. It's my own fault I'm so lonely. There's one person in particular that I miss most because he tried his fucking best to be there for me while I just got worse. He only left when he couldn't handle it anymore and my negative attitude was really starting to affect him. I made the mistake of trying to reach out but he hasn't responded and I have to assume he blocked me. I'm alone and it's my fault. I can't make friends because of my own attitude. It's hell not having him around everyday. It's hell having to remember everything we used to talk about and knowing I can never go back.

I live in a hell of my own making. I get so angry about being left alone and not being able to talk to old friends but then I have to remember that I pushed almost everyone away. No one likes me because I push them away. It's my own fault I'm so lonely. There's one person in particular that I miss most because he tried his fucking best to be there for me while I just got worse. He only left when he couldn't handle it anymore and my negative attitude was really starting to affect him. I made the mistake of trying to reach out but he hasn't responded and I have to assume he blocked me. I'm alone and it's my fault. I can't make friends because of my own attitude. It's hell not having him around everyday. It's hell having to remember everything we used to talk about and knowing I can never go back.

I know I shouldn't reach out. I know you don't want me to. But the pain of missing you and the want to talk to you is just becoming too much again. I'm sorry I wasn't a good friend. I want to start over. I want to be the friend I should have been a year ago. I want to do better and I promise I'll do my best. I'm so sorry for the way things ended. Would you be willing to give me another chance?

I hate the way I still think about you. I hate the way I still cry about losing you. I hate the way half the songs I listen to make me think of you in some way. I hate the way I still need you. I hate the fact I can't talk about you to anyone without feeling like I sound obsessed. I hate the way I remember the comics we made. I hate the way i remember riding the bus with you. I hate that I can't see you. I hate that I secretly hope you'll walk through the doors at work. I hate how the happy memories sometimes turn sour. I hate the way you left. I hate that you left me alone because I was too much. I hate that I can't forget about you. I hate that I can't replace you. I hate that I still need you. Most of all I hate how unconditionally I love you.

I hate the way I still think about you. I hate the way I still cry about losing you. I hate the way half the songs I listen to make me think of you in some way. I hate the way I still need you. I hate the fact I can't talk about you to anyone without feeling like I sound obsessed. I hate the way I remember the comics we made. I hate the way i remember riding the bus with you. I hate that I can't see you. I hate that I secretly hope you'll walk through the doors at work. I hate how the happy memories sometimes turn sour. I hate the way you left. I hate that you left me alone because I was too much. I hate that I can't forget about you. I hate that I can't replace you. I hate that I still need you. Most of all I hate how unconditionally I love you.