r/Dissociation

Has anyone become so bedridden u thought u were genuinely completely out of reality, feeling extreme desoriented with where you was and who you are and u feel like any second ur gonna die? please i can't do this anymore and crisis team no one helps me!!!

I can’t take anything as real anymore as I realize how much of our society is socially constructed and that jobs are stupid. Nations are dumb. And everyone lied

2020 I started getting panic attacks was dealing with heavy anxiety and pressure being around other people, then dealt with severe intrusive images. My brain pretty much shutdown after the images. Since then I’ve been in a very disconnected and numb state. First couple years I didn’t accept it and put pressure on my brain to work and have kind of stayed in this cycle. Anyways I’ve finally accepted my state recently and looking to come out of this. Would really like to know from other people that have stayed in this state for multiple years. How is your mind affected by it once you come out. Before this happened to me I was pretty smart. Was good at reading and learning new things. That’s pretty much all gone and I feel much dumber then what I was once just cause I really haven’t stimulated my brain in years now being in this state. I’m a little worried I did a lot of damage to my brain by staying in this state for so long. Wondering how long it took also to come out of this state. I’ve been completely calm all day everyday for past couple months and don’t really have any thoughts or interests so can just stare at a wall for hours. I think my brains starting to come back a little bit. Was seeing if anyone else has been this deep in also. Could really use some hope.

Hi, I’m just here to share 2 poems that I wrote. I have no experience in writing poems but I hope people appreciate this. I wrote them when I was on a low.
————————
Souls unveiling,
warm blanket of the day-star
encased our fleshy-prison.
Further sailing, drifting,
out on the whale-path.
The feeling of earth’s breath
tickling my fingers.
The beat of drums building,
thunders and echoes.

————————
Dark eyes, starry-eyed.
my phone, a source of light.
If eyes are windows to the soul,
Souls are like stars.
Pure, gleaming with light.
Phone so bright yet a void.
A void deep and dark,
A black hole eating stars.

I am so hesitant about it. I have a hard time taking in my surroundings. It’s so hard for me to remain present. I zone out so much. Or stand behind this foggy glass. It’s hard to scan my environment and take it all in. I’m scared to miss things. One day I was so dissociated while walking that my sister said she thought I was going to walk into a car. Anyone else? Have you overcome this?

Hello,

I am doing a research study entitled “Marked by Pattern: Contextual and Site-Specific Patterns in Trichotillomania and Excoriation Disorder.” The purpose of the study is to examine Trichotillomania and Excoriation Disorder, particularly how contextual variables, such as the environment or activities, impact pulling and picking sites and whether co-occurring relationships exist between specific body sites, in adults using quantitative scales.
Participation would require about 4-8 minutes of your time to complete an online survey. To qualify to participate, you must be 18 years old or older, fluent in English, residing in the United States, and currently experience hair-pulling or skin-picking behaviors.
If you are interested in participating, please use this link and you will be presented the federally required Consent Form via Qualtrics with more info.

Sincerely,
Shelby Richardson
Abilene Christian University
sgr23c@acu.edu
Primary Investigator

Are there any people who have been dissociated because of too many drugs or perhaps medication? Thank you.

I feel like I am having existential dread because of dissociation. The feeling of unrealness and disconnection with reality, that I am not real, so is everything, and that it's all just some kind of memory, dream comes up most of the times. I only feel real in my thinking and thoughts, is there a way to feel stable sense of self in reality outside of thinking, that worked for someone?

my partner was diagnosed with dissociation and derealization around 5 years ago, and lately they haven’t been okay again. for the past week, i can tell something feels off even when they laugh, joke around, or play with me. they don’t cook like they used to and they barely have energy lately.

there was one time they suddenly cried and asked me to slap them in the face to know if i was real. i got emotional too because i cry easily when someone i love is crying. i told them i didn’t want to hurt them, so instead i just gently poked/pinched their cheeks, kept saying i love you, said their name, and hugged them while they cried. i honestly didn’t know what else to do.

we can’t really afford therapy right now, so the best i can do is try to support them and give them time and comfort. i think they’re also really overstimulated lately because of their OJT and our sick cat, and maybe everything is piling up and making them freeze/shut down.

i guess i’m posting because i want advice from people who experience dissociation/derealization or have loved ones who do. what helps during moments like this? what should i avoid doing? i just feel sad seeing them go through this again and i want to support them properly.

I've seen this occasionally on this subreddit, and it's my specific case as well. Does anyone have an answer? Thanks in advance, and sorry if it's poorly written—I'm a Spanish speaker.

I need help. Following a spiritual process of someone aligning my mind /body/soul, my mind has fone completely blank and feels empty 24/7. is scaring me ad isnt going away. It’s just like this now? 4 /5 days of this. I already had a scared mind but it’s like my mind is trying to run away on another layer of the the empty. Then another part is tingling /painful snd changing sensations all over my head.im too scared to go anywhere. Im under the mh team but not got the help. I can’t move a muscle as I’m too scared and hospital would be thé worst place for me. I don’t know I feel medication would be more damaging gor me as I’m afraid of it and dont understand what has happened to . I think is intense fear and trauma of something happening to my brain, I just want to feel it again :( I’m so so scared

I feel like I’ve spent my entire life watching humanity through glass.

Ever since I was little, people never felt fully “real” to me in the same way they seemed real to each other. I would sit in classrooms and watch everyone harmonize naturally while I felt like I somehow wasn’t supposed to be there. Like they were actual members of the cast and I was some strange extra accidentally placed into the scene.

The weird thing is I know exactly how insane this sounds.

But when I observe people, the way they walk, smile, react, talk under pressure, laugh with friends, it all flows so naturally. Their facial expressions even look “correct” to me, cinematic almost. Like they belong in the world effortlessly. Meanwhile I feel painfully self-aware of every movement I make. My expressions feel off, my reactions feel delayed, under pressure I freeze or visibly panic while everyone else seems to continue the script naturally.

It feels like I became trapped in observer mode very early in life and never fully returned from it.

And I think that’s where a lot of my inferiority comes from. Because in my head, I already processed other people as characters in a movie long before they ever processed me as a person. So now when I enter social situations, I already unconsciously assume everyone sees me as the awkward irrelevant side character too.

I know people will probably say “everyone feels this way sometimes,” but I genuinely think mine is more extreme because I’ve dealt with dissociation, OCD, anxiety and chronic self-monitoring for years. I don’t feel immersed in reality. I feel like I’m constantly watching myself exist from the outside while everyone else gets to naturally participate.

And honestly, it hurts a lot more than I let people see.

Hello! I’m partially here to talk, but if anyone wants to share their experience feel free to do so! It might help bring me some clarity to my own experience lol.

So, ever since I was a kid I have had what I believe to be maladaptive daydreams. I spend the majority of my life in my head thinking of different scenarios and a different version of myself with different lives.

This daydreaming is pretty chronic. I know what I am thinking is not real, but it is pretty intrusive. I find I sometimes feel watched because in my mind the people in my daydreams are actually there. I often mumble “to myself” but it’s really what I’m saying in my daydream. These things feel out of my control.

Which brings me to my main point !!!!!!!!!!!!! Back to it being chronic, since I almost always have a daydream happening in my head, I very rarely sit on my own with my thoughts. Once in a blue moon I am startled into a weird clarity where I realize that I’m not wherever I am in my head, I’m on my own in my room in my house. I feel like I’m never fully present in a giving moment, because I’m running a dialogue in my head to someone I’m pretending is there with me.

Does anyone else do this? Does this count as disassociation?

Thank you so much for reading and any comments you may leave

I can't tell if I'm going crazy or have dissociative amnesia, I've looked at all the categories and my memory issues fit into none of them, my amnesia isn't selective and I can make new memories but my memory in general is so distorted, this probably doesn't make sense so I'm gonna expand

I think around last year I realised I couldn't remember my childhood and did some research and figured I had something called dissociative amnesia, I'm pretty sure my memory has been getting worse ever since then and I've been aware of this because of research, I've reached the point where I don't understand my memory,

I can only exist in the present and the past doesn't really exist to me, it just isn't in my mind, I still know kinda what happened throughout my day but that's mainly through what I was thinking, i don't suddenly forget everything as soon as a new moment arrives it just fades out of my mind and I can't fathom thinking about it, my morning today mentally is the same to me as last week's monday morning or last year's or anything else, I don't have a perception of time anymore in that sense either I suppose.

I have almost zero recollection of the last year through memories or honesty anything leading up to last week, I know some events happened because of what my friends have told me and general just thoughts like "I went on holiday" but I have zero memories of said holiday. I have to think hard for a few minutes to try remember anything from yesterday or the day before ect.

I don't really know why I'm posting here but any advice or thoughts would be helpful

Does anyone else experience lengthy dissociative episodes alongside their OCD?

I recently experienced an extended dissociative episode that lasted almost a week and a half. I’ve had these episodes before but thought it was just brain fog.

This most recent episode was by the worst I’ve experienced. I ended up in hospital and was admitted into the psych ward. I was diagnosed with OCD by the hospital psychiatrist along with an explanation for the “brain fog” as being a dissociative episode and derealisation.

I really struggle to explain what the dissociation and derealisation feels like. It’s also it like a dream state but I’m aware that I’m awake but also I’m almost paranoid that I’m not?

Everything almost doesn’t feel real and I feel numb and detached, conversations don’t interest me I can’t do anything but sleep. I struggle to do basic tasks during these episodes like even using a computer or phone. I’m unable to leave the house and I struggle to even feed myself but I don’t feel sad or depressed, just not fully present.

I’ve kind of described it almost like that feeling you get right after you walk out of a movie at the cinemas if that makes sense but x100 and it doenst go away. I also struggle to determine if I’ve verbalised my thoughts.

My OCD symptoms also increase and get a lot worse during these episodes I think because I’m struggling to realise that I’m actually present or that I’m not just imagining things so when I get an intrusive thought I struggle to differentiate if it’s real or not because I lose that ability almost completely.

For an example I have pet mice and I kept getting intrusive thoughts that they were sick or their enclosure was open or they somehow escaped and had died. And I was having to continually check the lid and check they were still in there and alive. The Psych at the hospital recommended for me to get weekly Psychotherapy from a psychiatrist for up to a year. He also told me I need to try my hardest to not act on my compulsions. So when I got home I resisted not checking on my mice however later that night I walked past their enclosure and one had actually passed away (literally the week from hell omg 😭😀). Now I keep thinking that wasn’t an intrusive thought then and keep ruminating on that but is that also OCD lol? I had many other compulsions also though.

Anyways I went on a bit of tangent there but does anyone else experience these episode of dissociation? And is that common with OCD?

It’s a terrible feeling and I’m always scared it’s going to come back and I’ll pretty much just lose a week of my life.

When i just started therapy i started realizing that what i thought about my past wasnt the truth. I realized and remembered a LOT in a few weeks and ofcourse this set my world upside down. I went back to therapy, being all triggered for days and basically scared to do anything. I felt a lot in those weeks, emptiness, emotions, identity, didn't regocnize myself in the mirror, almost couldnt sleep, nightmares..

In this particular therapy session i experienced a lot of dissociation, for example derealisation and depersonalisation. It felt very normal for me at the moment so i didnt even talk with my therapist about it by then, i just tried to act normal, as always. Although i had cried and told her i was scared etc. We went on to do a bunch of questions and talked about things. It was not really triggering if i look at it objectively.

What happend after an hour or so was that i had to look at her do something but i felt such big shame, my body got so weak. I was hanging like a dead doll over the table and couldnt control it. I think i almost didnt see anything anymore. After that i had a normal moment of sitting upright, but i felt very strange. As if i was feeling everything i could possibly feel at the same time, sinking in myself and getting ripped apart. My therapist regocnized it and looked at my briefly and sighted, after which i lost consciousness.

The next thing i know is she singing for me or something. I dont know how long it took me but i woke up reaaaal slow and it took me a while to regain consciousness. I remember i saw my hand and i was like Oh i have a hand. After a while i woke up, went on like nothing happend and went home.

After 3 or 4 days i woke up in the morning and was preparing to go to work, when suddenly my body regained a deeper kind of consciousness? I stopped, was shaking, felt so intense, started laughing. I was like wtf is happening? It felt like my body woke up. I had no autopilot anymore, i felt so intense. Since that day it feels like a lot of dissociation suddenly disappeared and everything was so bright and loud. Integration of this experience was real slow. After about 8 weeks i finally realized what happend to me. In these weeks my thinking was a mess and my head could get real silent (normally inside my head there is chaos).

It feels like i almost died in that session and i feel like a new person since then. I also remembered more and more about my past and traumas after this, and my health got so much better. My tinnitus stopped, my body feels better, soms allergies stopped, but i do feel A LOT of emotions comparing to before it. I feel like this session had changed me so much and its really like some kind of rebirth. Not saying im suddenly healed, i am faaar from healed and its still a rollercoaster, but it changed me and opened me in a way i could not have imagined before starting therapy.

I am looking for someone with similar experiences or someone that can give me some information about what this is or what its called :) what do you think?

I have this problem (relatively new) with my dpdr where my family and my partner do not feel familiar to me at all. They feel like strangers I don’t feel very connected to them and lately it has gotten so bad especially with my partner. I ask myself a lot if I’m falling out of love, but I don’t feel interested in other people at all either or the thought of a romantic relationship rn. It’s like I’m totally blocked off from that. Any suggestions on how to feel connected and get my relationship back would be very helpful and appreciated.

I asked in r/CPTSD about this already but haven’t had any success in finding an answer 🥲.

Does anyone else experience their vision completely blurring, losing the ability to move, and being aware that you’re not in control of your own body but can’t do anything about it? 😕 I’ve been calling it disassociation but I don’t know if that’s exactly what it IS.

Sometimes when I experience really intense episodes of black and white thinking, or very intense emotions in general, my vision blurs out (as well as physically losing control) and then I “return to” my body, completely numbed as if I wasn’t experiencing any of the emotions prior, at worst I come back dazed and reeling from what just happened

Any answers for what this might be??

For further clarity, I am diagnosed with C-PTSD, and when I “come back” I don’t end up in another room or place, only slightly moved to the side or slumped over (this is entirely dependent on what position I get “stuck”in) so that rules out the possibility of it being DID and an alter messing with me. Additionally, I have a history of depersonalization & dissociation so I know what those are like, I’m just extremely unsure about what these instances could be.

Thank you for reading & thank you in advance to those who answer!

Hello people,

I just got extra meds prescribed by my psych. And they give me a strange or maybe a less known feeling. I was wondering like I get this fuzzy, almost drunk-like state but not quite and at the same time I seem to be sticking to my daily goals better. But as said this new med gives me the feeling of being in a bubble and at first glance I might think I'm dissociating more than usual, still I can be more focussed and I know it contradicts but thats what I'm feeling. Also my body seems to be a little more relaxed, you know like when you had some alcoholic beverage. And the strange thing is I am normaly one to quit meds that don't "suit" me rather quick, but with this one I want to give it a try. It's to be fair confusing and I was wondering if any of you had similar like experience. Hope my post kinda makes sense!