r/Dissociation

To make a long story short, I'm her FP and I've been through it all with this woman for 17 years. Cheating, lying, name calling, self harm, threats, isolation, multiple vehicles, kids, lost moments, abandonment, money, sometimes physical, and have been at my lowest and have heard the worst. I finally had enough when old behaviors started coming back and took a two week break about two months ago and stayed with family. She didn't know until I had already left, so it was a shock. I said I'd come after her first therapy appointment.

She did her part and I came back. When I returned, I noticed she had "tics" and her cognitive slowed. She started having Functional seizures when I left. This progressed to symptoms like full blown tourettes and could barely function. Each seizure either brought something new or took something away. The last one she got made the tics stop and her speech clear, but it also started working on her memory.

She has no memory of anything from before I returned, but she retained everything about me as her fp from the time we met. Our kids are still young, but she only knows them as they are now. Doesn't remember pregnancy or birth. It was like meeting everybody the first time and relearning simple chores. It's been over a month and a half and nothing has come back.

Anyone ever hear of this or had it happen?

I don’t know if the way I’m feeling is considered depersonalized. But I dead ass don’t feel real anymore . I don’t know how to feel no more . Recently, I’ve been through a very traumatic experience . I cried at first and now I’m numb . Is there something wrong with me ?

Edit : I feel like something is wrong with me , and I’ve been needing a therapist for years . I never got one , and I can only comfortably vent to myself in my head . I’m really isolated and to myself, and the experience I went through made it worse . I want to get more social , but I have no energy to do to fully .

Hi everyone,

I’m 21, and I often feel like I’m still figuring out how to navigate social dynamics. I’m looking for advice on how to deal with a close friend who frequently makes me feel small, dismissed, and stupid. It’s reached a point where I no longer feel comfortable sharing my genuine thoughts with her.

Whenever I express an opinion or share an idea, she often responds with a cold, condescending "Okay??"—as if what I’m saying makes zero sense.

Here are a couple of examples of how these interactions usually go:

Recently, she was telling me about someone who acted unethically, and she was confused about why this person would behave that way. I gently suggested that a person's childhood environment and family role models often shape how they rationalize bad choices later in life. Instead of discussing it, she looked at me with a "you are so stupid" expression and snapped, "No, it’s about personal values!" I replied, "Right, but growing up around certain behaviors shapes those exact values." She just went completely silent, rolled her eyes, and refused to keep talking.

Another time, I was invited to a celebration hosted by a mutual acquaintance I frequently help out. When I mentioned I was attending, my friend’s immediate reaction was, "Wait, even YOU were invited?"

On top of these subtle digs, there is a constant hierarchy where she puts others above me. She even admitted once that after a group hangout, she felt drained and initially assumed it was because of my presence—only to realize later that her bad mood was caused by someone else in the group whom she favors.

I know social group dynamics can be complicated, but I’m a sensitive person, and this repeated pattern really erodes my self-confidence.

My questions:

• How can I stop taking her reactions so personally and stop giving this situation so much of my mental energy?
• How should I respond in the exact moment when she makes a condescending remark or gives me that look?

I want to focus on my own personal growth and learning to value my own perspective. I’d really appreciate any advice or thoughts!

I am suspicious about having OSDD for some time. But I am frustrated because I think we still miss sources about this disorder.
I dont know where it is the difference between OSDD and cPTSD.
I feel like I dont have too strict bariers between my parts so its more difficult to recognise the dissociative patterns, parts etc.

Please, do you have something helpful?

Hi everyone. First-time poster, so please be patient! I could use some help. For the last around 3 years, I've felt really dissociated. I'm young, turning 18 in two months, but have had an overarching feeling of not feeling real, present in my body, or truly happy. I feel like I'm not an active participant in my own life. I've struggled with anxiety, depression, an ED, etc., and am in therapy and recovery as well as being put on SSRIs about 5 months ago. Any advice on how to become the driver in my own life again? I just wanna feel real.

Im not diagnosed with anything but I feel like im loosing my mind i told myself that I could figure myself out but I feel like im spiraling!!! Okay ill just copy and paste what I wrote, im sorry if this is the wrong sub reddit and im a teen so it could be hormonal?? But just read this and give me your opinions! Please

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Tw bad grammar?

I have bad memory and feel like 2 people sharing a body or maybe two personalities?

I dont know why my memory is bad but I struggle to remember a lot of things even my childhood(ik in my still in my childhood but like I mean from before to now) I only remember small parts or bits never the full story, and the small parts/bits i remember are colorless and are random.

I dont know if I have bad memory because my bully/ only friend back then choked me in my pool ? I know it can be dangerous to be choked? Or because ive went into a thing similar to a switch where I acted so energized I started hitting my head against the bus chair I think it gave me dopamine being hit. But these happend a while ago so idk?

Another thing similar to that dopamine is that when I felt that switch or whatever it is I felt like everything was a dream or unreal I would play rock, paper, scissors, slap. with people. (The game is to play rock paper scissors and the loser gets smacked) and I would play and purposely lose until my hand was bruised and purple, I enjoyed the pain? Feels odd to type but its true maybe its related to dopamine..?

Okay now with the 2 people sharing a body thing, I feel like their both me, but they act very different from one another for example one is more quiet speaks Coldly and only really says things to get their point across like straight forwarded?, when im like this i feel normal and when im with lets say teachers or authority figures I will smile or be polite. When im like this I get work done easily because I'm not distracted, also im like this with my family but a bit softer and with my sister or my pets im very kind or just the usual.

Then theres the other version, the version that has sabotaged my reputation, relationships, etc. When im like this I feel the switch I was talking about like im way more energized im feeling less real and everything Is either very bright or very "fake"(or both!). When im like this its like I want dopamine? Like I will say things that I shouldn't be saying, things that ruin my reputation and make me seem crazy, weird, etc. making fun of myself infront of others and making a joke of myself, sometimes the self joking? Like when im joking and making fun of myself it will get so intense I will feel physically sick but I just can't stop the words from spilling out of my mouth and when I realize what im doing thats when I look around to the weird stares. I feel like if it wasnt for me feeling unreal during rhis I would probably be able to snap out of it. But Idk.. also during this I am very easily distracted which makes it really hard to do stuff especially if it happens during a test😓😓

When im with my family during this switch (in private) I will just make random noises(like cat noises, I dont know why ive done those and its kinda unstoppable, like its controllable yes, but i like doing it?) and distract myself with my phone, if im in public ill also probably either use my phone or just daydream.

Anyways im just typing these out in hopes that maybe someone will help me find out what the fuck is wrong with me, and if you have any questions or need me to explain something better ill try my best I just need some genuine advice, i dont want to tell my parents since they already consider me a bit weird and odd, like yes they love me but they say that I sometimes act weird, okay im getting off track so yeah please advice🙏

This may be a long post, sorry.

I'm a 16 year old female and I've always felt like there is something wrong with me, the way I process things have always felt wrong. When I was younger (probably around 8-10) my family would call me a hypochondriac, any time I would tell them how I felt they would assume I was overreacting. I assume they believed that because I've always been more sensitive to things then other people may be. I have ADHD and symptoms of PTSD, but something feels wrong deeper than that, I never knew how to explain it, i have always used metaphors to explain how I feel, so bare with me while I try to explain this.

It feels like I am only my consciousness and I have no body, I have no thinking process before I speak, it almost feels like I'm on autopilot, and it gets significantly worse in social or stressful situations. Some people have said that it sounds like dissociation, but I've looked into that a bit and it doesn't feel right. Once every few months I'll look into the mirror and something just feels off, I cannot recognize myself, I forget how my body looks unless I'm actively looking in a mirror. Everything has constantly felt dream-like. If someone asks me about something that happened in the past, I have a hard time remembering it properly, other peoples stories blend in with my own memories, especially things like dreams. For example, if someone tells me a dream they had, I will think it's mine if they talked about it months later (that doesn't bother me as much as the other things though)

I hear people talking about an "inner-monologue" sometimes, I've never experienced something like that, words will just spill out of my mouth without doing any beforehand thinking. On top of all of this, I've also struggled with what some people call "indecisiveness". But I don't know if that's the right word, every word that comes out of my mouth feels like a lie, I know realistically when I'm not lying, but I always second guess myself. I have some physical health problems that I'm in the process of getting help for, but any time I'm at the doctors, I never know if what I'm saying is actually accurate to what I'm experiencing, if they ask me if I have pain anywhere, if I'm not actively feeling pain, I won't know what answer to say.

Maybe all of this is normal, but it always feels like something is wrong with me, something is wrong with the way I'm perceiving everything. Some days I believe my family was right, some days I believe the doctors I go to don't want to diagnose anything because I'm a child. I don't know how to cope with this. I have no idea how to enjoy life while always thinking there is something wrong. Any advice, or assumptions helps, thank you for reading this.

(Edit: I'd also like to add, I've seen more therapists than I can count, and many different types of therapy, as well as a phycologist when I was younger (diagnosed me with adhd) and seen a psychiatrist a few months ago (left her in tears after she told me I couldn't be depressed if I didn't lay in bed for two weeks straight), I also had a mentor as a child. Nothing this far has helped. I've lived my entire life this way, I've been given many resources and coping skills, but still no luck. Hoping the Internet can sort of guide me in the right direction.)

(Before I start, I’m extremely tired so the way I type might sound dumb lol)
I’ve been dissociating really bad for probably 6-7 years now, I don’t know if it’s been longer, but I just remember it getting horrible after this huge panic attack I had. Well now for the past 2 or so years probably it’s been horrible and all day everyday. No meds or therapy has helped yet and it’s just really scary.

The best way I can explain how it feels for me is like trying to remember a dream, but you only remember bits and pieces and it’s all foggy. And it’s like that all day everyday. I just feel like I’m on autopilot and I’m never actually present. That and things that happened moments ago feel like they didn’t even happen.

I’m panicking really bad right now because it’s super bad at this moment and it feels like I’m going to die or something so it’s making me even more anxious. I’ve tried so many of the “go-to” coping mechanisms over the years, but nothing helps at all. Especially because when I try to do the senses thing and I have to physically feel objects it feels like I’m not even feeling anything. Like I’m numb or something. It’s so hard to explain, so I’m sorry if it’s confusing. I just really feel lost right now and need some help

I have trouble learning information. I'm trying to find a more efficient way to learn

So basically I was suffering from dpdr from March to July like I was not able to go out also when I think about that situation I get goosebumps

So idk why dpdr started there are two reasons

First one ~ I was not getting periods for like 5 months then I visited gynecologist and she give me some medi of progesterone so that was 10 days dose after 10 days like on 14th days my periods started in March and it was normal

Second one ~ I used cannabis like too much of it on holi and then I started playing laughing and all I was enjoying after sometimes everything went black and I thought I'm death or I'm having heart attack lol 😭 then after then I got very panic and started saying that I'm going to die cuz everything looked weird and blurry sounds felt heavy peoples touch felt strange and everything around me just felt extremely weird after that I was laughing crying then I reached home and sleep for 2 hours when I woke up all was ok but for 2 days I was feeling high little high okay and after that all was good and this also happen in March

After this incident I started feeling a little weird but I ignored it because I thought maybe something was wrong with my brain So one day when I was coming home after hanging out with my friend I held his hand and his touch felt exactly the same as it had when I was high on bhang Then I panicked again When I reached home I had the same heavy voice feeling and felt like I was going to die That same day my DPDR started and it just continued I was not able to look at myself in the mirror and it was really bad I could not even go outside ( on that day I skipped meal and I was only eating noodle and I thought this I was happening cuz of noodles )

So I tried treatment with several doctors and also took medication prescribed by a psychiatrist I was on Sertraline but I only took it for 2 days and stopped because I was feeling really bad After that in July I started improving and I was able to go outside attend college and now I also go for air hostess training I can hang out with my friends but when I sit outside I still sometimes feel weird and get scary thoughts about death These thoughts just come out of nowhere and I really want them to stop

I also notice that sometimes after eating a lot of noodles my DPDR comes back slightly and I get that weird disconnected feeling again Another thing I have noticed is that my symptoms get much worse around my period They usually start about 5 days before my period and one day before it can become so intense that when I look in the mirror I feel like I dont know who I am I then remind myself that it is me and try to calm myself down but sometimes I still feel scared of myself

Right now this is my main problem I am able to go to college training and meet my friends but these episodes are still bothering me and I dont know how to deal with them Has anyone experienced something similar or can anyone suggest what I should do

Hi, I came here because I needed advice. I’ve had a bad few months and I’m struggling to figure out whether I’ve gone into a dissociative state. I don’t know if this plays a factor into my own mental wellbeing, but I struggle with big crowds and being around people in general, and that’s when it seems to trigger most of the time. I try to avoid talking to people during work, but when I do I am so mentally drained just from having a simple conversation with them. It’s been hard to feel emotions these past few months, and especially frustrating trying to put my numbness into words. I don’t know if it’s exactly numbness, but there are very few instances where I can truly experience joy, but it depletes almost immediately after and that’s when my numbness settles in. The biggest part that I’ve noticed in myself is probably my memory being so bad. I’ve always been very good at remembering and memorizing things, but when I try to think of what I’ve been doing for the past week, it’s as if it’s locked behind my mind. I know the memories are there, but it’s like it takes effort to try and recall them. And if I do look back on stuff that I do remember, they don’t feel real. It’s kind of like a blur and I don’t know how to explain it. If someone could give me advice or any words that would be very appreciated.

Hello all. I have been struggling with dissociation for as long as I can remember. I feel like I have been teleporting through all phases of my life and I am sick of not remembering things that are important to me. I recently got sober from all drugs and alcohol and with that came heavier dissociation, and a lot of confusing feelings and thoughts. I hardly remember getting sober, and it wasn't even my decision to begin with. Part of me feels like an angel took over my body because I was running myself in circles for so many years. I recently went on a family vacation, and the entire time I was dissociated, even during fun things. Sometimes I would get bad derealization at random times, and along with it I would feel pure terror or sometimes not know where I was or what I was doing for no reason at all. At one point I was talking to a family member, and then suddenly I didn't recognize her at all and felt terrified in that moment. I feel trapped in my mind and body and I feel like I have nowhere to go and no one to reach out to. I don't trust my family at all because they are the main source of my childhood trauma. I also had this really weird and confusing thing happen on vacation that I do not understand at all and I don't know who is safe to talk to about it with. I have no idea who I am or who the real me is. I am so confused all the time. I really just need someone to talk to who is educated on dissociation and help understanding what is going on.

I’ve found I’ve been dissociating and having more triggers with time instead of it getting better. I can have a whole conversation or more with someone and be in another place. It seems to be almost all day every day and I’m trying really hard to stay in the moment but because the triggers are worse too and they’re whats causing me to dissociate. It’s non stop smells, sounds, how someone looks, the look of a t shirt, how someone walks, if I accidentally get bumped on the sidewalk, a certain car, and on and on and on. it’s CONSTANT. I’m dissociating as I’m typing this. I have a counselor but what I can afford just isn’t enough time. I feel like I need three times or more a week. I don’t have friends.

My mind is blank a lot of the time. It used to run fast replaying memories, and facts. Something happened over a course of time and I had a couple of black outs and had a period of time where I couldn't remember anything, although I knew who I was.

Memory is a bit better now, but some memories cause me so much anger that it is as if my brain is stopping me from thinking. It is causing issues at work especially if I have any amount of stress I can forget saying something I just said.

But I don't feel detached at all. It is all memory issues.

Edited to add: If I try I can easily remember traumatic events and the adult bullying that happened over the course. I am not blocking that out.

Guys I'm literally fucking sick and tired of this disassociation. It happened in 2021 , one day I just disassociated from my thoughts and feelings and I CANNOT, FOR THE LIFE OF ME, reverse it! It has been 5 years now! It's ruining not just my life but my parents and brothers and other people's as well because I don't have any empathy anymore. Is there anyone I can talk to / chat with regarding this?? How the hell do we get out of this?? At first, I liked the disassociation because I couldn't feel anymore trauma and I always felt like I was in my own world, but now it's becoming a danger. I can't plan anything, I can't remember anything, I can't decide what to do, I'm scared for my future. Please advise something!! I'm so sorry for sounding so desperate but I'm literally so tired of it and I need to get out of it, I can't imagine the rest of my life being like this!!

Or is that with sdam? I feel like if I didn't see people I wouldn't remember them at all. So many people have all these memories and I can't picture anyone. The only way I remember to call people is if I set an alarm or see our pictures but I don't recall being in that moment. Out of sight out of mind- obviously I care for these people but for some reason I can't for the life of me see anything. My ex passed away about ten years ago- I can't see his face or even remember feelings until I watch a video of us or read a conversation.

It has been going on for the past ~2 years. Completely detached from the physical world, too. I don't do any substances.