u/ken1c

I'm not sure how to start this, but I think I should introduce myself first, I'm sorry if this is long and more of a rant but I really need help, I don't use reddit much so bare with me.

Hi, I'm a 16yr old girl, I have a healthy weight (120-140lbs) and bmi, I don't have any diagnosed physical conditions (unless an innocent heart murmer counts), a pharmacist told me she believes I may have orthopedic hypotension based on a few blood pressure tests. I seem to have some problems with my GI tract but no one seems to know what is wrong, I guess all I'm looking for here is some reassurance and help with navigating all of this.

When I was younger (below 12) I constantly had infections, ear infections, tonsillitis, simple colds, etc. I was sick often. it was never a big problem because I could get antibiotics and it would eventually pass, I only feel like this is relevant because some of my newer symptoms may be related with my immune system (I have no idea how accurate that is, it's just something I've heard)

I'm not sure how or if this can be connected, but I would also complain about struggling to breathe when I was laying on my back, it wasn't super intense, but it bothered me.

Around age 12-13 I became weaker, my mental health depleted around this time and I had some big life changes. During this time I was feeling lightheaded and dizzy when walking up and down stairs, it wasn't extremely bad, and never caused me to faint. It was just a scary thing that I was experiencing.

I was able to finish my meals at this time, but I felt full every time I ate.

Through ages 13-16 everything has seemed to have gotten worse. Now when I eat, I feel full very early on. I get severely nauseous after I eat, then a while after eating I'll have pain, there is no specific spot though, anywhere in my abdomen really. It has gotten so incredibly difficult to enjoy life like this.

I have also dealt with blood in my stool as well, I went to the ER a few times but every single time I have been dismissed, all of my tests come back normal (ultrasounds, x-rays and physical). it's never the same, ranging in color and other variables (black and tar like, bright red, dark red, etc)

I went to my family doctor and she said she wanted to do a stool test and blood work, both of those came back clean, I went to the ER two times after I saw her, finding blood in my stool again, once again, the ER didn't find anything.

My doctor sent me to a GI, sadly, she has done little to none to help in this process. I told her everything, and the doctor gave her my files. She gave me acid reflux medication, it didn't help at all. I asked her about an endoscopy, she said I don't need it since all of my other tests have come back normal.

Eventually I ended up in the ER again, for the same reason as all of the other times, I already knew they weren't going to find anything or do anything about it, and I was right. The ER doctor told me I needed to see a GI, I told her I already had one, she told me I had to ask her for an endoscopy.

So the following week, I contacted my GI, I told her what happened at the ER and she said she needed to debrief with her team and she would get back to me, then I got a call about 1-2 weeks later, once again she said she wasn't going to do it.

I'm just so tired of of going to these appointments if they aren't going to find or do anything. I don't want to feel sick anymore. I don't know what's wrong with me.

Any personal stories or advice or literally anything will help, I'm desperate for answers.

If you have any questions, please ask.

This may be a long post, sorry.

I'm a 16 year old female and I've always felt like there is something wrong with me, the way I process things have always felt wrong. When I was younger (probably around 8-10) my family would call me a hypochondriac, any time I would tell them how I felt they would assume I was overreacting. I assume they believed that because I've always been more sensitive to things then other people may be. I have ADHD and symptoms of PTSD, but something feels wrong deeper than that, I never knew how to explain it, i have always used metaphors to explain how I feel, so bare with me while I try to explain this.

It feels like I am only my consciousness and I have no body, I have no thinking process before I speak, it almost feels like I'm on autopilot, and it gets significantly worse in social or stressful situations. Some people have said that it sounds like dissociation, but I've looked into that a bit and it doesn't feel right. Once every few months I'll look into the mirror and something just feels off, I cannot recognize myself, I forget how my body looks unless I'm actively looking in a mirror. Everything has constantly felt dream-like. If someone asks me about something that happened in the past, I have a hard time remembering it properly, other peoples stories blend in with my own memories, especially things like dreams. For example, if someone tells me a dream they had, I will think it's mine if they talked about it months later (that doesn't bother me as much as the other things though)

I hear people talking about an "inner-monologue" sometimes, I've never experienced something like that, words will just spill out of my mouth without doing any beforehand thinking. On top of all of this, I've also struggled with what some people call "indecisiveness". But I don't know if that's the right word, every word that comes out of my mouth feels like a lie, I know realistically when I'm not lying, but I always second guess myself. I have some physical health problems that I'm in the process of getting help for, but any time I'm at the doctors, I never know if what I'm saying is actually accurate to what I'm experiencing, if they ask me if I have pain anywhere, if I'm not actively feeling pain, I won't know what answer to say.

Maybe all of this is normal, but it always feels like something is wrong with me, something is wrong with the way I'm perceiving everything. Some days I believe my family was right, some days I believe the doctors I go to don't want to diagnose anything because I'm a child. I don't know how to cope with this. I have no idea how to enjoy life while always thinking there is something wrong. Any advice, or assumptions helps, thank you for reading this.

(Edit: I'd also like to add, I've seen more therapists than I can count, and many different types of therapy, as well as a phycologist when I was younger (diagnosed me with adhd) and seen a psychiatrist a few months ago (left her in tears after she told me I couldn't be depressed if I didn't lay in bed for two weeks straight), I also had a mentor as a child. Nothing this far has helped. I've lived my entire life this way, I've been given many resources and coping skills, but still no luck. Hoping the Internet can sort of guide me in the right direction.)