r/ChildPsychology

I’m posting this because my family genuinely doesn’t know what to do anymore.

My younger brother has been subjected to extremely abusive and vulgar behaviour by some of his classmates for years. It has gone far beyond normal teasing or school arguments.

The language and behaviour directed toward him have been deeply inappropriate and hurtful, and it has also involved extremely disrespectful comments about my parents and family.

What makes this worse is that the teachers have already been told about it multiple times. Despite this, nothing meaningful seems to have been done, and the behaviour continues.

My brother has always struggled academically and is not a particularly confident student, which unfortunately seems to have made him an easier target. However, his academic performance should never be used to justify the kind of abusive and vulgar behaviour he has been subjected to

My brother has had to deal with this for years, and as his family, it is incredibly frustrating and upsetting to watch him go through this while the people responsible continue without consequences.

We are considering escalating the matter to the school administration/management and, if necessary, seeking help outside the school. Before we take that step, I wanted to ask;

What would be the best way to formally handle a situation like this when teachers have already been informed but haven’t taken effective action?

Should we submit a written complaint to the principal/management?(not effective though) Should we document every incident and communication? Has anyone dealt with a similar situation where the school failed to act?

I’d really appreciate advice from parents, students, teachers, or anyone who has dealt with serious bullying in school.

Please keep the comments respectful. This is a genuine situation and we are trying to figure out the safest and most effective way forward.

Edit: I also have screenshots of chats of him getting bullied during online class!

Hello everyone, I have a only-child who is currently 5 years old.

(and sorry, English isnt my first language)

For context, she has had a very tough start in life, diagnosed with major depressive disorder few months ago. I took her to her doctor after she kept telling me she was lonely, that she wanted to die, and keeps trying to hurt herself or run away.

I suspect it's mostly genetic because I also suffer from depression, but her father hasn't been the best to her. He is a very stressed man and sometimes spanks her or yells at her. I do feel bad for her because the majority of the time he "disciplines" her for no valid reason. For example, on her birthday we were blowing balloons (me and my daughter) and scattering them around the house. Later in the day my husband came home from work, and one of the balloons randomly popped because it was sitting in direct sunlight. He then yelled at her to go to her room and told her that her birthday is "canceled".

After incidents like this she becomes very withdrawn and depressed. She says she doesn't feel loved.

Also, because she kept saying that she was lonely (which is true, she hasn't met any of her family, she's only ever know me and her father), I decided to set up a play date with a mom and her same-aged daughter that I found off of Facebook. A few weeks later my daughter has deteriorated mentally, so I ask her what's wrong, and she told me the play-date mom was hitting her whenever she made a mistake (accidentally coloring on floor after missing paper, not putting her dish in the sink, making a mess with toys). I confrontated the mom and she admitted to it, so I instantly stopped bringing my daughter there.

Now for the actual big concern, we have a neighbor who has a small dog. Whenever my daughter is playing by herself in the backyard, she'll call the neighbors dog over and start pulling and hitting it through the fence. We've caught her in the act multiple times. I asked her why she does that and she says she doesn't know.

A few months before that, we got her a puppy in hopes that it would help with her depression and loneliness, but she would purposely scare, hit, throw, and in general harm the puppy. We sadly had to give it away after she had an extreme allergic reaction.

In the backyard, she'll also throw rocks or toys at the birds and squirrels, and kill any bug she can find.

I've tried to discipline her by taking away her toys or making her apologize to the neighbor, or just putting her in time-out, but it hasn't helped one bit. My husband on the other hand has obviously physically disciplined her, but im concerned that might make her act up more.

I feel sad but also angry at her. I wanted to be a happy family but she refuses to even say she loves us. She barely plays anymore. She just sits in her room quietly doing nothing.

I'm concerned for when she enters school next year, because I don't want any outside forces to hurt her more than she already has been. But I'm also scared for the general future of my daughter because of the well-known fact that murderers start out hurting animals. I'm not saying I think she'll kill anyone, but I fear something may be very wrong with her at such a young age.

And what hurts the most, she was an accident that I planned to abort because her father at the time was obviously going to be at least a little abusive and mentally unstable, but I wanted to give her a chance at life. I feel so guilty for bringing this poor girl into this world knowing she would suffer, but still hoping she could be happy. But I also don't want to divorce him because I don't want her to grow up in a broken home.

I'm so conflicted, and I dont know what to do. for her 5th birthday she verbally wished for a new dad, but I dont know if a 5 year old knows whats best for her. I'm scared taking away her dad from her could worsen things.

My mother recently shared with me that my son confided in her about being brutally SA in the bathroom at his school. He is 25 now and I have no idea exactly when it happened. I feel awful and can't understand why he wouldn't come to me when it happened. ​I have always been protective of him and did not tolerate mistreatment of him in any form. I just can't comprehend him returning to that campus after what happened and for it to happen a second time, I am at a total loss.

He told my mother he was held down by other boys and SA by one. I am devastated. He has aspergers and is not very large. We have always been able to talk a out everything I feel like a failure that I didn't see what was wrong and he didn't feel he could tell me. He doesn't know that I know and I will never mention it if he doesn't since he has not felt safe or comfortable sharing it with me. Sadly, we have not spoken in 2 yrs. He married someone who doesn't care to be apart of our family (single mother 3 boys including him) and so he cut me off.

My mother also shared that he and his wife are both Bi, so I guess he is living another life. Before we became estranged he told me he has only been able to be his authentic self with his wife.

Hello everyone. Please forgive any errors. English is not my native language, and this is also a very difficult subject for me to discuss.

I am an adult woman. My husband and I are expecting our first child, which is causing me to dwell more than usual on issues related to my difficult childhood with my parents, specifically my mother.

My mother and I have always had a difficult relationship. I am the older of two children. My younger brother is six years my junior.

My mother is a very difficult person. She is deeply concerned with appearances and is extremely judgmental of others. When I was young, what mattered most to her was the image I projected of the family, as well as my performance in school and in the activities she forced me to do.

I wasn't allowed to be average at anything, and unfortunately, I was. I wasn't good at school, despite hours of private tutoring. My mother had various techniques for trying to change that. Two in particular : fear and guilt-tripping.

There were several phases: If you lie to me and get bad grades, you’ll burn in hell. Then, if you lie to me and get bad grades, I’ll hand you over to a man who will lock you in his cellar and the rats will eat you. Then, I (my mother) would die of cancer from the heartbreak. Then, you’d be abandoned in a foster home.

It was very painful for me. I loved my mother more than anything until I was a teenager. I sincerely believed she was telling the truth. I thought I was worthless, useless, and incapable. She had such power over me that she made me believe in Santa Claus until I was eleven.

And now, the most difficult subject to broach. Please be understanding. I have only spoken to my husband about it. No one knows. (TW: possible SA)

My mother used to bathe us until we were eleven, despite my complaints. I wanted to be independent, but she said I wouldn't know how to do it. That my hair was too long for me to wash on my own, and that I was too scatterbrained to shower properly.

She used to talk to me about rape from the time I was four. She would tell me horrific stories about girls raped by their fathers. She told me that anyone could be a potential pedophile.

When I was 15, while my brother and I were on vacation with my parents at my grandmother's house, she used to force me to take showers with him (and she was the one who washed him). It was awful. It made me cry. She told me it was to save my grandmother's water, and that it was either that or the freezing cold garden hose. She said that since I was sexually active, I should be ashamed of getting naked in front of boys, yet making such a fuss about having to do it in front of her and my brother.

My brother used to make comments about my body during these showers. I am crying as I write this to you, because I feel a sense of shame and uncontrollable anger when talking about it.

After that period, she began behaving strangely with my little brother. She would tell him that if he did his homework well, he could kiss her chest through her T-shirt (they would do this in front of me) or watch her take a shower. And when I expressed my disgust, she would tell me I had a perverted mind and that there was nothing abnormal about the situation.

My father witnessed everything above and let her do it. He also told me that I was the problem, that I was making a big deal out of things.

My mother has brain cancer now. I rarely see her, but I do see her. I feel obligated to. When I bring up certain topics with her (except for sexual assaul. I can't bring myself to talk about that), she tells me I’m making things up or blowing them out of proportion. My brother is very close to her and acts as if I’m the problem. She often holds him up as an example: if he isn't traumatized, then I must have a mental health issue.

I am so sorry to be whining here. I think deep down I know that it wasn't normal. I think I just need validation. Sometimes I think about suicide, but I know I won't do it, because my husband is amazing and I could never hurt him like that. Sometimes I tell myself I won't be able to be a good mother. I have anger issues that I’ve been working on. I have attachment issues. How could I love my child like I'm supposed to. ( EDIT : I work with children and I NEVER been violent to a child. I'm not worried about that at all. I'm just worried about if I can love my child like I'm supposed to )

Writing this made me feel better. Thanks for reading. I apologize if I’m posting in the wrong place and I can delete and repost. Just tell me.

I wish you all a good day.

My baby doesn't want to go to school

I check every source.

She behaves good there everyone is loving and behave nicely listen to her.

She says school is now not allow us to play.

She is in LKG.

She has few friends but she is introvert and don't know she follow rules in school.

Like if teacher is saying "No talking in the class" she literally doesn't talk during school.

She talks after the class.

It has been months I'm dealing with crying morning and crying bye.

She hugs like she doesn't want to leave.. and also it clearly shows she is pretending like that so in love I will allow her to stay at home.

Pls help being a mother I don't want to detach her with me emotionally. I know study is important but she actually ask why u r not upset and crying by seeing me in tears.

How it's not bothering u.

I don't want to give her any trauma.

I have fear also that in future she will stop sharing her discomfort to me if I behave like this and keep ignoring her excuses for not going school.

Other parents ask me this when my children were kindergarteners ... and I always say yes. It does work.

Children mostly get tantrums because they wanna get what they want, when they want it and how they wanna get it. They holler, jump around places, squirm on the floor, or even get violent (saw some kid pulling their mom's hair on Target for a juice box) — they simply wanna get what they want IMMEDIATELY.

Some parents give what the child wants just to shut them up ... and that's where they fail. Why? Because you're basically telling the child "Okay kid that works, now here's your candy". Bottomline? The kid does it again.

When my children does this, I always let them finish their moment ... then I ask them what's up, and we work our way through. Most of the time, I assert control if I'm on the right, since I'm their mother and they should know what draws the line in getting what they want and if they deserve to get it.

Anyone on the same boat with me? What are your thoughts on this?

I have had extreme attachment issues and worry of abandonment for as long as i know. anytime something even small goes wrong i always thing of self harm or suicide but yet it comes and goes so quickly, and on top of that every relationship i have had has been unstable because of these attachment issues and because everytime i feel as if im being replaced or their losing feelings i get sad and shaky to when they finally reply angry and ignoring, for example replying extremely dry or immediately confronting them angry even if they only left me on delivered/ read for a couple hours and have a good reason. immediately after that i then feel horrible and sad and depressed and can't stop apologizing.

Could this be related to a medical condition? or am i just extremely paranoid?

Rough day.

I work at the TK-8 private school where my children attend. Small school, roughly 40 kids per grade level. My 8th grader has been there since kindergarten and has been loved by all his teachers, office staff, and the admin. He’s not a kid without struggles; he’s being evaluated currently for ADHD, struggles with anxiety, and has a hard time focusing in class. He’s in therapy for these things. Behaviorally however, he is a non issue (and his teachers are my colleagues and would NOT be afraid to tell me if there was an issue). Has great friends, involved in extra curricular, overall a happy kid.

VP for middle school asks me to meet her in her office end of day. My child is there, VERY UPSET, and she explains one of his friends bet him money during lunch to go into the office with a banana and pretend it was a gun. Swept up in teenage chaos and thinking it was hilarious, he did this - walked in, aimed the banana at one of the office staff, and said “bang! bang!” The office staff was understandably startled.

My son was called in to discuss the situation and the VP did a very good job explaining how series of what he did was and how this will likely lead to a suspension. My kid is devastated. He readily admitted what he did was wrong, didn’t make any excuses, feels awful.

But like, what the hell?? I’m 1) mortified he did this and 2) worried about the why behind this, if there even is a why beyond just making a dumb choice.

I’m standing behind the school 100% in how they choose to handle this. I just feel at a loss what to do on my end.

Writing for my sister.

Her 30 year old son is a professional in a well paying job. He suffers from depression and has anger issues. He doesn’t have a partner, or any social life. His anger causes him to act impulsively and it’s beginning to catch up to him. He voluntarily went to a psych hospital and is now on medication and is in counseling. He has very supportive parents who worry endlessly about him. They will never cut him off.

My poor sister. She is just so sad.

Anyone is a similar situation? What did you do?

Hello everyone, first of all I'd like to thank everyone for the support I've received on my original post and all of the nice things you've said

Ive taken a short break to have some time to talk within our family, but I have talked to her deeply over the last few days, and I discovered why we believe this is happening

She has said she doesn't have a specific thought process, just sometimes they feel disgusting

and she eventually opened up that her dyslexia tutor in school (who I was not aware was not her school counsellor, but a male older student in her school.) Had made sexual comments about her and snapped her underwear band a few times.

Needless to say I immediately emailed the school asking how to go about withdrawal, and we've taken a day girls trip where we've talked further

, she doesn't want me to call the police, although I want to, this boy is 16. She has agreed to let me talk to the school and his parents (praying that I can track them down)

I feel like a horrible mother for not noticing sooner, for not asking to meet her "tutor", for not asking her who it was, for just assuming, for even sending her to that school.

Her next counselling session (outside of school) is on Friday and I have emailed the counsellor and given her a good rundown of everything so that she's informed, we're going to let her mention it on her own terms (she promised me she would)

Does anyone have suggestions on how I can help her to recover and move on from this as a parent?

Hello I'm 40M, my neice is 16, she lives with my elder sister in Luxumberg. They don't have good relations, my neice blames my sister for getting a divorce.

My neice is close to my wife, during her visit she told my wife that she is not interested in studies and wanted to join film industry. My wife said ok and told her to give it a try.

She later told her she is interested in joining adult industry, my wife was stunned to hear that. She is browsing lot of restricted content online.

Neice spoke to her mom, and they had big fight about it, my wife explained her all the complexities and taboo around the society. That she will never be treated equally and will not get similar respect as other ladies around, everyone would like to take advantage of you. No one will ever take you seriously. Problems will worsen if and when you want to get married or to have children. She is thinking because of her looks and body she will get famous very soon.

Everyone around is yrying to explain her, But she is not ready to bent, and says I'm 16 and I can do what I wish. She is close to me, but not so much that I can discuss all the things in detail.

At my level I told her it's not a good decision you are taking for your life, I suggested her to go to college and finish her studies and get a reputed job or come and work for me. She is an average student, not very bright.

Later I discovered from wife that she sold her V-card to some Russian guy few months back for an extravagant trip to some beach in Carribean.

Currently she doesn't have a bf or in any relationship, this is what she told me .... she doesn't like to talk to her mom, even though she does everything for her, financially my sister is very well off....

Sister wants her daughter to stay here in US with us, so may be things can change.

As we have 5 daughter, we are concerned if she starts filling such rubbish to my kids as well. My sister really wants her to stay here, so she can understand what it's like to stay in a family, and to have male figure in life.

I don't know how to respond to it.

I need some advise if anyone has faced things like it.

My son is an adopted teen, he’s been with us for a few years. Recently he’s been self stimulating way way too much, many many times a day. Sometimes he’ll unconsciously even do this in the family room when he’s immersed into the TV. He’ll stop immediately if I just pat his shoulder to remind him where he actually is. It’s too much. We’ve had chats, many chats. He hasn’t stopped, actually it has gotten worse and more often. The kid goes through like a bottle of lotion a week. I’m at my witts end, I don’t know what to do.

For obvious reasons a lot of the personal details need to stay vague.
11yr old boy whose been in foster since a 5yr old. Has not experienced abuse. He’s been in the same foster home for the last 5yrs now just moved to us.
Tells social worker that he loves it here, us etc etc.
Has now been caught hurting the dogs on multiple occasions, this has been explained to him in lots of different ways why this is bad. He fully understands that it’s scary/ painful for dog but doesn’t care.
Doesn’t care what punishment he gets e.g. time out, go to room, no playing outside on bike, no Xbox, no sweet treats, no friends over etc etc. Doesn’t care when restrictions are finally lifted immediately does it again.
Also lies continually, tries to manipulate the situation in various ways. Wants to be looked after by younger family friends because they are easier to manipulate (has said this outright).
Only gets upset when gets caught in his lies or gets caught on security cameras doing things he shouldn’t.
social workers are trying to fund therapy but won’t start until at least September.

Any advice as we are seriously worried about dogs welfare

TLDR; 3 kids, middle child is OUT OF CONTROL. We are going nuts. Need advice.

Edit: Apparently, this needed to be explicitly stated.

Frank Cross: "We don't wanna scare the Dickens out of people." Pause. "The "Dickens" out of people. Nobody gets me."

To be clear. We have tried: timeouts, calm talking, trying to reason with her, trying to de-escalate, distraction, redirection strategies.

The part where I said this, in the comment below, "The wife's first thought was lock her out of the house overnight. But I talked her into a more reasonable strategy of smacking her ass with a bamboo rod until she learns this is inappropriate behavior and that she should fear me more than Chris Watts. But surprisingly, neither of those have worked very well."

Was SARCASM! Aka, mockery, derision, satire, scorn.

I apologize if that was not glaringly obvious.

Original post: Me (54M) and wife (46F) have 3 kids: 16F, 6F, and 4M. The 16 yr old was super easygoing as a small child. Now she's a teenager with everything that comes with that. The 4 yr old is relatively chill.

The 6 yr old is...off the hook INSANE. She has to be the center of attention. She flies OFF the handle if she wants to do something, and we say no. Right now, she is in the middle of a... so far, 40 minute-meltdown over the fact that she wants strawberries and whipped cream. We have no whipped cream. We have no edible strawberries. The ones we got about 40 seconds ago have already gotten moldy, and we had to throw them away. She has super long curly hair that has to be braided every night before bed. Otherwise, she gets tangles from hell. This started off fine. But it has now degenerated into yet another nightly war. To her, everything takes "ages and ages." If she has something she shouldn't and we ask for it, she will throw it at us. I fully admit that dealing with this child has us at our wits end.

I would try and get counseling for her, me, and my wife to help figure out how to deal, but we live in a health care desert. For example, the dentist is scheduling 9 months out. The pediatrician is about 5 months. Mental health providers out here are pretty much "how did you do this past week?" And then stare at you for an hour with nothing helpful.

Need help and advice. TY.

Hi, we are first time parents. this is about my 6 month baby who cries alot since the day he was born. The baby cries his lungs and heart out. He had very bad reflux until 3 months and has been so much better since then. He cries if he is not held, he cries in the car seat, he cries in crib, cannot sleep alone in crib, he cries in the stroller, he cries in the lounger, he cries in the high chair, he is fussing (pre cry or small cry) if he is not fully crying. Either he is fussing or he is crying the entire day apart from his sleep. He wants to be held constantly 24*7. He is happy only when held- ONLY WHEN HELD. He wants to see around only when held. He wants to explore only when held. He wants to play only when held. Doctor says he is okay. One doctor even mentioned may be it is his temperament. His weight and height and meals are okay & progressing. He smiles and is reaching all his milestones. He responds to his name. He is strong and growing as per his age. He cries alot and wants to be held all the time. I am so so concerned something just doesn’t feel right. We are first time parents and are tired of trying. Anyone, any help, suggestions, advice, please.

My 6 year old girl does whatever she wants. She listens well when adults are in the room or looking . But if she’s up before us she will get into the entire jar of Nutella and make a huge mess. She sneaks food. I tell her to just ask me as I don’t withhold food or anything and rarely keep too many sweets in the house. I get homemade bread and she will sneak the whole loaf and then it won’t be there for dinner. This isn’t only food. It’s toys too. She snoops and get into everything. She’s very head strong. Time outs don’t work. She really just takes her punishments then goes back to doing whatever she wants. I’ll say get your hands off your sister she will say ok. Then as soon as we are gone, she does whatever she wants again.

Idk where I went wrong. She is very smart (gifted). I have spanked her a couple times because she does send me over the edge. but absolutely cannot handle the guilt of that so I wont do it anymore. She doesn’t care about that either. She does chores pretty well. She had to put clothes away, empty the dishwasher, etc.

She just does whatever she wants all the time when I’m in the other room or she will go do whatever in the kitchen. I usually wake up before everyone but occasionally I’ll sleep in if I’m sick or over tired. If she gets up before me, she gets in to stuff she isn’t supposed to. It’s exhausting. Her 4 year old sister is a complete rule follower.

She loves testing limits. She needs constant stimulation. I love her so much but im at my wits end. The other day she and her sister played rock, paper, scissors to see who got something. I was hoping she won so I wouldn’t have to deal with a meltdown. Sure enough her sister won and she completely lost it over a piece of chicken she wanted (there was plenty other chicken - they wanted the legs). She had a complete meltdown over it. Screamed. I sent her upstairs. She screamed across the dinner table before she went upstairs then screamed at the top of the stairs it’s just so unacceptable. I made her stay upstairs until she calmed down.

Idk what to do. Teachers have a hard time with her. Day care had a hard time with her. So much so we took her out and I stayed home with her for a week until we found a new one because the day care workers hated her so much (she was 3). And I didn’t think it was healthy for her teachers to roll their eyes when she came in so I took her out and my husband and I rotated days off until we found a woman to take her. We sent her to school early in hopes more professionals can handle her. They def do better but a lot of notes get sent home that she can’t keep her hands to herself and she refuses to do music and gym class. Idk what to do.

I’m exhausted. She sneaks food in the living room. I find wrappers stuffed all over the house. I’m just sick of my 6 year old literally doing whatever she wants and does not care about time outs, chores, discipline. She likes to send people over the edge so you have to remain calm and stern. But it’s constant. Then once it’s over, she goes right back to doing whatever she wants. And it’s ll day time outs, boundaries. Making her go to her room, sitting on the steps, chores. She does t care.

My husband and I have been raising our grandson, Tyler, for the last two years. When Tyler was nine, his father cheated on our daughter and they divorced. Both his mother and father quickly remarried and started brand new families with new spouses and half-siblings. Because of the chaos, my husband and I stepped in to provide Tyler with a stable home.

I need to clarify that his parents did not abandon him in a legal or physical sense. They try very hard to be in his life. They show up for him, pay for things, and try to spend one-on-one time with him. But Tyler completely hates them for destroying his original family and replacing him. He refuses to acknowledge them as mom and dad, calling them strictly by their first names. He also harbors an intense hatred for his stepparents and half-siblings.

Normally, Tyler is a good student, polite to his teachers, honest, and loyal. But beneath that polite exterior is a terrifying amount of rage and resentment. When his parents try to spend time with him, his short temper explodes. He back-talks them using slurs, and it has even turned physical—he recently hit his father and pushed his mother.

Lately, his anger has turned into something much colder and more frightening. Tyler has stopped crying, and he has stopped laughing. He seems completely emotionally detached, except when it comes to one thing: he wants revenge.

Recently, he asked his parents a question that made them incredibly uncomfortable. He looked them dead in the eye and asked, "Who is paying for your divorce? You two, or me?" He has asked my husband and me the exact same question. We just sit there in silence because we don't have an answer for him. In his mind, he is paying the ultimate price for their choices.

To make matters worse, his parents are funding his current therapy. Because they pay the bills, the therapist keeps pushing Tyler to "forgive" his parents, calling them "flawed and imperfect." Tyler feels completely betrayed by this. He thinks the therapist is bought and paid for, and it has only fueled his desire for revenge.

This situation is now severely affecting his studies. My husband and I are 65 years old. We love him so much, but we are exhausted and terrified. Tyler is completely shutting down his humanity, choosing to feel nothing but a desire to see his parents suffer.

How do we help a 15-year-old boy who has completely hardened his heart? How do we answer a question like the one he asked? Please, we need guidance on how to find him a therapist who will actually hear his pain instead of protecting his parents.