r/ChildPsychology

I have 4 kids. 17,11,10, and 7(8 next month). This doesn't have to do with my 17 year old majority of her friends and including herself are LGBTQ+. I don't allow the word "hate" in my house. You are not allowed to say you hate someone unless they have really really hurt you. I have raised my kids to think hate as a noun or a verb is one of the worst things you can say/do/be. I was in the car and my phone connected to the speaker. My podcast started playing and the one host joked that the other host said something so dumb she was now homophobic(she is straight he is gay, they both come from Broadway she is 100% not homophobic). My 10 year old asked me what that word meant so I told her the truth. My 3 kids laughed at me and said "ok ok what does it really mean". They straight up don't believe me that anyone could be homophobic or transphobic. They can't wrap their minds around someone hating someone or a group of people for something that seems so silly to them. I tried to explain how people get that way and I brought up religion (we don't go to church but my youngest somehow is very religious in a way he loves Jesus a lot) my youngest piped up and said that can't be truthful because Jesus loves everyone. I explained that some people think it's a mental illness which my youngest said that can't be true because mental illness has to do with your brain and who you choose to love has to do with your heart. When my daughter asked what trans was I explained. She started crying saying if she woke up and was in her brother's body she would be miserable because she loves being a girl. I explained further how you transition and she got so happy and thankful that if you are trans you can be exactly who you are and she thinks that's amazing. It's been over a year since this initial convo and they still make fun of me and mock me for trying to make them understand there are people out there who hate others for just being who they are. I'm proud they are so progressive but I'm worried that they aren't getting a clear picture of the types of people they will run into when they get older. We do live in small town Indiana and my in laws are very conservative, however my daughter has a different dad and he is super progressive and her uncle is also gay although she doesn't know, he hasn't told her and that's definitely not my place to tell her.

How do you guys handle these topics? My kids are all mixed black and white and they understand racism,sexism all that but they just think homophobia and transphobia are completely made up. I want them to know that hate exists so when they see it happening they can speak up and help or protect the person who is being harassed.

My seven year old sister is driving me insane. She does something wrong and when we try to tell her off she cries and yells back saying she didn't know and that no one told her. We tell her to not do it again but she does anyway, several times. When we tell her off again she is crying and screaming saying she sorry and is a horrible person. When we stop because the yelling is too much, she starts begging for a telling of saying she "deserves it" or that it is the only thing we do to her, tell her off. And she cycle repeats with more shouting or more violently and it is maddening. She also just storms off sometimes before we finish talking. I don't know if that is normal 7 year old behaviour, if it something we cause or if it is her just acting. Because of this I don't know whether to yell or talk calmly because this really tests my patience.

Is this normal behaviour or did I mess up horribly with trying to take care of her emotions

I, (17F), am trying to make sense of my life as of right now. I believe I was groomed as a child around (7-8) by another kid but I don’t have any other perspective, and not an adult perspective as I’ve been afraid to tell anyone.

When I was 7, I used to go to an after school program ran by my school. I understand now that it was difficult for the teachers to watch us as there was plenty of us and not much staff. I remember we were sitting down, watching a movie. A boy, (12M), came over to me and asked me my name and if I knew what sex was.

I remembered — at the time — hearing the word in music and my mother telling me not to say it, so I told him that I wasn’t aloud to say that word. He nodded like he had understood, the he switched the topic, or so I had thought, to talk about the movie. He told me how boring he thought the movie was and I didn’t agree, but I said I did.

As a side note, I was completely isolated in school as a child, with little to no friends and dead self worth. I was always seeking a friend and anyone who would give me the time of day, I accepted. Please keep in mind that I was 7, not even double digits.

After slowly getting me further away from the other students, and away from the teachers towards the back of the classroom, he asked me to kiss him. I agreed, although I felt a slight discomfort and disgust, riddled with guilt and shame. I was also excited, and that helped me ignore how bad I felt.

I remember afterwards, he told me not to tell anyone, especially adults. I agreed because it was a secret, and friends keep secrets. I still couldn’t contain my excitement and after it happened, I ran around telling everyone we had kissed. One of the people I told was his younger brother who was my age. He immediately got incredibly angry.

I remember being so confused and upset. Now, the shame and guilt foreshadowed the excitement, and I couldn’t shake the feeling that I had done something terribly wrong. The brother told the teachers and they contacted our families. I remember my mother and grandmother coming to the school.

I remember sobbing when I got, home, thinking I was in trouble. My mother found me and asked why I was crying and I relayed my worries. I guess she thought that it was a rumor because we never talked about it and nothing happened. I was alone.

The brother continued hating me and the boy I kissed continued in his obsession with me. A year passed, yet, due to the fear and shame I felt relating to the day we met, I wanted nothing to do with him. He also avoided me because his parents got involved. He eventually got bored, but, in an attempt to get my attention, he kissed me again.

This time, we were going on a trip with our after school, or maybe to the auditorium, but I remember we were going down the stairs to go outside. We were in the back and he started talking to me.

Side note —I was already disgusted with myself and the situation, but I still didn’t understand the feeling. The true disgust started because we had a shared lunch period. Elementary and Middle shared the period. There were two sides. I was walking to his side because he wanted to talk to me when another 8th grader stopped me and asked, “Hey, aren’t you (his name)’s little girl?” The way she said little girl was so mocking and degrading that I rushed away from her and to him.

I believed he was safer because he told her to talk to me and they started a little banter. I could tell, though, that she was his friend.

Back to the staircase, he stopped me at the top of the stairs while the other kids and the one teacher kept walking. I remember he was eating pizza. He pulled me to him while I was mid sentence and he began kissing me with his tongue. I remember putting my hands up to stop him, his hands on my waist. I hated it.

It was one of the most shameful and violating moments of my life. I felt controlled by him. When he stopped, I gagged a bit, but we both had no time to process it as the teacher finally realized we were gone and called our names. He grabbed my hand and tugged me down the stairs.

The rest of that day went by in a blur that was filled with him talking to me, whispering things in my ear. I felt like I wasn’t even there and like I wasn’t even myself. I was scared too. I couldn’t get away from him, no matter how hard I tried. And I was angry that I was stupid enough to still want his company.

After that, I figured the best thing to do was to get him to leave me alone, so I told him we were breaking up. He shrugged and said he didn’t care. Weeks later, I think, one of my best friends, (9F), had asked me during lunch if it was okay for her to pursue him. She said he had approached her asking the same things he had asked me a year ago, sweet talking her.

I said I didn’t mind, I said I had no claim on him, but a deep unsettling feeling was pooling inside of me. Not because I was jealous of her, but because I was worried for her. After lunch I found them making out at recess playground. Word got out about that to everyone, including parents.

A few days after that, he came up to me and told me we were breaking up. I was so incredibly lost because I had already dealt with that. He told me the same thing I had told him, that he was bored of me and I just wasn’t enough. —Yes, I said that to him. I wanted to really drive in the blade and get him to finally leave me alone.

After the story of my friend and him got out, parents were outraged, my mother included. She said that my friend was fresh and I shouldn’t be involved with any of that, when little did she know, I was front and center. This moment is what has led me to keep my painful story in. That, and the fact that I have been unsure on if a teen can groom a child.

If anyone knows or have similar stories with a proper answer, please let me know. I am glad I could get this off my chest.

Hello Im looking for some insight into my daughter's behavior. She is almost 8 and has been struggling at school since the last few months of 1st grade (she's now 2 months into 2nd grade). Im going to give as much context to our situation as possible to paint a full picture...

I have sole custody of her and her older brother who is a freshman in high school. Her older brother had a lot of depression and anxiety this past year. He gets very overwhelmed and he does yell at me when I am trying to parent him sometimes. It has improved the past year as he has been in a therapy program and started medication for his anxiety/depression. I left their dad last year due to his alcoholism. He was extremely verbally abusive to me. I dont think she heard a lot of it as it was mostly evenings but I cant be for sure. He has visitation with them but I think he might still be drinking in secrecy. I also do know that my son has told me his dad has been verbally agressive towards their grandmother in front of them..Anyways the separation was a year ago and my daughter's behavior deteriorated months after it and is way worse now over a year later...it makes me feel like I am failing her and that I am to blame.

I feel like my parenting style is average...I dont scream at my children every day but they do have real consequences like no tablet/electronics... and I do occasionally lose my cool and get upset at things and raise my voice. No physical spanking or discipline. I do not drink or use drugs and never have around them.

My daughter is overweight although we do eat healthy foods frequently. We have more sedentary habits during our very hot summers here and her grandparents take care of her while I work. Ive had to do my best to get them on board with her eating healthier there but I cant afford not to have them take care of her when I need help. She recently started jui jitsu and we are going to the park more. She also has started getting under arm odor so Im wondering if she could possibly be having hormones start to change that are contributing to her moods.

My daughter is a very silly and sweet girl but a lot of the sweetness has been over shadowed by big mood swings and her getting angry very easily. She hisses me and her brother when she is super upset. She also has thrown things across the room or cries out of frustration saying she doesnt know why she is so upset and such a bad girl. I do my best to remind her she has big feelings and its ok but its not ok to throw things or verbally yell at people every time we are upset.

Last year there were no problems until closer to end of year with her peers...her teacher described her meltdowns at school as something she hadn't seen in that age group. She would cry easily and get very very frustrated and snap/yell at other kids.

Academically...Last year she was fine...on track with everything except maybe her hand writing which is still a bit messy. She can read well and does grade level math. Although this year she gets frustrated A LOT easier with it and it takes awhile to get her to calm down when she cant figure it out. She will ask for help and then in the same breath be extremely irritated and grumpy/mean and almost push the help away. Whether thats me or her teacher.

Her teacher seems absolutely exhausted by her. We already had a meeting with the school counselor and principal to discuss a plan to help her succeed. Thats when I found out she has been flat our refusing to do class work and getting argumentative with her teacher. She also has done that in PE. Art is the only class she doesn't get many notes home in. Even her music teacher says occasionally she is being disruptive. Her teacher is at a loss on how she is even going to grade her for her report cards because she isnt doing any work.

She had an incident in the lunchroom where she kicked a kid who accidentally ran into her and caused a big spill. She also kicked someone last year out of frustration.

I plan to get her evaluated by her doctor and a psychiatrist. I just feel like I am failing her somehow

I’m a mom 3 boys (16, 8 & 4). My oldest is 16 and he is so mean to me all the time. He’s disrespectful, rude and condescending towards me at least 95% of the time. I’m so exhausted from his behaviors. I’m constantly going out of my way to be nice and try to bond with him. It kills me that we have no connection anymore. I try to ignore the little jabs but he’s so extremely rude at times, nowadays I blow up because I am so sick of how he treats me. He refuses to go anywhere with me or his younger brothers. Stays in his room and avoids the family constantly. He’s always angry. He only goes out and refuses to bring friends over or let me see his friends because “I’m annoying”. Hates it if I’m in the same room or try to talk to him. It’s gradually gotten worse the last couple years from normal teen rudeness to this extreme behavior. He tells me he hates me and he can’t wait to move out so he can go no contact with me. It literally breaks my heart. I don’t know what happened or where I went wrong. We have a normal life, I have a good job and he’s always had more than most kids. I don’t drink or do drugs so he’s had a very stable upbringing. Lots of supportive family. I feel like I’m failing and I don’t even know what I did to make him feel this way. If I try to sit and talk he just yells at me. My friends and family even say his behavior is abusive towards me (he’s fine towards them). I see my friends with their kids and none of them act like him. I’m so jealous of their relationships. I just want to connect with my son. He flat out refuses therapy. He is polite and kind to everyone except me, people tell me how great he is all the time (teachers, family and friends), he does very well at school. What is wrong with me that makes me so awful?! We’ve always had a close relationship although he’s always had behaviors towards me, he has adhd and sensory processing disorder, they thought he had ODD for a bit but he was never officially diagnosed with ODD. So we’ve always had behavioral issues, we both done therapy and as a mom I’ve always done my best to understand his neurological differences, I worked really hard to parent him a healthy way. I’m patient and I don’t tend to loose my cool often but lately it’s wearing in me. He’s been so mean the last few years, I’m almost at the point I think he’d be better off without me. Dad was not around much growing up but he does see him once in a while now and his dad has talked to him about his behaviors but then he gets mad at me for involving his dad. He’s always nice to dad.

I’m so discouraged, I guess I’m just looking for advice or kind words from parents who’ve been in similar situations.

My (43F) boyfriend's (42M) kid (9M) does this thing to us when he isn't getting the attention that he wants. Usually, it's when we are sitting on the couch watching a movie as a family - movie selection is always kid appropriate. Kid will get on all fours and back his butt up as close as he can to our faces and hover there to get a reaction.

Usually, this is after other annoying bids for attention that have escalated. For example, he'll start by complaining that the movie is boring or changing the channel if he can get ahold of the remote, or he'll try to start a wrestling match with his dad by jumping on him or turn on his tablet really loud during the movie, or he'll rub his feet all over me . I made the mistake of expressing how much I dislike this, and it is now one of his go-to behaviors with me.

Of course, the bigger problem is his constant need to be the absolute center of attention, but this thing with putting his butt in our faces is just bizarre and so off-putting. Where would he even get the idea to do it? He's been gently corrected about it multiple times, but it continues. He's the kind of kid that does this stuff, sees how annoying we find it, laughs about it when we ask him nicely to please stop, then doubles down while laughing hysterically until he's gotten himself in trouble.

"Trouble" is turning the movie off/time out, which is met with crying/anger/tantrum. Anything that can be construed as discipline or even just push back, no matter how gentle, causes a disproportionate reaction like this. I know there are bigger issues at play here, given his age and inability to self regulate, so if anyone has any insight about this butt thing or the bigger issues, I'd love to hear it.

For context: His mom has primary physical custody, and her parenting style is permissive, over indulgent, and over scheduled with a heavy dose of materialism. From my view, it appears she is intentionally spoiling him. She refuses to have him evaluated for adhd or enroll him in therapy. We have him every other weekend and one night a week. He is an only child.

ETA: After reading some comments and reflecting, I don't think this is necessarily all about attention. It might be more about control.

She recently started school she is 6 years old- she has had these tendencies for a while, she is nice and sweet when she is with me at home and out. But if she is running free somewhere in a play space, like play clubs and so on, I need to keep my eye on her. She is happy and jumping around, all of a sudden she can randomly do a mean act to another child. Like walk past a girl and pull her pony tail, grab onto the pants of someone who’s climbing I front of her. At school I can get feedbacks like “she was happily playing with her friend then suddenly pour milk on her head”, “she was playing pull the sticks with her friend when she took one of the sticks and stabbed her by the ear”, “she was cutting paper with her friend when she started cutting her friends weather”. It’s not the same friend, so she is not targeting a certain friend. And it’s not impulsive either cause you can see her give a look like she is thinking about “should I or shouldn’t I”. I tried asking her why are you doing these things. But she refuses to answer, like I can’t get any information out of her even tho I’ve asked on these occasions and outside these occasions. She can also turn into a bully, if she is at a place space with a friend group she can start bullying some random kid to impress her friend group. And she is not a psychopath cause she is really a sweet girl, like empathetic towards others and animals. So these things don’t happen a lot, it’s just occasionally it’s like an alter ego shows up and takes over. I don’t recognize her during these events because of how sweet she is outside of them. What’s going on about this.

I 19 (F) work in retail as a cashier. So far I've had 6 babies (all under 2-3 yrs old) stare at me for the entire transaction. They also DONT BLINK while they stare at me. I had one little boy who moved forward in the cart to keep staring at me after his dad put a bag infront of his line of view. Don't know if it's relevant but I do wear glasses and a crocheted "bonnet". I'm just wondering if this is a coincidence or something else.

I don't really know how better to say this but my mum has always talked about her dying in some way, and it's like some of my earliest memories as well.

Sometimes it's stuff we can brush off on as a joke because she'll say: "Oh if I ever start going mad then take me out back and shoot me." (Referring to Alzheimer's since it's genetically predisposed in our family, and it's obviously humourous since we live in the UK).

But then sometimes she'll say stuff like: "I wish I wasn't born either" (when talking to my brother when he's arguing) or "Well I wish I wasn't born at all" (loose context, but I know she's said it before).

The thing is like, I don't know if it's technically bad on its own or if I'm just overly anxious. Like if she's gone for too long on a walk then I'll be worried all day that she's gone and done it. Or if I get home from school and she doesn't respond immediately then I'm going to go upstairs and find her dead. Or if she's the only one left in the house.

I don't know if this has been caused by her talking about it, or it's just general anxiety, but I'm worried about the same thing happening to my brother if it is caused by this.

I might be over reacting but I'm honestly too concerned to care currently.

My 5 year old sister has always been very agitated and silly, but recentky i've noticed she's more quiet when her parents are not around, she's still agitated but less than before and wasn't been accepting touch often.

She's been acting weird and saying weird things. She once randomly said she shouldn't let me touch her private parts and once I asked her if anyone ever asked that, she took too long to answer and didn't look at me, and sounded upset upon answering. She gets in a panic seeing people post bath and wearing only towels, and is very insistant no one but her mom can dress her up. Even if her parents are not around she refuses to let me dress her and prefers to do it alone in another room.

I'm not sure if this type of behavior is common for her age, but I'm still scared something bad happened to her. However, if I'm just overthinking, I don't wanna bother my mom with it. I hope people who are more educated on the topic can help me and any help is appreciated.