r/ChildPsychology

TL/DR: My step-daughter with ADHD has become a panic filled, screaming hermit. What do we do?

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Second marriage for both my wife and I. We're in our late 40's. She has a 16 year old daughter (I never had kids) who I adore. And up until about 3 months ago, we were very close. She called me her Dad. We'd go vintage shopping, antiquing, book stores finds, etc. It's like she was actually my kid, since I love all those things naturally. :)

My wife and I started dating when she was 11. A year before, her father abandoned the family after violent abuse directed to my wife: constant screaming and physical attacks. As far as we know, our daughter wasn't directly harmed physically. Obviously she witnessed it. He literally snapped one day. Lost his mind. Got fired from his VERY good paying job because of his behavior. Ended up retreating to the upstairs of the home we live in now like a hermit. He left the country and would continue to contact my wife about his plans...like becoming a music ambassador for Germany. Spoiler alert. He doesn't speak German.

My daughter is on medication for ADHD. She's always, since I met her, been a lazy kid, like a lot of kids so nothing THAT unusual. Just a bit more than most. Typical teen stuff. "I've told you 3 times to make your bed. Come on kiddo. Let's get it done before dinner." She's hybrid-homeschooled. Was dealing with bullying at public so we pulled her out a few years ago, her request. 3 days a week at school, rest of the time at home. She has zero hobbies.

Her dad spent time in a psych ward, got on medication, stabilized and announced he was coming back to our state, reintroduced to their lives. Even though he was a monster to the woman I love with my soul, I just let things flow for the sake of my daughter. My wife obviously can't stand him, but did it for her as well. Things seemed normal. I could tell she really missed him, at the start. Now she won't talk or see him anymore.

The first thing we noticed that was odd was when I helped her start applying for jobs. I walked her through the applications, did mock interviews, trying to get her ready. She heard back from one place (a vintage clothing shop 5 minutes from our place...not exactly high-stress) She set up an interview for Saturday. I was so proud. That was Thursday. Friday night, she lost her mind. Was in her room screaming, throwing things, that she can't do it. She's scared. So we cancelled it. She had plans to go camping with friends. They all stayed at girl's house before leaving the next morning early and she called screaming she's scared. So at midnight, I go and pick her up. We've been talking about moving out of the house and to a place about 15 minutes away: New start, since my wife and her ex lived here. When my daughter heard, it caused an explosion of panic.

Now she's terrified of going to school, the very one she asked to go to. Every night. Every. Single. Night. there is screaming. My wife told her to vacuum her room and she started crying she can't go to school. Everything is about school. She won't even go to her grandmothers, who just bought a beautiful home with her new husband that has a pool. They live literally 10 minutes from us. Her friends are starting to fall away because they are living their lives, growing up, which isolates her even more.

Doctors say her meds are correct. Her blood work is normal. We hired two therapists to come to the house because she won't leave. We are going broke trying to pay for this. She won't shower, she wears the same clothes every day. If she had a toilet, microwave and fridge in her room, we wouldn't even know she lived here. My wife said the other day "Dear God, she's become (EX HUSBAND) at 16." The other night in between the tears and screaming she said to us, "Please don't get divorced."

My wife and I are very private about personal matters. I've only spoken to my parents and one friend about it (he has a child with severe autism). I don't know if someone can help. But I needed to vent. My previous relationship was abusive (she was arrested and is still doing time years later) and I feel like I'm back in Fight or Flight again. I'm not leaving. That's not an option. I'm staying for the fight for the family I love. Any advice would be really appreciated.

My 5yo starts kindergarten this year and is currently full time in day care / pre k. She is an only child.

I’m at my wits end and overall feeling defeated trying to “solve” her behavioral issues. She has been working with OT on emotional regulation since the Spring. She’s improved vastly with explaining why she feels a way / after the fact but we continue to see the outbursts.

She continues to become mean and unsafe when she gets challenged by an adult (parent or teacher) or is unhappy with an answer (like “no”).

Example responses: “I hate you, I’ll kill you, you’re ugly, you’re stupid” when she gets mad. “I don’t care” if she’s told she will lose privileges. She hits and kicks when she’s mad. Today she stood on a regular size table in the lobby of school in defiance and told them she didn’t care if they told us “I’ll just lose my babies (toy babies)and have to go to my room” . She’ll regularly disrupt other kids napping if she isn’t actively engaged.

I try to stay level headed and calm with her to get her through the big emotions but I feel like I’m making no progress getting her to understand why these things are not appropriate / kind or safe.

She loves to come home and be the teacher and I hear her “reprimanding” kids and saying how things are not nice / safe. She’s generally modeling the teachers responses.

We’ve limited TV shows she can watch at home.
I try to send activity books she can do to stay busy at school (she is writing out words, doing addition, etc).
She does not have a tablet / screen time other than long car rides.
We are very careful of our language. We do not say I’ll kill you, I hate you, etc.

My husband “wants to do something different” because the discipline isn’t working. I don’t know what else is appropriate. I continue to try too for different ways to get through to her but he thinks punishment will solve it. That’s a different problem but looking for any advice / help.

I am currently 39 weeks pregnant with our second child. Our first (3M) is in daycare full time and has been since 7 months old.

Around 6 weeks ago I had to be admitted to hospital with pneumonia, my husband dropped our son at daycare and took me to the hospital. When the little one got home I was gone. He'd seen me struggle for the best part of a week being really unwell.

After this, he really struggled to go to daycare, it took us weeks to get him to be happy and not be upset at every drop off, worrying about who was going to pick him up etc. During this time I was trying to get him an appointment with an age appropriate therapist to help him work through what was obviously a traumatic experience for him.

We had the first appointment with him yesterday. I had met with her the week previous to talk through the approach, and explain that I wanted to try and avoid him being retraumatised when I go into hospital to have the baby. Her approach was gentle EMDR style, where I read a story about a 'little boy' but which detailed the events of me going to hospital, while he held gently vibrating buzzers.

Until yesterday we had actually gotten back to a really good place with daycare, with him going happily. After the session however, he got upset at the prospect of me dropping him off, so I kept him home. Then this morning he was genuinely hysterical. I took him in late and will pick him up early, but it was really hard.

I'm wondering whether another appointment is a good idea? On one hand I think it might be good that his worries have been brought to the surface and he's working through them rather than burying them, on another we had actually made progress until now!

I'd love to hear people's thoughts? I've asked the therapist too but conscious that her opinion might be slightly biased.

My wife and I have been having a really hard time knowing what’s the best route for our 11 year old son. They have very limited access to the internet right now, including YouTube, their phone, and have an app on their phone that blocks adult content and anything we don’t approve of etc. after reading studies and seeing how much more agitated/depressed they seem when they have a lot of access.

we’ve been trying to learn more about sexual education and don’t want to make the same decisions our parents made when it come to teaching us. I was given no information around sex whereas my wife’s mom was, if anything, wayyy too open. And we both experienced csa so we may be a bit more worried about childhood development and sex than most.
We don’t want our son to feel ashamed of their feelings and curiosities around sex, masterbation, and their body and have considered trying to find a way to explore their feelings in a controlled/safe environment. Like a safe website/option for them that we approve of rather than seeking it out however they can because it’s being kept away from them and possibly stumbling across things that may send the wrong message, make them addicted, talking to people or bots online, things like that.

We have had conversations the last few years around their body being theirs and that no one should ask to see them naked, touch them, how consent is important always, and that being curious or having feelings is normal and not weird, etc.

I’m worried that we’re either being too proactive or missing something entirely that other parents know when it comes to giving their kids conversations or safe outlets.

Updated
TLDR: are there any safe websites for an 11 year old that helps them to explore explicit nsfw content while they’re learning about attraction and their body? Or should we just avoid the situation entirely and just educate them on the science side while letting them find their own ways of exploring nsfw content??

I have been reading a lot about how children seem to learn differently when they are actively exploring something instead of simply being told the answer.

For example, when a child visits a museum, a park, or even just walks around the neighborhood, they naturally start asking questions about what they see. It made me wonder whether that process of observing, questioning, and discovering helps information stick better than more passive forms of learning.

I know there are plenty of factors involved, but I want to know if child psychology has an explanation for why hands-on exploration seems to hold a child's attention so well. Is there research showing that curiosity-driven learning improves understanding or memory, or does it depend more on the child's age and personality?

I would love to hear your thoughts or any research you've come across on this topic.

I'm 14F. My brother is 16M. We've lived together for 4 years and even shared a room, so I know him better than anyone.

Things have gotten really bad the last few months and I don't know what to do.

1. Sleep
   His sleep is completely flipped. He sleeps all day and stays up all night on his phone. He watches videos and plays games until 6am.
   Because of him, no one can sleep.
   My grandma is elderly. Without him she sleeps 7pm-9am. With him she goes to bed at 1am and wakes up at 4-5am. This has been 2 days now. She's exhausted and crying because she can't sleep.

2. Phone and aggression
   He is addicted to his phone. It's the only thing he cares about.
   When we try to take it away or limit his time, he has violent episodes. He screams, throws things, hits walls and doors, and threatens us.
   Sometimes I'm genuinely scared to be home at night.

3. What my family wants to do

My mom is desperate. Our family decided that first we want to try religious help with a religious leader.
I respect that and I want to try everything. But I'm also terrified that it won't be enough and he needs medical help too.

I love my brother. I remember who he used to be.
But I feel so guilty because part of me thinks we should see a doctor or psychiatrist. It feels like I'm betraying him.

I just want my grandma to sleep. I want us all to feel safe at home again.

Has anyone been through something like this? Should we try religious help first or push for medical help right away?
Please tell me I'm not a terrible sister for thinking about a doctor. I just need someone to tell me I'm not alone.

\_Thank you for reading.\_

And to be honest, I'm so tired of all this..

So extremely cooked in fact like he’s very young, but I will say the things he does is very concerning and I’m someone who looks into psychopathy a lot, and I do worry for him, but I also feel like I might have bit off way too much that I could chew

He doesn’t have his biological parents because they are pedophiles and are a little bit crazy and thankfully his dad didn’t do anything because my family took him in for four years and then he got taken from us by his father and then immediately in the care of my Aunti he lived for 4 years until she literally passed away they already fucked him up. His behavior was already pretty horrible even with her, and even when she was on her deathbed, I mean, reasonably so because it was so extremely stressed out.

Constantly, I’m trying not to raise someone who is a psychopath or maybe even conduct disorder or something around that area especially since he’s saying really disturbing things that being said he is a child, but he was just recently talking to me about digging up fucking graves and saying that would smell bad and he shouldnt do that which is probably because he misses his Aunti yeah that’s probably why he’s saying that there’s even like a knife scare where when he was living with us for the first couple of weeks knives were going missing and in places in the house and we didn’t wanna blame him for even though we knew he had behavioral issues, but unfortunately, it was him and even then when we told him repeatedly not touch them, he took every chance he could when no one was looking or when people were fucking sleep to play with knives and it took me being turned behind my back when I left the knife on the table, and I looked in the microwave plastic, and it was reflective to see that he was swinging it around dead ass freaking lied about it he thinks everybody is dumb and after that we moved the knives that’s like really freaking scary.

There are so many things wrong with him and he is on medication. He is going to be going to therapy soon and a ton of other shit but then I’m worrying like he’s probably never going to get better because he’s also mentally stunted. He is a 10-year-old with the mindset of a kindergartener 80iq who hardly understands other people‘s perspectives and only abide by them because we’re trying to install some sort of logical thinking, even though he doesn’t understand it.

My mom is like starting to give up and send him to the state amount how that’s going to mess up his brain even further he was taken away from his biological family. He was taken away from us. He was taken away to live with his Aunti and then back with us imagine what gonna happen if we send him off and how that would really fuck up his brain right and people who will have him not understand him or the severity of his behavior.

Like not only that he’s looked up Gore like this boy is crazy bro he loves to look at his blood. He loves looking at other people‘s blood so whenever someone’s hurt in the household, we immediately get him out of the room because he wants to look at that shit he wants to play with his blood. We don’t leave him around animals. The only thing he likes to torture and kill are bugs which good but also very concerning it’s not an animal, but still.

So hopefully by the time he’s like 12 years old, he starts to develop at least two more years older or a couple of more and doesn’t become something concerning. I can go on about so many things I forgot to mention these autistic about the level one or level two he’s definitely off his rocker, and the only thing that autism has anything to do with any of his behavior would be the emotional instability and lack of understanding of concepts and other people, and when he was first living of us in the first couple of weeks, I was concerned that he didn’t have empathy and I have come to realize he does when he started crying like that was the best thing for me. I was happy to see him cry, cause I was like if he doesn’t cry he’s not right. And slowly start to empathize with people and understand people that’s enough for me but geez.

A five year old in our class is a very social animal and helps everyone. She's very verbal and developmentally ahead in meta-cognition, always being a very good child in class. She might be gifted but lacks the drive to learn ahead and is more social. But she can get overwhelmed and then sometimes cry on longer days. Afterward she feels bad about it as she doesn't want to cry and the teacher wants her to "get out of the emotion". But i noticed that after a short cry she actually feels better and can proceed independently.

So one day I noticed her tucked in a corner, during a group game, being hardly involved. After the game was over I told the others to go back to class and talked to her for a bit.
So I asked: "How does your head feel?"
Her: "Buzzing and it hurts. I feel tears."
I asked: "Do you think you need to cry? Would that feel good?"
She made this very wide nodding motion with her head as her face got tense. I offered her my lap and she got on, laying against my shoulder in the fetal position, and the tears came quickly. So I told her: "Just let it out. You'll be okay." It was a very soft and quiet cry, with some sobbing and mostly a lot of tears.
After about three minutes she said she wanted to go back to class. She got up and slid off my lap, dried her tears and went on with her day.

For most kindergarteners tears mean they need help to deal with the emotion, but sometimes it's a pressure valve. And a very damn healthy one as well. If anything, I mostly wanted to share this experience here to show in how many ways kids can behave and how possibilities can be missed. Kindergarteners learn about emotion daily and it's about finding what works for them in my opinion.

Thanks for reading <3

My 7 year old daughter is most likely autistic (I am) and has a very literal way of thinking which sometimes differs quite a bit from her peers. Over the last month, on two separate occasions, she’s said something that’s really worried me and I don’t really know how to deal with it without making it worse.

She struggles a lot with waiting for things and gets impatient. But a few weeks ago during bedtime, she told me that she is so tired of waiting for everything and wants to be in heaven but is worried about how long she’ll have to wait, and she wants to die now. I gently probed her on what she meant, and she told me that she finds everything really hard and frustrating, but at school she learned about how amazing heaven is and how everything is perfect, and she wants to be there now and not have to wait anymore. She doesn’t want to keep finding things hard, when she could be in heaven instead.

I talked to her about all the nice things she can look forward to while she’s here, but she kept coming back to the point of how hard it is waiting.

I let it slip out of my mind over the past few weeks, but at bedtime again today she said to me something else. She said that when she’s talking or playing she is busy thinking about what she’s going to say next, or what she’s doing in her game. But when it’s bedtime, her brain isn’t busy and she thinks about lots of things that “aren’t good things”. I asked what she meant and she told me she thinks about when she’s going to die and if she can go to heaven yet.

Honestly it’s really scared me. She is a really bright, emotionally intelligent kid, but she struggles a lot with overthinking, and is very anxious. I’m scared that on two occasions now, this has come up at bedtime. I worry about saying anything that makes it worse.

Does anyone have any advice on how best to deal with this?

My 12 year old son has epilepsy which has become uncontrolled since December 2025 so he is under it at the moment. He has a savings cash tin that he puts all of his birthday, Xmas and pocket money in. The cash tin is in his room and he has the key to it. It's to buy things for himself such as a new XBox game or something new he has seen. Previously he would never really spend the money and there was close to £700 in there as he just never wants to spend it. I told him to get his tin out so I could put money in there that his grandparents gave him. He was apprehensive and wouldn't get it out. So got the tin out myself. A good chunk of the notes where gone around £260 was missing. I asked him where the money had gone and he told me that his friends at school had been asking him for money for snacks for after school. I didn't even realise that he took his money in to school and I would have thought he would never give his friends money. I told him to text all of his friends and tell them to return the money. We made a list of all the people that had had money off him and the list is very long and around 16 people all having £20 here £30 there, all mounting to £260 which rallies up with the amount of money missing. I asked him why he was giving these friends money and he said because they needed it. He went to bed and 1 of his friends text me stating that he didn't ask for money and that my son just gave it him even though he insisted he didn't want it. He also said there is other people he gives money to and he said he does it as other kids bully him and say nasty comments to him. I told him I wanted all of the money back. I am not happy with myself for not picking this up and checking his cash tin on a regular basis but also I am annoyed with the school as my child is vulnerable and it seems he is being bullied at school whilst in their care and he is already vulnerable with his epilepsy. I have gone through his phone messages and on two occasions these friends are asking him for money and saying it's the last time they will ask for it as they need to buy stuff with the money. My son has then given them the money and they have not paid it back. It seems my son has been taken advantage of and that he is buying friendship. I am literally about to pull him out of school as there has been no end of issues which they hardly ever sort out. Any advice on how to navigate this? My son is an only child and loves to socialise and I think he is trying to buy friends so he isn't lonely but I don't want him to feel that way.

Hi! I am new I’ve been posting and I have been getting some nice responses mostly so I am here again please bear with me because English isn’t my first language. I just want to know what your five year olds are like. I know every kid is different but like in general. I’m just starting to get nervous about my son he is a great little kid he is kind and nice and when I take him to park he always finds friends at school he has friends but sometimes they argue and he will say mean things but he instantly regrets it/ with my husband and I he can be rude and talk back it is driving me insane. For example he was bouncing a ball and I asked him to stop or I would take it away and he said well then I’ll just hide it so you can’t take it. I would not say “everything is a fight” because he cleans up toys he loves to help around the house and clean up after himself but I think it’s more when he feels forced to do something he gets very angry he will say things like you are the wkrst mommy ever I don’t want you in my family. For example last night my husband was trying to tell him to stop jumping on the bed he told him twice and he didn’t listen my son hit my husband! Absolutely unacceptable in my opinion and at 5 he should not be doing this any longer. However right afterwards he was crying and saying he felt bad for what he did to daddy and they cuddled and all was fine it’s like he just cannot control himself. But when we are at peoples houses or our somewhere he always gets complimented on his behavior it’s like once he is comfortable somewhere he changes. I posted before that I am Dominican and in my culture it is popular to hit our children. We do not want to do that to him. Are your children similar? He is just so hard headed and feisty he is exhausting really

I was feeling very overwhelmed today and I was struggling with getting WiFi on my phone in order to pay for car parking. I was faffing around for a good ten minutes and I began swearing under my breathe huffing and puffing becoming increasingly frustrated. My son was with me and he said 'Dad stop you are scaring me'. I immediately stopped, apologised and gave him a hug and snapped out of it.I feel very guilty as I completely lost my cool and composure if you like around him. Luckily he seemed to go about the rest of the day fine, but I've never had a comment like that from him before. I'm his Dad and have him most weekends, so I guess I worry he won't want to come over anymore..

My son is 8 years old, he is the most empathetic and compassionate person I’ve ever known but this seems to come with a price that he doesn’t stand up for himself when his friends/peers push his boundaries and play becomes bullying.

We’ve tried talking to him on multiple occasions. He’s trained in MMA and Brazilian Jui Jitsu, but if his friends are going too far he is ok at telling them that but beyond this if they don’t stop he simply says he doesn’t want to hurt them so he’d rather run away, but that is turning him into a victim and his friends antagonise this at times. I am very non violent but I’m at the point where I’d actually be so proud if he lashed out a bit to let his friends know they can’t push him around.

I don’t know if there’s a way we can get through to him that we are not trying? He is home educated so we get to choose who we hang out with and I don’t want to cut his friendships with these boys as most the time my son loves them and has the best time with them, but it’s digging at his confidence that he seems to just freeze or run away when things go too far.

I’ve spoken to the parents and they have talked to their kids when necessary but it’s a constant struggle still if it’s not one thing this week then it’s another the next week.

I never had kids and my sister had him in her 40’s. He is almost 6. He can be so impossible with her. For example we were at a restaurant and there was a line. Wait was about 20 min. We wanted to wait and so did her son but my sister didn’t want to so we had to go to a different restaurant. Her son cried and yelled how he didn’t want to go there. He starts to walk away from her in the parking lot. She yells at him he cries more. I can’t say anything or she yells at me “stop talking!” We drive to the other restaurant (I’m driving). They are yelling at each other. She is telling him “you have no respect for me!” “You would never act like this with your dad!” They share custody.

We get to the other restaurant and he is melting down how he won’t go there. Our parents are there (his grandparents) and my mom is able to come him down. We go into the restaurant. He seems ok. He loves avocado toast and poached eggs. When it comes he doesn’t like the little lettuce things on it and starts picking it off and throwing it across the table. The server is nice and says she will bring it back without that on it. They bring it back and he doesn’t like that the egg is on top of it and melts down again. “I knew this wouldn’t be good!” he yells and and cries making a scene. My sister takes him outside. A few minutes later she calls me and says we have to leave since he is impossible hitting and pinching her saying he hates her and wants to go to his dads. I pay the bill and get the food wrapped. We go outside and her son is still crying she is yelling at him. He is saying “you are making it worse!” “You’re my enemy!” “You made me go where I didn’t want to!” Our mom tries to calm him down and my sister yells at her to leave and don’t coddle him. (Even though she does in other ways). He won’t leave because he wants to go to the dollar store next to the restaurant but she says no because of how he is acting. Picks him up and he is crying and hitting her. People are watching.

Not sure why it’s like this. With his dad they go places, he is with his cousins and friends. When he is with his mom they rarely go anywhere she just keeps him in the house and they draw and build with legos. When she rarely does take him somewhere she is always fighting with him. Saying his name over and over. Don’t do this don’t do that. You can tell he gets annoyed and rolls his eyes. She also so hypocritical. For example she will tell him she will take him to a gaming place but then doesn’t. Then the other day I mention an event going on and the date was wrong on the website. She got mad at me saying I shouldn’t have mentioned it until I verified the date. Well it was on the website! Not my fault is was wrong. Usually she won’t take him anywhere. Especially anywhere he might see his friends because she never likes any of the mothers.

He is loving towards her also and forgets his meltdowns but when he is mad about something or not getting what he wants he is brutal.

My stepdaughter, whose life I’ve been a part of since she was 6 months old, will NOT stop hitting, kicking, scratching, and throwing things. It started around 2.5 years old seemingly out of nowhere, as she’s always been very sweet and happy until then. In the last 7 months, she’s become extremely aggressive toward her father and I. She even gave her mother a bloody nose a few weeks ago from open-hand hitting her nose upwards.

The pattern seems to be the word “no” and being asked what to do, such as sitting still so we can do her hair, just as an example-that would likely result in her screaming NO at the top of her lungs at us, running to another room and throwing everything in sight, then kicking or hitting one of us when we pursue to calm her down.

No, holding her hands and saying “do not hit me” doesn’t help-she’ll just flop down and start kicking. No, putting her in her room doesn’t work-she just opens the door and walks out, after she’s done screeching for 15+ minutes, hitting the walls and throwing her toys at the door. Consequences don’t seem to stick at all. Taking away every single toy, book and TV access does not deter her. We’ve resorted to just putting her in her bed, telling her “you cannot hit people, (name). You’re on a time-out now” and leaving the room and waiting out the tantrum.

This happens daily. Every. Single. Day. It’s over eating breakfast, it’s over getting dressed, it’s over whether or not what’s on the TV is what SHE wants, it’s over bedtime and coming inside from the yard. She knows it’s wrong. When she’s calm, she tells me, “I was being naughty. I was hitting Dad.” She just won’t stop.

Is this behavior consistent with ADHD or children on the spectrum? ODD? A combination of all of the above? Her father has ADHD and the mother is bipolar with a very unstable home life (a revolving door of boyfriends, constantly moving in and out with different people), while we own our own home and have a consistent schedule with her. Is it a psychiatric issue, or just lashing out about her home life? I’m at my wits’ end, guys. I’m desperate.

I'm asking because I am a 16-year-old girl in 11th Grade being constantly harassed by this 20-year-old female classmate of mine (we're not from the US, hence why the education system works differently when it comes to dealing with adult learners where they just enroll them with minors instead of actually considering the high risks of predatory behavior and harassment) who claims to just "want to be friends" with me, which would be fine if it weren't for the fact that she'd try to INVADE MY PERSONAL SPACE and be VERY PHYSICALLY TOUCHY with me even after I'VE REPEATED NUMEROUS TIMES that I DO NOT FEEL COMFORTABLE BEING PHYSICALLY TOUCHED BY HER, especially since I JUST MET HER 2 WEEKS AGO.

She'd then try and justify her actions by saying shit like "well maybe you're just not used to it because you're a loner; your life is just so sad and boring because you have no friends", trying to make me feel ashamed for simply wanting to be by myself when I genuinely do love being by myself?????? Then she'd continue being all touchy, even when I repeatedly try and move away from her, which would also make her suddenly act passive aggressive (such as ignoring whenever I approached her to complete a school activity that we were partnered up in back when she wasn't harassing me yet) towards me just to make me feel guilty for it.

However, I don't think (at least for now) that her intentions are sexual, but instead I believe that she's at least aiming to establish an extremely emotionally intimate "friendship" with me so that she can leech off from the efforts and hard work I have for my academics, because I've noticed ever since we've met that she's always trying to ask me the most basic types of questions in class (such as "how to write a sentence", "what to do" even though the teacher literally just said the instructions loud and clear, and "what is the answer to this") but then proceeds to not actually learn or find a way on how to actually answer those questions herself. I get that she may highly be a functional illiterate, but I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY A 16-YEAR-OLD SUCH AS MYSELF HAS TO BE THE ONE TO GIVE HER REMEDIAL CLASSES????????

If you're wondering why she's unable to actually be academically competent all on her own: she told me that it was because she dropped out of 11th grade for personal reasons back in 2023, and for the past three years, all she ever spent her time on was on pure unadulterated leisure like watching Kdramas every day, hence why she "has become too stupid" and that apparently "that's just the way she is now". When I suggested to ask her parents to perhaps seek out tutors or remedial classes (because I've seen from her social media posts how well-off her family actually was despite her claiming that they were "just average"), she claims that they're too broke for it, and hence why she's seeking answers from me. Like, HOW IS THAT MY PROBLEM????????? Like sure, I DON'T MIND HELPING OTHERS OUT, in fact I am a very docile individual which is also why I got myself in this situation in the first place because this 20-year-old woman must've thought I would be an easy target, but like, every time she literally nags me these basic questions, she ends up interfering with my focus on school as well. WHY SHOULD HER PROBLEM BE MY PROBLEM WHEN WE LITERALLY AREN'T EVEN ANYTHING FOR ME TO SUDDENLY SACRIFICE MY OWN EDUCATION FOR THIS RANDOM STRANGER AND IT WAS SHE WHO APPROACHED ME FIRST?????????

So does this genuinely still count as grooming, even when this 20-year-old classmate of mine's most likely intentions are to leech off of me and interfere with my focus on my studies just to pass 11th Grade without actually working for it herself, because she's trying to force an extremely emotionally intimate bond between she and I, a 16-year-old girl?

This is super long. Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read and respond.

7M. Adopted from foster care at birth, born at appx 36 weeks. Amphetamines, narcotics, and thc in umbilical cord; bio mom admitted to nicotine and alcohol as well. Bio mom was physically abused causing her to go into early labor. No withdrawal symptoms, some breathing issues at birth. No current medical (non psychological) diagnosis. Current diagnosis of ADHD (inattentive), ODD, and NAS. Adoptive mom (OP) context: BS in psychology,
masters in school counseling (most hours at the time were spent in LPC classes), masters in special education and 14 years working with kiddos with learning and behavioral disabilities.

Current situation (trying to keep this concise): Kiddo is currently on focalin (10mg extended), guanfacine (2mg extended AND 1 mg instant) every morning, focailin 5 mg instant around noon. Tried clonidine but it made him super angry. Wakes up early no matter the bed time (3 to 5 am most days) and is wired- jumping off the bed, trying to go outside, waking up his siblings, borderline inappropriate to adults, defiant… 30-45 minutes after meds, he’s great. Calm, kind, compliant, a little goofy but a typical 7 year old. We typically do meds around 6 because of his early wake up time. By 10-11 during the summer, he’s crashing out. Sometimes it’s a nap, other times it’s increasingly deregulated behavior. Flipping himself upside down on furniture, having an unsafe body with siblings and pets (never intentionally harmful, just wild), at school- screaming out, opposition, etc. During the school year, he frequently has meltdowns (screaming, asking for competing needs- I’m hungry, I want x, I want this other thing) until he crashes and falls asleep, often on the 10 minute drive home. Currently 1 week into his 2 week summer day camp, he hasn’t been taking his afternoon dose (they won’t give it to him and we decided to try without it) and he’s only been in trouble once for an unsafe body.

Teacher was contacting 3-4x weekly about behavior and I had an interventionist do observations. We have him on a behavior and academic plan for reading due to assumed dyslexia. Teachers cite unsafe body with peers and frequent blurting out to the point of disrupting both his and classmates learning, but it got much worse after the Vanderbilt was done in October. Again, seeing this at home and at school. We’re starting OT again after being dismissed for running across a parking lot in a nature based program 2 years ago.

It’s all continuing/getting worse, except we’re no longer napping within the last month. He’s a wonderful kid and we love him. We want to figure out what helps, but meds wear off so quickly. I’ve always had some idea of what to ask for at psych appts, but I’m at a loss. We keep upping meds and it feels terrible as a parent. I believe meds are a huge piece of this but I have no idea what could help now.

We’ve been seeing a psych for 3 years now. It started with elopement and screaming until he passed out, neither of which happen but he’s still unable to learn at school or participate typically in daily life- which I’m ok with if there aren’t other options, but I believe he’s capable of so much more than his nervous system lets him do right now. We didn’t get the ADHD diagnosis until 9 months ago because of his age and haven’t had a ton of new ideas from the best known doc in our area. Literally the only other thing I can think of is a second extended release in the afternoon but that doesn’t seem right.

Thanks for getting this far and for any non judgemental suggestions. We’re doing the best we can as caring, educated parents who are implementing behavioral strategies, etc. His nervous system is just wild.

Sub requests that I adjust the post: What would you ask the doctor at the upcoming visit?

I’m 34, and I’ve never felt worthy of being called a person. I’m posting this because this began in my childhood. I can remember being about 4 or 5 years old when it started. It was a holiday, and my aunt was telling me where to sit at the table for dinner, and all I can remember is thinking that I wasn’t worthy of taking a seat because I wasn’t much of a human being like the others. I thought I deserved to be on the floor, eating with the dogs.