u/Affectionate-Comb113

Jag är 21 och har börjat inse att många sociala relationer inte är neutrala , utan de är strukturerade kring makt, status och subtil dominans. Jag vill analysera en vän som konsekvent placerar mig längst ner i den sociala hierarkin och använder små, precisa nålstick för att hålla mig där.

När jag delar en tanke eller ett perspektiv möts jag av ett kallt, avvisande “Okej??”. Det är inte ett neutralt svar. Det är ett socialt verktyg: ett sätt att markera att jag är irrelevant, att min input saknar värde.

Exempel på hennes psykologiska spel

1. När jag försöker bidra med ett resonemang
   Hon berättade om någon som agerat oetiskt. Jag nämnde att barndomsmiljöer formar värderingar. Det är en helt rimlig psykologisk observation.
   Hennes reaktion? Ett ansiktsuttryck som signalerade “du är dum”, följt av ett avfärdande “Nej, det handlar om personliga värderingar.”
   När jag förklarade vidare, himlade hon med ögonen och stängde samtalet.
   Det är klassisk dominansmarkering: hon avbryter inte argumentet, hon avbryter min position i samtalet.

2. När jag nämner att jag blivit inbjuden till en fest
   Hennes spontana reaktion:
   “Vänta, ÄVEN DU blev inbjuden?”
   Det är inte förvåning. Det är en statusattack — ett sätt att placera mig längst ner i gruppens värdehierarki.

3. När hon projicerar negativa känslor på mig
   Hon erkände att hon trodde att hennes utmattning efter en gruppträff berodde på mig, innan hon insåg att det var någon annan hon egentligen favoriserar.
   Det är en form av projektion och ett sätt att normalisera tanken att jag är den “energiuttömmande” personen i gruppen.

Det här är inte slumpmässiga beteenden. Det är ett mönster.

---

🜂 Vad jag försöker förstå

• Hur slutar jag internalisera hennes nedlåtande reaktioner?
Jag vill sluta ge henne mental hyra och sluta tolka hennes små attacker som objektiva sanningar.

• Hur svarar man i stunden när någon gör en subtil förnedrande markering?
När hon ger den där blicken eller slänger ur sig en kommentar som är designad för att få mig att känna mig mindre — vad är det psykologiskt mest effektiva sättet att neutralisera det?

• Var mina reaktioner i exemplen “off”, eller är det rimligt att hennes beteende triggar motreaktioner?
Jag vill förstå om jag läser situationerna korrekt eller om jag övertolkar.

Mitt mål är att utveckla min egen psykologiska styrka, sluta låta mig placeras längst ner i en hierarki jag inte valt, och börja värdera min egen röst.

Jag uppskattar alla insikter kring subtil manipulation, mikroaggressioner och social dominans.

Hej alla,

Jag är en 21-årig kvinna, och på grund av min ålder känner jag mig ofta ung och som om jag fortfarande försöker lista ut vissa saker. Jag ber om råd om hur jag ska hantera en vän som annars är en bra vän, men som jag inte längre känner mig bekväm med att dela mina genuina tankar och känslor med.

När jag försöker prata eller ge ett perspektiv, möts jag ofta av ett avfärdande *"Okej??"*, som om det jag säger inte är värt något.

Till exempel nämnde hon att hon har lärt sig om "värden" på terapin. Senare berättade hon om sin styvfar som har en son som var otrogen mot sin fru. Hon var förvirrad eftersom de verkade ha en fantastisk relation och frun är fantastisk på alla sätt. Jag föreslog att hans beteende kan härstamma från hans far (som har varit otrogen otaliga gånger, dejtat många kvinnor och öppet kallar sig själv för en förförare). Hon såg på mig med ett "du är så dum"-uttryck och sa rakt ut, *"Det handlar om värden!"* Jag svarade, *"Ja, självklart—om någon växer upp i en miljö där otrohet normaliseras eller har barndomsproblem, kan de rättfärdiga dåliga värden och otrohet."* Hon blev bara helt tyst och vägrade att lyssna på mig.

En annan gång blev jag inbjuden till min nära väns babys första födelsedag (jag är god vän med mamman och passar ofta barnet). Jag nämnde för min vän att barnets pappa inte skulle delta eftersom han inte kommer överens med mamman. Min väns svar var, *"Även DU är där."*

Dessutom, på subtila sätt, märker jag att hon hela tiden sätter andra före mig. En gång erkände hon till och med att hon kände sig dålig efter en gruppträff och skyllde först på min närvaro—bara för att senare inse att hennes känslor var feltolkade och att hon gynnade andra i gruppen medan hon missade hur deras beteende faktiskt påverkade henne.

Jag vet att sådana här saker kan vara vanliga i sociala grupper, men jag är en känslig person, och när dessa stunder händer upprepade gånger, gör det ont djupt.

**Min fråga är: Hur går jag vidare?**

Jag vill jobba på mig själv, uppskatta mitt eget värde, och sluta vara så ledsen eller ge den här situationen så mycket av min energi. Jag skulle gärna höra några tankar, perspektiv eller råd ni kanske har. Tack!

Hi everyone,

I’m 21, and I often feel like I’m still figuring out how to navigate social dynamics. I’m looking for advice on how to deal with a close friend who frequently makes me feel small, dismissed, and stupid. It’s reached a point where I no longer feel comfortable sharing my genuine thoughts with her.

Whenever I express an opinion or share an idea, she often responds with a cold, condescending "Okay??"—as if what I’m saying makes zero sense.

Here are a couple of examples of how these interactions usually go:

Recently, she was telling me about someone who acted unethically, and she was confused about why this person would behave that way. I gently suggested that a person's childhood environment and family role models often shape how they rationalize bad choices later in life. Instead of discussing it, she looked at me with a "you are so stupid" expression and snapped, "No, it’s about personal values!" I replied, "Right, but growing up around certain behaviors shapes those exact values." She just went completely silent, rolled her eyes, and refused to keep talking.

Another time, I was invited to a celebration hosted by a mutual acquaintance I frequently help out. When I mentioned I was attending, my friend’s immediate reaction was, "Wait, even YOU were invited?"

On top of these subtle digs, there is a constant hierarchy where she puts others above me. She even admitted once that after a group hangout, she felt drained and initially assumed it was because of my presence—only to realize later that her bad mood was caused by someone else in the group whom she favors.

I know social group dynamics can be complicated, but I’m a sensitive person, and this repeated pattern really erodes my self-confidence.

My questions:

• How can I stop taking her reactions so personally and stop giving this situation so much of my mental energy?
• How should I respond in the exact moment when she makes a condescending remark or gives me that look?

I want to focus on my own personal growth and learning to value my own perspective. I’d really appreciate any advice or thoughts!

Hi everyone,

I’m 21, and because I’m young, I often find myself feeling a bit naive or like I’m still figuring the world out. I’m looking for advice on how to navigate a friendship with someone who is a good friend on paper, but who constantly makes me feel small, dismissed, and stupid. It’s reached a point where I just don’t feel safe opening up to her anymore.

Whenever I speak or share a thought, she often hits me with a cold, condescending "Okay??"—as if what I’m saying is completely incomprehensible.

A while ago, she told me she had been learning about "values" in therapy. Later, she brought up her stepfather’s son, who had recently cheated on his wife. She was completely baffled by it because they had a great relationship and his wife is amazing. I gently suggested that his behavior might be connected to his father, who is an open womanizer with a history of endless infidelity. She looked at me with this sheer "you are so stupid" expression and snapped, "It’s about VALUES!" I calmly replied, "Yes, exactly—if you grow up around normalized infidelity, it shapes your values and makes it easier to rationalize cheating." Instead of engaging, she just went dead silent, rolled her eyes, and refused to listen.

Another time, I was invited to my close friend's baby’s first birthday (I’m very close with the mom and babysit for them often). When I mentioned that the father wouldn't be attending due to their split, my friend’s immediate reaction was, "Wait, even YOU were invited?"

On top of these digs, I constantly feel an underlying hierarchy where she puts everyone else above me. She even confessed once that she felt drained after a group hangout and initially assumed it was because I was there—only to realize later that her bad mood actually came from other people in the group, whom she had put on a pedestal.

I know group dynamics can be messy, but I’m a deeply empathetic and sensitive person. When this kind of subtle disrespect happens repeatedly, it really cuts deep and erodes my confidence.

I really want to move forward and focus on myself. How do I stop giving this so much energy, learn to value my own voice, and protect my peace? And how should I handle it in the exact moment the next time she makes one of those comments?

I appreciate any thoughts, perspectives, or advice you have to share. Thank you!

Hi everyone,

I’m a 21-year-old woman, and because of my age, I often feel young and like I’m still figuring things out. I’m asking for advice on how to deal with a friend who is otherwise a good friend, but whom I no longer feel comfortable sharing my genuine thoughts and feelings with.

Whenever I try to talk or offer a perspective, I’m often met with a dismissive "Okay??", as if what I’m saying makes no sense at all.

For instance, she mentioned that she’s been learning about "values" in therapy. Later, she was telling me about her stepfather’s son, who cheated on his wife. She was confused because they seemed to have a great relationship and the wife is amazing in every way. I suggested that his behavior might stem from his father (who has been unfaithful countless times, dated many women, and openly calls himself a womanizer). She looked at me with a "you are so stupid" look and blurted out, "It’s about values!" I replied, "Yes, of course—if someone grows up normalized to infidelity or carries childhood issues, they can rationalize bad values and cheating." She just went completely quiet and refused to listen to me.

Another time, I was invited to my close friend's baby’s first birthday (I’m good friends with the mother and often babysit). I mentioned to my friend that the baby's father wouldn't be attending because he doesn't get along with the mother. My friend’s response was, "Even YOU are there."

On top of that, in subtle ways, I notice she constantly puts others above me. Once, she even admitted she felt bad after a group hangout and initially blamed it on my presence—only to realize later that her feelings were misdirected and that she was favoring others in the group while failing to see how their behavior actually affected her.

I know things like this might be common in social groups, but I’m a sensitive person, and when these moments happen repeatedly, it hurts deeply.

My question is: How do I move forward?

I want to work on myself, appreciate my own worth, and stop being so sad or giving this situation so much of my energy. I’d love to hear any thoughts, perspectives, or advice you might have. Thank you!

Please help me, because what I’m going through right now doesn’t feel real — yet it is painfully real. At the end of high school, when I was involved in New Age practices, I decided to listen to a YouTube audio while sleeping. It claimed to use energies from Indian folklore to elevate my life. The channel had many followers, so I didn’t think it was dangerous. Besides the “energies,” the tape also contained fast‑paced affirmations meant for subliminal programming.

This was almost three years ago. I remember waking up feeling a surge of energy through my whole body, but I didn’t think much of it. After that, I began experiencing sudden waves of joy, almost like ecstasy. Then, weeks later, I started having breakdowns from time to time. My cognitive abilities dropped significantly, and I feel like I’ve become disabled. My head hurts constantly from this “energy,” and I feel it throughout my body — but it’s worst in my head.

I’ve started acting strangely, and strange things happen to me. For example, I suddenly felt overwhelmed by a “spirit of lust” and couldn’t stop thinking about it. Another time I felt extremely angry, and another time suicidal. I can’t think clearly anymore and feel like I’ve lost my social intuition. I act oddly and say things that make people uncomfortable. I’ve developed full‑body tremors that won’t stop, and my eyes look lifeless and frightening.

I’ve also had ongoing physical illnesses that keep changing in intensity and type, making me visit doctors constantly. There is so much more I’ve gone through, but it would be too much to write every strange symptom — there are many. I have prayed, fasted, and cried out to the Lord.

Please give me reassurance and hope. If you know of anyone who has gone through something similar, or if you can relate, please tell me.

About two years ago I began experiencing various physical problems. It started after I had been practicing meditation and other New Age methods, and since then I’ve had neurological symptoms, headaches, and a strange sensation of heat and energy moving through my body. Every day I’ve felt ill in new ways, as if my body never gets any rest.

My life has felt like constant suffering since all of this began. I mostly feel pain, confusion, depression and a sense that something is holding me down.

I have repented, prayed, sought forgiveness, and turned away from everything connected to this, but it still feels like a heavy spiritual burden that won’t let go.

I’m asking for intercessory prayer — for complete deliverance, for God to draw near, and for miraculous healing.

Hi everyone,

TL;DR: Trying to build stronger connections with peers and acquaintances through Instagram, but being met with rejections and unfollows. Being shut out of their digital circles has started to damage my self-confidence and is affecting how I view relationships and dare to reach out in real life. How do you handle this?

I’m (21F) currently at university and trying to put myself out there to make new connections, but I’ve run into a pattern on social media that is really starting to get to me.

Whenever I try to connect with people from uni—or even acquaintances I know in real life—by sending a follow request on Instagram, I often get ignored or rejected. What makes it sting extra hard is when I see these accounts have around 1,000 followers. They clearly don’t intimately know every single person they’ve accepted, yet they actively choose to exclude or reject my request.
Even worse, I’ve had people who I genuinely thought I was on good terms with in real life suddenly unfollow me or remove me as a follower.
It feels incredibly personal, and it’s starting to bleed into my offline life. Every time I get rejected online, it chips away at my confidence. It makes me feel hyper-visible yet excluded, and it creates this intense fear of reaching out in person. I find myself thinking: “If they didn't even want me on their feed, why would they want to talk to me in a lecture hall?”
I want to break out of this cycle. How do you overcome the fear of rejection when social media makes it feel so constant and personal? How do you separate your self-worth from online metrics and find the courage to take initiative in the real world again?
Thank you in advance for any advice or perspectiv.

TL;DR:
Trots att jag lever ett tyst, självständigt liv och inte gör något för att provocera andra, kämpar jag med en smärtsam cykel av att attrahera dåligt bemötande. Det gör ont djupt eftersom de som behandlar mig illa är allmänt omtyckta, "trevliga" människor som reserverar sitt förakt enbart för mig (som att kritisera mig för att inte anpassa mig eller försvinna när jag blir mobbad). Eftersom dessa förövare är högt respekterade nekas jag fördel av tvivel, lämnas isolerad och tvingas att bära skulden ensam. Jag söker råd om hur man kan läka från detta relationella trauma och gå vidare utan att skylla på sig själv.

Jag (20,5 F) skriver detta eftersom jag försöker bearbeta en smärtsam cykel i mitt liv, och jag verkligen behöver veta om någon annan har upplevt detta.

Jag har en historia av relationellt trauma, och genom åren har jag insett att jag tenderar att attrahera människor som behandlar mig illa. Människor har sagt till mig att jag är ett "lätt offer" eller att eftersom jag är "annorlunda" så förtjänar jag på något sätt denna behandling. Men sanningen är att jag aldrig har gjort något för att provocera någon. Jag har gjort allt "rätt" i livet. Jag är en tyst, vanlig ung kvinna som mest håller mig för mig själv. Jag dricker inte, jag röker inte, jag går inte på fester, och jag är inte intresserad av dejting eller en hookup-kultur—saker som är mycket vanliga för personer i min ålder, men som bara inte är min grej.

Det som gör mest ont är att de som behandlar mig illa ofta är högt respekterade och älskade av alla andra. De behandlar andra med vänlighet, men reserverar sitt förakt för mig.

Nyligen sa en tjej till mina vänner att hon aldrig har gillat mig. Hon kritiserade mig för att jag inte gör "det som förväntas" av någon i min position—till exempel att inte lämna eller byta institution när jag blev mobbad. Denna tjej är allmänt känd för att vara otroligt söt, jordnära och snäll, vilket gör det så svårt för mig att förstå hur hon kan hysera så mycket tyst illvilja och förakt mot mig.
Denna isolering förstärks aktivt både offline och online, där rykten eller delade negativa attityder leder till koordinerad social uteslutning—specifikt genom att systematiskt bli nekad eller blockerad från att följa andra på sociala medier som Instagram och Snapchat. Utan fördel av tvivel tvingas jag att bära skulden och den digitala isoleringen ensam medan jag söker läkning från detta relationella trauma.

Eftersom dessa "goda" människor behandlar mig illa är jag alltid den som slutligen står ensam. Människor ger mig inte ens fördel av tvivel. De antar att om en "snäll" person ogillar mig, så måste jag vara problemet.

Hur läker man från traumat av att bli avvisad av människor som påstås vara goda? Hur slutar man att skylla på sig själv när man inte har gjort något fel, men ändå lämnas helt isolerad? Jag skulle gärna vilja höra råd eller tröstande ord från någon som har vandrat denna väg.

TL;DR:
Despite living a quiet, independent life and doing nothing to provoke others, I struggle with a painful cycle of attracting mistreatment. This hurts deeply because those who treat me poorly are universally liked, "nice" people who reserve their contempt solely for me (such as criticizing me for not conforming or disappearing when bullied). Because these perpetrators are highly respected, I am denied the benefit of the doubt, left isolated, and forced to carry the blame alone. I am looking for advice on how to heal from this relational trauma and move forward without blaming myself.

I 20.5 F)am writing this because I am trying to process a painful cycle in my life, and I really need to know if anyone else has experienced this.

I have a history of relational trauma, and over the years, I’ve realized I have a tendency to attract people who treat me poorly. People have told me that I’m an "easy target" or that because I am "different," I somehow deserve this treatment. But the truth is, I have never done anything to provoke anyone. I’ve done everything "right" in life. I am a quiet, ordinary young woman who mostly keeps to herself. I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, I don’t party, and I’m not into dating or hookup culture—things that are very common for people my age, but just aren’t my thing.

What hurts the most is that the people who treat me badly are often highly respected and loved by everyone else. They treat others with kindness, but reserve their contempt for me.

Recently, a girl told my friends that she has never liked me. She criticized me for not doing "what is expected" of someone in my position—for example, not leaving or changing institutions when I was being bullied. This girl is widely known to be incredibly sweet, down-to-earth, and kind, which makes it so hard for me to understand how she could harbor so much quiet malice and contempt toward me.
This isolation is actively reinforced both offline and online, where rumors or shared negative attitudes lead to coordinated social exclusion—specifically through being systematically declined or blocked from following others on social media like Instagram and Snapchat. Left without the benefit of the doubt, I am forced to carry the blame and digital isolation alone as I seek healing from this relational trauma.

Because these "good" people treat me poorly, I am always the one who ends up standing alone. People don’t even give me the benefit of the doubt. They assume that if a "nice" person dislikes me, I must be the problem.

How do you heal from the trauma of being rejected by people who are supposedly good? How do you stop blaming yourself when you’ve done nothing wrong, but are still left completely isolated? I would love to hear any advice or words of comfort from anyone who has walked this path.

> I am writing this because I am trying to process a painful cycle in my life, and I really need to know if anyone else has experienced this.

> I have a history of relational trauma, and over the years, I’ve realized I have a tendency to attract people who treat me poorly. People have told me that I’m an "easy target" or that because I am "different," I somehow deserve this treatment. But the truth is, I have never done anything to provoke anyone. I’ve done everything "right" in life. I am a quiet, ordinary young woman who mostly keeps to herself. I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, I don’t party, and I’m not into dating or hookup culture—things that are very common for people my age, but just aren’t my thing.

> What hurts the most is that the people who treat me badly are often highly respected and loved by everyone else. They treat others with kindness, but reserve their contempt for me.

> Recently, a girl told my friends that she has never liked me. She criticized me for not doing "what is expected" of someone in my position—for example, not leaving or changing institutions when I was being bullied. This girl is widely known to be incredibly sweet, down-to-earth, and kind, which makes it so hard for me to understand how she could harbor so much quiet malice and contempt toward me.

> Because these "good" people treat me poorly, I am always the one who ends up standing alone. People don’t even give me the benefit of the doubt. They assume that if a "nice" person dislikes me, I must be the problem.

> How do you heal from the trauma of being rejected by people who are supposedly good? How do you stop blaming yourself when you’ve done nothing wrong, but are still left completely isolated? I would love to hear any advice or words of comfort from anyone who has walked this path.

High school was not the best experience for me. People spoke very harshly to me and called me mean names that I want to forget and that I do not want to mention.

I felt like an alien. I was recommended by a member of the staff to report the school for not handling the case effectively. Since my bullying was about social relationships (relational bullying), the school's responsibility was not expected to exceed what they were already doing for me.

Here is a part of my story (the first year of high school):

S = ME

\---

S. said that she perceives herself as part of a group that includes Av. and Am., but she feels excluded. The others do not wait for her, do not bring her along for lunch, and barely talk to her. An incident occurred in a study room in the library where four students were sitting and playing cards. S. came there and wanted to participate but was not invited. She stood next to them. Another girl joined the group and accused S. of filming Am. S. felt targeted in front of the group and denied doing so. There was no evidence either way. S. spoke with the girl afterwards, and it was resolved. S. was not invited to continue playing cards.

“When does your train leave?” one of the girls asked, and S. became upset by this. Av. texted later that S. does not fit into the group, that she has a different personality, and that Av. does not want S. to be a part of it. This was very difficult for S. On another occasion, everyone went to lunch together. S. went ahead and chose a table. The others walked past and let her sit alone. She has also felt targeted on Instagram during this time through so-called “shipping” and a comment implying that she might get jealous.

A meeting with Am. and Av. was held on January 18, 2022. To some extent, it was “one person's word against another's” regarding the filming. S. denies having filmed Am. That investigation could not be pursued further. Av. and Am. feel that S. has difficulties with closeness and distance. She gets physically close, slightly intrusive. When the safety team described how S. felt, the girls became sad and almost tearful. They said they do not want to be friends with S. but will treat her with respect. A talk was also held with S. where the girls' reactions were described, and her “intrusive” behavior was also discussed. She likely did not know herself how this had been perceived. The girls have apologized afterwards, as far as we understood the situation. After about a month, a follow-up was held with Am. and Av., and the school got the impression that things had calmed down. S. withdrew more and began looking for a new school placement. She still feels generally excluded by the class. The matter has been raised with mentors and teaching staff. The recommendation was to “keep an eye on” things and place students in the classroom so that S. does not end up sitting alone, and also to talk to her. The case was closed by the safety team on March 29, 2022.

However, the school counselor had a two-hour meeting with S. on Friday, July 1. New details emerged. S. has talked to Am. about Am. feeling that S. gets too close, and Am. said that it was not a problem. The counselor had a long conversation about how certain things can be a matter of interpretation or reflection, but also that situations where S. feels bad cause her to react strongly to many things.

From a teacher:

There are clear signals that more students in the class need support and help.

My own actions in the classroom were to assign fixed seats, which is a basic measure, and to talk about how important it is to work in groups and be accepting of one another. But beyond this, I quickly realized that it was not enough, so I had a conversation with S. and asked her how she would feel if I spoke to three students in the class who seemed responsible and friendly. I chose those I believed in, but I mentioned their names to S. and asked her what she thought of the three classmates I intended to choose and talk to. The purpose was for them to start getting to know each other and spend time together. She gave me the green light and felt that the three options were safe.

I pulled the first two aside and talked to them about how they experienced the class in general. Since I have a good relationship with these two students, it gradually came out that S. and perhaps someone else in the class walked alone and looked lonely. They described situations and events from the beginning of the semester that may have contributed to her loneliness through her behavior, which they assumed was a misunderstanding of how she could be interpreted. These two classmates had nothing to do with the incidents she had experienced; they were outside of it and not involved at all. I held back that I had talked to S. about choosing them—this was agreed upon with S.

The conversation I had with the chosen students was about how we could change the class's pattern of people walking alone, and I asked them if they could help me include her with them. This meant that when they saw her alone in the hallway or when they went to eat in the cafeteria, they would include her. Then I talked about how important it is to get to know people in the class and that it would be good if they got to know S., and they agreed with me.

I am trying to learn specific social skills: how to calibrate physical boundaries and how to safely approach established groups. I want to share my high school story to show why these skills are so difficult for me to navigate today, and how I am trying to find healing.

Here are translated excerpts from my school's official safety report (where S is me, and Av. and Am. are classmates):

> "S. experiences herself as part of a group in which Av. and Am. are included, but she feels excluded... In a library group room, four students were playing cards. S. wanted to join but was not invited. She stood next to them. Another girl joined and accused S. of filming Am. S. felt exposed and denied it... S. was not invited to continue playing. Later, one girl asked, 'When does your train leave?' and S. became upset. Av. texted that S. does not fit in, has a different personality, and Av. does not want S. to be part of it... On another occasion, everyone went to lunch. S. walked ahead to choose a table; the others walked past, leaving her sitting alone."

When the school intervened, my peers claimed I had "difficulties with closeness and distance" and was "physically intrusive/standing too close."

This trauma was compounded by the school counselor. During a two-hour meeting on July 1st, instead of helping, the counselor accused me of making the school look bad and claimed I lied about telling my parents. Later, in high school, I was again targeted by staff and peers for going "too close" and having difficulty with physical distance.

Even my teacher’s attempt to help felt engineered: he privately recruited three responsible classmates to act as "friends" and include me, which made me feel like a charity project. My classmates told him my behavior early on contributed to my loneliness due to "misunderstandings of how to interpret me."

These experiences left me with deep emotional scars. Through my Christian faith, I am actively seeking healing, strength, and the grace to forgive those who wronged me. However, I still struggle with intense social hyper-vigilance.

To rebuild my life, I want to learn:

• How to calibrate physical proximity and personal space: When you have been labeled "intrusive" or told you stand "too close," how do you objectively learn the unwritten rules of physical distance? Are there concrete markers (like body angling or arm’s length) to practice so I can stop worrying that my physical presence is "too much"?
• How to gracefully approach and exit groups: In the card-playing incident, standing next to the group created tension. What is the correct way to show interest in joining a group, and how do you handle rejection without letting it shatter your self-worth?

High school wasn’t the best experience for me. People talked to me very harshly and called me mean names I want to forget and this not mention.
I felt like an alien. I was recommended by someone in the staff to report the school for not handling the case effectively. Since my bullying revolved about social relationships (relational bullying), the schools responsibility wasn’t expected to be exceeding what the school already did for me.

This unfortunately has left emotional scars hard to overcome. I still question myself and my place on this planet on a daily basis.
I just wanted to share my story and hear about your perspectives:

Here’s part of my story (the first year of HS):
S = ME
S. said that she experiences herself as part of a group in which Av. and Am. are included, but she feels excluded. The others do not wait for her and do not bring her along to lunch, and they barely speak to her. An incident occurred in a group room in the library where four students were sitting in a group room playing cards. S. came there and wanted to join but was not invited. She stood next to them. Another girl joined the group and accused S. of having filmed Am. S. felt exposed in front of the group and denied having done so. There was no evidence either way. S. spoke with the girl afterwards and it was resolved. S. was not invited to continue playing cards.

“When does your train leave?” one of the girls asked, and S. became upset by this. Av. later texted that S. does not fit in with the group, that she has a different personality, and that Av. does not want S. to be part of it. This was very hard for S. On another occasion, everyone went to lunch together. S. walked ahead and chose a table. The others walked past and left her sitting alone. She has also felt targeted on Instagram during this time through so‑called “shipping” and a comment suggesting she might become jealous.

A conversation with Am. and Av. was held on January 18, 2022. To some extent it was “one person’s word against another’s” regarding the filming. S. denies having filmed Am. That line of inquiry could not be pursued further. Av. and Am. feel that S. has difficulties with closeness and distance. She comes physically close, a bit intrusive. When the safety group described how S. felt, the girls became sad and almost teary‑eyed. They said that they do not want to be friends with S. but will treat her with respect. A conversation was also held with S. where the girls’ reactions were described, and her “intrusive” manner was also discussed. She probably did not know herself how this had been perceived. The girls have apologized afterwards, as far as we understood the situation. After about a month, a follow‑up was held with Am. and Av., and the school got the impression that things had calmed down. S. withdrew more and began looking for a new school placement. She still feels generally ostracized by the class. The matter has been raised with the mentors and the teaching staff. The recommendation was to “keep an eye out” and to place students in the classroom so that S. does not end up sitting alone, and also to talk with her. The case was closed by the safety team on March 29, 2022.

However, the school counselor had a two‑hour meeting with S. on Friday, July 1. New details emerged. S. has spoken with Am. about Am. feeling that S. comes too close, and Am. said that it was not a problem. The counselor had a long conversation about how certain things can be a matter of interpretation or reflection, but also that situations where S. feels bad make her react strongly to many things.

From a teacher:

There are clear signals that more students in the class need support and help.
My own actions in the classroom were to assign fixed seats, which is a basic measure, and to talk about how important it is to work in groups and be accepting of one another. But beyond this, I quickly realized that this was not enough, so I had a conversation with S. and asked her how she would feel if I spoke with three students in the class who seemed responsible and friendly. I selected those I believed in, but I brought up their names with S. and asked her what she thought about the three classmates I intended to choose and talk to. The purpose was that they could start getting to know each other and spend time together. She gave me the green light and felt that the three options were safe.

I took out the first two and spoke with them about how they experienced the class in general. Since I have a good relationship with these two students, it eventually came out that S. and perhaps someone else in the class walked alone and looked lonely. They described situations and events from the beginning of the term that may have contributed to her loneliness through her behavior, which they assumed was a misunderstanding of how one might interpret her. These two classmates had nothing to do with the incidents she had experienced; they were outside of it and not involved at all. I withheld that I had spoken with S. about choosing them — this was agreed upon with S.

The conversation I had with the selected students was about how we could change the class’s pattern of people walking alone, and I asked them if they could help me include her with them. This meant that when they saw her alone in the corridor or when they went to eat in the cafeteria, they would include her. Then I talked about how important it is to get to know people in the class and that it would be good if they got to know S., and they agreed with me.

High school wasn’t the best experience for me. People talked to me very harshly and called me mean names I want to forget and this not mention.
I felt like an alien. I was recommended by someone in the staff to report the school for not handling the case effectively. Since my bullying revolved about social relationships (relational bullying), the schools responsibility wasn’t expected to be exceeding what the school already did for me.

Here’s part of my story (the first year of HS):
S = ME

---

S. said that she experiences herself as part of a group in which Av. and Am. are included, but she feels excluded. The others do not wait for her and do not bring her along to lunch, and they barely speak to her. An incident occurred in a group room in the library where four students were sitting in a group room playing cards. S. came there and wanted to join but was not invited. She stood next to them. Another girl joined the group and accused S. of having filmed Am. S. felt exposed in front of the group and denied having done so. There was no evidence either way. S. spoke with the girl afterwards and it was resolved. S. was not invited to continue playing cards.

“When does your train leave?” one of the girls asked, and S. became upset by this. Av. later texted that S. does not fit in with the group, that she has a different personality, and that Av. does not want S. to be part of it. This was very hard for S. On another occasion, everyone went to lunch together. S. walked ahead and chose a table. The others walked past and left her sitting alone. She has also felt targeted on Instagram during this time through so‑called “shipping” and a comment suggesting she might become jealous.

A conversation with Am. and Av. was held on January 18, 2022. To some extent it was “one person’s word against another’s” regarding the filming. S. denies having filmed Am. That line of inquiry could not be pursued further. Av. and Am. feel that S. has difficulties with closeness and distance. She comes physically close, a bit intrusive. When the safety group described how S. felt, the girls became sad and almost teary‑eyed. They said that they do not want to be friends with S. but will treat her with respect. A conversation was also held with S. where the girls’ reactions were described, and her “intrusive” manner was also discussed. She probably did not know herself how this had been perceived. The girls have apologized afterwards, as far as we understood the situation. After about a month, a follow‑up was held with Am. and Av., and the school got the impression that things had calmed down. S. withdrew more and began looking for a new school placement. She still feels generally ostracized by the class. The matter has been raised with the mentors and the teaching staff. The recommendation was to “keep an eye out” and to place students in the classroom so that S. does not end up sitting alone, and also to talk with her. The case was closed by the safety team on March 29, 2022.

However, the school counselor had a two‑hour meeting with S. on Friday, July 1. New details emerged. S. has spoken with Am. about Am. feeling that S. comes too close, and Am. said that it was not a problem. The counselor had a long conversation about how certain things can be a matter of interpretation or reflection, but also that situations where S. feels bad make her react strongly to many things.

From a teacher:

There are clear signals that more students in the class need support and help.
My own actions in the classroom were to assign fixed seats, which is a basic measure, and to talk about how important it is to work in groups and be accepting of one another. But beyond this, I quickly realized that this was not enough, so I had a conversation with S. and asked her how she would feel if I spoke with three students in the class who seemed responsible and friendly. I selected those I believed in, but I brought up their names with S. and asked her what she thought about the three classmates I intended to choose and talk to. The purpose was that they could start getting to know each other and spend time together. She gave me the green light and felt that the three options were safe.

I took out the first two and spoke with them about how they experienced the class in general. Since I have a good relationship with these two students, it eventually came out that S. and perhaps someone else in the class walked alone and looked lonely. They described situations and events from the beginning of the term that may have contributed to her loneliness through her behavior, which they assumed was a misunderstanding of how one might interpret her. These two classmates had nothing to do with the incidents she had experienced; they were outside of it and not involved at all. I withheld that I had spoken with S. about choosing them — this was agreed upon with S.

The conversation I had with the selected students was about how we could change the class’s pattern of people walking alone, and I asked them if they could help me include her with them. This meant that when they saw her alone in the corridor or when they went to eat in the cafeteria, they would include her. Then I talked about how important it is to get to know people in the class and that it would be good if they got to know S., and they agreed with me.

Hello everyone. I’m writing this because I don’t know where else to turn, and I’m hoping that someone here might understand what I’m going through or at least pray for me.

Two years ago, I meditated and later listened to a subliminal audio track that included certain frequencies. I didn’t think much of it at the time — I had no idea it could affect me in any way. But ever since that day, my life has changed completely, and not in a good way.

After that experience, I began feeling intense energies moving through my body. My cognitive abilities dropped sharply. I used to be sharp, motivated, and able to study at a high level. Now I can barely concentrate on anything. My mind feels foggy, almost like it has turned into mush. I’ve failed every university course since this started, which is something that never happened before.

I’ve also had severe headaches, strange sensations in my head that feel like energy or pressure, sometimes accompanied by internal “sounds.” My legs sometimes go numb or feel paralyzed. My voice has changed, I’m constantly exhausted, and I can yawn up to a hundred times a day. My body feels weak, and I barely recognize myself anymore.

I’ve struggled with health issues like fungal infections and candida, and I’ve been sick almost every day. When I look at myself in photos or in the mirror, I look different — almost frightening. My eyes look angry or distorted in a way that doesn’t feel like me. People around me have noticed how depressed I’ve become.

I’ve gone to healthcare professionals and was diagnosed with a depressive episode. I’m trying to accept that, but at the same time, the physical sensations are so overwhelming that I don’t know how to make sense of them. Sometimes I feel a choking, constricting energy in my back and head. It’s terrifying.

At night, I’ve heard whisper-like sounds while falling asleep, and sometimes I feel energy moving in my head. I don’t know if it’s neurological, psychological, or spiritual — I just know it’s real to me and deeply distressing.

I’ve prayed for two years. I’ve begged God for relief. The only thing that gives me temporary ease is fasting, but even that doesn’t last.

I’m not writing this to claim any specific spiritual interpretation. I’m not trying to label this as anything supernatural. I’m simply overwhelmed, scared, and exhausted. I feel like I’m losing myself, and sometimes I feel like I can’t keep going like this.

I’m asking for prayer, for guidance, and for compassion.
If anyone has gone through something similar — whether physical, psychological, or spiritual — I would appreciate hearing your experience. And if not, I would still be grateful for your prayers.

Thank you for reading this. I’m trying to hold on.

KUNDALINI SYNDROME
Hello everyone. I’m writing this because I don’t know where else to turn, and I’m hoping that someone here might understand what I’m going through or at least pray for me.

Two years ago, I meditated and later listened to a subliminal audio track that included certain frequencies. I didn’t think much of it at the time — I had no idea it could affect me in any way. But ever since that day, my life has changed completely, and not in a good way.

After that experience, I began feeling intense energies moving through my body. My cognitive abilities dropped sharply. I used to be sharp, motivated, and able to study at a high level. Now I can barely concentrate on anything. My mind feels foggy, almost like it has turned into mush. I’ve failed every university course since this started, which is something that never happened before.

I’ve also had severe headaches, strange sensations in my head that feel like energy or pressure, sometimes accompanied by internal “sounds.” My legs sometimes go numb or feel paralyzed. My voice has changed, I’m constantly exhausted, and I can yawn up to a hundred times a day. My body feels weak, and I barely recognize myself anymore.

I’ve struggled with health issues like fungal infections and candida, and I’ve been sick almost every day. When I look at myself in photos or in the mirror, I look different — almost frightening. My eyes look angry or distorted in a way that doesn’t feel like me. People around me have noticed how depressed I’ve become.

I’ve gone to healthcare professionals and was diagnosed with a depressive episode. I’m trying to accept that, but at the same time, the physical sensations are so overwhelming that I don’t know how to make sense of them. Sometimes I feel a choking, constricting energy in my back and head. It’s terrifying.

At night, I’ve heard whisper-like sounds while falling asleep, and sometimes I feel energy moving in my head. I don’t know if it’s neurological, psychological, or spiritual — I just know it’s real to me and deeply distressing.

I’ve prayed for two years. I’ve begged God for relief. The only thing that gives me temporary ease is fasting, but even that doesn’t last.

I’m not writing this to claim any specific spiritual interpretation. I’m not trying to label this as anything supernatural. I’m simply overwhelmed, scared, and exhausted. I feel like I’m losing myself, and sometimes I feel like I can’t keep going like this.

I’m asking for prayer, for guidance, and for compassion.
If anyone has gone through something similar — whether physical, psychological, or spiritual — I would appreciate hearing your experience. And if not, I would still be grateful for your prayers.

Thank you for reading this. I’m trying to hold on.

I’m currently in law school, and by nature I’m a social, warm, and open person. I’ve made a few genuinely good friends here — people I enjoy studying and spending time with. But as the workload has intensified, I’ve noticed something strange happening with others in the program.

Some classmates I thought I was getting to know have slowly become distant. A few have even dropped out, and others have become more withdrawn as the pressure increases. That part I can understand — law school is demanding, and everyone copes differently.

What confuses me is what happens when I try to connect with new people. I’ve sent follow requests to a few classmates who seemed interesting or kind. Nothing personal or intense — just a normal attempt to get to know people in my cohort.

But several of them removed my request almost immediately, while accepting people they don’t even know. And when I see them on campus afterward, they act nervous, avoid eye contact, or give this awkward little laugh like they don’t know how to behave around me.

It feels like they’ve created a negative image of me in their minds without me doing anything. I haven’t been pushy, inappropriate, or intrusive. I’m literally just existing and trying to be friendly.

There’s also something else that has been sitting in the back of my mind. Earlier in the semester, a man — someone who openly told me he used to struggle with drug addiction and had been diagnosed as a psychopath — said something extremely unsettling to me. Out of nowhere, he told me that “people in the program would have sex with me,” but he didn’t explain what he meant. Then he added that I should come to him if anyone ever hurt me.

I told him that no one has hurt me and that I wouldn’t be doing that. But the whole interaction left me confused. I don’t know how seriously to take comments from someone who openly says they have psychological issues, but it still made me uncomfortable. And I can’t help but wonder if that strange moment has colored the way I interpret other people’s behavior — or if it’s completely unrelated.

Either way, I’m left with this feeling of being quietly rejected by people I genuinely wanted to get to know.

So I’m asking: How do you stop caring about people who judge or avoid you without knowing you? And how do you handle the emotional sting of being dismissed by classmates when all you’re trying to do is build normal connections?

I’m currently in law school, and by nature I’m a social, warm, and open person. I’ve made a few genuinely good friends here — people I enjoy studying and spending time with. But as the workload has intensified, I’ve noticed something strange happening with others in the program.

Some classmates I thought I was getting to know have slowly become distant. A few have even dropped out, and others have become more withdrawn as the pressure increases. That part I can understand — law school is demanding, and everyone copes differently.

What confuses me is what happens when I try to connect with new people. I’ve sent follow requests to a few classmates who seemed interesting or kind. Nothing personal or intense — just a normal attempt to get to know people in my cohort.

But several of them removed my request almost immediately, while accepting people they don’t even know. And when I see them on campus afterward, they act nervous, avoid eye contact, or give this awkward little laugh like they don’t know how to behave around me.

It feels like they’ve created a negative image of me in their minds without me doing anything. I haven’t been pushy, inappropriate, or intrusive. I’m literally just existing and trying to be friendly.

There’s also something else that has been sitting in the back of my mind. Earlier in the semester, a man — someone who openly told me he used to struggle with drug addiction and had been diagnosed as a psychopath — said something extremely unsettling to me. Out of nowhere, he told me that “people in the program would have sex with me,” but he didn’t explain what he meant. Then he added that I should “come to him if anyone ever hurt me.”

I told him that no one has hurt me and that I wouldn’t be doing that. But the whole interaction left me confused. I don’t know how seriously to take comments from someone who openly says they have psychological issues, but it still made me uncomfortable. And I can’t help but wonder if that strange moment has colored the way I interpret other people’s behavior — or if it’s completely unrelated.

Either way, I’m left with this feeling of being quietly rejected by people I genuinely wanted to get to know.

So I’m asking:

How do you stop caring about people who judge or avoid you without knowing you?
And how do you handle the emotional sting of being dismissed by classmates when all you’re trying to do is build normal connections?

Any advice or perspective is welcome.

---

Hi everyone,

I’m writing because I’ve been experiencing a series of things over a longer period of time that I don’t really know how to make sense of, and I’m hoping someone here might relate or have insight.

At different times, I’ve had very intense physical sensations, including the feeling that something is breathing inside me or that my body isn’t fully grounded. I’ve also experienced moments where it feels like I’m suddenly pulled out of my body and then return shortly afterward. These episodes are brief but very unsettling.

Alongside this, I’ve had ongoing health and cognitive issues. I’ve been sick unusually often, including recurring fungal infections. I’ve also noticed memory problems, difficulty thinking clearly, and trouble concentrating, which is very unlike how I used to function.

In my home, I sometimes notice objects falling or moving without an obvious explanation, which adds to the overall feeling that something is “off.” Physically, I often feel like my body is floating or not fully present, almost all the time.

I’m not claiming any specific explanation for this. I’m just trying to understand what’s happening to me and whether others have experienced similar combinations of physical sensations, dissociation, cognitive issues, or health problems.

If you’ve gone through something like this, or have thoughts on possible explanations or next steps, I’d really appreciate hearing from you.

Thank you for reading.