u/MuchDiamond6248

Bad memory, feeling like 2 different personalities/moods(?), dissociating(?) I would appreciate advice since it interferes with my school life/personal life.

Im not diagnosed with anything but I feel like im loosing my mind i told myself that I could figure myself out but I feel like im spiraling!!! Okay ill just copy and paste what I wrote, im sorry if this is the wrong sub reddit and im a teen so it could be hormonal?? But just read this and give me your opinions! Please

Also could this be like osdd?? It kinda feels similar but ill appreciate other people's perspective and advice ^_^

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Warning bad grammar?

I have bad memory and feel like 2 people sharing a body or maybe two personalities?

I dont know why my memory is bad but I struggle to remember a lot of things even my childhood(ik in my still in my childhood but like I mean from before to now) I only remember small parts or bits never the full story, and the small parts/bits i remember are colorless and are random.

I dont know if I have bad memory because my bully/ only friend back then choked me in my pool ? I know it can be dangerous to be choked? Or because ive went into a thing similar to a switch where I acted so energized I started hitting my head against the bus chair I think it gave me dopamine being hit. But these happend a while ago so idk?

Another thing similar to that dopamine is that when I felt that switch or whatever it is I felt like everything was a dream or unreal I would play rock, paper, scissors, slap. with people. (The game is to play rock paper scissors and the loser gets smacked) and I would play and purposely lose until my hand was bruised and purple, I enjoyed the pain? Feels odd to type but its true maybe its related to dopamine..?

Okay now with the 2 people sharing a body thing, I feel like their both me, but they act very different from one another for example one is more quiet speaks Coldly and only really says things to get their point across like straight forwarded?, when im like this i feel normal and when im with lets say teachers or authority figures I will smile or be polite. When im like this I get work done easily because I'm not distracted, also im like this with my family but a bit softer and with my sister or my pets im very kind or just the usual.

Then theres the other version, the version that has sabotaged my reputation, relationships, etc. When im like this I feel the switch I was talking about like im way more energized im feeling less real and everything Is either very bright or very "fake"(or both!). When im like this its like I want dopamine? Like I will say things that I shouldn't be saying, things that ruin my reputation and make me seem crazy, weird, etc. making fun of myself infront of others and making a joke of myself, sometimes the self joking? Like when im joking and making fun of myself it will get so intense I will feel physically sick but I just can't stop the words from spilling out of my mouth and when I realize what im doing thats when I look around to the weird stares. I feel like if it wasnt for me feeling unreal during rhis I would probably be able to snap out of it. But Idk.. also during this I am very easily distracted which makes it really hard to do stuff especially if it happens during a test😓😓

When im with my family during this switch (in private) I will just make random noises(like cat noises, I dont know why ive done those and its kinda unstoppable, like its controllable yes, but i like doing it?) and distract myself with my phone, if im in public ill also probably either use my phone or just daydream.

Anyways im just typing these out in hopes that maybe someone will help me find with advice or suggest things that ir could be? and if you have any questions or need me to explain something better ill try my best I just need some genuine advice, i dont want to tell my parents since they already consider me a bit weird and odd, like yes they love me but they say that I sometimes act weird, okay im getting off track so yeah please advice🙏

Bad memory, feeling like 2 different personalities/moods(?), dissociating(?) I would appreciate advice since it interferes with my school life/personal life.

Im not diagnosed with anything but I feel like im loosing my mind i told myself that I could figure myself out but I feel like im spiraling!!! Okay ill just copy and paste what I wrote, im sorry if this is the wrong sub reddit and im a teen so it could be hormonal?? But just read this and give me your opinions! Please

\------------

Tw bad grammar?

I have bad memory and feel like 2 people sharing a body or maybe two personalities?

I dont know why my memory is bad but I struggle to remember a lot of things even my childhood(ik in my still in my childhood but like I mean from before to now) I only remember small parts or bits never the full story, and the small parts/bits i remember are colorless and are random.

I dont know if I have bad memory because my bully/ only friend back then choked me in my pool ? I know it can be dangerous to be choked? Or because ive went into a thing similar to a switch where I acted so energized I started hitting my head against the bus chair I think it gave me dopamine being hit. But these happend a while ago so idk?

Another thing similar to that dopamine is that when I felt that switch or whatever it is I felt like everything was a dream or unreal I would play rock, paper, scissors, slap. with people. (The game is to play rock paper scissors and the loser gets smacked) and I would play and purposely lose until my hand was bruised and purple, I enjoyed the pain? Feels odd to type but its true maybe its related to dopamine..?

Okay now with the 2 people sharing a body thing, I feel like their both me, but they act very different from one another for example one is more quiet speaks Coldly and only really says things to get their point across like straight forwarded?, when im like this i feel normal and when im with lets say teachers or authority figures I will smile or be polite. When im like this I get work done easily because I'm not distracted, also im like this with my family but a bit softer and with my sister or my pets im very kind or just the usual.

Then theres the other version, the version that has sabotaged my reputation, relationships, etc. When im like this I feel the switch I was talking about like im way more energized im feeling less real and everything Is either very bright or very "fake"(or both!). When im like this its like I want dopamine? Like I will say things that I shouldn't be saying, things that ruin my reputation and make me seem crazy, weird, etc. making fun of myself infront of others and making a joke of myself, sometimes the self joking? Like when im joking and making fun of myself it will get so intense I will feel physically sick but I just can't stop the words from spilling out of my mouth and when I realize what im doing thats when I look around to the weird stares. I feel like if it wasnt for me feeling unreal during rhis I would probably be able to snap out of it. But Idk.. also during this I am very easily distracted which makes it really hard to do stuff especially if it happens during a test😓😓

When im with my family during this switch (in private) I will just make random noises(like cat noises, I dont know why ive done those and its kinda unstoppable, like its controllable yes, but i like doing it?) and distract myself with my phone, if im in public ill also probably either use my phone or just daydream.

Anyways im just typing these out in hopes that maybe someone will help me find out what the fuck is wrong with me, and if you have any questions or need me to explain something better ill try my best I just need some genuine advice, i dont want to tell my parents since they already consider me a bit weird and odd, like yes they love me but they say that I sometimes act weird, okay im getting off track so yeah please advice🙏

Bad memory, feeling like 2 different personalities/moods(?), dissociating(?) I would appreciate advice since it interferes with my school life/personal life.

Im not diagnosed with anything but I feel like im loosing my mind i told myself that I could figure myself out but I feel like im spiraling!!! Okay ill just copy and paste what I wrote, im sorry if this is the wrong sub reddit and im a teen so it could be hormonal?? But just read this and give me your opinions! Please

\------------

Tw bad grammar?

I have bad memory and feel like 2 people sharing a body or maybe two personalities?

I dont know why my memory is bad but I struggle to remember a lot of things even my childhood(ik in my still in my childhood but like I mean from before to now) I only remember small parts or bits never the full story, and the small parts/bits i remember are colorless and are random.

I dont know if I have bad memory because my bully/ only friend back then choked me in my pool ? I know it can be dangerous to be choked? Or because ive went into a thing similar to a switch where I acted so energized I started hitting my head against the bus chair I think it gave me dopamine being hit. But these happend a while ago so idk?

Another thing similar to that dopamine is that when I felt that switch or whatever it is I felt like everything was a dream or unreal I would play rock, paper, scissors, slap. with people. (The game is to play rock paper scissors and the loser gets smacked) and I would play and purposely lose until my hand was bruised and purple, I enjoyed the pain? Feels odd to type but its true maybe its related to dopamine..?

Okay now with the 2 people sharing a body thing, I feel like their both me, but they act very different from one another for example one is more quiet speaks Coldly and only really says things to get their point across like straight forwarded?, when im like this i feel normal and when im with lets say teachers or authority figures I will smile or be polite. When im like this I get work done easily because I'm not distracted, also im like this with my family but a bit softer and with my sister or my pets im very kind or just the usual.

Then theres the other version, the version that has sabotaged my reputation, relationships, etc. When im like this I feel the switch I was talking about like im way more energized im feeling less real and everything Is either very bright or very "fake"(or both!). When im like this its like I want dopamine? Like I will say things that I shouldn't be saying, things that ruin my reputation and make me seem crazy, weird, etc. making fun of myself infront of others and making a joke of myself, sometimes the self joking? Like when im joking and making fun of myself it will get so intense I will feel physically sick but I just can't stop the words from spilling out of my mouth and when I realize what im doing thats when I look around to the weird stares. I feel like if it wasnt for me feeling unreal during rhis I would probably be able to snap out of it. But Idk.. also during this I am very easily distracted which makes it really hard to do stuff especially if it happens during a test😓😓

When im with my family during this switch (in private) I will just make random noises(like cat noises, I dont know why ive done those and its kinda unstoppable, like its controllable yes, but i like doing it?) and distract myself with my phone, if im in public ill also probably either use my phone or just daydream.

Anyways im just typing these out in hopes that maybe someone will help me find out what the fuck is wrong with me, and if you have any questions or need me to explain something better ill try my best I just need some genuine advice, i dont want to tell my parents since they already consider me a bit weird and odd, like yes they love me but they say that I sometimes act weird, okay im getting off track so yeah please advice🙏

Im not diagnosed with anything but I feel like im loosing my mind i told myself that I could figure myself out but I feel like im spiraling!!! Okay ill just copy and paste what I wrote, im sorry if this is the wrong sub reddit and im a teen so it could be hormonal?? But just read this and give me your opinions! Please

------------

Tw bad grammar?

I have bad memory and feel like 2 people sharing a body or maybe two personalities?

I dont know why my memory is bad but I struggle to remember a lot of things even my childhood(ik in my still in my childhood but like I mean from before to now) I only remember small parts or bits never the full story, and the small parts/bits i remember are colorless and are random.

I dont know if I have bad memory because my bully/ only friend back then choked me in my pool ? I know it can be dangerous to be choked? Or because ive went into a thing similar to a switch where I acted so energized I started hitting my head against the bus chair I think it gave me dopamine being hit. But these happend a while ago so idk?

Another thing similar to that dopamine is that when I felt that switch or whatever it is I felt like everything was a dream or unreal I would play rock, paper, scissors, slap. with people. (The game is to play rock paper scissors and the loser gets smacked) and I would play and purposely lose until my hand was bruised and purple, I enjoyed the pain? Feels odd to type but its true maybe its related to dopamine..?

Okay now with the 2 people sharing a body thing, I feel like their both me, but they act very different from one another for example one is more quiet speaks Coldly and only really says things to get their point across like straight forwarded?, when im like this i feel normal and when im with lets say teachers or authority figures I will smile or be polite. When im like this I get work done easily because I'm not distracted, also im like this with my family but a bit softer and with my sister or my pets im very kind or just the usual.

Then theres the other version, the version that has sabotaged my reputation, relationships, etc. When im like this I feel the switch I was talking about like im way more energized im feeling less real and everything Is either very bright or very "fake"(or both!). When im like this its like I want dopamine? Like I will say things that I shouldn't be saying, things that ruin my reputation and make me seem crazy, weird, etc. making fun of myself infront of others and making a joke of myself, sometimes the self joking? Like when im joking and making fun of myself it will get so intense I will feel physically sick but I just can't stop the words from spilling out of my mouth and when I realize what im doing thats when I look around to the weird stares. I feel like if it wasnt for me feeling unreal during rhis I would probably be able to snap out of it. But Idk.. also during this I am very easily distracted which makes it really hard to do stuff especially if it happens during a test😓😓

When im with my family during this switch (in private) I will just make random noises(like cat noises, I dont know why ive done those and its kinda unstoppable, like its controllable yes, but i like doing it?) and distract myself with my phone, if im in public ill also probably either use my phone or just daydream.

Anyways im just typing these out in hopes that maybe someone will help me find out what the fuck is wrong with me, and if you have any questions or need me to explain something better ill try my best I just need some genuine advice, i dont want to tell my parents since they already consider me a bit weird and odd, like yes they love me but they say that I sometimes act weird, okay im getting off track so yeah please advice🙏

Okay so I dont remember this story but my mom told me that when I was younger and in kindergarten I stabbed a random kids hand with scissors (and their hand bled a bit) because they kept trying to grab my markers. Now my mom said that when that happened I got in trouble with the school and etc, im not sure if anything else happened but I was wondering if thats odd? Like ive had times when ive done that when I felt upset when I was younger im not sure why like elementary through middle school ?

Ex , throwing a pencil at someones head (it missed them) in 5th grade, throwing dirt on someones head in 6th grade?, and thats all I can think of right now.

I wasnt sure how to word the title and i kinda hope im in the right sub. so im 16 y/o, and im not really sure why I feel like this but everytime I go out in public or in an area with lots of people I feel like anxious? And I feel chest pains sometimes stomach pains.

I also start fidgeting slightly with my hands but then I get self conscious of it so I like stop and just try to act normal with my hands?

And I like space out?

& Occasionally I will not maintain eye contact if someone is talking to me but I just prefer to talk to people without having to stare at them the whole time?

I dont know if this is like normal but yeah uh like how do I improve i feel weirded out by myself and I probably make people around me feel uncomfortable I mean I just wanna be like normal and fit in yk? So any tips? \\\^\\\^

Also reddit suggested posting this to this sub im sorry if its the wrong sub ill delete this post if I have to (^_^;)

I wasnt sure how to word the title and i kinda hope im in the right sub. so im 16 y/o, and im not really sure why I feel like this but everytime I go out in public or in an area with lots of people I feel like anxious? And I feel chest pains sometimes stomach pains.

I also start fidgeting slightly with my hands but then I get self conscious of it so I like stop and just try to act normal with my hands?

And I like space out?

& Occasionally I will not maintain eye contact if someone is talking to me but I just prefer to talk to people without having to stare at them the whole time?

I dont know if this is like normal but yeah uh like how do I improve i feel weirded out by myself and I probably make people around me feel uncomfortable I mean I just wanna be like normal and fit in yk? So any tips? ^^