r/derealization

I don't what you guys are on about. I like living without personas and live like it really is. Sue me.

TLDR: Anyone with DPDR and fully/mostly recovered go back to smoking weed or taking edibles?

I (26M) have now gone about 8 months without any weed or THC since deciding to stop when I was experiencing chronic DPDR symptoms.

I started smoking and overall just consuming THC around late 2023. I started off with 5mg edibles, then to carts, and then flower within the next year or so.

By 2025 I was smoking flower every evening after work, not a ton, always less than a quarter gram, but I would always get extremely high since I was taking huge bong hits.

I had smoked weed in my early teens, and by early teens I mean at 13, when I had a massive panic attack several times which led me to initially develop DPDR which lasted a couple years afterwards.

Interestingly enough, I didn’t develop DPDR immediately after the weed induced panic attacks (the ones I had when high), but instead…it started after I had a panic attack several months after initially smoking, with the panic attack being triggered by the fear of going “crazy” (this stemmed from seeing an article about weed induced psychosis). That fear and panic then triggered the DPDR which even more made me believe that I truly was losing my mind.

I felt like I didn’t know where I was, who I was, what was going on, and overall just felt completely out of my body.

I had been an extremely anxious person my whole life, and struggled with anxiety attacks when I was even younger, but this was my first experience with true panic.

This feeling would persist as long as I would think about it, it often would get better when I talked about it to someone, and whenever I was distracted (playing video games or watching a movie or show).

I eventually went to therapy, got on Zoloft at around 14-15 years old, and discovered drinking and nicotine around that age as well. I started vaping daily and drinking heavily on the weekends, which got heavier as I went into college (never drank during the day, but would get shitfaced at night like 3-4 times a week, sometimes more sometimes less).

After graduating college and getting a big boy office job, and things started to settle down, I started to seriously get worried about my relationship with alcohol. I always knew drinking heavily was bad…but I didn’t realize how bad until this time, but I still loved drinking and nicotine…and couldn’t imagine being fully sober.

This is when I really started thinking of weed as my “way out” of drinking and nicotine combined…without having to face full sobriety. So as I picked up weed again after all those years, it was actually amazing this time, and got me to stop using nicotine as well.

I would definitely “green out” (and get really anxious and “panicky” after smoking sometimes too), but I felt like I was “working through it”…like I was getting over my irrational fears, and over time I got used to how weed made me feel, and I would rarely get anxious anymore.

The problem was…I now couldn’t go an evening without smoking. If I didn’t smoke one night, I was physically fine, but mentally I was angry, annoyed and irritable. I also would just get too high so often that I would become “non verbal” and this would cause a lot of friction between me and my fiancée since I was essentially “clocking out” from our social time together every evening.

I also got to the point that I didn’t want to hangout with people unless smoking was involved, and even then if we did smoke I would often get so high I couldn’t interact normally.

Over time I started getting more and more derealized and depersonalized, and my anxiety got worse and worse specifically about existential stuff and my overall fear of death being looped into everything.

That’s when I stopped smoking entirely around 8 months ago, but now I am back to drinking after taking 8 months off of it as well. I know that escaping reality and being avoidant of the present isn’t a good thing, but I have a good paying steady job, I workout 3-5 times a week, I see friends every now and then on the weekends (usually with drinking and going out being the activity we do when we hangout), I have a happy long term relationship with my fiancé…someone I consider my best friend who I do everything with, but we both struggle with excessive drinking on the weekends, and we are back to considering some form of THC again as a potential “replacement”/damage control.

My DPDR is fading but still present at times, the derealization is entirely gone but now it’s just the depersonalization that’s there sometimes…usually just whenever I get over stimulated or anxious.

I think I may have undiagnosed ADHD that was simply brushed off as purely anxiety since I was a kid. I was always bad at school (basically from 2nd grade on), and it genuinely wasn’t until I started vaping in high school that I had the motivation to actually start trying and get good grades (always had trouble paying attention and never had the patience to read or do my homework, it always felt like pure torture sitting there in class, but once I had nicotine it was like knowing there was a little reward after every class made it easier for me to get through the day and actually have “excitement”)

I know now…the main issue for me is moderation, and all of this boring context I’m giving is a long winded way of me to ask people who have experienced weed induced DPDR (after smoking) to see if anyone has been able to return to weed? If so is there a controlled and more stable way of consuming that has worked for you? Maybe small dose edibles, only on weekends?

My experience with derealization is nearly lifelong and has become something I mask daily to get by. For the past 5 years I've felt as if I'm living in a dream, no episodes, just this constant state of being. I avoid acknowledging it out loud and become deeply uncomfortable when I do, but for the most part I rarely experience fear or panic attacks from it like I used to. For a short period I was in therapy when I started high school and learned to cope with it. Over time I accepted that there was no such thing as treatment for DPDR and that I'll live the rest of my days with it. I'm now 20, I just started seeing a psychiatrist for adhd and I'm taking wellbutrin for it. I've sort of moved on by trying to get help for one condition when another is very much there and affecting me. I may have learned how to combat the fear but my memories are still being effected and it feels like I can't be present with my loved ones. Recently I've been wondering if I'm causing more harm than good by acting as if it's not there, and I'm not sure how to bring it up to my psychiatrist after being misunderstood in the past. Honestly, this is the first time I've considered getting treatment for my derealization in years.

Anyone who's neurotypical and has also sought out help for derealization, what did that look like? I can elaborate further on my DR symptoms if that helps as well.

Edit: I haven't slept yet so I'm revising this here and there 😅

This is so weird like 1 year ago, I was still posting on Reddit abt this. My life was going better everyday, and I really thought I was going to recover. And, for a short period of time, thought I didn't fully recovered it was going better. But some event which I can't say for anonymity like destroyed all of it. Though I can't say the event I can say that my family really does bad things continuously (and like it never stopped, it was a ton of time in day) and so at first I wasn't focused on dpdr, rather on protecting myself. Now, I am away from that and I noticed that it just fucked me up. My dpdr is like really bad and so worse than before bc now I didn't have hope I don't even know why I am here writing this like everything is fake.

So basically I was suffering from dpdr from March to July like I was not able to go out also when I think about that situation I get goosebumps

So idk why dpdr started there are two reasons

First one ~ I was not getting periods for like 5 months then I visited gynecologist and she give me some medi of progesterone so that was 10 days dose after 10 days like on 14th days my periods started in March and it was normal

Second one ~ I used cannabis like too much of it on holi and then I started playing laughing and all I was enjoying after sometimes everything went black and I thought I'm death or I'm having heart attack lol 😭 then after then I got very panic and started saying that I'm going to die cuz everything looked weird and blurry sounds felt heavy peoples touch felt strange and everything around me just felt extremely weird after that I was laughing crying then I reached home and sleep for 2 hours when I woke up all was ok but for 2 days I was feeling high little high okay and after that all was good and this also happen in March

After this incident I started feeling a little weird but I ignored it because I thought maybe something was wrong with my brain So one day when I was coming home after hanging out with my friend I held his hand and his touch felt exactly the same as it had when I was high on bhang Then I panicked again When I reached home I had the same heavy voice feeling and felt like I was going to die That same day my DPDR started and it just continued I was not able to look at myself in the mirror and it was really bad I could not even go outside ( on that day I skipped meal and I was only eating noodle and I thought this I was happening cuz of noodles )

So I tried treatment with several doctors and also took medication prescribed by a psychiatrist I was on Sertraline but I only took it for 2 days and stopped because I was feeling really bad After that in July I started improving and I was able to go outside attend college and now I also go for air hostess training I can hang out with my friends but when I sit outside I still sometimes feel weird and get scary thoughts about death These thoughts just come out of nowhere and I really want them to stop

I also notice that sometimes after eating a lot of noodles my DPDR comes back slightly and I get that weird disconnected feeling again Another thing I have noticed is that my symptoms get much worse around my period They usually start about 5 days before my period and one day before it can become so intense that when I look in the mirror I feel like I dont know who I am I then remind myself that it is me and try to calm myself down but sometimes I still feel scared of myself

Right now this is my main problem I am able to go to college training and meet my friends but these episodes are still bothering me and I dont know how to deal with them Has anyone experienced something similar or can anyone suggest what I should do

I havent ever really experienced derealization (except during maybe drug use) but my gf has this thing where like maybe once a month - sometimes more sometimes less, says she doesn’t feel real. that can last for multiple days or even a week sometimes… i guess i just wanna know if thats derealisation? shes also not a drug user and has never been.

I’ve had derealization for 2 years now and I have been living in a constant state of it. I am an adolescent and I am worried it will last my whole lifetime. I am on medication but I am not sure what else I can do. I have tried some techniques but none are quite effective. Should I be concerned about it lasting my whole life?

ive had this feeling come and go today and i think its from having 2 weird dreams when i woke up because i woke ip 3 times today and i keep focusing on weird things making me feel like im in a dream evem more

Guys I'm literally fucking sick and tired of this disassociation. It happened in 2021 , one day I just disassociated from my thoughts and feelings and I CANNOT, FOR THE LIFE OF ME, reverse it! It has been 5 years now! It's ruining not just my life but my parents and brothers and other people's as well because I don't have any empathy anymore. Is there anyone I can talk to / chat with regarding this?? How the hell do we get out of this?? At first, I liked the disassociation because I couldn't feel anymore trauma and I always felt like I was in my own world, but now it's becoming a danger. I can't plan anything, I can't remember anything, I can't decide what to do, I'm scared for my future. Please advise something!! I'm so sorry for sounding so desperate but I'm literally so tired of it and I need to get out of it, I can't imagine the rest of my life being like this!!

every single post barely has 1 comment. people keep desperately reposting their old posts to get responses, but no one reacts. why cant we share and help? this is a really shitty condition to live with, most of us are lonely, so why does no one contribute or help at all?

I don’t feel safe driving because of my derealization during driving. Did anything help you be able to ground yourself again to be able to drive safely or is it something you don’t feel capable of doing?

I don’t know how common this is.

I’ve had DPDR since I was around 13/14 and I’m 27 now. The symptoms showed up slowly due to trauma from my mother having abused me.

They‘re there 24/7 now and have been for most of the time I‘ve had it . Sometimes they can get a bit better or worse, but they’re always and I mean always there. And they’re quite severe, at least that’s how I experience them. It’s not like I can compare my subjective experience to others.

But here’s the weird thing. In the most random moments, it doesn’t matter if I‘m calm and well rested or tired and overstimulated, very rarely they seem to completely go away. My surroundings feel real again, my brain fog is gone, my emotions are back and when I look at my body it actually feels like my body.

That only happens like 3 times per year maybe at most. When it happens, the symptoms usually only go away for a few seconds, though the record was almost a minute. When they begin come back I tend to get really sad and almost cry. And even if I manage to stay calm and not get overexcited, they always come back inevitably.

Can anyone relate?

Hey guys I just saw a video on derealization a while ago and saw the comments written by people who were feeling scared and stuff and i just felt empathy for them because i remembered what it truly feels like. As a result, I've decided to make a post on this subreddit, a kind of post i wish i had seen during my derealization episodes.

Lemme give you guys a backstory, unlike most of you whose derealization has been caused by drugs such as weed, especially weed mine I don't really know what caused it.

All i remember is i first experienced it when i was like 6 years old, before i even knew what it was. I remember I'd get really scared and just go silent on everyone because I couldn't even describe to my parents what i was feeling.

The only advantage i had is as a kid I would get distracted easily so my derealization episodes were really short because i would focus on something else and hence break the loop unknowingly and feel normal again.

This continued till i was a teenager, but as a teenager the episodes would linger for longer because now as a teen i would get scared and anxious when derealized hence getting stuck in the loop for longer periods of time.

However the longest and most intense episode occured after having a bad trip on weed on 2024.

I remember just feeling like i had just just being transferred in an alternate universe. Omg it was so intense that i was convinced it was gonna last forever. Nothing felt familiar anymore, i always felt disconnected from reality, like nothing felt real and i thought i was gonna get psychosis. The episode was took like 10 months until it eventually just faded into the background and went away.

It still comes and goes but now I'm in control. It doesn't really bother me now lol. Infact, sometimes i kinda enjoy it ngl. Makes the world feel trippy in a good way, kinda like giving me the novelty of loosing familiarity with the external world like i was when i was a kid.

I remember some time back i was derealized and was watching a sunset and omg it was so beautiful. Like i was watching it for the first time

Anyways I digress, if you're reading this, i know you're probably scared, the world around you doesn't feel real anymore, and to make matters worse you can't even remember what real feels like, you just know that it's not this. You have this fear that this might linger forever and you're never gonna be okay buh that's not true.

You see, the only way you can beat derealization is to stop seeing it as a threat. Cus in reality, it's not a threat. As a matter of fact, there's an advantage to it. You see, when you're experiencing derealization you're normally more present, you're in tune with the universe in some kind of way. The past seems blurry and the future slightly far off, leaving you completely submerged in the present.

That being said, just let go. Take a deep breath and breath out. With every inhale feel yourself being one with the universe in this present moment and with every exhale see yourself taking out all the fear and panic from your chest. YOU'RE NOT CRAZY, YOU'RE REAL, HERE IN THIS PRESENT MOMENT, AND SO I'M I.

My pms are open to anyone who wants to talk about anything. I'll be more than happy to help. Bye and take care of yourselves guys :)

Hello, for quite some time i don’t fell it. I feel like i am in some kind of matrix. Nothing about this world seems real. I think im in deep depression, but i don’t fell like that’s the cause. This unreal feels more real than real if it exists. I don’t believe what I see, it’s like ***i can’t trust my eyes.*** Neither do i believe what’s happening in my daily life, I don’t know how to describe it. I don’t feel alive, I just exist, if I do. Can’t tell, don’t know. If there’s someone reading this, someone with soul. Tell me what I should do. Thanks
My ex thinks ive gone crazy, i asked her if she ever saw my friend. Cuz i have been thinking he might not exist and that he’s only in my head. After her response referring to mz mental state, i started thinking if she’s also part of this unexplainable world i see.
Don’t know, let me know your thoughts.

At 17, I was diagnosed with Dissociative identity disorder. I was put on serious anti-psychotics, SSRIs and mood stabilizers. Now I am 26. One night, I had a dream telling me I will die on these meds. I woke up and made the split decision to wean off my meds over the next 2 months. I told no professionals considering they put me in this mess in the first place. Now I have been off completely for about 3 months. Colors look like colors again, I can taste food, people's words don't go thru one ear and out the other. I can FEEL again. Mentally, physically, emotionally I can feel. That entire time, that whole 9 years, i have absolutely no clue once so ever what I said, did or how I acted. I have a husband i never truly chose to marry. He told me about all these things we've done that seem completely fake. He told me my emotions were always dull, I never really react to much, he just thought that was who I am and didn't think twice. Family members have died and I don't know how. I never got to go to their funerals. I watched myself make decisions off of what others said because truly, i didn't have a single thought go thru my head. If i reacted to anything it was based off of anyone else i saw in the room. I just copy and pasted everything and anything. The best i can put it is I didn't have an internal position about what was happening. I didn't know what I wanted. I didn't know what I liked. I didnt know why I was doing things. I was visually functioning, but I did not experience myself as the person making the decisions. There was absolutely nothing behind my eyes. I lost the ability to think. It was MUCH more then just being numb. That 9 years was a period where my emotional experience, autobiographical sense of self, memory, preferences, and ability to mentally engage with my surroundings all felt absent. I lost 9 years of my life, my entire transition into adulthood doesn't exist. One minute I was 17, now I am 26. The system has absolutely ruined my life.

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO COPE