u/Peaspysweet

It has been very humbling to come on here and see people who experience DRDP like I do. When I was seeing a therapist at 15 I used to browse through derealization recovery stories on here as I was obsessed with being cured and returning to reality. I also read a lot of articles on it but only found information about derealization that occurred during episodes or lasted for weeks to months when I've experienced it 24/7 for years. I was obviously told to stop and listened, and as a part of my personal recovery I avoided all media and speaking about it often for a long time. Throughout this time I lived life genuinely thinking I was the only person I know that experienced dissociation the way I do. I've briefly seen other people discuss general dissociation recently on tik tok for the first time and it felt like an "oh!" moment. It was weird and a little scary, like the defense I've built all these years was reacting to seeing DRDP from a place outside of my own brain. Even as I type this now I'm faltering a little and feel as if I should retreat back to ignoring my disorder. Avoiding the subject all together has helped, but not knowing that hundreds of other people felt this way made combating it hard to master.

My experience with derealization is nearly lifelong and has become something I mask daily to get by. For the past 5 years I've felt as if I'm living in a dream, no episodes, just this constant state of being. I avoid acknowledging it out loud and become deeply uncomfortable when I do, but for the most part I rarely experience fear or panic attacks from it like I used to. For a short period I was in therapy when I started high school and learned to cope with it. Over time I accepted that there was no such thing as treatment for DPDR and that I'll live the rest of my days with it. I'm now 20, I just started seeing a psychiatrist for adhd and I'm taking wellbutrin for it. I've sort of moved on by trying to get help for one condition when another is very much there and affecting me. I may have learned how to combat the fear but my memories are still being effected and it feels like I can't be present with my loved ones. Recently I've been wondering if I'm causing more harm than good by acting as if it's not there, and I'm not sure how to bring it up to my psychiatrist after being misunderstood in the past. Honestly, this is the first time I've considered getting treatment for my derealization in years.

Anyone who's neurotypical and has also sought out help for derealization, what did that look like? I can elaborate further on my DR symptoms if that helps as well.

Edit: I haven't slept yet so I'm revising this here and there 😅