u/Interesting-Will9966

Im trying really hard not to do it and i dont know how much longer ill be able to control myself and i really want to avoid cutting.. What should i do?

Hi! I'm super bored and would love to chat about anything with someone, I play roblox so if you'd like we could do that too idm

Im 17f, looking for someone to play with, talk about life if you're comfortable, vc, anything you would like really, we can talk about music preferences, games, food, places we visited or want to visit. I dunno trying to list things that might sound appealing.
I'm a bit shy at first but i let go pretty easily if the vibe is right! Me personally i love playing roblox games they are SUPER fun but most of the games on roblox rn are pretty much copy and paste brainrot stuff so yeah. If you have any game u find cool or smth id love to give it a try!
I prefer talking to girls as i find it easier but ive got no problems with genders really, just please dont be weird!

So I've been together with this girl lets call her Blueberry (her favorite color was blue) for a year and a few days now and we've always had problems, even if we tried to ignore them they were still there.

I often judged her for making bracelets and using pins on her bag for school, or judging her for dying her hair from blonde to blue and probably many other things that i dont remember. This is kind of due to the fact that i think all these behaviors are related to the weird kid stereotype and i didnt want her to be a weird kid, i really wanted her to be more normal so it would be easier for her to make friends i guess.

It also never helped that i had troubles with anger issues, impulsivity and i always had a superiority complex when it came to anything about her. Anytime we'd have different opinions on something id feel like her opinion matters less than mine, that im right and she's wrong and she should come to her senses and agree with me.

She has been dealing with her own mental problems since forever, throughout the relationship i helped her stop sh for long periods of time, she was recently 70 days sober and im really proud of her.

2 days ago we had a big fight, again something stupid about opinions and i kept telling her "text me back when you come to ur senses", and she wouldnt change her mind so i told her that she's free to leave, never thought she'd have the balls for it.

Not long after she really decided to leave and that's when i started with the begging and crying, even though it didnt fix anything. Now she's dead set on leaving and i feel like i cant do it anymore, i miss her, i cant be without her i wish i didnt say any of those stupid things to her.

I sometimes have moments of clarity where i realise its actually better this way and that ill be okay but i still miss her so bad, we havent cut contact yet, i cant handle the thought of her blocking me, i cant stop crying its like the 3rd day im so tired of crying non stop.

I know its all my fault, i regret everything.

She was the sweetest girl too, her laugh and eyes were the most beautiful things in the whole universe, and the way she looked at me, i dont think ill ever find another one like her. I will miss you E.

but i really dont know what to do anymore ive been trying to cut calories and eat less but i cant go too much withought eating as usual i get really frustrated and annoyed and i cant do anything productive