from Lesbian to Dating a guy?? i need some support and advice 🙏
(f19)
i’ve been Lesbian to BI to Lesbian.. back to BI?!!
i’ve always known i liked women since a young age but like… guys are nice to yk yk?
my first relationship was over insta so there was nothing physical so it was what it was
(identifying as straight/BI) then my Freshman year of HS I feel for this dude who was lowk an jerk but when we kissed for the first or cuddled, i didn’t feel anything emotionally. i thought maybe it was just because he was my first romantic kiss and it was new to me. but i never truly wanted to kiss him or be physical. i ended up breaking up with him because i genuinely lost feelings because I never truly felt anything emotionally with him.
(straight/BI) first half of Sophomore year i got with a guy and i felt something a little more emotion wise but he lowk was also a jerk and chose his girl best friend over me (that’s a whole other story). i started having a same problem though i never really wanted to kiss him, i started getting used to wanting to cuddle but i never really wanted to kiss him or any more intimate then just cuddling. i broke up with him because i started having feelings for my first girl.
(Lesbian) second half of Sophomore year to end of JR year i fell HARD for this girl and we got into a very serious SITUATIONSHIP there i fell hard for her but it was never serious for her the way it was for me. But i had FINALLY gotten to the point where i WANTED to kiss her, i WANTED to make out and just be in her presence even though she was doing the same thing with other girls as she was with me. she ended up ending our situationship and we went no contact for a bit until we started civilly talking and being friends and in normal LESBIAN FASHION we started flirting again and being super intimate (not full on sex tho). we started dating then i had a lot of family stuff happen that caused us to go long distance. her family is homophobic so in the 5-6 months we had been long distance, we only saw each other once. so once she realized it just wasn’t good for us she broke up with me. it took me about 7 months to recover and get over it.
(Lesbian to BI???) i started having feeling for my guy friend and we started dating and hanging out a lot then we became official. he was the first guy i truly wanted to be intimate with (at first). once we got more intimate sexually, i started to notice a lot of signs of him trying to rush things sexually even though i told him many times i wasn’t ready. it got to a point where no matter if i said No, it was gonna happen anyways. (yes, i do know it’s a form of SA) I started getting incredibly distant because i knew if we hung out, he was gonna expect something sexual to happen EVEN IF I SAID NO MULTIPLE TIMES.
i thought maybe my reason to not want to do anything was because i just don’t like penis. i obviously broke up with him because i was loosing hella feeling and i this point i had officially declared myself Lesbian because i genuinely realized i just didn’t like peen.
(lesbian) second half of senior year i got super close with one of my female friends and naturally started gaining feeling for her then we started dating. now i wanted to do EVERYTHING with her, kiss, make out, cuddle, have smex and just overall be intimate. so im my mind im like ‘YUP this is where im supposed to be. i’m a lesbian and i don’t like peen’ (i don’t even like peen shaped toys SO IM DEFINITELY LESBIAN RIGHT??) we got super duper close and things were amazing at first, we were being intimate, we were going on dates and hanging out every second until we had to go home. then Naturally after the honeymoon phase i had cut back a little bit but it’s not we never hung out or we were never intimate. now at this point we are graduated and exploring adulthood. we hangout everyday after work or have dinner. until i started having depressive episodes a lot more often (ive been diagnosed with CPTSD) and she had undiagnosed mental health problems which was NOT great in our favor. she refused to go to therapy to help herself which started really messing us up because as im trying to take care of myself, i had to take care of her emotions as well. i start slowly getting distant because my mind is overwhelmed and exhausted. we would always get into fights and argument because we didn’t hangout as much. with dance rehearsals, work, and having to handle my own mental health issues, it was exhausting and i just really wanted space which she didn’t always respect. now im super distant, one word answers, a quick dinner here and there but that was about it. i started falling out of love, we didn’t kiss anymore, we didn’t have smex for a long time and she would get mad and upset about it.
i ended up breaking up with her on our one year anniversary and i was genuinely hurt, but i finally felt free.
(lesbian-BI again?????) PRESENT: at the start of my senior year i had a class with this guy and we became acquaintances. nothing more then talking in that class.
then he started working at my current place of work and we started becoming good friends. i started noticing i was starting to develop A Platonic crush, i wanted to hangout with him more and talk to him more. once he got out of the situation he was in with another girl we started getting extremely close and i started gaining true feeling for him. we just confessed our true feelings for each other a few nights ago and ever since it’s been going really well. he’s so incredibly sweet and actually knows how to treat women and he understands my past SA from the guy i has previously been with. so we want to take this really slow and start to truly get to know each other and it’s been so nice so far.
my current problem is, i don’t want to hurt him. i don’t want us to start getting intimate then my mind goes ‘NOPE. no peen. we don’t like that’ then i have a repeat of the last guy. and i always feel like maybe because the other guys i was with really tried to rush it and get it out and over with. but i have to tell myself hes not like that and i just need to let myself fall for him and let all of this play out the way the universe intended.
ive also been scared of the ‘you said you were a lesbian’ stigma that follows this situation like i’ve experienced before.
if youve made it this far in my love life story i just want to say THANK YOU.
i’m just really looking for some support and advice. thank you for reading ❤️🩹
Edit: STOP CALLING ME BIPHOBIC WTF. this post is me ranting. RANTINNGGGGG. if you guys don’t have genuine support then don’t comment