r/queer

I’ve been calling myself lesbian due to only ever dating and being romantically attracted to girls, but I can only see myself being sexually intimate with men (specifically cis). I’ve had sex with girls before but it never really stuck for me, I am attracted to women’s bodies just to clarify. My most enjoyable intimate moments are with men and I don’t see that changing. I don’t think even a strap would help. This might be pushing it but I can possibly also see myself settling with a man and do everything any other straight couple would do, but like in a platonic way. Am I still a lesbian for this??

Hey girls. I have been feeling really alone in my situation and would love to talk to or just know if someone has ever been in a similar situation. I had my first partner/gf when I was 16 and I have known I liked women since I was 12. I dated my ex-gf for 3 years and tried to date men after her for maybe 3-6 months, but I couldn't get myself to like any of them. I went back to women and decided (happily) that I was a lesbian. I finally embraced who I was and found community among other lesbians.

Then comes my co-worker (spoiler, this is not my current bf). We became really close over the course of working together (known each other about 6 months or so), and we also started hanging out outside of work. Soon, I realized I had feelings for him. We were also physical, and I did enjoy it. This made me question everything.

Because of the co-worker situation, I decided to give guys one more chance. Soon after hooking up with my co-worker (co-worker and I did not work out for unrelated reasons), I met my bf Sam (fake name). He is the most lovely boy I have ever met, and we have been together for around 3 months now. The only problem is I am still struggling.

Sometimes I find myself falling in love with Sam, other times I feel completely uninterested in being in a romantic relationship with him. This is my first bf ever and first time dating a man since I have dated women exclusively for around 5 years now. I'm scared I won't be able to fall in love with Sam. I have only ever loved my very first ex-gf, and I have been thinking about her a lot lately. I do not want to get back with her (it's been almost a year since we talked and two years since the breakup), but I'm struggling.

What do I do? Am I alone in this? What other bisexuals have had this issue? I have a strong preference for women, but Sam is the kindness, cutest, and more emotionally intelligent man I have ever met, so why can't I daydream about my future with him? Is it just too early in the relationship?

Context: I've had 3 official relationships: first ex gf was 3 years long, second ex gf was 2 months, and current bf is ongoing 3 months

Please help me feel less alone. I only really want advice from women who have gone through something similar thank you ❤️ This is also only my second time using Reddit bare with me

Im unsure if this is a dumb question sorry 😭I come from a pretty conservative country so I’m still learning some social norms around gender but I always try my best to be respectful while I’m in the US. Recently I accidentally called a close friend of mine “pookie” The first time they seemed totally fine with it, but the second time they looked a little uncomfortable or offended. I’m not sure if I imagined it, so before I awkwardly bring it up to them directly I wanted to ask if it is something that could come across the wrong way for nonbinary folks out there.

Ive always considered myself bisexual but sometimes I wonder

Ace just means to not be sexually attracted to people physically right? So if thats the case would I be ace if I dont get in the mood from looking at my boyfriends body ever or any body for that matter? I very much still engage with that stuff and like to even on my on but its never because im just feeling in the mood randomly or because someones body. I have gotten in the mood from my boyfriend before but its because his actions, never just looking at him

I’ve been a DM for years but I don’t currently have a game running, and I’d love to run an online game or two if anyone is interested! No experience necessary, just DM me or comment if you want to play!

Here are some themes I’m considering for settings:

- How do you live a good life in a predatory world? People gain power by killing and gaining XP, but that means killers get powerful and kindness is considered weakness. This would probably be a bit darker/more serious campaign, but with a focus on being good even when it’s hard. Maybe Isekai vibes?

- Gay pirates! A bunch of queer people with no sailing experience are tired of discrimination and run away to be pirates. Learn to keep yourself and your friends alive on the open seas! This would be a sillier campaign, high camp, think Our Flag Means Death

- non-Dungeons and Dragons one-shots. I bought a ton of indie one-shot ttrpgs and haven’t tried most of them, so if anyone is interested in those we could do a series of one session games playing around with some lesser-known tabletop games!

If you think this would be fun and want to play some D&D or other TTRPGs, message me or comment which theme you’re interested in playing and we can get it set up! Let me know if you have any questions!

Hi guys college girl here i’m sorry i just really need help. yes i posted this is a few other subreddits so please don’t crucify me if you’ve seen this already.

To summarize, I found gay porn on my boyfriend’s phone. We had a conversation about it and he cried about it and talked about how he’s talked to men online sexually more times than he can count, but that some of them look like women and so it’s really not gay, and he blocks them when he’s done with them anyways so it doesn’t matter because they “aren’t real”. He also said it’s not a big deal because it’s not like he’d date a guy or anything. But that he “used” to be gay and although he’s still struggling, God is doing the work and I was sent by God to help him out with being straight. He also claimed he hasn’t talked to anyone sexually since we got together. (We’ve been together 4 months have not had sex yet)

However, There is also a really close friend he has (we will call him John) who he had a massive fallout with right before him and I started dating. Like the week he started to pursue me, him and his friend fell out. He refuses to talk about it, but he has a message asking that friend “are you into me” and when the friend said no he followed it up with “just joking haha”. But he was so emotionally attatched to this friend and still affected but him. It’s like this friends emotions determined my boyfriends emotions. even after the fallout, whenever they are in the same place my boyfriend stares in his direction constantly. When they were friends, I noticed every hug that he had with the friend, his hands would linger on or above the friends waist for a few seconds after the hug. He even wrote him a big apology letter (that i didn’t read) to try to become friends with him again. Maybe this is jealousy but this has made me feel like im not enough for my boyfriend. This friend of his came to me before me and my boyfriend started dating (because we were all friends) and confided in me about how one night he had a pretty bad panic attack, and my boyfriend did a lot of back rubbing, arm tracing and hugging, and even attempted to cuddle him that night. John felt uncomfortable about it and didn’t know what to do. I told him i was pretty sure he was just trying to find ways to comfort him. With this new information though, I see it differently. He has expressed missing John, and even reached out to John, and he is acting hot and cold towards John. It’s odd because apparently my boyfriend asked John for space and blamed it on his panic attack, and now he’s tryin to be in John’s life again. One day he is wanting to hangout and sending him reels and the other he is completely ignoring John. It’s like 5th grade stuff. I’m not sure what’s going on there. HOPING it’s just close friends with blurred boundaries. I asked him about John and the answers are dancing around and not direct. His reasoning for acting wishy washy with john is that john is “too overwhelming to be around”. And that he asked John if he was into him because “John has trouble saying things some times and he was sad about something so i was just throwing guess out there, i didn’t mean it”
I’m really not sure what I should do. And my mind is mush.

Also, I do realize he could be bisexual or any other label, but he certainly isn’t as into me as originally thought

Im not attracted to all genders im attracted to only ALL female and male genders not just binary male and female genders i have a preference for women and rarely get attracted to male genders "isnt this just bisexuality" NOO !! I DONT WANT TO CALL IT "BISEXUALITY" i need something like uh micro label itll fall under the umbrella bisexuality but idc i want micro labelsss

!None of this behaviour didn't happen on reddit!

I wanted to ask you about the issue that I recently noticed. First, I want to make it clear that I do not believe that cishet people are in any way oppressed by the queer community and my post is not intended to discuss whether "heterophobia" is real.

Recently, I've noticed that some people who feel hatred or bitterness towards straight people can also include people who aren't "queer enough" for them or don't fit into any specific definition of queerness. For example, when a non-binary person who leaned more towards female gender expression was talking about her relationship with a man on TikTok, I saw the comment "Straggot couples trying to be oppressed so bad". And I find this type of behaviour terribly exclusionary.

It reminded me a bit of when queer group I used to hang out with used to say they didn't want to see any straight couples at the pride parade because they'd puke and "that's not even love". Like okay, I get they feel bitter towards heteronormativity (I also don't like heteronormativity), but I immediately think, what about trans or bi people who are in a hetero relationship and still want to celebrate pride? They're still queer individuals. But it's hard to explain it to some people.I tried to discuss this with a girl online, I mentioned that trans people in hetero relationships still experience severe oppression, but she and her group only responded with shortcuts like "Straight people will squeeze into queer spaces and pretend they're oppressed" or "Wow, you can't say you hate straight couples anymore without being called transphobic, racist, or ableist." Personally, I've always considered such relationships part of the LGBTQ+ community. Imagine my surprise when an online friend of mine suddenly posted a video online saying, "Your straight T4T relationship will never be progressive or queer. Love between a man and a woman will never be real, normal, or progressive." Of course, I blocked her.

Until now, I thought it wasn't a particularly serious problem, but I've been thinking about it a lot lately, and I think a lot of people want to hate under the guise of being progressive, but ultimately, they direct that hatred at the rest of the community, not the system of heteronormativity. What do you think?

I will say this is a very silly thing, but it’s been bothering me for a bit but I’m not sure about it. Im not really sure what my sexuality is but I’m attracted to everyone except cisgender men…

Im attracted to women (cis and under the trans umbrella) and transgender men (being a trans man myself). I like to think I’m attracted to fem individuals and people like myself, but I wasn’t sure if there’s something was a classification or way to describe that. I don’t know how to explain the bother it causes me (sorry I know thats unhelpful and vague), but I just like labels and knowing the classifications for things is extremely helpful for me. Any guidance would be so appreciated and thanks for dealing with my nonsense haha.

We are from India and the Indian society is deeply patriarchal to a sense that you can see it float up in daily activities, lifestyle , conversation and it’s very very toxic to men who are actually not shitty. We have always been open about how patriarchy affects both me and him(now they) in our relationship. He told me he has always felt more than the man he’s been expected to me before and recently they came out to me as trans. I don’t have any gendered expectations from them only the normal expectations you’ll have from your partner. They told me they want to start wearing nail paints and eyeshadow too. I really love him or them idek what to say but I don’t feel comfortable with this and it’s not related to his identity but rather mine. I’m a straight woman. It is not about homophobia at all but a matter of personal preference. I don’t know what to feel or what to do pls someone help