r/BiWomen

TW NSFW/sex stuff

long story kind of short i id'd as a lesbian throughout my teens. all my first kisses and stuff were with my girl friends. when i was 20 i went through trauma and it really messed me up. met a guy at 21 and started dating him because the trauma led me to believe i could never be in love, so as long as i liked him as a friend i was fine. so i started to id as bi because i liked men and women....i think. never got off with my ex but that was also partially because he ended up being abusive and selfish. i have a weird relationship with sex from the trauma. etc etc.

anyway 4+ years later i finally got rid of that loser. dated an amazing girl for a while and we really hit it off. we made out and felt each other up and it was the first time in my life i had been turned on. it didn't work out (no bad blood, she moved away) and i kept dating. met a guy as friends and then i just started feeling really connected to him. cut to 18 months later and my boyfriend is my favourite person in the world. he is so genuine, caring, funny, he makes me cum like crazy and always puts me first, he understands my mental health struggles, he's a feminist and also bi. i could go on and on. i care for him so deeply.

we've already talked about a future. we're both so incredibly happy. but i worry that because i haven't slept with a woman i'll regret it when me and my boyfriend are still together later on in life. i would never cheat on any partner, but what if i feel unsatisfied or unhappy? i have heard of so many bi women who have husbands but then sleep with women later on/have an open relationship and i've heard so many sapphic women who DON'T like those bi women. i don't want to be that bi girl. and i don't want to have threesomes because i don't want to just use a woman to experiment.

i am proud to be with my boyfriend. i know, logically, it doesn't make me less queer but sometimes the online discourse gets to me and i feel like a fake sapphic because i've never been sexual with a woman. and then as i said, i'm worried that years from now i'll wish i had ended up with a woman.

idk. bi girlies with a bf/husband/fella....do you relate? how do you get over this feeling? also like what if i'm a lesbian but because my boyfriend is such a great person i have it confused with attraction? i can't think of a single other man i have been attracted to but idk maybe i'm just very picky and traumatized from men? also i don't have a genital preference and i like to top (yes i strap my bf and ideally with women i would top) so i don't think it's just being curious about pussy like some women feel. it's curiousity about women in general and sharing a life and love with one. help....?!!?!?!

TL;DR: worried i have platonic love confused with romantic attraction and scared i will regret staying with a man because i have never had sex with a woman. what do i do?

so recently i’ve been more open about my sexuality, even telling coworkers and dressing more masculine (im 1000% fem but sometimes it makes me feel more queer hahah i like it)

anyways last weekend i stumbled upon a sapphic dating/dance event and decided to stay

when i walked in, one of the volunteers handing out name tags (including stickers that identify if you’re just looking for friends, poly or non-poly) asked for my number
she was cute so i said yea

after her shift she sat w me at the bar then we danced together.

she asked if i wanted to see her pet cat so we walked to her place holding hands

im rambling now but we ended up watching tv till 2am and making out.

it’s important to note that she initiated everything.

i went over the next day and we spent 4 hours together, madeout and more

yesterday i went over after work and it was going great until she asked what i was hoping to get out of this
truthfully i answered that i wasn’t sure, i just like being around her and im attracted to her.

her answer broke me.
she said she doesn’t think she’s into black women. specifically mentioning that my lips are too big and she didn’t fully enjoy our kisses.

i feel like shit. i feel predatory. i feel gross. i feel unwanted.

now im so scared to continue dating women. my city is pretty white but i’ve never felt so… different.

im not very experienced. i only really came out at 22 and im 23 now.

I’m a 36 year old bisexual woman. I have a date with a woman this weekend for the first time. I was in a long term relationship with a man until a few years ago so I never really had the opportunity to explore my bisexuality. I’m really excited and nervous. Any advice for a first timer?

I’m a 23-year-old woman who recently ended a four-year relationship with a man. This breakup has sparked a newfound curiosity in exploring my sexuality. Since I started dating, I’ve been exclusively with men, but now I’m eager to experience what it’s like to be with a woman.

I (37F) and this woman (39F) who is my "catalyst" have broken up. She broke up with me, I am so gutted been going through it for the past 2 weeks.

I guess I'm just writing this here for the sake of getting it out of my system

We've broken up 2 times before but this time feels final, I even deleted pictures.

She made me realise things about myself and now I feel lost

Sooooo I've (F29) never really been into boys much, but I wanna have a ONS/fwb situation with a boy I know. We haven't really spoken much but a friend of his gave him my sns and he started following me. Common friend says the guy is shy and probs won't send me a message or anything (and we're not sure he's into me either), but I don't know what to say to him. A "hi" feels so empty and idrk how to start a combo with a dude that leads to easy sex. Any ideas?

Hi I’m new here 37/F Bisexual- I’m trying to navigate my-life to be more open and forthcoming about my attraction to women and wanting a relationship.
I came out to my husband early 2022 I’m pretty sure he’s already had some sort of idea but I just never really knew how to talk openly about it with anyone besides my best friend. I’m not here looking for a 3rd person to add to my marriage I’m just wanting some advice as how to navigate where to even meet other women that are bisexual in the area I live in. By my looks you’d probably not even know that I’m also into women as well!

Any tips or food for thought I’m so lost! Just a girl here looking for help ♥️ I’m also really wanting to meet someone that’s looking for something similar, totally into exchange chats, pic swaps I’m looking for someone who’s like me likes the chicks I’m definitely a bubbly, outgoing- introvert type I’m like a cat

Just here to see if any other bi women understand how I feel, as there isn't anyone in my life who can.

I'm one of those rare bi women who has an overwhelming preference for other women and who has mostly dated other women in adulthood. While I was single throughout my 20s and early 30s, I only went on dates with women, only looked for women on the apps, and only imagined spending my life with a woman. I actually thought I was a lesbian for several years and before that, asexual.

I unexpectedly fell in love with a man through friendship, and now we're engaged and having a baby.

The piece of this I want to share here is my fear of, my sadness about, and my struggle with the fact that I'm now going down a life path that will obscure who I really am and make it harder for me to be myself as a queer woman. I'm not talking about sex; I'm very monogamous and don't care much about sex in general. What sucks is that the world is going to look at me and my life and assume I'm heterosexual, with a typical hetero past and mindset. It sucks that I'll be surrounded by garden variety straight women with husbands and kids simply because I'll have a kid in school, women I won't be able to be myself around, and that it'll be even more difficult than it has been in the past to find and connect with the lesbian, bi, and single/childfree women I actually want to be friends with. I'm always going to feel this dissonance between the life I'm living externally and who I am internally. I even worry a little that the people who do know me will start to see me as an average woman living an average hetero lifestyle and forget that I don't think or feel or experience my sexuality like that.

My partner can never understand my experience with this; he's an average straight guy. I really want to make LBQ women friends locally, but I feel like I can't actively try without making him uncomfortable. And because I'm in a hetero relationship with a baby on the way, I feel like queer women living non-hetero lifestyles would just write me off as an outsider to their experience, even though I spent 20 years living, thinking, and feeling as an asexual or lesbian woman and only the past year in this hetero situation. And I don't even blame them.

It's just hard. It's lonely and sad and frustrating. I don't want to be socially trapped in straight world the rest of my life just because I love one man and have a kid with him. I don't want to be erased as the unique individual I am or have my past erased, like it doesn't matter or count. ​​​

Maybe I'm being silly worrying about this because my most recent negative experience wasn't in a nominatively WLW bar: just somewhere I've seen a lot of visibly queer women drink before.

Whereas if an event is described as "Sapphic/Queer" - does that make it officially bi friendly in your experience?

Thanks

I apologize if this is a redundant post, I’m sure it’s moderately common. I posted the other day about having my first experience with another girl. It’s been a few days now and I can’t get out of my head. I really really enjoyed it. But now I also feel so ashamed. I’m very progressive politically and I know that it’s completely fine to like to be with the same sex but I can’t get it out of my head that there’s something wrong with it.

In middle school and early high school I was almost proud of my sexuality. People knew I liked girls and I didn’t care, I liked that they knew. but since then, after having a male ex make me feel bad about it. And having ultra religious friends that shut me down and gave me the whole “God loves you, but this isn’t natural” type talk. Now I just feel so much shame about it and I haven’t had to confront it until now and I don’t know what to do. I can’t even talk to my friends that are accepting about it. I’m uncomfortable even bringing this up to my therapist (which I know I should do).

I just wish I had someone to talk to about it. But I’m so reluctant to talk to my friends because I feel like it’s gross. I feel like even if I were to tell them about her, I would make it sound like I was talking about a guy because I feel ashamed for liking her.

Sorry this post ended up longer than I intended, but any advice would really help.

TLDR; keep thinking about dating women but can't because of illness

I've only ever dated men, but over the past few years I've thought a lot about my sexual orientation. (I'm in my early 30s)

At first it was more like an imaginative exploration of possible sexual attraction to women - I've had a couple of girl crushes (though never acted on them) and always found women more attractive than men. More recently I've also come to challenge my heteronormative beliefs more and more, to a point where I currently can't stop romanticising being in a romantic relationship with a woman.

The thing is: I've become very ill this year and it looks like a chronic illness. Don't want to go into too much detail here, but I am absolutely not in a position to date or even meet anyone.

So ... how can I know? I guess it doesn't even have to matter, but it kind of does to me, and I think a lot about it.

(Sorry for mistakes, English is not my mother tongue)

I feel like I’m gaslighting myself…
I’m a 36 bi woman. I’ve only just now started dating women since March. I’m not entirely attracted to the ones I’ve been dating. I live in a small town of 100k and the selection of beautiful masc & femme les/bi women are limited.
From the people I’ve dated and been intimate with, I haven’t felt anything and am really starting to doubt myself as to whether I’m actually bi…

Despite feeling like an imposter, I keep reminding myself of when I was in highschool and developed a crush on my best friend. We became best friends, hung out all the time and then at some point, it turned into a crush. It completely caught me by surprise. But I couldn’t deny how beautiful she was. Tall, gorgeous breasts, very intelligent and well read and so witty.
I also keep reminding myself of the fact that of all my past hetero relationships, not once have I wanted to glork on a banana or get turned on by the act.
It’s quite the opposite when I think about the last time I ate a clam. My knee jerk reaction is to melt and moan.

Have you experienced this imposter syndrome?

I (21F, bi) recently had my first sexual experience with a girl (20F, bi) (I've never even kissed a girl before this). It happened in a threesome situation with a guy involved as well, but the focus for me was mostly on her. It was also her first time doing anything with a girl.

I really enjoyed it and I’m very attracted to her, but now I’m overthinking everything after. She said she had a good time and I asked if she’d be down to do it again and she said yes. But I keep spiraling about whether I’m coming on too strong, misreading things, or if her response was just polite. I feel like a creepy man that keeps on pushing. I’m also realizing I’m way more emotionally affected than I expected, and I don’t know if that’s normal after a first experience with a girl or if I’m just overly attached to her.

I'm trying to figure out how to tell genuine interest vs politeness and how to ask to hang again without overdoing it. I don't want to ruin this because I like her but I also don't know how she feels since it was also her first time.

Any advice from people who have more experience would be helpful

Well where do I start…

Im in my early 30s and I met her back early 2025 she is in her late twenties. A few weeks not even a month she told me she was bisexual and never dated anyone. I had just told her that I actually don’t care who I’m with just as long as I’m in love. And I had told her my brother is gay. She had never told anyone she was bi besides a handful of people she is super close with.
Btw she is Muslim.

After about 3 months she told me I was her type. Then after that for a few months she was being bold flirty like calling me out on me checking her out. I never was because we were in a workplace area. Then she dared me to ask someone out who wasn’t on the dating apps and I did and it was her I asked out.

She said I’m looking for a tall Muslim guy to marry. Well after that she always confused me. She eventually did stop bringing up that she was looking for a tall Muslim guy. She stopped being bold flirty when I admitted feelings. And always would say she would never pursue and wants to be pursued. She has a fear of rejection. Her words never matched her actions. And when she would say to me I see you as a friend then a few days later would say my words don’t mean what I say.

She raised her voice once when I was overthinking and asking her questions. She told me to pay attention to her actions and read between the lines all the time.

Now fast forward we are in 2026. I truly like this girl but nothing has changed. I am on the dating apps too. We don’t work together anymore but we do see each other everyday anymore since we don’t work together.

Back then around the first 6 months she would say we shall find ur perfect person. Or we both gotta just walk around patiently and find our soulmate.
To talking me hopefully I will find someone amazing on the dating app.

But then in person tell me my words done mean what I say.

To now when I say I still think of her more than a friend tells me girl noo get something else to think about.

What do you guys think? Move on right?

This is a hot mess and she’s only confusing my brain.

So this happened Saturday night and I want to share.

We're on our second date. We're both bi women who are dressed cute and femme tonight. We've done some bar hopping and our last stop is a bar with a dj and a packed dance floor.

We're vibing on the floor when a man walks up and stands in front of us with his back to the dj, so I already know he's about to hit on one of us. The place is packed, though, so I think we can just reject and send him away.

Man: so what are you ladies doing here tonight? Are y'all best friends?

Me: we're on a date (I put my arm around her shoulders to emphasize my point)

Man: wait, really? Or are you joking?

Date: we're really on a date (puts an arm around my waist)

*You'd think he'd apologize and leave, right? Wrong.*

Man: so are you bisexuals or lesbians?

Me: why

Man: hypothetically

Me: huh?

Man: HYPOTHETICALLY (reaches for my arm but I lean away)

Me: what do you mean? Why?

Man: are you bisexuals or lesbians?

Me: w h y

Man: (reaches out again and gets his hand on my arm) because I think I might be your types

Me: (throws his hand off me) no, sorry, you're not. Go away.

Man: (stands there for a few seconds) alright

He proceeds to hold out his hand. Idk if he wanted a handshake or what, but I dap him up just to make it end (and to drive home the gay part lol).

My poor date is several inches shorter than me and the man, so she had no idea what most of the conversation had been until I told her after he left. Lucky for her because I felt his hot drunk breath on my face 🤢

Just had to share because it was so stupid and annoying. I thought he'd hit on one of us and then leave, but the fact he touched me and seemed to think he could either wrangle one of us away while literally on a date or end up in a threesome with us is beyond ridiculous.

Our first date involved a man hitting on her as well, but this took the cake for me lol. Like ok, I know she's a baddie, but she (and I) are sapphic-leaning so you have 0 chance 🤷‍♀️ bye boy.

My goal for the next time it happens is to not let "sorry" slip out during the rejection, be more firm early on, and flex my muscles while doing it for intimidation 💪

When spouse tries to be supportive but it makes you spiral

I (38F) have been with my husband (45M) for 15 years. Most of that he has known I am bisexual, but only recently (last two or so years) have we really talked about/realized what that means. Honestly I have always been way more attracted to women (I'm probably 85% lesbian), but I pushed that down and leaned hard into being a "normal" het presenting woman for most of my life.

My husband is a very supportive man and he is unusually (for a het guy) adept at understanding/communicating with me about this topic in a mature way that isn't framed around the sexual part of my attraction. He is very good at making me feel safe enough to talk. That being said he is still a straight man and therefore gets turned on by me being turned on by other women (duh). That's fine. I get it. But then he also does things that trigger me into feeling like I'm missing out on having a relationship with a woman. Today he had me watch a "most gay moments in Xena" compilation that sent me spiraling into lesbian longing. I couldn't even finish watching it.

It's like I'm okay with the sex fantasies (probably because I wouldn't be able to stop those no matter what), but the idea of fantasizing about having a romantic relationship with another woman (holding hands, inside jokes, doing everyday things together) that makes me sad thinking about it because it triggers such a longing deep inside me. It's something I will never have. As a monogamous married woman I know I have no right having desires like that. I'm not a cheater and it makes me feel guilty even thinking like that. Not sure where I'm going with this. Just venting I think.

Hi all, I’m currently going through a phase of questioning myself and I thought I’d post here, I’d love to hear about similar experiences. 

I am 32, with my partner (M, straight) since my early twenties, we’ve been happily married for a couple of years. We’re non-monogamous and regularly have fun times together with thirds, couples, etc. Parts of why we started doing this was coming from me feeling  attracted to women wanting to explore that. We made a lot of fun encounters and I like having sex with women, but somehow I’ve always weirdly doubted the ‘legitimacy’ of my bisexuality. I’m aware that being ‘bi for attention’ is a super common stereotype but I feel like it might really be what I am, for several reasons:

• I’m usually more drawn to men, probably 70/30 if I had to put it in percentages. Whenever we’d date couples, I’d usually be more drawn to the guy 
• I’ve never been in love with a woman or in a relationship with one
• Almost all of my sexual experiences with women have been with my partner being around, never one on one
• I feel bad about this one, but I’ve definitely purposely mentioned that I am bisexual in some situation because I knew/thought that the person in front of me found find it sexy

 

I think parts of me feeling that way is also coming from the fact that I am married to a straight man, and therefore live a very straight lifestyle that doesn’t belong in the queer community. I feel like by calling myself bisexual, I might be ‘taking up space’ instead of other LGBTQIA+ folks that need the visibility a lot more than I do

Im a bit confused with what I’m feeling and I guess it’s a mix of internalized biphobia and self doubt, but also somehow a need to feel like I belong somewhere? I’d love to hear some perspectives on this as I am really a bit confused. Thank you 

Okay soooo I’m finally wanting to step outside my comfort zone and explore a little. I’m 22 and have always found women attractive, and lately it’s honestly been all I can think about. The farthest I’ve ever gone with a girl is making out drunk at a bar or the occasional friendly kiss with my besties lol.

I do have a boyfriend, and he’s been super supportive of me wanting to experiment and figure this side of myself out. I know this is something I’d genuinely enjoy, but I honestly have no idea where to start or how to go about any of it 😅

This whole process has felt exciting but also really overwhelming, so I guess I’m just looking for advice, experiences, or maybe even people who can relate 💕

I’m 22 and I’ve always identified as straight and dated submissive men. But recently, I met a woman who changed everything. I now realize I’m bi (or pan).

​The woman I’m seeing is a "masc" lesbian. She looks very masculine and she is dominant. The thing is, I’m also dominant :( and I look feminine. Usually, I’m the one in charge in my relationships.

​When we went on our first date, the chemistry was crazy. We even laughed about how we are both dominant. She was flirting with her eyes in a way I’ve never seen before. She was very respectful and said she loved my energy.

​Things got confusing for a bit and we stopped talking, but recently she’s been texting me a lot. She’s asking me out, liking my selfies, and even asked me to go with her to get gym gear. I’m moving away next year, so I want to confess my feelings to her on our next date.

​I have two main worries:

​The "Dominant" Clash: Since we are both dominant, can this actually work? Is it possible for us to have a good relationship?

​The Bedroom: I’m confused about the physical part. Since I’m used to being the dominant one with men, I don’t know what to expect with a dominant woman. "I'm not used to compromise: What does a dominant lesbian usually expect or do?

​I really like her and she gives me butterflies I’ve never felt before. I don't want to stop this if it could work, but I’m scared our personalities are too similar.

​Has anyone been in a "Dom vs Dom" queer relationship? Any advice on how to handle the physical side or the confession?