r/BiWomen

Really wanted to go dance last night, so I went out bi myself on a whim. Got approached bi someone, and danced for hours with a really cute person of unknown gender until I couldn't stand.

I wish I was a lesbian. I understand that comes with many of it's own difficulties, but I'm tired of not being straight enough or gay enough. "They all end up picking a side". Feeling invisible. Sometimes it's simpler to fit into simple categories. There's no winning as a bisexual woman. A lot of people either don't believe you really like women, or men fetishize you.

TW: SA

And when they say that bi women are not oppressed when they date men, they forget that patriarchy exists, and dating men can actually really suck. I never would have been SA'd if I had never dated men. I know it's not my fault, but it's just true. I know lesbians are SA'd too, but the statistics show that bi women are SA'd more often than straight or lesbian women. And a large portion of SA happens when dating. If I had never been interested in dating men in the first place, I would have been safer.

And then they're like "no one is forcing you to date men", which is true, but then you have to actively deny half of your orientation. You can absolutely decide to only date women and that's what I want to do now, but I'm going into it understanding that it means avoiding half of my orientation, cause I'm a 50/50 bi. It also means avoiding the majority of my dating pool, since most people are straight.

But then when we realize that dating men can be awful, and we do move towards dating women, they make fun of us, downplay our experience, and act like we're just bi-curious even if we're always been bi. You know, maybe I have actually experienced being raped and abused in relationships with men, and it's left a real impact. It's actually serious and very valid to rethink dating men. But I also don't like when they treat us like we're stupid for having dated men, it feels victim blamey and unempathetic.

I'm married to my best friend who is a man, recently came out to myself. I think about women a lot and then when I go out I think "oh its all in my head, there's no way you could ever even pull a woman even if you were single, everyone you know is straight, this is just a fantasy, just get busy with something etc."

Then I see a beautiful masc woman and damn, I nearly break my neck to look at her and the obsessive thoughts begin all over again 🫠

NSFW discussion

I’ve tried fingers toys and oral with women but have not slept with a penis or guys.
I see a common theme of posts or in threads of people saying essentially that they feel good but ‘don’t compare’ or it’s ’not the same’ as penis.
So what makes it not comparable or better or different like I see some people comment?

If you guys disagree please don't be rude or mean, I just really need a place to vent about this cause it's hurting so bad.

I'm a bi woman in my early 20s, I'm married to a man I love, but I only "came out" (to myself and close ones) less than 2 years ago. The feeling that my identity was taken away from me hurt too bad but I'm better now.

So... My partner is very supportive and understanding, and he's open for me to experience love with a woman. He doesn't want to get involved or anything, and I've never lied to the women I talked to. I've always been honest about my relationship and I've always understood other women's positions on this. No one is obligated to anything, and I totally understand not wanting anything to do with me.

What hurts is the way they act like I don't respect wlw relationships, like it's a trend for me. I know I'm not a lesbian, and I never pretended to be one, but my feelings for women aren't a kink, and I never kept a secret how much I'm willing to get involved. Am I going insane or lesbians don't have casual flings too? Why am I treated like this while I do everything I can to respect everyone involved?

Everytime I see people talking about how trash bissexuals are on media I feel those depressing feelings coming back all over again, because I thought I could finally be free now that I'm out of church, I thought I could for once be accepted, and that kind of treatment just sends me back to a really bad place.

I'm starting to understand myself as non monogamous and for some reason people hate that so fucking much, even tho I'm not hurting anyone. Anyway, that's all, just venting.

I am struggling with my identity. I never grew up thinking I was gay and then I started hooking up with girls in my mid-late 20s. And had my first serious relationship with a woman 6 years ago. It was only then that I realised there’d been signs of my queerness as a kid.…anyway it ended really sadly. And I think of her so often. Sometimes wondering if I’ll look ahead and regret not making it work when things got too hard. Years later I’m with a really kind man, it’s new but we’ve known each other for over 10 years. I’m remembering my exgf was really biphobic and it would cause us to argue a bit. She struggled being masc and visibly gay in a way I’m not, and had a history of dating bi girls that left her for men. Now I’m scared im confirming her fears. And ngl im scared if i commit to a man I will feel perpetual fomo about not living my lesbian life. There’s a chance bi isn’t the right definition but I’m just confused. I’m in my mid 30s and I want to experience a relationship like most people my age and that I never have.

Anyone ever felt this way?

Edit: perhaps key context is that I’m from a homophobic cowboy town

​

My friend and I had a FWB situation going on for a year or so until two days ago when she told me she wanted to end the sexual component of our relationship. Which of course I'm glad she's being upfront about. No problem. Then yesterday, she asks to send me nudes which I politely decline. She seemed confused and crestfallen. I absolutely don't want to punish my friend for having boundaries and I want nothing else to change between us since she's a great friend and I value the heck out of our friendship. Examining my own motivations, I do, and have had a crush on her, and tbh, our relationship has been almost functionally the same as my partners. So there are feelings of disappointment, but that's not a reason to treat her any differently than the wonderful friend she is. So my question is, am I punishing my friend for redefining our relationship by not accepting her nudes?

I’ve identified as bisexual since I was 13 and 10 whole years later I FINALLY came out to my first family member🥹

I’m a mostly open bisexual woman who lives in a homophobic house AND homophobic country. I realized when I was 13 and told my first friend when I was 15 and since then I’ve slowly been more open to it with friends. At one point I guess I got too careless and experienced homophobia/biphobia from a friend and it hurt me so bad but never had the guts to talk about it to anyone. Because of that, I wanted to celebrate pride month for real this year, although I couldn’t even post abt it on social media because I had family on there and it sucks not being able to do that. I atleast wanted to post SOMETHING on my close friends on instagram but again I couldn’t, I had my cousin on there (we are super close tho basically sisters).

I got fed up on the last day of pride. I remember I wanted sooooo badly to just be able to post about the new bubblegum and Marceline spin off series but never ended up doing it and so…
on the last night of pride month, I was texting my cousin and I just told her. Like I did it so quickly and i literally wanted to throw my phone away. Luckily she was super supportive and it felt so wonderful having at LEAST one family member know. I’m so so happy that I am one step closer to fully being able to be me

This is my first time ever posting so sorry if it's odd or confusing. I (21f) am not sure if I'm a lesbian or possibly bisexual, obviously.

The thing is all the advice I see for trying to understand is coming from women who have identified as bisexual trying to know if they're a lesbian, but my issue is that I have identified as a lesbian for 5 years now, but I am starting to doubt that I might just be bisexual with a strong preference?

I sometimes will get flustered around slightly more feminine men, in the sense that they're still very clearly masculine and stuff, but are just also clearly in touch with their feminine side. Like a man who's not super macho, is in touch with his emotions, and cares for his appearance. I really feel repulsed by any kind of romance or sex with just like an average or typical guy, but more feminine men I could think about and really only feel repulsed if I imagine them acting like a macho strong man, or even like those "typical" men you hear people complain about. Like they make the I hate my girlfriend/wife jokes, or are just really incompetent.

But the other issue is that I am also chronically single, and I fear some of this potential attraction may just be desperation for intimacy? I wanted to post to this subreddit instead of a lesbian one because as bi women you would likely be able to tell if I might actually be bisexual or not.

I apologize if this was too long winded, or not the right content for this reddit, but I appreciate all potential replies!

Hi all, I need some advice.

My last relationship ended a year ago, and since then, especially the last few months, I've decided to just spend some time by myself enjoying my freedom. It's been great. I was genuinely enjoying my life so much, and not seeking love in any way. Was just really happy single. Randomly, I met a guy. He was the one who initiated everything, as I said, I was very happy alone. But he was genuinely so, so sweet about it, I felt a little obliged to accept. He is also a friend of friends, so there was an excitement and expectation component from the friends on the idea of pairing us up, which also pushed me to accept. But he was genuinely very nice about it, so I thought it might work, at least worth a date or two to see. Fast forward two weeks, and we've seen each other a total of five times. It's been great. He is a lovely guy, honestly the sweetest man I've ever met, and checks off perfectly the list of what I'd look for as a husband. The problem is, I don't feel anything. Nothing at all. He has been very forward and keeps discussing the future, going as far as discussing marriage "someday" and kids. I feel uncomfortable because I can't reciprocate. I feel like he texts me all the time, typical good mornings, good nights, did you eat, etc. He will double text or call if I don't reply in 2-3 hours. He won't overtly say he is upset, but will question where I was and why I didn't reply. At such an early stage of dating, I would hope to feel some kind of excitement or butterflies. Also not a fan of being controlled or questioned so early on. I feel a sense of neediness and control from him, which pushes me away. I've come to think maybe it's because it's a man and not a woman that I don't feel the butterflies, because he is everything I would have thought I wanted, but now that I have it and he says he is falling in love with me, I just want to run away. Should I continue and try to make it work? He is genuinely the sweetest, albeit with some red flags… or should I leave now while I still can, and if so, how do I do it? He is such a sensitive man, and his love bombing has created a sense of commitment where there isn't one (we are not a couple, just seeing each other). Do you girls feel sparks with men even as bi women? Do you enjoy sex with men? (FYI, my previous experiences have all been with women but I do still feel attracted to men, the sex I found to just be hurtful)

Please help

Hi everyone! I’ve been reflecting on my own journey lately and I’m curious to hear about yours. How did you first realize you were bisexual?

Was it a 'lightbulb moment' where everything just clicked into place for you, or did it involve an identity crisis or confusion before things settled? Would love to hear your stories about how you processed it

The large majority of my sexual fantasies involve men and I get more aroused by men. My body consistently craves to be penetrated, give oral etc

Yet most of my feelings and crushes are on women, I’m more comfortable and compatible with women and much more interested in dating them. I’m certainly also into women sexually especially, kissing, fondling, cuddling etc

How do I manage this? Will I have to be only half satisfied sexually if I’m in a relationship? Anyone else experience this split? Should I consider an open relationship maybe?

First time posting here, and I (26F) think that already says enough.

I've just ended my relationship with my boyfriend, and we live together in a rental home since almost 2 years. I've always dated men, but I knew I could theoretically be into women since I was about 16.

It never came to it, since I didn't feel attraction unless I knew that a person would potentially be into me. I've not been single for a year since I was 16. That's 10 years ago now. I've had 5 relationships in those 10 years, one even lasting 4 years but I broke it up because I felt like I had to constantly change myself to make him happy.

I come from a messy childhood where men (father and stepfather) always had a domineering influence, affecting my emotional development and changing my behaviours into conflict avoidance and disarming. I became invisible to avoid anger, shouting and physical abuse. None of these fathers are in my life right now, my biological father ran away when I was 6 and my ex-stepfather is completely out of the picture since I was 10/11 years old. It's safe to say that during my upbringing, I've had no example of a healthy female-male relationship. This has haunted me to this day, and it is part of the reason why I broke up with my boyfriend now.

I've had a horrible relationship with sex all my life. Since I was a child, the idea disgusted me to my core and I developed an eating disorder mainly because I didn't want to develop the female form. Again, this was avoidance behaviour because I was afraid of growing up in a sexualized world. I've had serious problems with misogeny and self hatred, body dismorphia and shame. Only ever since I've decided I want to become a mom someday (it was 2022), I've accepted that I'm inside a female body and have feminine characteristics. I no longer think I have problems with my gender, I'm just me. I wear guys clothes 50% of the time. It used to be 90% of the time as a child. This fact may or may not be relevant.

I had my first sexual encounter when I was 17, with a guy. I always stuck with guys because they showed interest in me and I was just looking for stability, safety and validation. No man in my life ended up giving me the safety that I desire as I'm writing this endless wall of text. I'm well aware that childhood PTSD may play a big part in my current venting but I'm restless, trying to figure out all the choices I've made in my past to decide how to move forward.

In my recent relationship, we had sexual problems because he gave me the freedom and space to not have sex. I took that freedom, and it felt like such a relief that I didn't have to have sex all the time to avoid disappointing my partner. In my previous relationships, sex always hurt but I could enjoy it eventually. But healthy, it was not. In the last months/year of my currently ended relationship, I've only felt the ick when he tried to get me in the mood. I don't want to be touched anymore except for hugging. Even his kisses I would avoid. It's too invasive, too eager, too much. It makes me think that I need to perform or pretend just to make him happy. I'm afraid of being used, like I felt used in previous relationships. Is it misogyny that I have let myself been used, or am I secretly expressing feministic frustration because I can't accept being used or invaded by a guy. Did they even use me, or am I a poor communicator with a weak spine?

Now, I'm not sure whether I've just brainwashed myself all my life to comply with male validation. I've only had major guy crushes, and only a few light female crushes. But in my experience, I solely crush on people that I think I could end up with. With that logic, it makes sense that I direct any sense of romantic aspirations towards men because men just are more likely to like women than women do. Especially combined with my internalised misogyny, ive rarely found a girl that made me feel special talking to them.

Until recently (februari/march 2026), I met a girl at a party. She was so unlike anyone I've ever met. I'm honestly kinda strange myself, and it felt like finally meeting someone who is like me. I'm currently also on an autism Discovery, she has autism as well. She made a funny remark (something theatrically horny) and we shared a lollipop. I felt an electric shock in my whole body. I never talked to her afterwards until I called her out of nowhere some weeks ago (June), crying and confused, because I don't know what to do with the autism thing and with my boyfriend who simply does not make me feel safe and secure. She confirmed what i already knew and I broke up with him. Here I am now.

I know she is bi, but at the party months ago, she said she was dating a guy for the first time. No clue what the status is currently.

My question is now: should I stay single for at least a year and try to discover who I am without the influence of any romantic partner (male or female) or should I discover my sexuality in a few months and see where it goes?

My problem: I have heavy-set beliefs about kissing and intimacy, meaning that once I kiss with someone, that it automatically means (in my head) that I should be in a relationship. Ive never 'dated', it just always went from short term friends to relationship before I knew it. Maybe it would do me good to stop trying to find my life partner, stop finding validation, and focus on being on myself and living my life with friends. But honestly, maybe I'm mostly discouraged about finding a new man. Maybe I'm supposed to be with someone like that girl from the party. She felt safe, and she understands me so easily.

Am I just too damaged by men like my exes and my father(s), and is this just my mental problems deciding that men are unsafe? Or is it truly a part of my sexuality that I could love a specific type of woman like that girl. I'm meeting up with her soon together with a good guy friend of mine. The three of us are perfectly weird together.

Sometimes I wish there was a simple test for this kind of stuff, like those stupid BuzzFeed quizzes. But in my heart, I kinda know that the only test I can do, is actually try and date a girl for once. But...it's scary.

Can anyone relate to this misogyny-ptsd-male centered validation-bi curious-autism journey? Maybe I just want to know that I'm not alone, and that of course it's scary to re-evaluate your life. Please share me your stories if you can relate to mine, it would comfort me a lot.

Greeting to you all, gals!

Is there any other bisexual girls who hate dating men? I’ve been with so many men but none of them stick and the idea of settling down you a man just disgusts me. I’m not tryna insinuate that I’m a lesbian because I’m not. I AM ABSOLUTELY attracted to men I promise, I just don’t like dating them ever. I tried and it just never hits the same as women. I love women so much I just can’t like a man past the initial attraction of thinking they’re hot. Idk where this feeling came from and I’d like to know if anyone else feels this way?

Whenever a story comes up about my past and what I used to do or put up with for male validation, my gf gets weird. She is a lesbian who has never centered men or wanted their validation, whereas I am bi and have had many many situationships with shitty guys of all sorts (and a few decent ones), before I met my gf. I tell her that her reactions make me feel like she's disgusted by me or that she wishes she could erase my past. She says she's just "shocked" and wonders how the need for these extreme situations was cultivated in me. She wonders why I had to subject myself to these situations at all. And then she goes quiet for ages (these convos usually happen over text as we are long distance). I don't know what to think? I know the solution is to talk to her about it and I'm sure we will, I'm just wondering if any of you have experienced something similar and how you handled it? Idk why but it feels a bit victim blame-y because while I did willingly partake in a lot of the things I did, I was also a broken/unhealed person desperate for attention and that made me vulnerable to being abused. It's taken me long enough to get over my own shame over doing certain things with/for men, and it hurts to notice how disturbing she finds it. It would be nice for her to be like "sorry you went through that" rather than tell me she's shocked and then go quiet for hours.

I'm 23F and for the past few months I've been questioning my sexuality and that's been bothering me.

My whole life I've been into guys. I've had a few girl celebrity crushes here and there, but didn't think much about it.

Last year I kind of had a crush on a coworker (F) because of her beauty and personality. I didn't think much about it.

This year I noticed a girl that I was interested in but only enjoyed seeing her from afar cause I didn't know her. I managed to sum up the courage to ask her out on a date, I enjoyed it the date but nothing came from it.

The coworker I had a crush on last year, I ended up having a huge crush on her this year. She was constantly in my head and I was constantly trying to stare at her because I liked her a lot. To a point it slightly became like an obsession. I've never experienced this level of "crush" since my teens. A friend mentioned that this wasn't a crush anymore, maybe hinted at limerence and that I was bored.

Currently I am not interested in dating guys and I'm noticing woman more than before. I think I'm into girls that are giving girly feminine vibes with still a little masculine energy to them, mainly in vibes as in dominance.

I've talked multiple times with my friends about me questioning my sexuality. I want this period to be over and come to a conclusion already.

Have I thought about being sexual with women? Yes, I'm open to the idea of it. Idk how I'll feel once I'm in the act.

I get all giddy when I see a girl I'm interested in. I get all smiley and stupid and I can't staring at her.

AM I REALLY INTO WOMEN OR AM I JUST BORED!?