r/BiWomen

ok, stupid question i know, and i didn’t really know what flair to use so i just picked advice as the best fitting one. i already know the terms “sapphic” and “lesbian” are actually two different things and that bisexual women are definitely included in the technical definition of sapphic, but i still can’t help but feel a teensyyy bit cautious about having merch with the sapphic flag included because of the very common perception or assumption that it’s mostly or only associated with lesbians and lesbianism, and that i don’t want to seem like im giving…”false information” or anything like that. i will say that i do really like the sapphic flag, i think it’s so cute and pretty and like how it basically just means any woman who loves women. this doesn’t mean i don’t like nor want to have/use the bisexual flag, as that mainly represents who i am of course, but i just also feel a connection towards the sapphic one, i guess because of my heavy sapphic lean.

Heres the thing im a woman in an ENM relationship but im so sick of unicorn hunters. I dont even want a threesome with my own bf why would i want one with yours Lol. Like i feel like these people just see us as a sex toy and not an actual human being. Its like you think ur having a good conversation with a cute girl and booom "heres my ugly ass bf" like are unicorn hunters ever actually successful????

My husband has been gone for seven years now. He was my person, to me. In fact, he's the whole reason I turned bi in the first place. Before him, boys and later men in general to me ranged from uninteresting to... _very uninteresting_, to put it politely.

Now he's gone, I'm a lovelorn mess with widow's fire, and demisexual to top it all off. I don't want any other partner, I don't have the need for any other per se, and I'm certain I wouldn't be good for anyone, given all the things I'm still struggling with, almost a decade after.

And yet, I keep thinking back to things like the first and only time a woman has (probably) hit on me in public, feeling my old lesbian side yearn for that connection between woman and woman, aside from the general lovelorn yearning. It doesn't feel like I want a relationship, rather I mourn that I cannot have that bond anymore. l

It just hurts on top of everything else. And I just don't know how to make peace with it.

>I would like to ask anybody whom will comment to hold off on any "but you will get over it and there will be room for it again blah" type argumengs. I've heard it all before and it all misses the point, on top of hurting me. It's been almost a decade and not due to me running in circles mentally and clinging to pain. I'm making major strides, actually. I know it won't go away and I don't have room in my soul for anybody else. That has not changed in seven years and will not change going forward. We grew up together. He was my other best friend even aside from our romantic relationship. He's a part of me.

I have a close friend who identified as bisexual for years but has recently realized she’s a lesbian. I’m very happy for her and I recognize that this was super difficult and significant in her life. That’s who she is and she’s finally acknowledging it.

I am bisexual and have been out to her for years now. My sexuality has been an interesting road and I’m still exploring how I express it, but I’ve had the same label for years and I’m happy with it. It’s who I am.

My friend has been not so subtly communicating that she thinks I should only date women. She thinks I should just choose to only be with women and never do anything about the part of me that is attracted to men. In my opinion, this is just the other side to my parents wanting me to only date men. I’m bisexual. These are both attractions I experience that I’m not going to deny.

It’s now gotten to the point where she is telling me she thinks I’m actually a lesbian which is so incredibly hurtful I don’t know how to move forward here. I know this has been a hard realization for her and coming out as lesbian was so freeing for her, but this stings so bad. I don’t know how to be comfortable and genuine around her after this. I’m not her and my experience with sexuality is different.

I’m wondering if maybe this will cool down after a bit? Maybe I just need to take some space while she goes through her awakening? I don’t want to just throw away a decades long friendship, but the way we are lately is not sustainable.

Any advice?

There’s a quiet kind of tension that shows up in some relationships and almost no one talks about it honestly.

One person feels the pull toward more & more connection, more touch, more freedom to explore. The other person feels safest inside the two of them only. Neither is wrong. But living in the middle of that difference can feel lonely in a way that’s hard to explain.

I’ve sat with versions of this myself. There are days the bi part of me feels curious and restless, especially when life with my husband settles into routine and work takes most of his energy. The thought of soft connection with a woman doesn’t come from wanting to leave what I have. It comes from wanting to feel a different part of myself that still exists. At the same time, I know how much security and steadiness matter to him. The idea of opening anything would probably feel like the ground shifting under his feet.

When both people know this difference exists, there’s at least a chance to be honest. Some couples manage it by creating very clear, careful agreements. The monogamous partner has to feel genuinely secure, not just tolerant. The non-monogamous partner has to accept real limits and not treat the other person’s boundaries as something to slowly push against. It only works if both can keep talking even when the conversations are uncomfortable, and if neither person is secretly hoping the other will eventually change. That kind of setup is rare and fragile, but it does exist for some.

When one person doesn’t know, everything sits heavier. The curious partner carries guilt and secrecy. The monogamous partner senses distance but can’t name it. Resentment grows quietly on both sides. I’ve watched this pattern in other marriages and felt the edge of it in my own thoughts. Hiding the restless part doesn’t make it disappear. It just makes the relationship feel slightly less true.

I don’t have a clean answer. Some people decide the difference is too big and eventually separate with care. Others find a middle place that costs both of them something but still feels livable. A few discover that naming the difference out loud actually brings them closer, even if nothing external changes.

What I keep coming back to is this: the hardest part isn’t the desire itself. It’s the silence around it. Whether you stay closed, open something carefully, or just admit the tension exists, the relationship only stays honest if both people are allowed to tell the truth about what they actually need.

"Oooh so now i have to compete against men AND women ughhh", "maybe we can check out girls togetherr heheee"stfu ur just an insecure piece of shit who KNOWS the hes not good enough, fys!

Hi woman of the BiWomen community, I hope you all are having a wonderful day! I am a man and wanted some advice about this girl that I’m interested in that is Bi. I really like her but I have heard people say that if a man dates a biwoman it removes her queerness and I don’t want to potentially erase her identity or cause any issues for this girl because I really like her. I know this is a stupid post, but I’ve seen people say it online and just want to be clear if it’s okay if I try pursuing her as a straight man. Thank you all so very much for the help and sorry for the dumb question again! 🙏🥲

How do you approach bringing up kinks to someone you are starting to get involved with. I have a wide variety of kinks and don't really know what my partner is into and I'm not sure how to bring it up. Same with me being open to threesomes, trying different things, ect. Has anyone found a good easy way to start these conversations. TIA

I didn’t know how to title this if I’m like 100% honest. So I have a friend I talk with over message. A lot, like every single day. And I love it.

Overtime we’ve gotten closer, told each other secrets. Within a few weeks I noticed a change in myself. I was going about my day to day life but it kinda partly felt for her? Like I would put a lot more effort into my appearance because throughout my day I’d take selfies and photos to send her and I really wanted her to call me pretty.

On top of that, I dream about her. The dreams are never the same but she’s there every time. My last thought before I go to sleep is her, I wake up and message her, we have nicknames for each other (cute nicknames). Now i think we can all agree this is my bi awakening. I’ve definitely fell in love with her.

There’s just one problem, I’m a Muslim, so are my parents and all my family. The LGBT discussion has never been brought up. But I’ve heard many stories of parents and family’s rejecting a member of their family that is LGBT. Does anyone have any advice or experience?

and her prompts describe the kind of man she’s looking for with no mention of women whatsoever…

I’ve come across this multiple times and it always bums me out.

That’s all. 🫩🫩

Like the title says, I’ve been dating women for the past 5 years. I was honestly starting to think I was a lesbian and would never be in a relationship with a man again.

​My last relationship lasted 2 years, but it was really unhealthy—a total emotional roller coaster. I’d been thinking about breaking up with her for a long time, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I mean, no matter how miserable I felt, I loved her.

​Then this guy entered my life. He reached out to me first, we started talking a ton, and eventually, he confessed he had feelings for me. At first, I didn't see him that way at all, plus I was still in my relationship. But over time, he kind of won me over and feelings started to spark. Long story short, we’ve been dating for almost six months now, and that was finally the push I needed to find the strength to end things with my ex.

​Here’s the issue: even though I broke up with her rather than just leaving her for someone else, everyone around me sees it like I’m fulfilling that classic bisexual cliché—leaving a woman for a man. You know what I mean, right? And it wasn't just my ex who saw it that way, despite me explaining my actual reasons. The most painful part is that my friends saw it the exact same way. Both of my close friends are lesbians, and one of them literally told me, "If I were your ex, I'd be pissed off too. But hey, as long as you're happy."

​I felt so betrayed. It felt like it completely invalidated my feelings, my pain, and everything I went through. I realized that my friends and I are heading down different paths now, all because of the gender of the person I'm dating.

​Has anyone else been through something like this? I’d love to hear your stories. Honestly, I could really use some support right now.

Edit: I also feel like my identity is falling apart. I’ve identified with being with women for so long that dating a man feels like I’m betraying myself. So none of this is helping at all. Please don't tell me that I actually left a woman for a guy like a cliché—I really just need some understanding right now.

Like, there's this thing I be hearing that bi women like women the same way straight men do and that never jived with me. Sure, I like boobs, I know plenty who do, but it's not like so obsessed that everything else doesn't matter. I feel like my attraction to women is very holistic. I like the whole lady? I wanna hear her voice, her personality, her hobbies, interest, anything that makes her a person. That isn't to say men don't do this either, but from what I know, many of them never put this into consideration and just find the closest available girl that can tolerate them.

I can never fathom that? I wanna approach them for them, not because co-habitation than an eventual family is on the cards for us. If things don't work out, that's fine by me, she's her own person. So color me shocked when one of the common things chronically online types say is that bi women are perverted freaks with a "woman fetish" since god forbid when acknowledge she has a nice bod like once. It just makes lurking these communities annoying because I will always think "I don't relate to this at all" then move on.

What do you think?

I'm 30yo and trying to explore and feel more convicted in my sexuality. I don't have many queer people around me and am trying to find community online but also just feeling a bit of imposter syndrome. I'm thinking that changing up the media I consume would be a good first step.

I watch a lot of YouTube, listen to a lot of audiobooks while crafting and sometimes watch movies/TV shows.

I'm really not usually into dramas or romances, though, as I find them boring 😅 I'm almost exclusively a horror/thriller gal but I understand this might not be the best genres for what I'm looking for? So maybe things with just a legitimately interesting plot?

On Youtube, I'm way more open to plenty of genres though.

Thanks in advance!

So, for the bi women in here. Let's say you have a relationship with a man who's bisexual too. He's only romantically attracted to women and can have sex without emotional involvements, just for the pleasure/sexual drive aspect of it.

If he wanted it, would you "let" him have sex with other (bi/gay) men? If yes, why? If no, why?

After years in a relationship I’ve realized I’m bi. I want to experience more w woman. But I’m not sure how to go about it. Any advice is greattttly appreciated 💜

hey, i am a 17 year old bi girl

a year ago when i was in camp i kissed a girl that i liked (ofc she liked me back otherwise i would NOT have kissed her) but i didn’t feel anything. i mean it was just on the lips but i thought would feel butterflies or something ??

BUT everytime we held hands, i was on the moon and felt something down there…

since then i’ve always wondered why tf did that happen

am i a pervert ?

idk i had a lot of man crushes in my life but the majority of them don’t attract me very much, except for the ones older than me.

whereas women…..yeah…. they are just so beautiful, and i have never had a crush on an older one, just girls my age.

fyi i had been in a hypersexual abusive online relationship with a 18 year old man when i was 15. Maybe that traumatised me to this point i dont really understand

sorry for my english, its not my first language but i did my best

i’m bisexual, have recently accepted it, i’ve been on a few dates with a woman. but in my past have ONLU dated men. i think im sexually attracted to women but romantically to men, and i don’t know if i can catch feelings or fully date a woman without having thoughts. idk if this sounds terrible but im just lost. My “normal” is men tho and i think stepping out of that territory has me overthinking stuff, is it like internalised homophobia? has anyone else struggled with this?