u/BellPuzzleheaded6133

Pls don't judge I think this is a dumb question, but like all my blades are rusty and I can't get new ones rn, if I use them will I get an infection

Am I a bad person for lying to friends mostly about not being able to hang out because I'm too depressed to do anything? I've found myself lying more and more to my friends about little things if they ask to hang out, for example I say that I'm busy or that my parents won't let me, it's not true at all, but I don't even know what to say anymore. I feel mean saying I don't want to, because I do want to hang out with people, I just don't have the energy, so I lie and come up with some sort of excuse. I know lying is bad, especially to friends, but I'm just worried I'm becoming a bad person over these lies, please don't be too mean I'd just like honestly about this.

Ohhh my god, every time I have a good day I get hit with an impending sense of doom and I get a panic attack, I just can't stop thinking about my future. I haven't done school in years and I'm literally so dumb, I have no ambition to even start figuring out how to fix it, and I know I need a job but I'm so scared of it and I'm pretty sure no one would even hire me because I can't talk to people without wanting to cry. I don't even know what to do anymore but I just can't stop thinking about it every single dayyy, I want to self delete but I can't even do that🤮

I know this sounds so so bad, but I literally can't stop thinking about getting in an accident and dying, or something hurting me. I tried to kms once before and it didn't do anything obviously, and I think about doing it again every day but I'm scared of dying and I'm scared of pain, I know every way to die is gonna be painful, but it would be easier if someone else did it, I wouldn't want anyone else to get hurt though. And I also fantasize about someone kidnapping me because I want to feel like someone wants me, and I wish they'd kill me in the least painful way and hold me until I pass because I know I'd be scared. I literally can't even kms I feel so useless, but I wish I could die because I'm just such a waste of space. Also I'm sorry if this isn't allowed, I'm pretty sure it is, but yeah I was just wondering if anyone else here thinks about this.

I know this is really dumb, I'm just curious 😭 Does it matter what type of medicine can actually kill someone, does just random over the counter medicine like Tylenol actually work if they take enough? Does it just make the person sick no matter how much they take? Or is it just prescription medicine that's stronger that can actually kill someone?