r/MadeOfStyrofoam

Art by me

feeling especially bad about my body today, i look inhumane and grotesque. I feel like I'm not gonna find love again and so I just drink and other fun stuff iykwim. I don't think I'm gonna get better honestly, my physical health is declining and it's affecting my life a ton. I'm really just a husk of what I used to be. at some point I kind of resembled a human but that's in the past. I've been kinda hoping that my health gets to a point where I just die. thoughts on the meme dump?

I had a nightmare that I was sexually assaulted in public (buying a journal for some reason) and for some reason I couldn’t scream. Like it took me multiple times saying “stop” for it to get at the volume where I was raising my voice. Anyways I don’t really know where to post this but hello to my old friend MOS.

I thought the image was funny. Delete if not allowed.

i relapsed in the middle of a loooong dissociative episode. itchyyyy :(

i can't help but think that nothing much matters anymore. none of it's real and living is exhausting, so why even try? i know it's a dangerous line of thought (and i have spiraled down this route before) but... does it even really matter?? who ACTUALLY cares, ykwim? in the grand scheme of things, does my presence make a difference?

hey its me again. got broken up with. i need someone right npw and dont have anyone. please.

im monogamous. shes kind of been pressuring me into this. i dont know what to do. i cant lose her.

edit: i told her im strictly monogamous and we broke up. i’m not doing so hot.

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i’ve been getting worse. my girlfriend has been getting worse. i think that part is my fault. we’re both so emotionally ravaged we’re unable to do anything but play video games all day, and even that is getting on my nerves.
she’s been struggling to come to terms with her DID and i’m having the most difficult time helping her through it. she sees a therapist on thursday. im jealous.
i miss being high all day but i can no longer afford to buy weed because i recently lost my job.
i spent the last few days in the hospital because i couldnt stop throwing up and lost all feeling in my limbs. the doctors dont know why. i dont know why. i havent been eating. i get nauseous every time i do.
i wish i could cut so bad but it would just wreck her, and shes, to be frank, already a wreck.
im laying on our bed, typing this away from her so she doesnt see. what do yall think i should do? it feels hopeless.

// just a vent //

TW bullying, self harm, mention of eating disorder

"What's up with her? So weird..."

"Oh my god, can you just be normal"

"No, let's just take her stuff, what is she gonna do anyway?"

"Did you see that she's writing in that notebook? Let's take it and read it secretly."

"Wow is she an emo? Look at those cuts on her arm! BAHAHAHA"

"Omg hiiii, let's be bestiessss☺️" *looks at friends and laughs* "Noooo but seriously tho"

"Yikes....looks like she got another bad grade....oh well who expected any different..."

"Huh? You like anime? That's so weird."

"Aren't you hot in that? It's summer, why are you covering up your entire body?"

"Lol, her stomach is growling again during class..."

"You have a crush on me? Well, I don't like you back though."

"Please everyone go in groups. Oh, you don't have anyone again? Just go to someone."

"Is she crying?"

"Can't you just do the work for the group project? I don't get it haha, you know everything better anyway"

*laughs* "Heyyyy, I reallyyy like you by the way" *looks at friend, and both laugh*

"Huh? Nobody told you that the class was moved to a different room?"

"Why are you failing this class? It's not even that difficult?"

"Did you forget to bring your school stuff again? I will have to let your parents know about this."

"Aww stop crying. You don't look beautiful when you cry yknow."

"What did you say? Sorry, I wasn't listening"

"Lol did she seriously just ask a teacher for...a hug? Bahahahaha why would she do that"

"Why are you so quiet?"

"She's always staring at the ground when she walks..."

"You didn't do your homework again? I'll have to write that down again, you know you have been missing a lot of assignments."

"Omg what grade did you get? I passed! Oh....you're negative...."
"Why didn't you do anything against the bullying?"

"You've been cutting yourself....uh-huh, honey just take a bath. It'll help you and then you'll feel better."

"If you REALLY needed help, you would have actually tried harder to receive it."

"Guys let's kick her out of the class group chat she's a total freak"

"You're a monster. Why would you kick me? I was just trying to console you!"

"I'm leaving the school because ever since I became your friend I got bullied too and it's too much."

"What? You think you're a B-cup? Hahahaha but you're so flat!"

"Oh no we just didn't talk to you because you seemed like you didn't want to talk to anyone..."

*takes something of mine away* "You want it back? Try harder then to get it back"

"Guys let's take a picture of her and put it as the group profile picture hahahahaha!"

"Why did you come to school early today? Didn't anyone tell you that the first lesson got cancelled?"

And yet all of you looked away. Both teachers and bystanders.

And I wonder.....was it that difficult to see a child falling apart?

From day....to day.

To make it clear I don’t want to actually kms. I just want an attempt of it. Cuz then everyone will be afraid that you’ll be actually dead, and they just… treat you better (or don’t dare to do anything do you cuz they’re afraid), so, why not?

those are just bugs I’ve found over the past two weeks.

i start my freshman year at a private school tommrow. I’ve always gone to a public school where I was a model student. im prepared to just shut down emotionally and focus only on school.

I’m taking honors of the following : ELA, Geometry, Biology, World History, Spanish 2,

and on track Christian life, orchestra, and then I’ve got my freshman orientation.

ive also got jazz band before school on Tuesday and Thursday, and marching band for two hours after school on Tuesday/wensday/thursday. So basically like, on tuesdays and thursdays I’ll be getting to school at 7 am, and leaving school at 5:30 pm.

Im gonna be so burnt out and unable to hold relationships, but I wanna try and to try I know I can’t keep hurting myself because I know I shouldn’t be with people and burden them with that, but the urges get so so so bad and the only thing holding me back is the idea that maybe someone will find me interesting

maybe e will be a pretty girl or a cute guy who I can get close to and just sit with listening to music, or to hug, or someone to ask me to homecoming. but at the same time I know there probably won’t be, so it’s only a matter of time before my only reason to stay clean goes away.

but not including anfew one-offs, I’ve been clean from regular harm for about four or five months. so I’m gonna go shower now, then pack my backpack, then prepare lunch for tomorrow. does anyone have any advice at all I’m so stressed

Broke something at my grandmas house in a way I should have known better about and now I feel ashamed like damn. What am I meant to do here

I’ve been cutting for two years and hurting myself since I was eight, and it got really bad this summer, a lot deeper and more often.

My sisters husband recently left to go to basic training and she’s having a horrible depressive period and she’s started cutting again too and my parents and my whole family really all know so we’re taking knives out of her house, staying at her house so she stays safe, and just trying to be there for her.

The ironic thing is, and maybe I’m being selfish but this is all I want someone to do for me, but I just can’t bring myself to tell anyone and especially right now it would make me look like I’m looking for attention or something.

The other thing I’ve got issues with is that, even when I do tell someone, how long before they treat me normal? how long before I can wear shorts and stuff around them? I just don’t know.