u/TheAmazingArbys

hey its me again. got broken up with. i need someone right npw and dont have anyone. please.

im monogamous. shes kind of been pressuring me into this. i dont know what to do. i cant lose her.

edit: i told her im strictly monogamous and we broke up. i’m not doing so hot.

i’ve been getting worse. my girlfriend has been getting worse. i think that part is my fault. we’re both so emotionally ravaged we’re unable to do anything but play video games all day, and even that is getting on my nerves.
she’s been struggling to come to terms with her DID and i’m having the most difficult time helping her through it. she sees a therapist on thursday. im jealous.
i miss being high all day but i can no longer afford to buy weed because i recently lost my job.
i spent the last few days in the hospital because i couldnt stop throwing up and lost all feeling in my limbs. the doctors dont know why. i dont know why. i havent been eating. i get nauseous every time i do.
i wish i could cut so bad but it would just wreck her, and shes, to be frank, already a wreck.
im laying on our bed, typing this away from her so she doesnt see. what do yall think i should do? it feels hopeless.

every time i try something new, if im not immediately passable at it, i give up. i used to not be this way, i used to practice and get better at things but i can no longer get myself to practice, and thus am no longer getting better at anything. today i tried to draw my girlfriend, did like three lines, hated it, gave up. this is just a pattern for everything. i hate whatever the result is from trying something new, so i give up and start beating myself up over it, calling myself useless and retarded and you know what it feels like i fucking am. so yeah am i just hopeless or is this like, common.

im losing my job on august 9th. i fought so hard for a position at my store just to get sick and have to miss TWO FUCKING WEEKS of work. i can’t afford my bills and guess what? i have a lease that i signed back in fucking march because it’s student housing and i won’t have enough to pay rent on my first fucking month. i literally have no clue what to do. i broke my 106 day streak over this and i am certain ill do it again soon. i need out of this lease and i cant find a way out. it keeps occurring to me i could just kill myself but my girlfriend is too fragile for that. it just feels like its not a good time right now.

im going to be out of vraylar in the next two weeks and cant get any more as i am currently unable to see a psychiatrist. should i keep taking it until i run out and just stop or should i spread out the stop lol. i hit 100 days clean a few days ago because of the help this medication has provided me, so going off of it is a bit scary and i would like to know the best course of action.