u/whhu234

(I HAVE NO INTENTION OF DOING IT AGAIN CURRENTLY, NOR AM I INJURED)

So basically what happened was, I'd (16m) been intending on doing it throughout tonight. I gave my sibling (11nb) the 3 dollars cash in my wallet and a hug before I went to bed, and they seemed pretty taken aback, so maybe they'll say something to mom in the morning. Shame on me for hoping an 11yo does the hard part for me. Anyway so I did what I did, it was scary and it's been like 40 minutes since. It already feels fuzzy in my head. My parents are asleep in the room next to me, but I don't think I have the will to go in there and say something. I already tried sobbing loudly and that was a bust. If I don't say anything, then besides the obvious I'll probably get yelled at for not keeping up with school again. I have no friends and no real coping mechanisms that aren't ao3 and cutting myself open and closest thing I've seen to a therapist was that autism assessment I vaguely remember from when I was like 7. so I've just been rawdogging whatever this is for the past 2 years, 5-6 if you count the times I had friends. so yeah what do I do here sorry it's like 1 am

I'm sick of school/learning websites and teachers promoting generative AI. Environmental and plagiarism concerns aside, AI is genuinely making the people around us, people just like you and me, braindead, and it's flabbergasting watching school websites and even my new English teacher promote outsourcing thinking to a robot, when your JOB is to teach the youth how to think. Do better, all of you.

https://www.media.mit.edu/publications/your-brain-on-chatgpt/

This is probably my 50th post on this sub but we ball. I (15m) just don’t really have anything I want out of life. I’ve decided I want to be like a trucker (good income, my parents say it has pretty good demand and they both work at a car dealership so I trust them), nothing wrong with being a trucker but it feels… just wrong to resign myself to never doing anything more with my life. But that’s the problem, I don’t have any real passion. I have hobbies but I’m not good at them. I could do computer science but that‘s daunting, I could do music too but that’s also daunting and 5x more likely for me to never have any actual impact or recognition (which directly leads to a form of immortality, even if I’m forgotten by name or long biologically dead, if I’ve influenced even 1 person to take action than my legacy will live forever). All my deepest fantasies boil down to “I have friends” (which I don’t) and I know I’ll probably never have that in the foreseeable future. I mean climate change is killing people already from the heat and I’ll be next in a few years so why do I even bother. I’m not good at anything, but I have to try I guess. It’s that or die. Am I supposed to have a passion by now or should I give it up

I hate the feeling of having a relapse and then wanting my mom to comfort me, no shade to her (she’s not perfect but she’s nowhere near a bad person or bad mother) but what is she gonna do? Yap at me for an hour like “ooooo cutting is bad. you’re making me very sad right now. cutting bad. the cops have that your friends mom snitched on you on file. cutting bad“ like hmmmmm I wonder if she thinks cutting might be bad. It isn’t even about her like vro. Worst of it in recent years was when I had the world’s most pathetic suicide attempt and I wanted so bad to go tell her, but I didn’t (she still has no idea). Left my room with the little blood I managed to draw on my jeans so maybe, maybe someone would notice. Note that my mom isn’t a bad mother at all, I am conscious it kinda sounds like that from the post but the incident in which she yapped at me for an hour and made it about herself in particular is one thing she did when I was 12ish and also that she doesn’t shut up, which is annoying but like not that big a deal. I just don’t want to bother her with how pathetic her son can be. I can’t let her force me to stop because at the end of the day it’s a lesser of two evils, it’s cut once and get off free or deal with the throbbing urge all day. Stupidest thing is I like my dad better