u/BPDBeth

so there is this girl and we've been seeing each other and been spending a lot of time but a few days ago she told she'd rather remain just friends but would still spend time and since then she's just been avoiding me, barely texting me, seeming disinterested and she told me she been really depressed which I know of and it's plausible but the anxiety has just been fucking killing me. I'm very tense, been full of dread and have been getting urges to hurt myself. how can I calm myself down? any advice? please nothing physically intensive as I can't do that. thank you in advance

I'm not mad or angry at her, it's understandable but it stings. I really thought this would turn into something more and it gave me a lot of hope because unfortunately my mental health is kinda dependant on this stuff. I know this isn't ok and not fair but fuck it hurts. I want to try and find a new person but I really don't have the energy for that. I'm sorry idk where I'm going with this, I just want a hug

I've only now started looking into AvPD after a long time of wondering what's wrong with me and I feel sick to my stomach. every text talking about it feels like it was ripped out of my soul. I see my entire life through a new lense and I want throw up. everything makes sense and I fucking hate it. every paper makes me feel more seen which makes me feel more like I'm suffocating. every story of someone telling something that parallels my life feels like another kick to the gut. I don't know if this reaction is normal or if I'm just losing my mind and fully going insane. any advice or thoughts are appreciated

no matter what I do, it's fundamentally impossible for me to stop being around people. everything I can do is made by humans. there is no book, music or game that isn't made by people. even if I succeeded in cutting myself off from everything I'm still a human myself. this is causing me a severe amount of distress. I wish my mind wouldn't need other people for entertainment. I grow bored rather easily so it's not possible to be fully antisocial. even with holding human interaction to a minimum i still feel like it's too much by every metric. my phone, my bed, my food: all of it is created by humans and it makes me so sick. i wish to cut my humanity loose and be free from my burdens

I just don't think I'm ever gonna truly find my people, they don't exist not in this world

Holy shit will I ever feel like this pile of flesh belongs to me? Why is this mirror still lying i don't look like this. My body doesn't look like this why do I still see and feel it i want to slice myself so I can feel like it's mine for just a little bit

I've never truly been a person I don't qualify for that. I'm something that can be confused for a person but idk. I just want to be loved for who I am and accepted for what I'm not. why is it so hard why can't I just be something else

I've heard it from pretty much everyone around me except for like 2 people who are in the same boat as me. but does it get better? I'm 20 now and I've been dealing with thoughts like this since I was 13~. I'm not sure when it happens and how much now patience I'm supposed to have. even if I feel better, what do i have waiting for me? a body that is deteriorating and will never get better? chronic pain? a dying planet that wants my kind dead? seriously what does it even mean for things to get better? I've become so misanthropic that i don't think there's a hope left for humans.

holy shit getting surgery in this country is genuinely fucking Impossible and I think it's a way to push trans people into suicide. I'm so fucking Sure of it. there's not other conceivable way why anything would be like this if you weren't actively seeking to make people kill themselves fuck the government fuck the police

I just got told that I likely have a genetic condition that needs lifelong treatment, monitoring and possibly dangerous surgery. holy shit I'm 20 years old what the fuck. isn't it enough that I'm trans, autistic and traumatized? like Jesus what the fucking hell. i have no fucking idea how to process this. I've tried talking to my friends about it but it doesn't help, it still feels like I'm telling them a story, not my future.

I can't say that I don't deserve it. I did some bad stuff and I'm getting the consequences. I'm so gutted and hollow and idk what to do anymore. I miss her so much

I'm 20, the prime of my life. but fuck me because I'm in chronic pain, always fatigued and can't do physical activity without getting nauseous. no cure, no treatment and it will only get worse. I feel so hopeless. I wanted to do so much with my life but apparently it's not gonna happen. fuck my stupid trxnny life smh

I have been feeling like I'm not in my own body. like I'm in someone else's body and that they will come back at some point and I'll disappear. I'm trying to take care of it for the owner but it's not easy. i was looking in the mirror and I saw a face of someone. familiar, maybe i know her. maybe I can meet her once the owner is back in this head. does anyone know how this happened?

For all of you that take antidepressants or antipsychotics please be careful with summer coming around, your meds mess with your heat regulation and make you more prone to heat stroke. STAY HYDRATED!!!!

i made a friend on here a bit ago and yesterday she said some really worrying stuff and she hasn't responded since which is very unusual for her. I don't know what to do now, i can contact her parents or anyone else. I really really hope that shes just busy or something but I just don't believe it. I'm distraught and feel absolutely gutted over this.