u/decuisIII

Why does me be so bad luck

My father got cancer and now is about to die because of goose poop on his elbow but maybe not because of medicine and all because i talked with my family i dont really like my family because my family is human and acts human but i also dont want more sadness anywhere because sadness is so sad.

Anyways im about to go bacj to living out of my bag because i cant trust anyone even while traveling because if i do ill just get drugged again which i dont want to talk about now because yeah

I hate living why cant i just die die die die die

I dont even know what to say anymore maybe i dont know oh yeah therapy is stupid like no i dont want to be a liar and no i dont want to teach you about how to be a therapist and no i dont want to stare at a wall all day after i commit suicide because i got caught running away from a mental facility where my therapist threatened to hit me and the doctors didnt care i coughed up blood and we couldnt shower without being watched and im so overmedicated to the point im asleep all day and awake all night and nobody cares i also gained 80lbs and have every bad side effect but if i choose to not take the pill which makes me gain weight, hear voices, zone out constanfly, and have a bad sleep cycle i have to go sit in a chair and do nothing all day while everyone around me sits in a chair and also does nothing because sitting in a chair doing nothing is totally treatment worth thousands of dollars daily.

After august i get to see my family and hopefully my family will help me but i dont know i dont have very high expectations of my family so i just want to die just what do i do ever do i just die???

I had i hate life brownie today and i dont know what to do ever im constantly about to kill myself why cant i have i like life brownies imstead? What am i even supposed to do?

I have asked my parents for help, i have asked the mother of the son who sa me for help even i asked my oma for help i have asked all of my family for help and nobody could do the bare minimum of listen. Not even a therapist. My therapiat literally told me im hopeless "we have been talking for months now what do you even expect me to do what do you need from me" like im not a therapist i dont know what your supposex to do for your job pnut probably not sughest for me to lie to everyone and sympathize with a human who left me after i got hit for the human.

Ive asked theraposts for help, family for help, family friends for help, random humans in the physical and digital world for help, do humans just pretend to be humane?? Is humaneness just an inside joke between you humans???

I literally dont know what to do i have no one im probably goimg to go cut myself a whole bunch because i dislike drugs and fear being a drug addict and still need a way to pass time.

I was talking to a human on discord who was just such a narcisist but we dont talk anymore my family left me by a river and then i found this human who has like a cult with me as the only member and im to scared to leave because ill have even less support then i already have which is like almost nothing already and if i go to like live out of my bag again i will need to go around the humans sometimes

The human on discord i was talking to literally kept promising all this help and then comes up with excuses as to why nothing happened literally just a human what am i supposed to even expect

I so badly want to just go murder my whole family sometimes because nobody will literally help me. How are you humans only "humane" when you can show off your own greatness.

I fucking am about to go hang mysekf i cut myseof today i might go cut more like the human wouldnt even give me 1 hour of their time a day literally nobody will and nobody will even help me with anything and i dont even know if i just have ocd which is mqking me know im turning into a murderer or if im just evil and im so fucking done with everything and no i wont go to a stupid idiot psych ward i dont trust the humans so literally anyone just kill me or care but then again all of you readers are likeky human so i dont expect much at all

Please help me anyone

Idk im tired of posting on reddit, calling 988, calling family, family friends, random humans, to just help me. I dont really want to die and if nobody will help me should i just disregard what i know will make me happy and just steal a bunch of things and make alot of money and like liberate north korea or afghanistan or something. I dont really honestly have any energy to get up because nobody will just help me so im not sure i even could. I would feel bad for stealing things but if the humans are humanci guess maybe i would liberate zoos instead since humans are human. Idk im really wanting to die but i cant so do i just numb myself and be evil and try to help the hurt animals and maybe some of the humans who are to good to be called an animal. But i dont really care much about you humans in all honesty. Idk i just want to die so badly

I want to die so badly why will nobody help me with anything and because i get no help i feel as if everything is worse and probably has been getting worse because nobody helps me like ever i have no one

I swe my family in 6 weeks!!

Like in 6 weeks i will see my family who i might want to kill because i might want to be an evil serial killer like mwahahaa stuff and anyways please help me i dont want anyone to be hurt

I will probably ask for help with making to do lists and schedules or something but anyways im 19 and im not really sure what i enjoy. I kind of dont do anything alot of the time even though i want to do anything.

I do enjoy the following studies: psychology, philosophy, robotics, computer science, physics, botany, biochemistry, celluar biology.

I do enjoy the following hobbies: cooking, foraging, gardening, cleaning, archery, compiling stock/crypto information, journaling, reading, programming, and i think thats about all.

Please do message me with your age and name then maybe a description of your ideal life aswell. Or something else interesting.

Also please do be like older then me or atleast 18.

I keep worrying i am a serial killer. The thoughts began with a drawing of a balloon. And just recently i was pushing mosquitos into a light and was like "the serial killings have begun" and i also told the police recently i may be a serial killer and want to live stream a video to the police of me so i can go to jail if i am.

I also think i might be a pedophilic rapist and just sleep walk or forgot i had raped anyone at all. I have no idea why. I also recently told the police i may be a pedophile and want the live stream for the same purpose.

I am unable to do anything really. I just sit outside and go on my tablet/phone to try to talk to others, watch videos, and cut myself.

I dont know what to do.

I have been able to be more productive in the past if i spend time around someone but i have no one to really be around. I cant really leave because i will just get even less help and deal with probably worser humans. What am i supposed to do?

What am i supposed to do if im locked forever someone please help me

Im tired of asking for help and yes i have tried therapy but i dont want to teach a therapist how to be a therapist or be threatened by a therapist like fuck

Im really scared i might be a serial killer pedophile sometimes and i just forgot

Im kind of tired of having to explain so much anytime i meet someone new and i have to tell my therapist everything for the first time like 3 times now sometimes. When i talk to the one human i know in the physical world i must prove my point that my parents who beat me and robbed me and left me by a river are bad parents. I dissociate when i talk with my family. I dont want to be alone but why would anyone care for me when nobody cares about anyone or anything besides themselves.

I cut myself so much

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What is wrong with me

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Please help me wgat elsw do i even do

I have an inablity to eat, drink, use bathroom and function in general unless i ask someone or go with someone. I have tried to do any alone and will just end up doing bad things.

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I will spend all my free time trying to not be alone or cutting myself.

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Anytime i want to do something i must ask literally anyone if i should or shouldnt. And if the answer is no i will just go cut myself because what else am i supposed to do? I know i maybe could go do something anyways but i probably wont enjoy doing what i had not been given permission to do.

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How do i just be happy what do i do??

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Also do most around my age of 19 still play with toys alot?

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Am i just fucked? Probably.

Please help me