I feel like im falling apart, i cant get over it, everything i do reminds me of her, i still love her so much, i dont want it to end. I dont know what to do anymore.i feel like i lost half of myself.
hi so me and my boyfriend are long distance(he moved away after we started dating), almost a year now and he keeps having these moments where we can talk but then he pushes me away. i hate it so much, i try to help him but he just ends up leaving me on seen or ignoring me. i go through episodes as well but he always wants me to tell him about it so he can “reassure me” or so we can “communicate” but all he says is “im sorry baby”. i love him so much but im tired and i feel so weird because it’s like he can’t stand me after a long a day..
I (21M), have just moved back to Japan for the second time. The first time I moved here I didnt have a hard time as I was leaving a place where I didnt have much (problems with my family and not really any friends I was close to). I was still struggling with depression but the feeling of moving out, leaving for my favorite country and such were more than enough to keep me going. I stayed one year studying at a language school and made some really great friends who are now staying in Europe. Ive now come back to continue studying the language but I just feel so isolated and alone. My depression has been getting worse even though Ive started taking anti depressants, I dont feel like im managing to connect / "talk" to people when Im going out and trying to socialize. I feel lost and like I'm wasting my life. And I hate myself for being depressed. I just feel like im super lucky to be able to afford and do such things and yet my dumbass manages to still be sad and suicidal. I barely manage to take care of myself for basic things like eating and drinking water, I dont feel like I can do anything right and I just feel like im a waste of space and that the world would be a better place without me.
As of recently, I've made the realization that keeping my friend group open was just doing more harm than good, especially for those in the group
As a result, I made the decision to close it down, and better myself as a person, from my anger, mental, and venting issues
I'm here wanting to ask for help with self-improvement, I've tried a handful of things but not a lot of them have worked, and as much as I hate to admit, I feel like I've been slacking when trying to do self-improvement
Some advice would be greatly appreciated; I don't want to keep hurting others and myself, that's not the person I want to be
Whenever I see myself in photos I can't help but see my self as looking disgusting and focusing on all the negative aspects e.g my jaw is to big or my eyes are wonky and now I refuse to take photos, as I don't like not looking like I do in the mirror, which then I do feel like I look pretty good
Therefore I feel like if I don't take photos, I feel like I'm not gonna have any memories to look back on or show my family
I've been told I am good looking by a few people (they were tipsy) but I have just been never able to see it, as my confidence is just obliterated whenever I see myself in a photo so it makes me feel like they’re lying
I don't wanna sound like l'm fishing for compliments but please let me know if I am going insane or if I should just accept the fact that I an ugly
Brutal honesty is preferred