u/account_ghost

I was skinny my whole life, and slowly started gaining weight and now I have a large tummy and arms and I’m beginning to get back rolls.

I started working out for almost a year and I barely have gained muscle. But what I have gained just makes me seem larger, not toned.

My family is so pretty and skinny and I’m getting fatter. And I’m tall so it almost looks worse. I am picky with food, but I wish I could just eat nothing, then I get so hungry I cave and eat fast food for supper.

I wish I was able to just eat the exact same breakfast,lunch dinner and be satisfied and happy and lose some weight.

It doesn’t help that my face looks kind of goofy and not pretty so being fat just adds on to my bodydismorphia or whatever it’s called.

I just want to look normal and slightly pretty and fit in and not be scared of photos being taken of me.

As a now 32 yr old female, have kept a few decent friendships from elementary to highschool, I am proud of that at least. but they all live in different cities. And besides them I find it so hard to connect to people on a friend level and to keep friends. College for 2 yrs I had friends but they faded away. In uni I made no friends a apart from acquaintances. And now in my adult life I’ve made 2 new friends and I can feel them fading away now after both got relationships and one moved away It’s sad but I’m at peace with it now where I don’t want to do anything to stop the fading away.

My whole life the people I meet leave my life within a year or two(through different life stages but maybe this is semi normal?) they find new people or move away to different cities.

Anytime I’ve had a real connection with someone they move away and it pained me so much in my 20’s that now I feel sort of numb to friendships. I feel lonely but I don’t see the point in being friends with people when they just aren’t close in location to me.

I just wish I had a solid little friend group I could stick with and we all have kids around the same time and go to each others weddings, etc.

Even my coworkers I meet will be like “ya in a year I’m going to move to this location” and then they wonder why I am just surface level, like why get close to you just so I can essentially get my friendship heart broken again.

Or I have friends discard our relationship because they become very close to their new partners. I get it, I have a partner too but sometimes the friend forgets they can be a person outside of their partner.

With all that said, am I selfish? Should I keep trying to connect with people? I’m scared I’ll never have true friendships close to me. I don’t often find people I like that much anymore and it gets harder to meet people as we age. There are so many cool people out there but I am never in a position where it makes sense to talk to them or get to know them. I think I’m a bit picky with who I want to become friends with too so that’s hard.

I’m just so lonely and I don’t know what steps to do to fix my friendless situation.

I’m also stuck in a town that I don’t vibe with the culture or communities. I am stuck here for now, and I can understand why everyone I meet leaves because I’d leave too if I could. I dream of being able to move to a place with better ways to connect with cool, like minded people. But maybe moving wouldn’t fix my situation.